How Do Yo Deal with an Issue at School

Brandi-

Chalk this up to a laundry lesson learned: Never treat washable tempra paint with stain remover. It actually causes it to set! Who would have thought!?

I learned this lesson when I started teaching oh so many years ago.

I'd contact the principle or school counselor. I'd start with the "she has other clothes to put over" part since it demonstrates that you were proactive in trying to keep hers nice.

As a former teacher, here's the way I would handle it.

Anger at someone puts up road blocks and just doesn't work. You have a right to be angry. Even lividly angry.

I would first go to the teacher or principal and tell her the paints she is using are not washable, and show her the proof. "Are you aware that....." is the sentence I would begin with. And tell her your daughter came home in tears, the outfit was ruined....You have felt angry and sad. You have felt a loss of trust in communication from the teacher regarding safe attire for messy activities. And you would like to be compensated for the loss of the outfit. You probably won't get compensated--but I think you should ask for it.

Try to stay calm, if you can. It will be easier if you can talk about your anger rather that loose control.

I had a similar experience last year when my first grader came home with turquoise paint all over her beautiful embroidered blouse. I am a stain freak and washed it 1000 times with every different combo of stain removers I could think of, stopping short of Goof Off (since I thought it might actually burn a hole in the shirt). Washable paint my butt. After much washing angst, I gave up and admitted defeat.

You should let the school know what happened and make them aware that the washable paint is not at all washable. The teacher made a mistake. Then let it go. If the outfit is important to you, get another shirt. Don't ask them to replace it. Our schools have much larger funding issues to face these days.

It's a shirt. Yes, it was new. But the school does not need to buy you a new one, nor do the parents of the other little girl. Don't make a huge fuss over being "reimbursed". Yes, maybe talk to the art teacher about having the kids wear smocks, and definitely tell your daughter to wear a smock/change clothes from now on. Don't be the mom that the teachers hate.

See if you can make an appointment with the Principal. If you have an appointment you know she will have the time to see you and fully assess your problem when you arrive. I have never heard of an art class not providing protective clothing, even in High school we had old shirts to wear. This is a problem that should be addressed. If they do not offer smocks due to budget restraints, maybe you can offer to help mobilize a fund raiser with other parents to help? They may not be able to replace the shirt, but speaking with them about it, and making sure they know the problems with the paint and the lack of protective clothing sounds like it is in order.

Honestly, I would chuck it up to a lesson learned the hard way. Some clothes just stain badly that even washable colors may not come out - and seriously you don't feel a shred of responsibility for sending your daughter to school in a brand new outfit, without a change of clothes, when you know she has an arts class?
More than anything however think about your daughter's reputation. You getting in a big issue with her teachers about a ruined shirt probably wouldn't be helpful for her...

If at all, I would speak to the art teacher in person about the incident and simply ask what kind of paint was used (you can look up stain removals then) and suggest that in the future parents should be asked to provide art smocks.

I taught for 10 years and my girls aren't school age yet so this is coming from a teacher's perspective. Do you feel more comfortable with the principal or the art teacher? If it's a toss up or if you don't know either one well I would make an appointment and go to the principal. Even if it isn't how you feel I think you will get the best results if you can be as positive and non-threatening as possible. You might even say to the principal that you aren't going to the art teacher directly because you didn't want her to feel attacked and have a confrontation. That you want to deal with this as calmly and peacefully as possible. If you do talk to the art teacher try not to do it when other kids are present (like when you are picking your child up) as she may feel defensive if others are listening and if other kids are around that she needs to supervise she won't be able to give you her full attention. Also, it's human nature to be defensive when others are upset at us, so even if you approach it as calmly as possible she will probably need some time to processs (which is why I think talking to the principal and letting him/her talk to the art teacher is your best choice). Good luck!

I could totally understand how upset you can be. I hate stains and would have been super upset too but I would have to say lesson learned the hard way...It truly is awful and really sucks, but this stuff happens all the time. I am sure it was washable paint, however, not all washable paints are truly washable out of clothes. Tempera paint is washable, but rarely comes out of clothes. Art class spells mess in a different way. Whether or not they told you to send a smock, you have to be prepared for a mess. Next time, just send an extra set of clothes or one of dad's old shirts.

Stains and accidents happen. My only advice would be to just buy a new shirt and leave the school out of it.

I too would chalk this up to experience. Things like that happen in school and it's unfortunate that the art class was on the same week that picture day happened.
I remember that one of my children was playing hard on the playground before one picture day and had some mud on his shirt in one picture and another year they didn't comb his messed up hair so it stuck up a bit.
Clothes get worn in at school: dirty shirts from paint and lunch spills, torn coats, missing hats etc...
I personally wouldn't start a "blame game" over one child accidentally shaking a brush by your daughter and ruining a white shirt.
You don't want to send the message to your daughter that any time something like this happens(an accident), she deserves to be reimbursed for anyway it affected her.
Make sure your 9 year old daughter either changes into clothes that are appropriate for a art class before it starts, send her to school in clothes for playing and working, or come in before the picture time with clothes for picture taking.
I'm sure the paint was washable & nontoxic, but not everything will come out easily from all fabric. The main concern is that do you really want to make an issue out of a ruined shirt? There are so many more issues that are more important like: is the school safe, is your daughter learning well, Are you happy with her teachers etc...

Red paint is the worst. Even "washable" red paint sometimes does not come out. Believe it our not, pretreating the red paint only sets it. I don't have a solution but maybe oxyclean to soak or bleach? Better to be safe than sorry and ask your daughter to cover up if its an outfit she does not want ruined. I recommend chalking this up to experience and move on.

I understand that you are annoyed, but I think that paint, even when it says washable, does not always come out...and am amazed that your children have never stained anything with school paint before. I further understand that it was picture day, and you sent your daughter in a special/new outfit...still, I think that you just have to move on and use this as a lesson as to why we have to wear something less special for art or put a smock on - you are able to send it even if one is not required by the teacher. Try to find another shirt that would match the outfit, so that it isn't a complete waste...and if you really feel strongly about it, you can ask the teacher if she/he remembers anything about the incident (although it doesn's sound like it was done on purpose). You can take it to the dry cleaners, but you might be more upset about spending additional money on it if they can't get the stain out either...

Being an art teacher myself, I always try to encourage kids to wear a smock when there is use of paint. None of those paints (tempera I am guessing it is) is completely washable, it is non-toxic, but doesn't completely come out. I teach middle schoolers, so they are generally a wee bit more resistant to wearing smocks, so I say upfront that if they don't want to get paint on themselves, then don't paint. I think because it was an accident, that you can't really ask for repayment of the shirt. I would just use this as a lesson to either have your child change before the afterschool class, or have her wear a smock, and if the teacher doesn't have any, then send one with her. Accidents like this happen and it is a huge bummer, but perhaps you can suggest that the teacher have her put on a smock every time. Also, have you tried OxyClean? It is the best by far cleaner that I have ever used, let it soak and then wash it. Good job for putting her in art class! It is wonderful for her creative development! :)

I still remember my surprise when, as a teacher in a room full of toddlers, I discovered that the "washable" tempera paint we used was not at all washable. And I remember the pissed-off parent who was not at all happy their child's sleeve was stained.

I, too, wore some funny looking spots. Most especially a turquoise heart-shaped one on the back of my shirt given to me when a toddler needed a hug.

Kids of all ages need smocks or clothing protection. Even then, accidents happen. I always recommend parents to send their children in clothes that they don't care about (I know, picture day was an unfortunate coincidence) because even if our own children are tidy and neat creatures, other kids often aren't.

For what it's worth, I've had good luck cleaning up tempera paints that I mixed with dishwashing liquid before offering to the kids. It can dull the color of the paint a bit, but I love the cleanup. It's not foolproof, but I've had no problems so far.

As for the shirt, if it were me, I'd discuss it directly with the art teacher in a "just so you know, your washable paints aren't truly washable"-sort of way, and ask her what needs to be done to help her get some smocks for the group. It may be a question of budgeting, so if a letter to the organization that programs after school activities helps, give her a hand. Teachers are often told "no" to purchasing necessary things, most especially if they are not part of the school and only using the space. Just an idea...but she might need some extra help to get the funding for smocks.

Mary M. has given you excellent advice for attempting to obtain satisfaction from the school. I think it's possible that they will replace the shirt if you can manage to be calm and diplomatic. Calm is difficult in circumstances like these. I shot off an assertive e-mail to my grandson's school last night and wish today that I had waited before sending it. :)

I would like to add for everyone's information that it's probably common for a teacher to not require a smock or some other covering. My granddaughter is now in the fourth grade and has been in an after school YMCA program since kindergarten. None of her teachers or after school caretakers have suggested a cover up and I've never seen a student wear one. My granddaughter does get paint stains on her clothing. I can only remember one time that the stain was such that her mother didn't let her wear the garment again. I think, but I don't know, that the philosophy is that parents realize that school clothes are to be durable and not expected to remain stain free. However, this is not communicated to the parent: perhaps because this philosophy has been used for many years and the school takes it for granted that the parent's know.

Twenty years ago my daughter went to the same school as my granddaughter is attending now. She had a man's shirt that I bought at a thrift store to wear when they did messy work at school. She loved that shirt so much that she used it in art classes in college. Cover ups are not suggested or used now. I suggested that my granddaughter wear a cover up, she refused (didn't want to be different) and her mother said OK. At least my daughter had the option to say no to a cover up.

My grandkids have worn good clothes on picture day and my daughter does send a change of clothing if she's concerned about them getting ruined. I don't understand, since you asked, why the teacher didn't make that suggestion to you. I do know that we all have different standards for the way our clothes look and no all of us are sensitive to someone else's concerns. (My daughter dresses her son in older clothes when he goes to his father's house after her returned home with an expensive outfit ruined with black a black permanent marker.) The learning experience in this for me would be to follow my own intuition the next time. A painful lesson. I am sympathetic with you.

LATER
Whew! What anger you have. It's such that you're now angry with people who in good faith expressed their opinions. In truth, you asked and I quote, "how do you deal with an issue at school" That is how they would deal with it. Why are you angry with them?

I reread your question and the answers and I did not see that anyone was being critical of you. I strongly believe that if you attempt to find a resolution with school staff while you're this angry that you will make matters worse.

When I reread your message I discovered that you didn't say that you talked with the teacher about stains. You reported to us what the teacher said to your 9 yo daughter. Please do not expect your daughter to understand the complexity of available paints and their possibilities for staining or not staining. Also don't expect the teacher to know how strongly you will feel about stains if they were to happen. Please also consider that it's possible that your daughter didn't understand what the teacher said. Just the inclusion of a word such as "most" as in most stains wash out makes a difference when making a decision. Your post reads that the decision for a cover up was left to the teacher and your daughter. How is the teacher or your child going to know that you would not be willing to take that chance?

Unless your daughter had a change of clothes with her or something with which to cover her clothes the teacher should not be expected to understand your concern. If you did not specifically tell the teacher that stains were unacceptable to you she has no way of knowing that you would be this upset. As I said in my message. The standard for paint and cover ups has changed over the last years. It is the parent's responsibility to voice their concerns and take appropriate action. The teacher cannot second guess every child's parent and treat them independently.

And as I also said, in spite of that, the school may very well help you replace the shirt but only if you show them respect and understanding when you make the request. Becoming angry, as you have on this site, because someone disagrees with you is not a good portent of your ability to be successful when talking with school staff.

I wish you well as you work on this issue. I also wish for you the ability to understand that not everyone has the same expectations that you have and that you would then have the ability to accept them as being people with good intentions.

Frustrating for certain! But, let it go. No one should pay for it. They might've tried to put a smock on your daughter and she refused. Managing my 2 kids is crazy hard, I can't imagine trying to guide/handle 10 or 20 kids in an art class. Make peace with it and let it go.

Most of the other moms are right, even if the label says washable paint, most of them aren't 100%. I am the proud owner of light blue pants with a lovely brown spot... Ideally, the art teacher would know that and would have the kids wear smocks no matter what. I agree that you should let it go. Perhaps contact the teacher to find out the brand/type of paint for stain removal info, but I wouldn't ask that the shirt be replaced. I have dealt with this issue from the teacher's side. Mom sent her child to camp in brand new nice pants and the camp teacher did fabric paint that day. I'm not sure a shirt is worth all frustration it may cause on both sides.