How Do You Ask School Why They Give

That's terrrible that this happened. To resolve it, I might just tell them to give him NO milk whatsoever.

School age kids don't need to necessarily be drinking whole milk anyway. 1% is fine...but that's beside the point.

This just happened to one of my coworkers the other day.
Well, sort of.
Her daughter is highly allergic to milk products. Everyone knows it. The school knows it.
She was called to pick her daughter up because she was having terrible cramps and diarrhea.
She took her daughter to urgent care because so many people have been ill with stomach issues.
It turns out that her daughter traded something in her lunch for another child's yogurt. Her daughter didn't realize that yogurt was a milk product and it might make her sick.
She's completely fine, no harm done other than the whoopsie accident and mom having to take the time to take her to the doctor.
Trust me, she took her daughter to the store and showed her all the forms that yogurt comes in. It's something she can't have no matter how yummy it looks.
As far as I know, public schools don't provide lactose free or soy milk alternatives and they don't serve "whole" milk either. It's 2%. At least here.
That's still 2% too much for a kid who can't tolerate it, but you need to confirm that the school is never to allow your son to have milk. Your son needs to know that he is never allowed to have it. This is probably something that he will always have to deal with so he can say NO to the milk.
If you truly believe that he is only having accidents due to being given milk, it's my guess they will make sure that doesn't happen anymore.
If he's still having potty issues at school, you should be able to rule out the milk angle.

Best wishes.

* Oh no.....
I just realized this is the little boy being whipped for his poopy accidents at home.
And the person you sent to get him from school is the one who spanks him with a belt for it.
There might be good reasons your son can't hold his bowels, but I'm not sure you can assume it's the school giving him milk.
You've got a family member dying, you've got one adult who uses a belt, little kids poop themselves under such circumstances.
I mean no offense, but there are issues beyond the milk or the school and I know it's a trying time for you, but your son needs to feel some security.
Bad things happen. Mommy and daddy get sad and upset and stressed.
The little ones still need to know it's not their fault, they can't fix it, and mommy and daddy are going to be okay.
Most of all, no matter what happens, the little one will be okay.
They need to know that. And be able to believe that.

Best wishes.

That's just my opinion.
Again, no offense.

I doubt very much that the school has lactose free milk to give to your son. I would teach your son to always turn down milk. My grtanddaughter did this from Kindergarten on not only about milk but also peanuts. The school then gave her fruit juice instead of milk. It's important to teach our children how to manage this sort of thing. There is always the chance that there will be someone who isn't aware of their dietary restrictions.

I would make an appointment to talk with the teacher and the after school care taker and directly tell them that he's to not have milk. Go to the cafeteria and tell them the same thing. Just be courteous and direct. You don't need to see the sign up sheet. That only makes you come across as confrontational. You want the school to co-operate with you and not be defensive.

I suggest that they are confused because you've said he can have lactose free milk. Many people would not even know what that means. I'm 99% positive the school does not provide lactose free milk.

Later: Keep in mind that the after school care program is separate from the day time school program. You have to talk with both.

First, bring the school pullups and change of pants.

Then, is your school on the lunch computer system? If so, you can call and put special notes in his file that should pop up when at school.

Speak directly to his teacher about this as well and write a note and staple it to his daily take home folder.

Also, I would send his own drinks from now on.... or tell him he can't have milk, but only juice while at school since you can't trust him to know the difference and the teachers to follow up. I doubt the school even has lactose free milk. If he is in kindergarten, he is old enough to ask the teacher/lunch lady to make sure it is lactose free milk only.

This is the same child that gets repeated belt spankings each time he poops his pants according to your last post "..." you deleted the question on... and now we find out it's possibly a medical reason?

How old is your son? It sounds like he's in elementary school now from the details in your question. If that is the case, he is old enough to take responsibility for his own intolerance and should inform anyone trying to serve him milk of any kind that he cannot have it. To be safe, he should avoid all milk at school, even if they try to give him lactose free milk.

Now, as for the specific question, you should talk to his teacher and the cafeteria staff directly. Let them know that your son is not to be given milk under any circumstances. I am sure they have dealt with this before and must have protocols in place to make sure they don't serve your son milk in the future. Don't rely on the teacher to relay the info to the cafeteria staff or vice versa - you must have a face to face conversation with each person to ensure that exactly the right information is given.

As for the three separate phone calls, I would assume each person didn't know you had already been called and, because there weren't extra clothes available for him to wear, calling home is probably standard procedure. While it must have been very difficult for you with everything else you were going through, unfortunately, they didn't know that and weren't intentionally trying to upset or disturb you.

Try role playing. My son is four and in preschool. Before he started last year, we practiced repeatedly what he would say at snacktime, how to determine the ingredients in foods, and who to talk to so that he never ate anything that would make him sick (he is highly allergic to several foods). Even though at least one part of the snack contains an allergen almost every day, in over a year we have never had a single exposure because my son and the staff at his school are well trained in making sure he doesn't eat anything he shouldn't.

How old is your child?
If he is in Kinder or older.. HE needs to remind them he cannot have the milk they serve at school. Instead he needs to drink water or the milk he has with him..

Your son has a physical difference and needs to know the difference and what his limits are. There are children with allergies that know they cannot eat certain things. There are children with Religious reasons they are not to eat certain foods. These children know to speak up. Teach him this.

Or tell your son, "you may not drink milk from school. Only the milk I am sending you with every day in your lunch box." Then every day have a thermos of milk for him.

Our public schools serve 2% milk.. They do not have lactose free available. The students that have special diets bring their own special foods. It is not a restaurant, and the cafeterias are not for profit, they are a service the school district offers.

I think you need to have a meeting with the staff - at least the teacher - and write another letter for anyone else who might give him food. ALSO consider putting a sign on his lunch and maybe even an allergy alert wristband on him til they get it right. They were remiss in not looking at his allergies before doling out the snack and if they weren't going to consult the form, they shouldn't have asked. My DD cannot have apples or she breaks out into a miserable rash and gets the runs.

http://www.mabel.ca/products/allergy+alerts&a=www
I have a coupon code for them I can PM you.

I also agree that you need to teach your son what to eat/not eat. If it's not milk, it will be cheese, etc. My DD knows "apples are bad for me" and she's 3. I remind her that they make her tummy unhappy when she eats them or drinks apple juice. We are big fans of grapes and pears for that reason. Sometimes the kid needs to be his own voice, even when they are young. He may not explain everything just so but if he can say, "I can't have milk" then it may prevent this in the future.

I'm sorry this all came down at a difficult time. Must have been a really frustrating day.

Sounds like you need a sit down with the teacher, nurse, and principal. That under no circumstances is your son to have milk. I would tell the nurse (and everyone else in the meeting) that you aren't going to argue with her - that you trust what your son's doctor has said and if she needs a note, you shall provide it. You also need to talk to the after school care people as well.

Also, teach your son to say, "No thank you." when offered milk. Any milk. Tell him the only milk that is safe for him to drink is what you give him at home. Send him to school with a water bottle or juice boxes.

There's no need to be sarcastic with the nurse. Just be matter of fact. You can ask them all why your son was giving milk after you specifically said he is not allowed to have it. You deserve an answer to that.

I am unaware that our public school even HAS a lactose-free milk choice. Does yours even have that?
He is in K. He needs to know that HIS rule is NO MILK at school. Period.
Pack his lunch, pack his breakfast--that's the safest thing to do that way NO chances of milk. The only milk he gets to drink is milk YOU pack for him.
If he's getting breakfast & lunch program at school, his teacher, the principal, food services AND the nurse need to know--NO MILK.

I didn't see info about getting "whipped with a belt" in your post. Maybe you changed it? I sure hope that's not how you treat medical issues in your house!

I know our public schools don't even carry lactose free milk, you either can have milk or not.

My daughter has an odd allergy so I went to the school nurse and the principal with a photo of her and asked who else needed to know about her allergy. I had to talk to the janitors, the lawn care people, and her teacher as well as the lunch room staff. They all saw her picture and I explained procedures for if she came into contact to her allergen as well as what things contain things she is allergic to. (toilet papers, hand soaps, hand sanitizer, lotions, and facial tissues all have it...)

If they offer lactose free milk then he should be able to identify the milk with the letter "L" on it as his milk. I know my child could skim the the ingredients lists of things for her allergen at 4 and I assume that if your child is in real school then he is older than that.

If they don't offer lactose free milks then juice could be available or water.

Of course you should speak to the teacher and office staff about this but why is your son drinking it in the first place? If he can't tell the difference he should just drink water, to be on the safe side.
Also I think you should take him to the doctor. Pooping his pants is NOT a symptom of lactose intolerance, even if he has diarrhea he should be able to make it to the bathroom in time. There must be something else going on.

How does he not know the difference??? If it makes him sick you should have been teaching. The cafeteria has hundreds of kids they can't memorize all of their needs that note should have gone to the nurse, a copy to the teacher, etc you need to teach your son what he cn and cannot eat. My 3 yr old nephew asks every time he is given something if it has wheat in it. Your child should either be able to ask "is this lactose" or be able to tell them "no thank you"

I was severely allergic to milk as a child. I'm amazed now as I recall all of the adults who didn't believe me or would try to "trick" me into having milk products to prove to my mother that she was over reacting or claiming an allergy that didn't exist. It was miserable to have what I can only describe as "projectile diarreah" as a result of having milk.

I learned by a very young age not to drink milk or have anything that my mother hadn't approved. You probably need to do two things. First, send all the food and drink your son can safely eat with him to school. Second, go in to the principal and tell her/him what happened, remind her/him that this is a safety and health issue and ask what the school process is for ensuring that your son not get food that is going to be harmful for him. Bring a note from his doctor if you have one.

I think most schools do their best, but many adults don't know that allergies are serious medical issues. Parents have to be the educators in this case, as well as being the advocates for their children.

I really feel for your son. I'll never forget that misery.

i'm not sure i see the problem. why can't you just go into the school and tell them simply 'no milk'? it's not likely that they have a ton of choices. public schools are tight on funds, and it's easy enough to teach a child to say 'no thank you' to milk, period. the staff understands this. just tell them.
more worrisome to me is that this little boy was being whipped with a belt for having accidents when clearly it's a medical issue. i hope you put the fear of all the gods into your husband when HE was the one sent to pick up the poor little fellow.
khairete
S.

Go straight to the principal with that one. HE or SHE needs to be the one to communicate this to the teacher and nurse and cafeteria staff now, because they obviously didn't "get it" when you told them. Write a letter to each of these people with your child's picture on it explaining his dietary restrictions so they recognize him and remember his name and face. That is ridiculous that you were called so many times. I would be really mad. Good luck!

Symptoms of lactose intolerance are gas, diarrhea, and abdominal pain.
Just pooping your pants by itself is not lactose intolerance.
The symptoms are not all lining up here and I find myself doubting the diagnosis.
It's strange that he had no problems in preschool but he's having them now.
But conditions can change and problems can develop where there were none before.
My son has a very mild case of irritable bowel syndrome.
Several times a year he'll come down with cramps, diarrhea and gas that might keep him home from school for a day or two - there's no food trigger, no anxiety trigger, no fever, and it clears up in a day or so and goes away for maybe 4 to 5 months between attacks.
He seems to be out growing it (attacks are getting farther apart, less frequent) and I'm crossing my fingers that someday he'll be attack free.
He makes it to the bathroom every time and the school nurse sends him home if he has an attack at school.
I think maybe the doctor (a pediatric gastroenterologist) should have another look at the situation and if there's no physical reason found (food allergy, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, colitis, diverticulitis, etc - intestines can have a lot of things go wrong with them - or he might even have a problem with controlling his sphincter muscles), then perhaps it's time for him to see a psychologist.

You need to get a medical form from your pediatrician explicitly stating that your child has lactose intolerance and what drinks and foods he can't have. Some people don't understand what it means when you say, "My child is lactose intolerant." I have to lay out very clearly in medical paperwork to the school every year for the nurse's office and the classroom what exactly my daughter simply can not have unless I've sent her to school with it or it states in big fat letters Lactose Free.

Absolutely no:
milk
cheese
cheese crackers
Nilla Wafers
ranch flavoring
cheese flavoring
buttermilk
milkfat
butterfat
ice cream
frozen yogurt
pizza
Cheetos
potato chips (some have lactic acid)
hot dogs
loaf lunch meats
salami
sausage
pepperoni
cheese popcorn
brownies from home
cupcakes from home
bakes goods from home

The list goes on. I have to approve things that other kids bring in, and there's a list of things the nurse knows to call me on. The school does sell Lactaid Milk because in our state they're required by law to provide milk for every child per nutrition guidelines. She prefers water because she's afraid that the school milk will mistakenly be the wrong one.

We've spent a lot of time teaching her to ask questions and advocate for herself when it comes to dairy. She doesn't want to feel sick, and we have Autism and Sensory Integration Disorder to contend with so this has been a struggle but she would much rather not feel sick so she's made it a point to learn from an early age what to avoid and what questions to ask. She knows how to play "better safe than sorry" and how to say "no thank you" even if an adult pressures her to drink some milk that she doesn't believe is safe.

So sorry you have to go through this... of course, it has to happen when you aren't able to come right at that moment! Like how the nurse assumes that she knows better than your doctor...must be so frustrating!!! Sounds like you have repeatedly asked them not to give your child whole milk, now it is time to get legal about it. If your after-school program is part of a public school system or is subsidized by the state or federal programs, you can request a 504 plan to be put into place. It is for children who have medical issues, and you can request the school district to put this plan into place for your child. Get the doctor caring for your son to write a medical necessity letter outlining the lactose intolerance and any other issues that you feel should be in there. I would also meet with all of the child's teachers and let them know. If they don't follow the plan set up for your child, then you have recourse to go to the administration to get it rectified. I hate fighting for every little thing but for some reason that is what I had to do to get things done for my son. This is not something you want to be nice about at this point, they have to know that you mean business and expect them to meet your child's needs or you will follow up. You know if your child was violating their restrictions, they would be calling you right away so your child deserves the same. Hope this helps and good luck with getting this rectified!

2 things.

1. Go to the school with your doctors note and tell them that you expect that they will follow the doctors orders to keep your son safe and healthy. This meeting should occur with the classroom teacher, principal and school nurse.

2. Educate your son. He needs to advocate for himself sooner rather than later. Teach him what he can drink and what he can't. When in doubt, ask for water.

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