How Do You Do This? Structured Routine!

I don't suggest necessarily a chart, but if there are specific things you want the girls to do when they get home, post a list of those things so they have a reminder of what to do. At first, you'll have to be right behind them moving them from one task to the next. But as time goes on, it will become a habit for them and then they will just automatically do it.

The younger ones will learn the routine just by watching the two older girls.

We have a chart. They have chores 5 days out of the week, two days off. I do not make them do their homework or chores as soon as they come home. That is their time to wind down, snuggle, play... whatever they chose to do in that time. But homework, chores, and baths have to be done by bedtime.

I don't have the total answer you're going to need. I just want to share a few thoughts.

My son is a very studious (for his age), homework-oriented kind of kid, but he doesn't do well with homework right after school. He needs to run around and sort of be loud after all that stimulation and structure. So our after-school routine is sort of like:

Snack
Random free play
Help mom (me) with dinner / set table
Dinner
Clear table / help clean up
Homework / instrument practice / speech therapy stuff
Reading / quieter play
Bath
Bed

I've found that with kids in school, an early dinner is really key. I'm cooking by 5:15 or 5:30; dinner on the table by 6. And my son is much better about cleanup/homework/everything once he's had a time to run around randomly and be a goofly little kid, and once he's eaten. Just because your girls don't immediately start with homework and kid-housework, doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

Finally, for your 3 1/2 year old, can you give him "homework" in the form of paper and crayons? If you can get him on the same routine as the girls, even if he's just coloring, it would probably make things go smoothly, and get him motivated for school.

Okay I mean this nicely, truly, but you say you aren't a chart person but you don't like what you're doing and it's not working, so what else is there? A chart. I mean it doesn't have to be super "chart-y" and boring, it could be fun and have pictures instead of words. I just think you need something that makes sense for everyone. Possibly you could put a big basket by the door and all the shoes must go in there as soon as the kids come home. Put a coat rack above it. It will take consistency but remind your children to put shoes and hang up coats. If you see their stuff lying around, stop them from what they are doing and ask them to go and put their stuff in the right spot.

You could also maybe have a basket or folder or something that each kid puts their school work/folder in after school. This way it's organized, you can see what each kid has to do, etc. Maybe you can keep it on the kitchen counter, or somewhere out of the way, but before they have a snack or play (after their shoes/coats are put away;) put their stuff there.

I think that you have to stop at least a little bit following them around. That is also setting them up for bad habits later b/c they won't do anything for themselves when they know you'll just do it for them!

It's hard to be organized. I feel like a failure most days and I only have 2 kids! ;) I'd say you need charts or organized baskets. Good luck!

I would use pictures! They need to hang up their coat, so they should put their coat on the hook/hanger with their picture and name on it.

Backpacks should go in a special spot in their room. For the little ones, a picture of their backpack will show them where to put it.

Shoes go in their special bin. Each child should have their own place for things. You can use plastic bins for mittens, scarves and hats, each labeled with the child's name. Their hats, mittens and scarves go in their bin.

If you make it easy for them to figure out, they will do it on their own.

Kids do need some down time after school--after all, they've had to sit and behave all day long! I would serve a snack, and don't allow them to have snack until their belongings are put in their spot. Keep the TV off during snack.

Give them 30 minutes of free play. If you need to, set a timer. They do need to de-stress.

Then, it's organized homework time! Everyone at the kitchen table, (or wherever they do their work). Give the younger ones frequent breaks. If there isn't any homework, they can draw pictures or read books.

Then, they should be helping with dinner. Setting the table, getting things ready. They can ALL do this.

After dinner, it's tidy the room time. That way their room should still be tidy when they leave for school the next day. Part of that routine is getting out the clothes for the next day and setting up the backpacks and lunches.

I'm very organized with time :) By using pictures and writing out checklists, it helps! I don't do chore charts (too much work!) but I do have routine lists so the kids can do their own routines on their own. I put them in plastic sheets and they mark them off with a dry erase marker.

Good luck!

Our after school time (besides when it's baseball season) is a simple routine that has not varied...it is pretty much how mine was when I was in grade school too!

They get home. Backpacks & Coats on the back of kitchen chairs. Inevitably one or both boys have to go to the bathroom. They sit at the kitchen table and pull out homework. We chat about their day. I make them a snack. They eat it. They do homework w/my supervision--->I am a FIRM believer that grade school kids need supervision while doing homework! I check it when they are done before they put it away. I think this is thh BEST way to foster good habits, so by the time they get into HS they know the deal and can take care of it all on their own. When they are done, they change into 'play clothes' which is usually sweats or athletic type pants and then they are free to go play.

Before they go to bed we have a family '10 minute tidy time' where we all go voom at once and pick up!

This is what works for me.

Kids need a break after being in highly structured school all day. The hour after school before dinner is their time to unwind and play, preferably outside before it gets too dark. They can do chores and homework after dinner or before bed. I know I always like to relax after I got home from work.

Well whatever you decide to do I would let them have a snack and play outside for at least 30 to 45 minutes after school. They have been sitting still and paying attention all day, they need to recharge and blow off some steam.
Our "homework time" was usually when I was making dinner, while they sat at the kitchen table/counter, so I could supervise and help if needed.
Beyond that I have no advice. I am a highly organized person, I have baskets, boxes and hooks everywhere, but my teenagers continue to throw everything wherever the hell they want. My only "rule" these days is that their messes stay in their rooms, and I close their doors so I don't have to look at it!

Since they are inclined to go out and play, maybe you can set some groundrules. i.e. come in take off and put away your shoes, your coat, empty your schoolbag at the work table. Eat a snack, clear the table, wash your hands. Play for 1/2 an hour, put the toys away, wash your hands, tackle your homework. pack your bag for tomorrow, set the table, go out to play again, pick up your toys, ash your hands, sit down to dinner, wash and ready for bed, play.

Basically, without a chart, you can incentivize the desired behaviour by making play a reward that they get if they can timely get through their other activities. If they dawdle through the snack, they can't play before homework. If they dawdle before homework, they can't play before dinner, if they dawdle in their nightime routine, they can't play before bed.

I think that the proposed is a reasonable routine, and allows for enough fun built into the day.

14 days of consistent repitition and the routine will be established.

good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

This website offers behavior charts.. Maybe something will work in your family from here.

http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/

If you do it for them, they will not do it... because they will learn or have already... that Mommy will do it, even if they do it and it is not perfect enough. Thus, even if they do do it, if it is not neat enough for you, you...will still do it. It will be a vicious cycle.
BUT... if you "let" your kids do it, and they are trying their best, and even if it is not the way *you* would do it... IF you let them and can live with the job they did, then THEY WILL learn... that they CAN do it TOO... and that they are capable and that, you are proud of them.

If you always pick up after them after they pick up, then common sense is they will not do it, because, even if they do it their way and it is neat, you will still do it.

For me, I tell my kids to do THEIR best. If it is not the way *I* would do it, fine. I let it be. Because, I tell my kids that everyone... has different ways of cleaning or neatening up. I want them... to learn, their own way through it. And sometimes, they even have a better idea about it than, me.

The way *I* think it should look like, to me is not the point. For me, the point is: that my kids learn how to clean and pick up to their best ability and per their age. BECAUSE that is how an individual then learns a sense of pride and ownership of the job they do. And about how they can improve on it next time.
I even ask my kids... when I am cleaning (and even if I know the answer), "Hey kids, where do you think Mommy can put this box of books?"
And I LET THEM... think of how they would do it/clean it up/or where to put it or store it. That way, the are learning, how to problem solve and how to think on their own. Without me shadowing them behind them as they do it.
It builds independence and their capability, for "cleaning."

As for homework after school: I simply tell my kids... "Snack first, then homework. AFTER homework, you can play." And that's it.
And they do it.
My kids are 6 and 10.

If you don't do charts or something similar you will soon be lost with keeping track of it all. I hated giving jobs/chores and then having to go check and be sure it was done but you have to also teach your children how to do things and be responsible too. This is part of that lesson. You can't do it all yourself even though I agree it is so much easier. You want them to also feel good about what they do, such as when they make a bed don't go remake it 'right'. I would do a chart and have them be responsible to check things off as they do them, maybe get a dry erase board of some kind ( do they still make them? ) and then let them do that part. And with kids anything that's fun or competitive is good to get them working. And remember that you need to enjoy the kids and the house because the tidy part is great but most important is letting them live there and be happy. I regret many years when our first kids were little that the house was more important than it needed to be. The kids are grown now and house work and tidying is still here and always will be.

I too have four kids close in age..less than 3.5 years between the oldest and youngest, no twins. I think the most important thing is to always be consistent. When you set a routine or ask them to do something they do it. This takes a ton of work. At this stage it is always easier to do it yourself..and it is hard to call them back to redo a half hearted job, or to discipline when needed. The payoff will come if y put in the time and effort. When my kids were twelve months old they had a little pile of clothes to carry to their room and put away. I gave them things they could manage, or diapers they could out on a shelf. Something. Sorting silverware is a great job for really young kids, matching socks, wiping down base boards and window sills with a damp cloth and vacuuming hard to reach places with a hand vac. Praise for a truly well done work, not just the job being accomplished. My kids make fun of me now, but when they turned five I would teach them how to make my coffee and they loved this. For a long time they fought over who got to make me coffee...not so much now. :). It takes a lot of effort, but it will pay off.

If you want your kids to follow a routine you have to build one. If charts aren't your thing then you don't have to use them, but you do have to establish mentally exactly what you want done, and when. I agree that you should probably give them at least 30 minutes after school to unwind. But even so, they still need to be made aware they only have 30 minutes. For example, if you want them to do homework first then clean their rooms then set the dinner table, tell them every day when they come home from school, "you have 30 mins to play, and then it's homework time". And remind them after 20 mins they only have 10 mins left, then when the mark hits just tell them it's time to sit down and do homework. If you need to, monitor them to make sure they sit still, and I suggest keeping the younger ones in a different room as to not distract them. Then tell them as soon as their homework is done they need to go clean their rooms. And let them do it themselves! Tell them to come get you when they finish so you can check it (if necessary you can check back every 5 mins or so to ask if they're done yet if you don't think they can stay on task, the first few times you may even have to clean it with them, not for them, so they know what to do), and if it doesn't look clean, suggest to them what they need to do to fix it, and again, tell them to come get you. And make sure they know, once their room is clean, if they have time, they can go play outside again until it's time to set the dinner table.
In other words, I suppose what I'm trying to say is, once you know exactly what you want done, and when, you simply need to direct your kids to do it. And if you stick to this direction every day, your kids will learn to fall into that pattern over time. If you just go around cleaning up behind them it may be quicker for the moment, but it won't help your kids at all! And it won't help you in the long run either when you have 4 teenagers who don't know how to tidy a house, then you'll really be pulling your hair out if you hate messes! Trust me, if you just start a pattern and stick to it, a routine will fall into place. Even my 2 year old follows a schedule at home because we do it every day and she's used to it. It will take some time to get established, and you will have to have some patience as they learn how to clean their messes, but you will be better off for it.

I think you can have order & a fairly tidy house w/a few routines.

Kids come home
Drop shoes in entry way with back packs or (backpacks on floor by table
for homework in a bit.
Have a snack, tell you about their day.
Some free time to play & transition from school to home before homework
Then homework while you are in kitchen nearby cooking. This helps keep
them on track, ensure it's getting done & in case they have questions. Or
you could sit w/them during this time then make dinner. Whatever is
easiest for you.
Eat dinner together
Relax as a family (watch a show together, play a boardgame etc)
Unwinding, relaxed time while they bathe, get clothes out for next day, hv
backpacks ready, read them a story, tuck into bed, kisses etc.

At this age, a little structure (no charts) goes a long way.

Know that a messy house is a lived in house full of love (kids & family).
Know that you can keep your house tidy & clean but it does not have to
be crazy clean. That is a sign of a well lived in house w/lots of love and
time spent w/kids.
This way on you can look back over your life and say "You know, I could
have cleaned more instead of I should have spent more quality time w/
my kids."

You have to sit down and figure out what the 6 and 5 year olds can do and have them do it. Let them know that x, y, z have to be done before they start homework.

When I was young I had to do my homework before I could go out and play. If it took all of the daylight hours to do my homework so be it. I didn't go out to play. Once a child goes out to play it is too hard to get them back in the mindset of study. I also had chores to do at 6 on up.

My son went to daycare whileI worked full time. After a said time the center would pick up the toys with the help of the kids. If you were late picking up your child and your child had toys out the had to pick them up before they were released to you to go home. I carried this routine over to our bedtime that all toys had to be put up in the toybox before bed. So no one tripped over toys during the night.

You have to let them learn to do things at home so they know what to do. If it is wrong make they do it again. You don't follow behind and clean up after them or they never learn. It's called patience and practice and preparation for the future. If you don't tell and show them they will never learn and we have another generation of people who can't clean up after theirselves.

Everyone will have to understand that they all need to help to make the house look good and keep things like messes to a minimum.

Good luck and happy holiday season.

The other S.

PS Routines take a bit to do but they do work and work smoothly so everyone can pitch in and cut down your overall workload.

We have 3 laminated sheets of paper - a morning routine, afternoon routine, and night routine. There are check boxes next to each item for each child and they can use a dry erase marker to check their boxes. I really only had to use them for a couple of weeks a few years ago to establish the habits and then we refer back to it if we find that they're getting out of their habits. The lists included cute pictures for my non-readers. These hang from hooks on our kitchen wall in a section that has "command central" painted above it, which also contains our clock, calendar, menu and chore chart.

Routines include things like (Morning) - get dressed, put PJ's in your drawer, have breakfast, brush your teeth and hair, get your lunch/water/snack, pack your backpack, shoes/jacket/hats & gloves, GO!; (Afternoon) - shoes in bin, hang up jacket, empty backpack, empty lunchbox, snack, homework, afternoon chore; (Evening) Pick up playroom/bedroom, check backpacks/jackets/hats & gloves/shoes for morning, check calendar (for things like library books, PE, instruments, sports), bath, clothes in hamper, PJs on, dessert, brush teeth, books, prayers, bed.

Although you're not a chart person, your kids may very well be. Especially for your 3 & 5 year olds, having a picture of what they've already done and what comes next help a lot with having them learn their routines and set expectations. As you can see from above, the list of things that need to be done every day is quite long and much too much for little people to internalize.