Hmmm.
As for driving anywhere, I got into a car accident and couldn't drive for a very long time. Driving makes me extremely anxious sometimes. If he's never had her in the car with him before, he might not be sure what to do.
I couldn't drive for over 2 years with a broken right leg and I'm telling you, driving makes me nervous. I'm just being honest.
I'm wondering if your daughter isn't feeding off of your "anxiety" about her being around people who smoke. You've kept her away for that reason before. My parents both smoked and my kids loved going to stay with them. They didn't smoke right in their faces or anything, but yes, they were subjected to cigarettes and cigarettes aren't good for people or children.
Maybe they can compromise and only smoke outside. I'm sure they'd be happy to do that as long as they got to see her.
My husband is a maniac and I wouldn't want him at my house to see our kids, in fact he's not allowed here.
Your daughter may just get to missing you and I think it's good that he let her call, but what you might try to do is reassure her that you will be home waiting for her when it's time to come back.
I have a sensitive son. He always worried about me when he was with his dad and always worried about his dad when he was with me. I think it's pretty normal. That's why the child needs to be assured that THEY are okay so the kids can have happy time with each parent.
I would no more go to my ex's to see my kids than be a hobo and hitch-hike across the country. I understand the not being comfortable thing.
Again, your daughter may be mirroring the discomfort between her two parents when really there should be a solution of some sort.
She loves and misses her daddy when she's not with him.
She loves and misses you when she's not with you.
But, you can let her have the best of both worlds.
It sounds like he loves her, so, whatever issues he may have doesn't have to be a reason for her not to get to love him.
There's a paranoid schizophrenic in my ex's family and we've never kept our son away from him. We don't leave him there alone with him, but that's a different story and they do have a great fondness for each other.
I guess I'm saying you can't X someone out if they have "issues".
Maybe your ex will feel safer taking her places with a little practice or knowing that you won't be judgemental.
Baby steps.
I hope you get it worked out. Her dad may have issues, but she clearly loves him and as she gets older, she'll be more understanding.
My kids were raised around Alzheimer's, down's syndrome, cerebral palsy, mental issues and they are the most awesome kids. They have a heart for people that have "issues". It hasn't harmed them.
Best wishes.