How Do I Get My Son Not to Believe His Friends That Told Him Santa Isn't Real?

I don't think you can bully him into believing again by threatening him with no presents. It was a fun thing and now he knows. I hope you have been talking to him about sex too. Eight is about the age someone will tell him how it works if you haven't already. You enjoy Christmas, right? And you have known about Santa for years. You just need to make new traditions that don't depend upon an imaginary old man with flying reindeer. I would not expect the kids who told him to be punished. They have an exciting new piece of knowledge. Expecting them to keep this secret is just not realistic.

I have told my kids not to tell other kids that santa exists. HOWEVER, if they do tell they are not getting punished.
He doesn't exist.
L.

I think the jig is up. I'm so sorry. Once the seed of doubt is there, it's usually over. At least you had some good years with Santa. Despite my best efforts, my son has always thought Santa was a creepy old man. :/

Good grief R.,
Flounce much? Put your big girl panties on. No one was being mean to you.

If you expect to come onto an Internet forum and get smoke blown up your pants you're wrong. We say it like it is on here and when some people don't hear what they want to hear they get all mad and start flaming people on swh.

In reality, most kids do understand the Santa thing about this age.

The power is within YOU to make Christmas special and not rely on Santa to do that for your family. If you intend to rely on characters who aren't "real" to be you children's source of happiness and special holiday fun then you need a life lesson. Of course you want your children innocent but they grow up!!! It's your job to help them in this process.

The children who spilled the beans do not need punished. Gees.

Yes, you have your plate full right now and so do a lot of other people.

Merry Christmas

"If you don't believe, you don't receive"...
he's eight. You are putting him in a really hard spot.

Why don't you just ask him: "what do you think, sweetie?"
I think it's really okay to allow our kids to have some gray areas and to feel conflicted about things.

If this happened with my son, I'd say "well, it's okay if you don't know what to think. Santa is still going to visit anyway." And give him a hug. It's so hard to be a kid.

There will always be kids who tell our children the things we least want to hear: they will tell them about terrible news events, about the worst words we can think of, about stuff that happens at their homes that maybe we wish our kids didn't hear about. It is HARD for a child to sort all of this out. Being respectful of their confusion in figuring out what to make of all this information is important. We can be empathetic "wow, that must have been confusing/scary/exciting to hear about. What do you think of this?/Do you have any questions about that? It's okay to ask..."

We want to stay approachable. We don't want our kids to feel that we are so dogmatically bound to our beliefs that we will shut them down if they ask about these things. We are building a foundation for those future conversations, about sex and drugs, friendships and romantic relationships, things that go on at school and then, their afterschool jobs, etc. So go to your son and try to open the conversation back up if you can. I know you are hurt and frustrated-- you wanted a few more years of magic for your kid. Maybe you can't get that back, but you can rekindle the dance of conversation between yourself and your son by letting him know you are available to listen while he susses things out for himself-- and that will help him come to you with the next 'big thing' and the next....

ETA: Wee12adopt-- thank you so much for that link! My son is an only, but now we can move on to more focus on giving to others when that pesky question comes up! Thanks for that contribution... it was truly magical.

Please listen to what Nervy Girl wrote. I know that it's disappointing to have this happen suddenly, but it is an age-appropriate thing to happen. Reassure him that no matter what he believes, Santa will still bring him gifts. At this age, you really don't want to go out of your way to perpetuate what is, at the end of the day, an elaborate lie. Keep it open-ended and mysterious and just let it go.

FWIW, my kids are ages 7 to 16. The only time I addressed what to say or not say was when the older kids were clearly and openly over the whole Santa thing (maybe at age 9?) and not even pretending to believe anymore so I told them that they were not to spoil this for their younger siblings, who were 1 and 3 at the time. My 9 year old last year decided that Santa isn't real (so he was 8 at the time) and I said "who do you think brings you gifts, it certainly is me!" and he just said "I know it's you, you don't have to pretend anymore." My 7 year old is now on the Santa isn't real bandwagon too. I'm not belaboring the point either way.

Please don't let your disappointment turn this into a bigger deal than it is. No one is trying to steal your joy, really - these kids have just moved onto a normal phase where reality wins out over magical thinking, and that's OK! Focus on the other things that are age appropriate that you can enjoy...don't let this ruin things for you.

It's not about the "belief" it's about the LOVE.

What's done is done. As the Momma it's your job to set the tone for the new reality. There are so many positive way to go...

Santa is a feeling, giving is better than receiving, Christmas is magic, family is important, no one can steal your happiness, life is about growing and changing, presents are about generosity and love, feel blessed and be blessed.

Take care of your kids and don't worry too much about what other people say. I promise it won't mean a thing in a few years. Merry Christmas!

Look, Christmas can still be fun without Santa. Your son is 8. How much longer did you think you could keep him in the dark? You knew he'd figure it out eventually, right?

I don't think that children should be punished for telling others what they believe is true. And at age 8, I suspect most kids already know there's no Santa so parents probably aren't thinking about protecting other kids in the class.

No offense, but I think you're overreacting. And punishing your son by telling him that if he doesn't believe he doesn't receive is just awful. So is trying to find a way to deliberately lie to him just so you can have your own Christmas dream. Why not focus on your CHILD instead? So he doesn't believe in Santa anymore. You can still have fun. Give presents. Get excited. Be a family. None of that has changed.

I know you are so disappointed. But this is about the time most children find out or figure it or find out.

It would be fun to have had this as the last Christmas with the total Belief in Santa, but in this case, it sounds like it is over.

I agree, I wish parents would make it very clear that this is not fair to the children that still believe, but we cannot control everyone, since not everyone wants to play along. I would not be pleased.. Some kids....

I read the article that Wee shared the link to. It is almost exactly how I handled it when our daughter really, wanted to know the truth.

She loves, being Santa for children AND adults.

The fun part can be to give him some money and let him now be Santa for you and for dad. Our daughter LOVED this part about finding out about Santa. Every year since then, we find Santa Gifts and we all enjoy the fun.

I know you don't want any more answers, but I want to put my 2 cents in. Hopefully you've calmed down a bit, I honestly didn't see any hurtful or snarky responses here (and that's saying something). Your son's Christmas now depends on YOU and how you respond to his questions. Don't let it ruin Christmas, let it start a new tradition for future holidays to come as he grows. Get an angel off the Angel Tree, and let him be Santa for a younger child, you can explain about the spirit of Santa and the story of St. Nicholas and let him be involved in a meaningful way. It's perfectly understandable to be upset that he knows the truth now, it's the end of a certain era of childhood. Please don't let your sadness lead to a hard Christmas. Make lemonade out of the lemons you've been handed and make it a teaching experience for him. Best of luck!

We continue the Santa tradition in our family long after the kids know the truth. I tell my kids that Santa represents the spirit of Christmas--love and giving. I received "Santa" gifts and a stocking from my mom until I was about 25 years old! My kids, 17 and 14, have obviously known the truth for years, but they still get Santa gifts. In some ways it's become almost a joke when they tell me with a twinkle in their eye what they want from "Santa." My husband didn't really grow up with the Santa tradition and doesn't really get it, but he plays along. I no longer go to my previous efforts--using separate Santa paper and typed tags on the gifts--but in our house the tradition continues past the time of true "believing."

Unfortunately, I don't think there's a way to get him to continue to believe Santa is real, but I think you can try the "what do you think" approach and how you believe in Santa because he represents the spirit of Christmas. You can also encourage him not to "blow it" for the other and especially younger kids. When my youngest son figured it out and confronted me I told him not to spoil it for the younger kids and I did it in a way by asking questions--what would you want if you were one of the younger kids? How do you think you should handle this with younger children? At the time he rode a bus with kids as young as kindergarten. He thought it was an important responsibility to preserve the tradition for younger kids and has always been good about that, to the best of my knowledge. Best wishes.

I understand your frustration, but he is 8. I am actually surprised he made it this long without someone letting that particular cat out of the bag. We had fun playing the Santa game, but I alway said I would never out right lie to my kids, so when they asked me point blank if Santa was real or if Mom and Dad bought the presents I told them the truth. I did tell them that they should not tell the younger kids about it, but I certainly would never punish my children for being truthful with someone else, especially if that other kid asked them point blank if they believed. There is no reason to let this ruin your holiday, we still hide away the Santa gifts and bring them out on the last day of our Yule celebration just like we did when they believed, in fact it has not changed our holiday at all. Now, we take time to talk about where the legend of Santa came from, and to learn about the customs for this time of year in other countries and other religions. In many ways them finding out the truth has actually made our holiday better, and more meaningful and educational.

Blessed Be

I think you are being overharsh in your judgement on the other kids. I'm very sorry things are tough for you but trust me this does not ruin Christmas. I am the oldest of my siblings. I found out the truth about Santa around age 8 or 9 and I was VERY happy to be in on a secret with my mom and dad. They let me stay up late and help them wrap a few presents sometimes for my brothers and I never felt cheated.
Turn this lemon into lemonade and you will feel better R..

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

I see that you don't want more replies, but I am not going to be mean (at least not intentionally), so I hope you'll read what I have to say.

First of all, if you see my recent question, my son is the one spilling the beans to his friends this year about Santa not being real. I DID have a huge talk with him before he said anything to his friends about how important it was NOT to say anything. I explained how important it was to his friends and their parents that they believe and that it was NOT his place to tell the truth or steal their fun. I warned him there would be a major consequence (no screens for a month) if he said anything. Unfortunately, he not only told his best friend, but KEPT talking about it even as the boy's mom tried to steer the conversation in another direction. I wasn't there so I couldn't do anything in the moment. Once my friend told me, I had ANOTHER big talk with my son and punished him as promised (slightly less than the original, as I realized it wasn't quite realistic, but basically no screens other than occasional TV through the end of December... started over a week ago so about three weeks total). The boys are six and in first grade.

Anyway, my friend WAS able to still convince her son that Santa is real. He asked if it was true that she was Santa and she said "Do I look like Santa to you?" So when he said no, she said "Of course I'm not Santa." That seemed to be enough. Other parents on the thread I posted have said things like "If you believe Santa is real, then he is real. If you believe in him, he will come."

Also, I don't think it's right to say "If you don't believe, you don't receive" unless your son is used to ONLY getting gifts from Santa. Most families I know give one large gift from Santa and then additional gift(s) from the parents. So, even if your son doesn't believe in Santa and doesn't get a gift specifically from Santa, won't he still get gifts from you? So he will still get a wonderful Christmas and the exact same gifts he would have gotten anyway, just one more tag will say that it's from Mom instead of saying from Santa. Right?

Finally, I know how hard it is that someone spoiled this for you and your son. Trust me - I feel AWFUL that my son is the one on the telling end. I get it. But, I do think that many children are starting to figure it out by age 8 and I don't think it's as big of a deal at 8 as it is at 6. While I will still talk to my son about keeping quiet and not spoiling it for his friends over the next few years, by the time they are 8 and in third grade, I don't think I would punish him as severely at all, since I think that's a pretty reasonable age to realize that the whole thing - as magical as it is - is just that - magic and pretend.

I hope, for your sake, that you can keep the magic going for a couple more years.

I'm sorry for your disappointment. No, you cannot convince him that Santa is real for a couple more years, and you shouldn't push. Christmas should mean more than an imaginary character. This is a normal discussion among kids at that age, it's the age when they realize the truth. I think it's a bit dramatic to suggest that you might as well cancel Christmas. Plenty of people enjoy Christmas without introducing the concept of Santa. Your son is at the age where kids outgrow Santa. They don't still believe in middle school. Kids mature young nowadays. His time for Santa may be over. Don't try to force an untruth on him for a year or two more. Tell him that he can and should believe what HE believes. I remember my kids asking me if Santa was real, and I responded, "Well, what do YOU think?" If he no longer believes, then let him be a "Santa" to someone else.
If you tell him that if he doesn't say he believes, then he won't get gifts, you are pretty much teaching him to lie to you. As the mom of two teens, please believe me that this is a HUGE mistake. Parenting is NOT all about unicorns and rainbows and Santa.
I could understand being upset if an older kid told a preschooler that Santa isn't real, but kids your son's age are saavy. It's something they talk about, just like they'll soon talk about puberty and sex, even if their parents have told them these are private subjects. These kids' parents may not even realize that their child has figured out that Santa and their parents have the same handwriting and use the same gift wrap and tags.
There is enjoyment to be had daily from parenting, don't overlook these small moments :)

Hi R.,

I really understand how you feel. In your situation, I would say: "sweetheart, Christmas is celebrated in different ways around the world, and even varies in different families and people in our own country because they celebrate or do not celebrate at all. There are so many different religions, and beliefs and some people believe in Santa and some others not, and none of these beliefs are wrong, it is just different. Do not be sad, just believe and celebrate the way OUR family does, and let others celebrate the way they want. It is a time of love and sharing", and give your kid a big hug.
Merry Christmas!
A. :)

My parents to this day do not acknowledge this. If we were to say anything about Santa, my dad gets this goofy look and says, "I don't know!" It's actually very cute and very sweet.

This really is a bummer. My son is about 7 1/2, and he's starting to ask questions. It is in the back of my mind. I keep wondering what they other kids in his class are thinking.

It does stink, and you have every right to be upset. Give yourself a little time to "grieve" this loss. Once you've done that, you can begin to re-imagine Christmas for your family. But it really is ok to need to grieve a bit.

I'm so sorry. I understand.
I would just tell your son that they don't know what they are talking about & of course there is a Santa.
Continue the magic!
Don't listen the naysayers that say he's old enough to know.
It's magical & there are so few amazing magical things in life after the
Santa bubble is burst.
Don't you worry......you keep playing along.

(Also, don't worry about those kids or if they should be punished. Let it go & just concentrate on keeping the magic alive for him. You can do it!)Best to you this holiday season!

Updated

I'm so sorry. I understand.
I would just tell your son that they don't know what they are talking about & of course there is a Santa.
Continue the magic!
Don't listen the naysayers that say he's old enough to know.
It's magical & there are so few amazing magical things in life after the
Santa bubble is burst.
Don't you worry......you keep playing along.

(Also, don't worry about those kids or if they should be punished. Let it go & just concentrate on keeping the magic alive for him. You can do it!)Best to you this holiday season!

Best ever advice ... http://letslassothemoon.com/2013/12/16/5-tips/

Of course it's sad and not what you wanted. BUT it's past the time he should have found out. I'm sorry this has ruined your Christmas spirit. Most kids find out in 1st grade so you've had more time with him believing than some.

Just take time to say goodbye to the ideal then move on to more traditions that are real and not so fragile. Kids always find out about Santa, the tooth fairy, and Easter Bunny too soon. Life happens.

I suggest you tell him that Santa is still coming this year and then do it. He'll be okay with that.

My grand kids are 7 and 10 and this year the 7 year old came off the bus and asked, IS SANTA REAL? Point blank. I said what do you think and of course he said no, I think Santa is you.

The 10 year old has known a couple of years now and has been fine with Santa still bringing her presents. This year she wrote a letter to Santa asking him for specific items. She had not told us these things before so we were totally glad she did this.

I'm sorry you are so upset about him hearing about Santa not being real. Unfortunately, he is going to hear lots of things that you don't want him to hear. I think it's an important time to share with him that he can believe whatever he chooses. He doesn't need to listen to others opinions, unless he chooses.

My son is 9 (4th grade) and the kids at school all told him Santa is not real this year too. Yes, I am disappointed bc I loved having both my children believe in Santa. But I figure this is inevitable....kids grow up. They get older. They kind of know in the back of their mind. My son and I talked about the spirit of giving and St. Nicholas and that there are so many kids in the world now that Santa just needs a little help. And I told him don't spill the beans to his sister. I also told him, I believe in Santa, wink! I think most kids knew the truth by 3rd grade (your son's age).

Well we believe. Therefore, our kids always did no matter what kids said. My husband and I believe from the bottom of our hearts. Our kids therefore never questioned it.

My 9 year old was doubting Santa until I created a personalized video message at portablenorthpole.com (there is also an app). Santa knew that she hadn't been good ALL year and reminded her that she still had time to improve. He also knew what she wanted for Christmas. She danced around the room singing Santa really IS real.
Bummer that the other kids told your son. Par for the course. The other kids might have older siblings. A neighbor kid told my 7 year old on the bus that our house is haunted. He was very detailed. She hasn't slept in her bed since(that was weeks ago!). I may or may not be planning something special for that boy next Halloween!

I'm sorry. It's a bummer. This is about the age though that kids start hearing it and wondering. I pinned something on pinterest about this but haven't read it yet as my kids are at least pretending for my benefit. Just like anything you believe in that you can't see you have to have faith. I hope you can find a way to keep what is really important and special about Christmas, maybe at this point it's less santa and more family love and giving from the heart.

we12adopt.....love the link...thank you.
R., i am sorry you are frustrated.
many blessings

Buy the book The Polar Express and a bell that looks like the one pictured in the book. Read the book to him. It's an excellent story that helps a child understand that believing in Santa is not about "reality". I read this book to my sons until they were in middle school. We have NEVER told our sons (18 and 21 now) that there is no santa. We never had to. Before the book came out, my son asked once and I told him that if there were no santa, there would be no presents under the tree from SC. (We have Santa Claus presents, and presents from family members, both.) After the book came out, one year he asked one more time and I pointed to the BELL hanging on my refrigerator (yes, I put the bell on the frig) and asked him "Can you hear the bell?" He never asked again. I had that bell on my frig until last year...

Really, I do want to say that not believing in the idea of a santa doesn't steal Christmas. But I DO understand how upset you are. You don't get to tell other parents that their children should be punished. But you do get to tell the parents that their child has upset you to no end. Perhaps they'll think about sitting down with their child for a tough conversation.

I'm sorry that happened to you but he is 8 years old. He would have found out very soon anyway. You can't keep it from him forever. We actually do not do that santa thing for our kids because we don't want to lie to our kids and have them find out one day and then have them not trust us. We do tell our kids to not tell other kids and so far they haven't but I think most 8 year olds have figured it out by now.

Your son is 8 so he was bound to find out sooner or later whether we like it or not. If I can share, this is an amazing letter I found on Pintrest on telling your kids about Santa and how he keeps the spirit of Christmas alive!

http://shewalkssoftly.com/2012/12/25/merry-christmas-2

I am with you on this one - it's SO frustrating that kids do this...but they do it with everything, not just Santa. Kids told my daughter for two years before she finally asked me to be honest with her on this issue and at 10, this is the first year she is 100% sure Santa isn't real. However, you don't know these kids are going home and telling their parents they disobeyed...I bet they aren't, so don't be too mad at the parents. Some people don't do Santa, and that's okay, their choice.

What I told and still tell my kids is that I believe in Santa. For my 10 year old, I tell her I am fully aware no man in a red suit comes down our chimney, but the spirit of Santa is there and magical...it's part of the Christmas season. She is good with that.

By age 8 most kids have figured it out. If they don't their friends will tell them. No big deal, this is normal age related behavior, so just let it go. I would still give him presents however, why deny him that, now he knows they are from you.

I feel your pain - really. I remember telling DD at that age (and younger) that she will hear ALL KINDS of crazy things from other kids in school. Whenever she came home with so-and-so said XYZ, I'd say - didn't I tell you that you're going to hear all kinds of crazy things from kids at school? If all else fails, I'd go with - not everyone believes what we believe and in our house, WE believe in Santa. This, of course, is true - not everyone believes what we believe. Best of luck to you & I'm sending you a hug.

I have a 6 year old and have thought through this issue much then I found this...
http://moms.popsugar.com/Telling-Kids-Truth-About-Santa-2...

Good luck with your family traditions...

I love that you desire to keep him innocent. I still ask my adult son what he wants Santa to bring him. It's a cute little joke sort of like the mamma who described her dad's goofy face.

Can you home school him? That's the only way to keep him innocent.

As a teacher and counselor, I can tell you that school is where kids first hear all the things parents thought they could put off discussing.

Good luck

I'm so sorry--my son (almost 7) also has ADHD, and I know how much delight he takes in Santa (after all, they say kids with ADHD are about 3 years behind in emotional development). Unfortunately, the cat is out of the bag on this, so while I don't think you'll ever be able to convince him that Santa's real, you could still let him have fun with the concept of Santa. I wouldn't say anything to him that confirms that Santa's not real, but just do everything that you'd do if he still believed whole-heartedly--letters to Santa, visit to him at the mall, milk & cookies, etc. Play along and see if he just keeps embracing it or not. My son has said a few things to me about some of the fairy tale characters not being real, so I just say things like, "Oh, is that what you think?" or "Do you really think parents have enough money to buy all those toys?"

I understand your frustration, but if he no longer believes, it's probably not just those kids. I myself slipped when my SD was 8 by saying that a gift DH (then BF) labeled as "from Santa" was something I helped purchase. I had not realized he'd made it from Santa. I found out when I was 7, because I found the Santa paper in my mom's closet. She asked me not to tell my sister.

I would just say, "We'll see, then, won't we?" and just go on with your preparations. This may indeed be his last year and it may not be wholly about the other kids.

When my SD finally admitted she didn't believe (I think she held on for fear of not getting a stocking filled), she asked me if I believed in Santa. I was wrapping an Angel Tree/Giving Tree gift and I simply said, "I believe in Santa." She got the hint. We then made it about giving to others vs receiving.

You really think he is gonna believe forever?
Hes 8,Santa is for kids 1-7 years of age.He will find out and you cant force the belief on him.You cant just be like "Santa's real and you HAVE to believe "
Your only getting mad because what were saying is that he is old enough to know already. And you cant really tell what other parents can and cannot do.Its like my daughter telling her little brother he is not real.
I am sorry i seem hurtful but its kinda the truth

My son is 7 and I think he has figured out the elf on the shelf and santa however he has not really asked point blank and he has mentioned his friends have mentioned things at school. I am going to organically let him figure it out however when he does whether by someone telling him or him asking the question frankly I will explain not to ruin it for others. Children for the post part can be mean, in the end Santa does not exsist, he is made up by us the parents, and the american culture. While it would be nice for children's innocence to last children do need to be told the truth at certain times in their life.

R.- I'm sorry for all the hurtful answers. I just dealt with this same issue last week. Some of these women on here are very nasty and obviously have no self control to keep their mouths shut if they don't have anything nice to say.

I would be sad/angry too. My son is 7 and has said it in passing about kids saying Santa's not real. We want to keep the spirit alive as long as we can also. It's SO much more fun when he believes (all of our little traditions, some are around him believing still) I don't have much advice but just wanted to let you know I would feel the same way.

Happy Holidays!