How Do I Get Our Three Year Old to Stop Coming into Our Bed?

Updated on March 05, 2008
B.B. asks from Nyack, NY
8 answers

We moved about 6 months ago to a new house and every night since, our three year old son has been getting out of his bed, walking out of his bedroom, and climbing inot bed with us in the middle of the night. At first I really liked it, as he likes to snuggle up with me, but lately he has been tossing and turning and grinding his teeth, and I am not getting a good night's sleep. How do I undo this behavior?

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M.G.

answers from New York on

I would find out first why he's coming to your bed. he might be afraid of something, might feel scared, lonely. Moving is a huge thing for a 3 year old. Or he might miss you a lot during the day. His "behavior" might be a sign that he needs something. In my opinion, you need to buy a king-sized bed and enjoy the closeness while it lasts. he won't come to your bed when he's a teenager. and good night's sleep is overrated when you have kids. :-)

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Albany on

You tell him that he has his own bed like mommy and he needs to stay in his.You can also sugest that it is mommy`s time out time just like he should have time out too.asure him that you are right down the hall and eveything will be okay.I never gave advice befor so I hope this will help

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P.B.

answers from New York on

We had the same problem so what we did was one of us takes our son back to bed and lays with him until he falls asleep. You may have to do this everynight for a while but it does work. Being consistent is the key. As soon as your little one tries to climb into bed one of you gets up and walks him back to his room and lay down with him until he falls back asleep. Good luck!

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S.D.

answers from Syracuse on

hi! i have the same problem w/ my son who just turned 4.... he doesnt come in every night but at least 4 out of 7, at first like you, i liked the snuggling, but now im shoved in the middle between him and my husband, and it isnt very restful! i started just getting right up and put him in his own bed, and telling him he has to be a big boy and sleeping his bed in his room. i have to be honest and say its not full proof, but it is starting to wok a little....good luck! and if u get any great advice about this pass it along to me! lol

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H.R.

answers from Buffalo on

i know this can sound harsh, but using a child safety gate at his doorway can help. he can still come to the door and call for you if he needs something but you can prevent him from climbing in your bed...or wandering about the house in general. i have a four year old and we've used a gate since he started sleeping in a toddler bed (it started because we had stairs and our rooms were on the 2nd story). but now it's helped to keep him in his space. he's been having sleeping issues lately but has always slept in his own bed. breaking the sleeping with mommy and daddy habit can be difficult but it's totally possible. the good thing is that he stays in his room and you put him back in his bed from his door, not your room. so he doesn't feel like he's being kicked out of your room. it's not good for either of you to be tossing and turning at night. sleep is so important for a child...as well as his tired mommy :) and it can create intimacy issues with your spouse eventually. i still recommend cuddle time, but try to do it after he's slept in his own bed all night and let him climb in in the morning. that can be special time. anyway, that's just my advice. good luck and God bless.<3
H.

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L.O.

answers from New York on

This is what I did with my daughter. I got her a cute sleeping bag. I put it in our room. I told her she had to start out going to sleep in her bed, but if she woke up during the night she could come into our room and sleep on the floor in the new sleeping bag. This she did for a bit and then it just stopped.
I worked full time (and still do) and could not get enough rest with her in bed with us all the time.

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J.O.

answers from New York on

We tried a lot of different things, but what finally worked was a reward system. We bought a special dress-up dress (obviously this wouldn't work for a boy, but you get the idea), and on days when our daughter stayed in her own bed, she was allowed to wear it. We had the dress hanging in plain sight, and she would ask to wear it on the days she didn't stay in her own bed, so we could reinforce the idea several times on her unsuccessful days.

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E.R.

answers from New York on

I completely agree with Marina & Lynn O. My daughters, now 12 & 11, came into bed with us every night when they were little. Eventually, when they got too big (around 4) I too set up sleeping bags on my floor. They started out in their beds & if they got up, they were welcome to come sleep next to Mommy & Daddy's bed. They stopped that when they started Kindergarten. I never "forced" them to stop, they just did naturally. I never wanted my children to feel that they were not welcome in Mommy & Daddy's room, it's a security thing & when done right, creates a very content child. My son is 3 1/2 and still comes into bed every night at around 3am. I have never turned him away & I have already begun with the transition onto the floor next to us. I happen to feel that when your children want to be in the bed with Mommy & Daddy, it shows how much your children can "feel" the love between his/her parents, which is a beautiful thing. When your son is ready, he will begin to stay in his room through the night. Trust me, you'll miss it when it stops!
Hope this helps! Good luck ;)

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