How Do Sahms Split Finances with Working Hubby???

You've had lots of great advice... I just want to say that the envelope system has worked great for us. We each get some personal money each payday, along with a groceries fund and a "eating out/miscellaneous" fund. For example, on payday, we might go withdraw $500. My hubby gets $100, I get $100, groceries get $200, and misc gets $100. I try to save some of mine for a couple months, and then go get my hair done, or buy some new clothes. But the key is that once the money is gone, that's it. You have to stick to the budget. Dave Ramsey is great too!

My husband and I have a joint account and I handle all the finances. My husband is so hands off that if he needs to access the account, he has to call me because he doesn't know how. I'm the one who stresses more about spending money though because I'm the one that knows what goes out. When things get tight, I don't spend and I'll let him know if he needs to cut back on spending.

my husband and i have had a joint checking account since we got married. we never had "mine" and "his", even when i did work. everything we have is "ours" and has never been an issue. in my opinion, what neeeds to happen is you need to tell you husband you need equal access to the money, but you ALSO need to learn to be more responsible with the money. my husband and i(though we never had a problem with balancing our accounts or anything) use a cash envelope system. i take out a certain amt of cash on each payday and place a certain amount monthly into envelopes like groceries, household, medical, dogs, vacation, birthdays, clothing, gas money, kids allowance, etc. the money is always there when we need it and it helps us stick to our money goals.

I'm actually in charge of money completely. All of our accounts are joint, and we both have the same access to them (debit cards, online access). I tell my husband when he needs to stop spending, not the other way around. But, since I'm in charge, I have to be the one that says that!

My hubby and I have been together for 14 years and we have always had joint accounts. I pay all the bills and manage the house hold and finances and he gives me receipts for anything he spends in my in box in my office and I just use quicken software and enter in the daily receipts and down load our charges from the bank account online to manage our check book as you would with any business finances, a household is a business as well. You are in a partnership not only for love and friendship and family but to earn, spend,save and make money for the future of the family. Many couple who have divorced have not realized that the marriage is not only a man and wife relationship but a business partnership as well and communication is key to keeping any partnership successful.

Our relationship has worked flawlessly for 14 years. we are married and not seperate so our finances are married as well.
Im not saying we never have our moments but the difference between a successful marriage/relationship and one that is headed to failure is couples who resolve their disagreements together will succeed and couples who blow up and never work anything out and don't communicate effictively won't.

I work at home I have 2 business I run from home to add to our family income and the money I make goes right into the family account just like his. If I want something or he wants something we just budget for it. we sit down every couple of months and project our finances for the next few months and what he needs/I need... and kids need and we have found that by communicating and working together we are successful in managing our finances and our relationship!My wealth is his wealth/his is mine... my debt is his debt/his is mine. we are together completely.

Hope that helps,
Good luck
A. J

Guess the thing I don't understand is why couples nowadays have seperate bank accounts. Since you are a couple with a family, my thoughts are that you should have a joint account, even if the only person putting money into it at the moment is your hubby. That is what my hubby and I have done for over 30 years. All the bills, groceries, gas, etc is paid out of the joint acount. At different times, I have been the only one contributing and at others my hubby has been the only one contributing. One person needs to be in charge of balancing the account and the other needs to be sure they let them know when and how much they have spent. Going from two incomes to one takes some adjustments. Your hubby needs to understand that he is supporting a family and you need to work on being responsible in how you handle family expenses. Don't think in terms of your and mine, think in terms of OURS. Hope you and your hubby can work this out.

I highly recommend you listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio. Google him for his website. He is the author of the Financial Peace University (I took the class and it made a WORLD of difference in our finances). He teaches budgets and everything.

Don't be embarassed to talk to your hubby about money. If you don't ask, he may not know. The budget should be drawn up every month and include the things you need money for (nails, hair, groceries, clothes, etc). Then it is known and accounted for before you need it. If he is better at numbers and things, let him do the budget planning. Just be sure to give him your list of needs/wants and the amounts needed for them so it can be included and given to you.

If you read Dave Ramsey's book, it is pretty well spelled out and will surely help you out.

Blessings,

P. <><

You sound like me!! :) I'm horrible at budgeting and account balancing. It's just not my thing. My husband cringes when he hears that the way I find out my account balance on the credit card, is by calling the automated service. I failed accounting in college TWICE. But give me a piece of paper and a pen, and I can write you a short story in 15 min, or give me a room and I can transform it with the snap of a finger. ;)
I am actually not on my husband's account either and he is the one who pays all the bills as he is very detailed and organized. He gave me a credit card(500 limit) and he gives me a ceratin amount of cash on the 1st of each month so I can pay for things like gas,food,hair,sitters,etc.
Just figure out how much you spend each week and talk to him about giving you a set amount every week or month so that you dont have to ask him for every little thing.
IT wasn't until I left my husband home with the kids alone for an entire weekend that he truly understood the amount of work I do. And ever since, he has never argued giving me money. :)
You can also try making money on the side without actually going into an office. My girlfried makes LOADS doing Ignite. She is a stay at home Mom as well.

You aren't going to want to hear this , but you need to become more responsible with money. You know how much there is, and don't spend more than that if it means no nails, that is a luxury, anot a needed thing anyway. NOW if you become responsible more responsible, let it start out with him putting so much in your checking each month so you don't have to ask every time, and you can learn to balance the budget. Idealy when both parties are responsible, a jont checking account works, and if a big expendature comes up, you both agree on spending for it, but grocries etc. doesn't have to be. But if you write over drafts, doesn't sound like that is going to happen very soon.

I guess I am confused as to why you both had separate checking/savings accounts? Even before my husband and I married, we had a joint checking account and we both had our checks deposited into the checking account and paid whatever bills were out there out of the account. We never had any issues, fussed or fought over it. I can't tell you how many people I know that have separate accounts that are married, but it seems like such a foreign concept to me that I can't relate. When I stopped working after our 1st child was born, it was the same as always. We paid bills and I took care of household errands - grocery shopping, dry cleaning, etc. - and I just went and had hair and nail appointments, etc. I never asked him if it was okay...or asked to spend the money, because it was no different than when I was working. Our money was one - we were a couple - and partners. I look at what I do as work...if I wasn't home with our kids, we would be paying someone else to take care of them. So, my contribution is just as important as my husband's. I would NEVER ask for an allowance - I spend what I need to spend when I need it. I am not a child and just because I am not working doesn't mean that I should have to ask permission. I am an adult capable of making responsible adult decisions. That would be the conversation that I would have with my husband. Good luck.

I left the corporate world in 1990 and had our daughter in 1994.

My husband is in sales therefore he is on the road a LOT. I manage all of his travel arrangements. He is very much a numbers man. His undergrad degree was in accounting.

I am on all accounts with him jointly. I manage the finances here at home as far as balancing books, paying bills, etc. I am very responsible and I have never had an overdraft or anything like that. If I did, he would certainly remove me because our good credit score is due to our being so diligent with finances.

I do not ask for money. I have access to it when I need it. I am not careless about it. We both carry an ATM card and he is good about telling me he made a withdrawal if he is on the road. He can ask me at anytime what a checking, savings, IRA, broker account and I can give the balance in an instant. We work together, yes, some would say we sound anal about it but you don't get where we are by not being diligent. It takes a lot of delayed gratification and discipline.

I don't do nail appointments. I do shop often. I do have a hair appointment about every 3 months. I tell him in advance. We don't "budget" items but we are very aware of our spending habits. Example: we know every august is car insurance month, we know that we have to pay property taxes by Dec 31 to get a tax benefit. We have date night once a week so we make sure to have cash on hand for our sitter. I write checks for everything.

You are young and your husband will see your habits improve (hopefully) and then maybe you will get on the accounts. Show him you are interested in helping him ad working as a team.

We have a great life and lifestyle. We work together as a team. This New Years Eve will be our 20th anniversary.

I dont really think of it as split money. We have a home with 3 kids (14,11,9). We own a truck accessory, windshield repair and install, window tint business. It has always been OURS. We have 2 checking accounts 1 business and 1 personal. I pay all the bills on both accounts. He spend most of the money on business. For personal spending we both keep a set amount of cash on hand (100-200 weekly). This cash pays for extras....hair, nails, eating out. When i grocery shop I make a list and usually stick close to it. When he buys stereos and grill guards I know what he needs. The main thing is to talk to him.........Not about why you need the money......but how much you need. IF it cost 25 nails, 40 snack and coke after school with kids, 150 gas money to run kids to and from school, gym, what ever. He needs to understand that you still have a JOB...A VERY IMPORTANT JOB. You just dont get a check from an outside agency. I hope this helps.....I also think you should take the time to get better at balancing a check book You are the one your kids spend time with.........they will learn this from you not your husband. You need to be responsible for the money also. So your daughter and son will not have the same questions..........They will learn by seeing their parents in action.

I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years now. About 10 years ago I opened an account for my husband. My name is not on it. My choice! He decided how much he wants deposited from each check to his account and the remaining is deposited to our joint account. We use that account for all of our bills, including groceries. His money is his money. I don't ask what he does with it!

Try to figure out how much money you need from each check for your expenses and sit down with your husband and talk to him about having some of your own money. Just tell him that it is embarrassing to continue to ask for money. It is hard to ask for money when you feel like you are not contributing finacially any more. Just remember that you ARE contributing!! A friend of mine once told me - Your husband doesn't have to worry if there is food in the pantry, his house or laundry is clean, or if his kids are taken care of, you do it all.

If your can talk to your husband about how you are feeling, I'm sure he will understand. Just remember, men don't always think the way that we do. They don't always see things that we think should be obvious to them! If you enjoy staying at home with your kids, do what you can to continue doing just that. Good luck and hang in there!

I sold Avon when my kids were in their first years and now I still sell just because I like having my own money and also making a few friends along the way. It's a great part or full time income depending on how much time you have to invest in it. Just goto Avon.com and look into it. It cost only 10 bucks to start your own business. Good luck!

Well, now you are working one job instead of the by staying at home. I understand his concern about balancing the checkbook, but I refuse to go and ask my hubby for money. We have a joint account and I mostly use my debit/credit card from the bank. This is what I live on and provide my family with their needs from. You do not work for him. He is working outside the home and you are working inside. You need to have an honest discussion with him about it, though. Otherwise, you will continue feeling resentment and it will grow. Yours is a partnership whether you work outside the home or not. So, make it work that way.

Hi J.!
I agree with some of these other moms that you should have a joint account. My husband and I have always had a joint account. Even when were were dating, we each had our own, and then a joint for joint bills and expenses, etc. Until recently, I was always the one balancing our accounts - a few months ago, I asked him to take over. Even with me being the primary breadwinner, I feel it doesn't matter - it is OUR money, and being a SAHM (or a SAHD) doesn't mean you're not working - you're just not getting paid as you would with an outside job. If you can stick to a budget and not spend excessively or irresponsibly, you should be fine. Outside of groceries and necessities, my husband and I always talk about any large transactions, so we're in agreement, and all receipts go into a receipt bin where they get balanced once a week. Anything extra at the end of the month goes into savings. A little organization goes a long way, and we don't have any squabbles over finances.
Good luck!
-Christina

We have always had a joint account but do let each other know what purchases we are making or what we want to make to see if it will fit into our budge for the month. I have been a SAHM for 8 years now and have never had to literally ask for money. Hubbie would just tell me I need to wait on the purchase until next paycheck or if a special occasion as coming up, to add it to my list.

It does sound like both of you need to sit down and work out some things financially such as an envelope system, prepaid visa, etc. Have you thought of finding a job to do from home? Such as starting your own small daycare/child care or training in something such as medical billing?

I do medical transcription from home but it was a process to get to this point and it is not as easy to get into these days as it used to be. I was very lucky when I got into this area about 8 years ago.

Blessings,
J.

My husband and I have a joint account - that's it. He asks me for money, honestly... but he gets a set amount per pay period for gas, cokes, haircuts, etc.

Your situation might feel a little different because, "he's working and you're "not"". HAHA - staying at home is the hardest work I've ever done.

Anyway, if you're not comfortable with the idea of an "allowance" tell him that it's time to address your salary. Add up what you need for hair, nails, and discretionary funds (i.e. gifts for him & the kids, lunch with the girls, clothes for you) and present it as your "salary". Strive for leftover, and put it in your savings account for presents and emergencies. While you're adding, you might add up all of your monthly household expenses and make sure he really does make "enough" to continue hair and nail appointments. Giving up my job meant giving up my nails - and I get my hair cut at Wal-Mart now.

S.

My husband is retired military and when he was active duty he had his pay set up for once a month. I worked and got paid twice a month. When we got orders to a new location we went from two salaries to one. I too was pregnant with my second child. I handled the checking account and paid the rent, bills and groceries what was left was what we had for the month. Dinner was always freshly made with leftovers being eaten for lunch. There were times when things were tight but we managed this way for four years. We have several checking accounts and I am on all the accounts. He has one that he uses while on the road as a truck driver. The money in that account takes care the things that he needs. The other account I use to pay all the bills and any small items I need. When there are big items we discuss them and set money aside until we have enough. The two accounts happened as a result of him going TDY and two people writing out of one account thinking that "X" dollars were there when they were not. We have just continued this way for 30 years. I have a separate account for my business in a different bank so that the funds do not get comingled and cause a problem (real estate class taught me about that). Besides, he hates to write a check, I would have to give him three checks to write one (one to mess up, one to write the check, and one as a spare) so he uses his Debit card and balances it. We can look on line and get daily balances if necessary.

If you husband doesn't want to add you to an account the best thing for you to do is to get an account and be prudent about writing everything down in the account to avoid the overdrafts. Besides, you will be learning how to be a good example to your children when they grow up and have accounts. You may have to forgo the hair and nail appointments if you do not have enough money for the basics. Learn how to do your own nails and get a haircut every 2 months or so. You are old enough to know that there are things that have to change when there is a family. I'm not saying don't look pretty but you will have to change to manage what is in store with three kids to raise. The key word here is prioritize otherwise it's back to work for you. The other S. PS You should not have to ask for money for every little thing you need. Sit down and figure out how much you need and ask for that amount and manage your funds. Good luck to you.

Hi J., My husband and I also have always had our own accounts. Actually when we got together 11 yrs ago he had never even had an account and I had been through a bad marriage, difficult divorce, and hard times getting back on my feet. It was MY choice to have separate accounts. Either way though, we're in the same boat. For the majority of my kids young lives I either babysat or cleaned houses to have my own income. When they were older I worked outside the home full time for about 2 years. This year for the first time in our marriage I don't have any of my own income on a regular basis. It has been a hard adjustment, especially feeling like I have to ask for money. I have also thought about going back to work just to avoid the problem but with my husbands new job (gone half of every month) it's just not possible. The kids suffered alot trying to take care of themselves and dropping out of after school activities since they didn't have a ride which is why I quit my other job. Anyway, to make a long story short we have basically come to this agreement. We pay all bills together on his days off out of his account. We also go grocery shopping and walmart shopping together...I get whatever I want and need and he pays for it. This has actually brought us closer together. What used to be a chore is now some great "us" time. We usually go out to lunch or breakfast, too. As for the other stuff, haircuts, nails, etc. he gives me $100 when he leaves every other week and I use it for whatever extra stuff the kids or I need. If I need something when he is home, I will just tell him I have an appointment to get my hair done, do you want to come? Of course the answer is always no which is followed by some money. LOL I guess my suggestion to you is go ahead and make your appointments and invite him to come. He can either come with you and pay for it or send you on your way with some cash. Also, if you're interested in some extra cash, babysitting or house cleaning can be done WITH your kids. I took both of my kids to every house and office I cleaned and babysitting actually pays more than a part time minimum wage job.

I am a stay at home mom and I do the bills. Just because my husband really doesnt have time to deal with it in the line of work that he is in. We dont have seperate accounts. Just because he is the one bringing home the money doesnt mean it doesnt belong to you as well. What is his is yours and what is yours is his. That is what marriage is all about. Trust. I do believe that you should have your name on the account just in case something were to happen to your husband and he wasnt able to get to the money you would be able to. If you DO have problems with the responsibility with money sit down and work out a sytem (budget) with your husband. Do the envelope system (Dave Ramsey). One envelope for groceries for the month and so on. Another thought I had was to ask your husband if you could have a Visa (prepaid) card for your miscellaneous expenses for the month. Once its gone its gone. If you have any left over then great!!

My husband and I have always had separate accounts. Both of our names are on them all, just in case something were to happen to one of us and the other one needed that money without having have to wait for it. However, he doesn't mess with my account and I don't mess with his. I like having my own account especially when I had my own money and we split bills because I could spend whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't have to answer to anyone.

He pays all the bills since he is excellent with money. He puts a little money in my account each paycheck, it is automatically put into it right out of his check. I also have a credit card that is actually his account but it has my name on it and I use it to make big purchases--like groceries. Then he just pays the bill. If I am spending too much he asks me if I can cut back.

It has been very hard not having my own money and I too would like to get my nails done and buy some new clothes but I just don't. At some point I will need a haircut and I'll just tell my husband, "I'm getting my hair done and charging it to your card." He usually doesn't argue since I try to keep spending reasonable.

Well, even when I was working we have always put all of our money into one account. I have managed the bills, groceries, etc every since we married.

Sounds like you two need to sit down and have a talk about the finances. You should set a working family budget for everything that has to get paid. And for thing like groceries, gas, hair and nail appointments, he should give you a set amount every month or twice a month (whatever you need).

Even with gas, each pay period, I get Walmart shopping cards for our gas since it's 3cents off w/ the shopping cards. Maybe you could do that with the groceries as well.

It also would help you if you read some books or took a class on how to manage your money / bank accounts. If something ever happens, you need to be able to successfully manage the money without overspending.

I have some basic forms for budgets, etc and if you want copies, send me a PM and I'll email them to you.

Hi J.! I'm a SAHM (or, actually, a WAHM now!). My husband and I do not have separate banking accounts; we share both a checking and savings account. We budget our money and use cash for almost everything. Every week a certain amount goes into designated envelopes for regular needs such as groceries, household items, extra spending, medical, etc. (Bills are paid via check or auto-draft.)

For my personal spending money, I either use what we have in our miscellaneous funds envelope, or I use my own cash. Having my own home business (which is brand new but growing!) helps out a lot of course, because I do have more funds for personal saving and spending. :o)

I would encourage you to find a source of income that you can do FROM HOME- it doesn't have to be huge, but every little bit helps! Also, practice incorporating frugal spending habits into your life- your hubby will be MUCH more apt to hand over the cash (or check book) if he knows you're not going to abuse it!

K.
http://www.workathomeunited.com/homemaker
http://www.homemakerscottage.com

Thinking of having to ask my husband for money makes me cringe. He may be the one bringing home the paycheck, but as far as I'm concerned, it's my money too. We're an equal partnership in this marriage/family raising business and if I had to ask for money I think I'd feel like an employee of his.

I take care of the paying of the bills and keep him apprised of what's going on with our account and he lets me know what he's spent out of it. We both have our moments of "I want to buy something" weakness, but we keep each other on track.

My husband and I have always had a joint account even when I was working. We felt it made it easier to put it all together instead of those "who's money for what?" conversations. it helped us to be on an even playing field. Now that I am SAHM I take care of all the bills and finances. Together we made up a spreadsheet in Microsoft Excel that listas bills amounts and due dates and then breaks it down into pay periods and what needs to be paid when and what the budget is for other things such as gas, food, his lunches, etc. We both can pull it up at anytime and see where we are money wise because I keep it up to date on a daily basis. if there are extras that come up they can be added and money moved around if necessary. it works a whole lot easier to work it into my daily routine when I check e-mail to check our bank account and update the spreadsheet and do any online banking or bill paying at the same time.

I definitely feel that you should both be on your family's account. It's hard to adjust, but really, it's all the family's money. You're now contributing to the family in a way other than finances. If something happened to him, God forbid, you wouldn't have access to ANY money. Very scary.

Although we have a joint account, one thing we do for budgeting reasons that might help in your situation is to have a seperate account for household expenses. We set up a budgeted monthly amount to be spent on groceries, and then I deposit that amount into the account on my husband's payday. That's what I use for groceries, etc, and it helps me to know exactly how much we have left for the month. This would also be a great way for you to prove your financial responsibility to him over the course of the next few months. THen maybe he will be more willing to work together. By the way, I set up my account to deny my debit card if there are insufficient funds. I'm pretty good about that, but did go over once and ended up with overdraft charges. Never again!

I am terrible with a bank account, although we do have a joint one. My husband and I use an envelope system - for both of us - even though he is great with money. At the beginning of the month, we look at the budget and then get cash out of the bank for what we have budgeted for that pay period. We put the cash in envelopes earmarked for groceries, medical, clothing, spending, etc and then that is what we spend. The only time we use our bank cards is for gas since that is so darned expensive! Then, we confirm all purchases over $50.00 with each other so that we can decide if it is something we actually need or just a want. This has helped us keep our spending down and works well for both of us. I also have my own home business that I work around the family - in my jammies :) and that money helps us out too.

J.
www.LiveTotalWellness.com/2requestinfo
www.ElijahsRetreat.com

I have a problem with money too. I have, however, gotten REALLY good at tracking it in Quicken. I even have the budget set up in Quicken. However, I used to frequently go outside the budget. I have gotten much better since my husband and I developed a system. We have 3 accounts all of them joint. 1 savings account at a seperate bank, I don't have a card for this one, but I can go into the bank if I absolutely have to.(never have though). Then a savings account that is linked to our main checking account, this saves me if I overdraft (luckily, I haven't done this is in awhile). Plus, we move money over there every paycheck, so I don't touch it. If it's in the checking account, it's mine. I can spend it however I want as long as the bills are paid. Not that there is a lot left over :o)
I track everything in Quicken and update it every morning when I am checking email. Then look at where my money is going. We put everything on a debt card, so that I can track it. I tried the envelopes, but kept stealing from different ones to cover things. I had NO idea where my money was going, and frequently found myself short for something that had to get paid.

On the 15th and 30th of every month my DH and I sit down together and pay the bills online. We have a spread sheet that has all the bills due and how much they are. Put it all into Quicken and evaluate our spending. This way we can BOTH see where our money is going, how much we have left, and what we need to cut down on. Plus this gives us the chance to talk about what expenses are coming that are not in the monthly budget (ie. school clothes, this month I need a new microwave).
Sounds like you need to do a couple of things to get on the right track.
1. Do a budget. Look at your average spending over the last 6 months and use that. DON'T fudge or you'll find yourself in trouble when you only budget $300/ month for groceries, but you REALLY spend $500.
2. Track your money for a month. Write down EVERYTHING you spend money on (a coffee at Starbucks, a candy bar when you stop to get gas). You would be suprised at where your money truly goes. Heck, I found out I was spending over $60 a month just stopping for a quick soda somewhere.
3. Stay within your budget. If you find that you have overspent in one area you have to make up for it somewhere else.
4. Take your budget and tracking to your DH and PROVE to him that you CAN do it. Maybe he needs to see that "his" account won't be overdrawn all the time.

Before I did all of that I was on an allowance and had no clue what was going on. MY DH was constantly frustrated by my overspending. Now I truly feel like it's a part of my job as a SAHM. I actually tell him when he is starting to spend too much money.

There are a TON of websites out there on managing your money. One of my favs that I go to for "refresher courses" is
http://www.betterbudgeting.com/
She even has a budget calculator to help you get started with a budget. It's not a bad place to start.

HTH

You both need to read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. It will give you great advice on how to handle money as a couple. You are a couple, a joint venture in life. Your pastor did not marry you and say I now pronounce you separate. He said you are joined as one...and that included your finances. If you have trouble keeping checkbooks balanced, then let your husband do that. This book teaches you how to make a budget every month (before the month comes) and decide on paper what you will spend your money on for the upcoming month. This includes: home, utilities, food, car, clothing, gas, hair appointments, etc. You will be taught to use cash with an envelope system for things like food, clothing and "blow" money.

I recommend this book to everyone I know. I will tell you that me and my husband fought about money for 11 years of our marriage. After we read this book 2 years ago, it totally changed our attitudes. We work as a team, and we communicate much clearer now. We do not fight about money anymore. We still give our opinions on what we want to do, but it is in a calmer, more mature manner.

Read the book! It will change your lives! (But, you do have to be willing to make adjustments and be disciplined with your spending habits.)

Want to hear more about Dave Ramsey? He has a radio show on everyday from 1-4pm on 570AM in Dallas. Or go to his website at www.daveramsey.com

Hope this helps,

G.

PS. I am a WAHM. We have 4 kiddos and my husband makes the big bucks. He does not see it as his $$ but our $$ because me being at home with our kids, is the best for our family.

Looking for an at home job...I love what I do...

www.homemadegourmet.com/gfitch

My husband and I have always lived on one salary even when I was working so that when we had kids it would not be hard to cut back. We have always shared everything.

I would check out the book Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. He has great ideas. My husband and I have been through his course (which is a 13 week course called financial peace) Once we did this my hsband and I were on the same page and made money a thing we agree on and not fight over. I do the bills, but my husband works with me on the budget and such.

Hope this helps.

We live off a joint acct., but we have a cash envelopes in a safe. I only take out what I need for the day. (its our petty cash) once its gone our play money is gone until the next month. so I plan out our outings and extras such as eating out etc ahead of time. We also each have our personal envelopes about a 200. a month for each of us to take care of hair and nail appt. or whatever. the money in our acct. goes to bills, savings, and vacation. It a budget that works for both of us.

I have always handled the money so it's a non-issue with us. My parents do it differently. My dad writes my mom a check every month for her to do whatever she wants with. He manages all the money. I hate to say it is an allowance of sorts but I guess it is. It is a nice size check so she doesn't gripe. LOL

i've always had a seperate account and maintained it even when i was a SAHM. hubby would put in $200 increments whenever i told him i was dry and no questions were asked (okay sometimes, but not often). it was my money to shop with as i saw fit. he paid almost all of the bills. i bought presents for all gift giving occassions, paid for my own beauty needs, things that he didn't want to know how much they cost. when i started working, we just had a conversation about what bills i would cover, which we revisit anytime we need to. i work part time, him full time. his income is much bigger than mine, thus he pays for more bills. i don't question what he does with his checking account other than "are the bills paid?" to wrap up, i think ya'll are due for a conversation and you need your account back. i'm just as bad at account balancing as you, and still it's mine to screw up! LOL

When you marry and have kids everything belongs to the both of you. I am a stay at home mom and I do all the finances. Since this isn't in the cards for you, you need to sit down with your husband and talk to him. Tell him how you feel that there are things as a women that you need to do to keep your self happy and healthy. (you have to be good to yourself so you can be a good momma to your kids.) Talk to him and tell him if you went back to work you would have to pay for gas and childcare and it would be more expensive than staying at home. See if you can set up a budget not an allowence and he can put that amount on a card like a rechargeable gift card for you to use each month how you wish. Another way is you can work from home. I run 2 business from home I am an Avon lady (I get all my stuff for discount and I make money!) I also have a Directory where I sell advertising. Best of luck!