My son has started to hit me, his sister and his dad when he gets upset, frustrated, or we tell him no. We have tried to teach him that hands are for loving. Shown him how we love with our hands. Tell him "we never hit", "hitting is unacceptable" etc.. put him in time out, got down to his level and restated why he is upset, and ingnored him. Nothing is working. Any other advice?
Hello,
Like others have said, validate his feels and give him something he can hit....a pillow. This way, we don't make it wrong, but offer him a safe way to let go of his frustrations.
S.
Offer him something else to do when he is mad. You could say "when we are mad, we don't hit.... instead we take 3 deep breaths".
"when we are mad, we don't hit.... instead we go into our own room and do 5 jumping jacks".
He may also want some additional control over his environment. For some kids being told no affects them differently. Can you NOT let him do the activity without using the actual word "NO"? This worked for my daughter.
"TV!"
"you can watch TV after you have had your bath"
"you can watch TV on saturday, that is the rule. Today, you can color or we can play this game".
etc etc etc
So, you say no, but you never use the word. See if that helps.
With my son we do our best to show no emotion at all (any attention is good attention). With hitting he gets no warnings, because he could hurt himself or someone else. When he does it I just say, as calmly as possible, "Time out" and move him into his room. His timeouts are usually 2 minutes (because he's 2) but for hitting he gets 5. The timeout lets you calm down and not yell at him or hit him and it also lets him deal with his anger before he has to come back out. We did have one time where he was still mad and screaming when the timeout was over and I just told him time out was finished, he came out and hit me and he went back into timeout again. We did that twice before he calmed down, but he doesn't seem to get so angry anymore.
Kids hit because they are not mature enough to express their frustration in a positive way and cope with it. Saying 'no hitting' is not helpful as it aggravates the child more as his/her issue is not addressed and we just address the behavior and thus show lack of understanding of his/her feelings. All we can do is be helpful, supportive, and empathic to child’s anger and frustration. That way the child feels validated and secure and learns that you are always there for him/her even when he/she is upset and which in turn helps them to calm down. This is an ongoing process and brings long-term positive results.
If we run to short –term quick fixes to behavior such as punish or moralize, the real message is not delivered, which should be you can count on me to help you cope with anger. Acknowledement and validation in soft and calm voice that you are so angry that it makes you hit. And you know that hitting hurts and I can’t let you do that. Would you like us to play this or go out or do something fun (suggest something that your child likes). When there is not enough time, humor and redirection always comes in handy, such us look what is there, I think I dropped my ear, nose – will you help me look. Or talk about his favorite things, friends, or something he did such as drawing or painting. Or tell him something nice about him, praise him. You can try to have your child draw his anger.
The book ‘how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish’ is a good and easy read book with right and wrong conversation examples. Perhaps you can read with your child. My child liked to read parenting books with him.
right or wrong, when my daughter (not quite 2 1/2 yet) hits, we tell her that hitting hurts & give her a swat on her hand. Just enough of one so she can understand what we're saying. it's worked pretty well for us, although she does have an occasional slip-up
My son went through the same thing and it has definitely subsided. I believe it has a lot to do with age and ability (or lack thereof) to communicate in other ways. Work through the suggestions offered by others, but rest assured that with firm consequences and patience...this too shall pass!
An excellent approach that really works http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/13/64/Biting-Push...
Maybe you can give him something he can hit, like a pillow.
"You hit, you sit." Consistency. That's it.
Help him learn to verbalize his feelings (as Dr. Karp wrote) if he is mad model for him in a slightly loud angry voice "you feel so Mad! You feel so mad because...." and then in a normal voice add but Mommy says "No hitting!" do this a lot. Put his feelings into words. Allow him to feel what he is feeling no matter how illogical "You're mad cuz you want to go outside! you really want to go outside! You say OUT! play outside!" but then after you've legitimized his feelings say " but it's raining and we have to stay in"
I DON'T have any advice but i am looking for the responses you got because my 2.5 year old is doing the same thing and nothing worked i try time out ...failed...telling NO ...failed...hold him ...failed and try to focus him in another thing also failed
