My 6 yr old adopted daughter has FAS, Bipolar, ADHD, ODD, Separation Disorder, Sensory Process Disorder and Failure to Thrive. She has an ongoing medical for any days missed due to behavior, mood shift, rages or any type of melt down. She cannot be found truant because of the medical note in her file. The school has been wonderful in meeting her needs and we are in the process of testing for and IEP. They have taken her under their wing lovingly. On the days that she will go to school she goes for a week. When she won’t go she misses almost a full week. Her sensory dysfunction is really wacked out right now (receiving weekly therapy with OT and behavioral Psychologist). There is only one pair of shorts and one shirt that she will wear. I have tried to buy more clothes just like them but have had no success with her wearing them. I wash the same outfit every night and she wears it the next day. She use to go in PJ’s but that won’t even work anymore. The problem is that if the clothes bother her that morning she will flip into a bipolar shift and possible an ODD rage. It goes from high to low until the day is shot and there is no getting her out the door. When this happens it lasts about a week. The school is having trouble understanding the missed days. I have explained it as far as I know how and they just don’t quite get it. I know they cannot help if she is not there but I need to find a way to make it clear how bad it really gets. I don’t want to video tape her fits because I feel that might borderline mistreatment. They finally see a lot of her needs but they have never seen a rage or emotional melt down. How can I make them see that on these particular days it would be almost cruel to take her screaming or crying into school? She is not throwing a fit; she really is in a chemical breakdown. We have been educated on many ways to help her shift back but the school issue remains. Help?
Sorry it took me so long. The truth is I have not been on for a long time. I wanted to let everyone know that Susan’s school gave her an awesome IEP the last week of last school year. It even includes sensory breaks. They have built such a great relationship with her that her anxieties about school are gone. Linda (a teacher) is like her other mom. Her senses are being controlled mostly by cheerleading. She can wear cloths most of the week after a night of cheer workouts. She goes once a week. Oh and I should let you all know that at the end of the school year last year Susan was having so much trouble that I had to go to school with her. I sat by her side all day every day for a while. I let them know that until we have some help in place this is where I will be. The school took notice. Susan is treated wonderful now and she is thriving at school. All of this has even caused success at home because the anxiety is under control. We have not seen any mania or rages since about the same time. Thank you all for all of your help and prayers
you must be in some type of special program w/ her: thearphy, special school ect....I would suggest having whatever specalist that works w/ her meet w/ the school. Side note: sorry to hear this and I do hope things get better soon
I hate to ask but have you considered special schools that specialize in children with problems. She doesn't have a learning disorder but a special school could possibly still help her due to her special case. They are very used to dealing with childrens health problems and I think they would be better equipped to deal with her and her absences. They may even be able to take steps to help her with her health problems.
Another option is actually home schooling her. My friend is having to home school her son because he is epileptic and severe ADHD. The teachers tried really hard and they wanted to help him but they really just couldn't understand. He's been so much better ever since he started home school. He's actually learning more now than he ever did before.
Sometimes kids just aren't ready to deal with the outside world, especially those who have special needs.
I completely understand your situation. I, too, adopted 3 children from Russia, 2 have FAS, and one has almost the exact same "alphabet soup" of dx's as your daughter. My first question is what meds have you tried (if any) to address things? My youngest, who has the most issues and almost exactly the same as your daughter except add DD to the list, is on a cocktail of meds to get him through the day and to control the raging (he is rapid cycling manic). When he was younger (he is 9 now and has been with me for 5 years this month), he got kicked out of every preschool imaginable so when he was starting K, I was very worried he wouldn't last the day. We ended up starting him on Depakote and couldn't believe the difference. 5 years later, we have added and subtracted meds to find the right mix - are we there yet? No, it is an ongoing process as he gets older, gains weight, other issues come to light, etc. He also gets OT, Play Therapy, Speech, etc. to help with his needs.
Don't assume that you will not be called to the table for truancy. While my school is VERY understanding, my girlfriend's school has already taken her to court for her son even though she has an entire file of medical reports and her son was hospitalized for 3 weeks in a psych ward (he is 11). Don't assume that cannot happen to you.
As far as video taping the rages, that is completely appropriate and I would do it not only for the school, but in case social services shows up at your door. My kid is covered in bruises some days because he gets violent AND his motor skills are poor. If someone didn't know better, a person would think I was beating him with a stick on a daily basis. Plus, he makes up stories all the time of being beaten (by teachers, other students, me, his siblings, etc), and having documentation of what a rage looks like could be cruical if Social Services shows up at your door. Think of it as protection for your child - she will NOT benefit from a foster care situation if they pull her from your home during an investigation.
As far as taking her to school during a rage or knowing that she may rage at school, I did with mine once. The school had all the paperwork from the doctors and reports up the wahzoo, but when we moved to this district, he "honeymooned" for awhile and they started questioning my word so to speak about exactly how bad it could get. It was important for them to see the "real" Hayden for several reasons: I needed them to see what could happen if he had a rage at school and I needed them to create a REAL plan of what they would do if he did (not just a pretend one based on what I was telling them).
Does she have a para at school to help her get through transitions? Do you have a PCA at home to help her transition from home to school? If not, these things could be very helpful. I would also ask the school if outside testing is available by a behavioral center that they are affiliated with (ours is Austin Behavioral Center for Children). The school actually attended that meeting with me after the testing and heard first hand from a team of doctors what things would help Hayden get through the day, how he needed supervision ALL the time, and what programming they should implement for him to have the best chance of succeeding at school.
Boy, after dealing with this for 5 years, I could go on and on with suggestions . . . do you have PACER? Fraiser House? Also, if she simply cannot attend school, they may have to send someone to your house to work with her at the school's expense. Another option is a Day Treatment Facility - however there are pros and cons to that that I will not go into right now.
If you have any questions, please feel free to send me a private message.
Good Luck!
Although she can't be found truant, the school does have a responsibility to educate her. By having several week long absences, the teacher is essentially forced to create a whole separate curriculum for your daughter, to catch her up on all the things she's missed (including all of the individual attention she already gets in school). Honestly, as you know, helping to work with your daughter is undoubtedly a lot of work, and to never be sure when she's going to be in is more than just inconvienent for educators - it prevents them from being able to do their jobs. And, If they can't educate her, they are required to find a school that can, and that is probably a residential program that would cost the district a fortune, which no doubt they would like to avoid.
As a teacher, it sounds to me like your daughter might require a residential program if these week long absences are common and her issues so severe. Unless she's in a highly specialized program (and you didn't say if she is) a regular school is simply not equipt to deal with a child with this many individual needs when they have so many "regular ed" kids to teach too. Perhaps you can use the absence problem as a springboard to talking about outplacement, if you haven't already done so.
Good luck. I hope you see improvement in your daughter and your lives together.
Is she on any medication?? Video taping is not mistreatment at all when used for the purpose for the school. Why does she only have meltdowns at home and never at school. Does this mean that she can control herself at school? not at home? Do not wait to get her evaluated , get a dr. appointment now. I mean you must have document stating all her disorders. School is coming to an end and she does not have an IEP yet.......why? What kind of classroom is she in? Maybe this school is not for her. I give you some much love and credit for taking on this little girl. It sounds like you love her and want to help her. It takes a special person like you to do this. Good luck!
As far as the clothing goes:
1. Have you tried letting HER pick things out?
2. In addition, how about changing ONE or the other, shorts or top but not both? At least she has the security of one or the other
3. Pick out/lay out clothing the night before. This could curtail some of the mishaps in the morning. I know you say you wash them at night, but if there is anyway to do this and maybe work in a different pair of shorts or shirt that she has picked out, it would certainly be worth a try.
Does she like puppies, butterflies, fairies, etc? Have her pick out a shirt with something she likes, rather than something you choose. Allowing kids to make some of their own choices builds their confidence.
As far as the school goes, I have to disagree with you about video taping. You are not using the video for any other purpose than to help them understand more about your child. If you used it for other purposes, then, yes, it might be. But the mistreatment, etc would only be there if it were used for any other purpose.
In addition, as a former school teacher, I know that the more I understood the child, the more capable I am to handle various situations. You can't help with a solution if you don't understand it.
Do they allow her to do school work at home?
Oh K., I feel for you and I understand. I have worked with families with kids like yours, but it sounds like your situation is very extreme.
Do check out wrightslaw if you have not already. Contact NAMI too, they may be able to help you find resources.
My questions would be how long this shool evaluation has been in the works, and I would be pushing to get it done now, if it is more than 90 days, it is out of compliance with federal law, and procedural violations are about all you can use for leverage. Her evaluation should include something safe for your family to document the rage and melt downs that keep her out of school. You should be working actively to get them the school to say that her rage, behavior, sensory, and meltdowns are frequently so severe as to prevent her from attending school, and that this creates an educational need. I would suggest that you ask your behavioral psychologist to do this in your home.
I know your concern, you do not want to be speaking to child protective serivices on top of everything else you are doing as that would complicate the situation greatly. You need a safe alternative, pay for it yourself so that you can control the circumstances.
My gut is that the school will be leaning one of two ways on the abscences, and they probably should be considering both alternatives. One, that the number of absceneces is excessive and that she needs homebound instruction when she is unable to attend school. Or two, that her problem is too complicated and severe for them to educate her approriately, and she may be better served in a residential program for children with severe emotional disturbances. If that is the option, you need to be very, very careful about the placement.
The one option that you should be sure to avoid is the cop out. That would be if they decided that this is a kid who rules the roost at your house and decideds that she just does not want to go to school, since she can attend some weeks and not others, it is evidence to them that you just fall down on the job every so often. This is unacceptable, but it will be the easiest and cheapest option for them, so make sure that you have documention other wise from your own psychologist in your home. It may be expensive, but it will be worth it. If they find that this is all your fault, you will have child protective services coming to visit you, so I would suggest that you are proactive.
Bless your heart, let me know if I can help with the IEP process. Most of my experience is with Texas law, but I can point you in the right direction. Does Grove City have a Parent Mentor on staff?
M.
I feel for you and its awesome that you adopted a special needs child. It takes a wonderful person to do that.
I have a special needs child so I kind of know what your going thru. Our school district has to take him no matter what. Our school district has a couple schools with special needs class rooms. It is like pulling teeth to get them to do things. They ask for my advice but won't do it and then they come up with my idea a year later on their own. I had problems getting my son dressed and ready for school in the morning. We used to put on shows for the bus in the morning. At school he would hit, kick or scream or purposely make a another student cry. I would get bad reports everyday. I even tried a special school and he got kicked out of preschool after 1/2 day. That was when I hit rock bottom.
We have a group called CITE services that came into my home once a week for a year. They helped me get a morning routine together and bedtime routine together and life has been so much better. They even helped work on safety issues. I don't know if your area of town offers anything like that or not but its worth looking into. I found out about CITE services through Hamilton County MRDD. They also went to his school to help his teacher set up a routine for him. It took a lot of convincing for the school to listen to me. Since CITE has been there, he hasn't been kicking hitting or screaming. He spends his day in the hall but that works for him. There is an assitant with him at all times. First CITE evaluates for awhile and then they come with a plan by talking to everyone including teachers and parents. I highly recommend them. CITE also has support groups once per month which is really great knowing your not alone and theres so much advice to get. All of the people in the support group have been in your shoes.
Try WrightsLaw also. This tells what your privledges are.
I don't think videotaping is bad if your trying to show what her melt downs are like. My sons meltdowns weren' like typical kids. Sometimes he needed tight hugs or be shut in a quiet place to calm down. He used to hold his breath till he passed out on the floor. He even had a seizue once.
I wish you luck through all this. Hang in there. You have a long journey but it will be worth it. Special needs kids are wonderful. They are all so happy and always smiling. Those kids are extremely smart. it does get better.
K.,
It sounds like the school is doing a good job otherwise. I don't think it's that they don't understand-they do. But for whatever reasons, excused or not, your daughter misses out on learning with excessive absences and she can't possibly be on grade level. By law, they have to have a note and mark the absence excused or not. There is no provision to say your daughter's tantrums are illness, but once you get an IEP and into special ed, things will be better. Also, how long has your daughter been living with you. It takes years for special needs adopted kids to adjust-to a new home and school. Don't worry about getting the school to understand and accept that your daughter will have to be retained, at least u ntil the proper steps have happened for special ed.
Hi there!
It sounds like, other than the absent issues, you are very pleased with your school. And it sounds like they are doing what they are supposed to with providing services and moving towards an IEP. The only thing I can say, coming from a teacher's point of view, is that even though it might seem like they don't understand, they probably do have good intentions. Consistent intervention is key and frequent absences may seem like setbacks for them. BUT, they should be working WITH you to decrease the amount of times she needs to be absent. I've seen and heard of kids making so much progress between the ages of 6 and middle school. It might get worse before it gets better sometimes. There might be differences of opiniong, but try to work as a team. Maybe they have some suggestions for home interventions. And they'll just have to understand that she can't make it to school sometimes. I hope that helps.
Go to Wrightslaw.com and read everything you can! Your daughter has legal rights and it sounds like the school is fighting them. She should get an IEP - once you put in the request (in writing) the school has a certain # of school days before scheduling a meeting and putting it into effect. In Indiana, I think it's 45 school days (it's been a few years since I've gone though this, I could be wrong).
By law, the school MUST provide a "free and appropriate" education to your daughter. However, that may mean not being in a typical school setting or classroom. If she is missing that many days, she may be better off in a special classroom, special program, special stand-alone building, a charter school, or whatever. Sometimes it means the school paying for a private school or resident school that is better equipped to educate her. There are alot of options but YOU need to know what they are.
You can also get her evaluated by an outside source/doctor/therapist. The school does not have to do it. If she has been diagnosed by a doctor to have a disability then they MUST provide an IEP as soon as you request one in writing (remember, if it's not in writing, it never happened!). The school does not need to "understand" - they need to follow a doctor's advice and expertise when it comes to providing for your daughter. Most people I know don't get their kid evaluated through the school - they only care if it affects the child academically and if they find something they must provide services. The school evaluated my son and said he did not have Asperger's. However, within 20 minutes of seeing a psychologist for the 1st time, she said it was "very obvious" that my son has Asperger's, diagnosed him as such (with some further evaluations and testing) and we have accomodations from the school with no problems.
Start with the Wrightslaw website and then find an advocate for your daughter. The school must provide you with one if you request, but many people have better luck getting a more independent one. Go to your state's education department website for more info, too.
Good luck!
Just a thought. I am a professional counselor and I know in order to have the best client care we video for learning and teaching purposes. After the learning experience we destroy the tapes. What if you talked to your child and explained to her that sometimes you are going to turn on a video camera so you can make sure you are getting her the best help possible and to help you learn how to be the best mom possible to her. After the videos are viewed (possibly by her Psychologist for learning purposes and the school for understanding purposes) they can be destroyed. The purpose of videoing would truly be to help you child be understood and to help you explain which is in her best interest. It is essential for all of you to have a complete understanding of what is going on with her and you may also be able to receive some help as well during this very trying process.
Hope maybe that helps!
I know this is not the same but when I was in the 9th grade I contracted Mono... Well I gott it really bad and was out of school from Jan. 31st to when I went back to school my 10th grade year sometime in Aug... Well because I was missing so much school my Mom got the school to do homebound schooling... A teacher came out to the house and we had class... it was for only 4 hours a day after the teacher was out of school... You could talk to the school about that and see if they have it that way she is still being counted for school but if she is breaking down that bad you don't have to try and make her go to school... I hope this helps
What are the people at school saying or doing that is upsetting you? If she has medical notes in her file, and can't be found truant, then I don't see why they are stressing about it. I must applaud your for adopting a special needs child, I don't know how old she was when she came to you but I am assuming she must have had a traumatic start to her life to have so many emotional and psychological issues that you all have to deal with.
I wonder if your primary care physician for your daughter would be willing to either have a phone conference with the principal, teacher, whomever is concerned at the school. The doctor might be able to make the situation more clear and well defined to the school authorities.
May God bless your family as you shower this little girl with love, patience and understanding!
K., we need to talk. I have information to share with you (over the phone) that could be such a help for your little girl that I don't see anyone else has mentioned. I'll personal message you with my info. Keep up the great work you're doing. There is hope!
Documentation and support from the doctors treating her. Also there are organiztions that can help you. CAll your county and they will tell you who can help.
I went through a similar situation with my sons, one has ADHD
these boys are so particular about their clothing being a certain way. I wash and re wash all the time. I have a letter from our Ped In the file and BLA BLA BLA the school could Care less.
Fortunately My older son Has GROWN out of the Behavior and going nuts over clothes and SHOES! It had nothing to do with fashion and was about Fabric Fibers, Elastic, Softness and shoes that had to be tied tight.
my younger son is coming around, I purchase Favorites in Triplicate! So he may look the same every day but its like his uniform.
Sorry i have no advice about the school. They want their $$$ and that’s what matters to the admin.
I really feel for you.
Can't you schedule an in-home visit?
I mean, if you are open to it, I don't see what it could hurt to help the school understand.
One thing you said that I don't understand is that you don't want to video tape her fits because you feel that might "borderline mistreatment."
I'm not sure what you mean by that.
Do you feel the actual videotaping is mistreatment?
If you can get someone willing to assess her further, I think you should take advantage of that. They can't understand or help fix something they can't see. She apparently has obvious issues and no one can help you if they don't know the full range of her situation. Maybe they can hook you up with in home health care but someone will have to see the extent of her issues to make that determination and get you that help.
Make sure you are getting help for yourself as well, because I'm sure this is very draining for you too.
Your daughter is 6 years old and I really feel with some work and coordination of resources, she will get better with time.
Again, take care of you too.
Best wishes.
Check out Wrightslaw.com for information regarding all your rights for your special needs child. Also, I suggest calling the Mental Health Association in your state and ask for resources related to any issues that you have. Also, The American Disability Association can answer questions and direct you to some good resources. Call the association for each diagnose that your child has. These associations are there to provide information and resources to people with issues related to their cause.
You may need an Advocate to help you deal with the school
Good Luck
oh my gosh, so sorry she has to go thru that. maybe you can ask if there is someone at the school that can come to the house during those type of mornings. they might be able to coax her into going to school or at least be able to understand better what you guys are going thru. im not sure if thats possible, but maybe they could make it an acception considering they are understanding in everything else. hope you guys get things under control good luck
Maybe you should try homeschooling her or enrolling her in an online school would be a good option. That way on the days that she just can't go to school, she can still get some school work done. It may also be a more relaxing environment for her :)
I am currently attending an online school to finish up my senior year. Students have the option to go in to the actual school building on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get help from teachers, and socialize with other students. So if you are worried about her not being around other kids enough, try and find an online school with the option of going in to the building a few times a week.
Is there any way to home school and have specialists come into your home to help???
Some suggestions:
If you haven't had your daughter evaluated by a developmental pediatrician, you may want to do so and provide the school district with a copy of his/her report. The report will describe the episodes you are experiencing with your daughter, her diagnosis, and most likely how best to handle her SPD, ODD and bi-polar symptoms. Hopefully getting this information from a doctor specializing in child development will have will finally get school administrators and staff finally paying attention.
Contact your local parent support group and ask if they can hook you up with a parent advocate who has a child with a similar diagnosis and symptoms, who can help you deal with the school district. In Las Vegas, one of our groups is called Nevada Parents Educating Parents (PEP).
Hang in there. I know it is tough and I really admire you for being your daughter's champion. I have a son who is 7-years old and on the autism spectrum (high-functioning) and I am constantly finding that I am having to educate the educators. I don't care, you can read all the books you want and line up the degrees after your name but, unless you are living our lives and walking in our shoes, sometimes you just will never be able to grasp the finer nuances of loving a child with behavioral issues.
Good bless.
