How Do You Effectively Channel Your Anger?

I know breaking things sounds good, I have felt that way quite a few times but I can never bring myself to do it....

How about going for a run?

this may not be as effective, but i take 5 minutes, lock myself in the bathroom or bedroom and cry. that is the only thing that really works to get out my anger. other than that, i vent to my friends and things. but, the anger you have is a different type than what i have. so i don't know if that would help you or not.

i'll pray for your mom and your whole family.

M., when I read your title I thought you meant anger as when you are angry with a person that did something bad to you, but after reading your post I realize it was a different kind of anger, fill with frustration of not being able to do something about it.
I think the only thing that can help with this anger id to don't hold and cry, hug your husband and lay on him. I wouldn't want for you to get sick and sometimes when we have so much stress, sadness, anger it hurts us more then other illness. Perhaps write a letter, write all your feelings and let them out.
I am so sorry about you and your mom and I hope she gets better soon.

You're teaching your daughter compassion and it's ok to be angry and frustrated and bereft over your Mother's illness.. I'm praying for all of you-you are also showing your daughter how fierce and protective a mother's love can be-God Bless you.

I think that sometimes we try and hold things in too much and we get overwhelmed with feelings and then are tottally out of control with them. Make time to "feel" what you are feeling. Take time to cry, yell and share with someone. Not sure of what faith you are if any but I sure shared my heart with God while I was losing my dad. And I'm not speaking a nice quiet prayer time on my knees either. God's big enough to handle my anger and figured he already knew about anyway :)
Really, you are trying to come to terms with the fact that this is out of your control and it hurts. I'm sorry to hear about your mom and my heart goes out to her and you.
C.

I'm so sorry you feel so much distress. Realize that when we care, some of those feelings will be inevitable when we see suffering we can't help. And the more we care, the stronger those feelings are likely to be.

And I'm glad you don't want to stay stuck in those difficult feelings, because that's not productive. I've discovered a remarkable process called The Work that helps me deal with strong feelings that threaten to drag me down. Check out the website (www.theWork.org), where you can download a free Judge Your Neighbor worksheet (you can think of illness or cancer or death or suffering as your 'neighbor' and fill out the sheet with that focus).

Then follow the four questions as you evaluate your worksheet, and watch what happens. It may take awhile to get the full impact of the process, but you'll probably start noticing some lightening/relief right away. And it gets better with a bit of practice and repetition. You can also watch many free videos of other folks doing The Work, and see the transitions in their thinking to something they can more easily life with.

I sure do wish you the best.

I know how you feel, though of course we all have our own ways of dealing with it. I'm sorry you all are going through this!

My dad had leukemia and got squamous cell carcinoma from the years of treatment/radiation and both are incredibly painful and disabling. He died a few years ago and I still am heartbroken over his years of extreme torment. It is extremely difficult seeing one suffer and knowing that no matter how much you do, you can't take the pain away. I'll tell you though, maintaining a positive outlook can work wonders. You can read a bit about our story here if interested:
http://littlelovables.blogspot.com/2008/06/fathers-day.html

Really, all you can do is support them, pray for strength and make positive memories. Put it on the Lord, we have these experiences of hardship, and they make up stronger and help us to love deeper. For me, I beleive that God has a plan for us and that we will be together as a family again, so I feel overjoyed knowing that there is a time of peace and happiness waiting for us. But in the moment, it's good to keep busy, to lose yourself in compassionate service. Make a short little slideshow to show her of happier times, or have family members and old friends write letters of support. But it's also good to go and privately cry, or punch a pillow, or go for a long walk because you need that release and solitude to gather yourself as well. You know, I actually wrote a blog post similar to this today, that just might help you. Watch the two short videos, they always makes me feel so hopeful!

http://littlelovables.blogspot.com/2011/04/fire-flowers.html

It might be really helpful to you to go and talk with a counselor or therapist while you are going through this. Everything that you describe feeling is so normal and you should expect to continue to have these feelings. Sometimes it helps a lot to talk with a therapist to sort through your emotions and to figure out how to best express your feelings to your children. You are teaching them how to cope with their feelings. I know you want to protect your daughter from hurting...I totally get it, but i do think it's healthy for her to understand what's going on with your mom (not the details, but just in general) and it's ok for them to know that you are feeling sad. I think it becomes a problem with a parent puts the burden of their emotions on to their children (if you were crying to her daily, etc). If you have health insurance, check and see who the therapists are in your area. It can really help.

I got tears in my eyes reading your message. Situations like yours are so hard. I cant say I have any wonderful advice but my heart just ached reading your message. The only suggestions I have is, if you have a church see if they could lay hands on you or you and her both and pray for you. Or start a prayer chain for her. If thats an option for you. Also it would make total sence for you to see a counseler right now to help you work through your feelings. Your feelings are totally valid and need a place to work themself out. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My mom almost died about 2 months ago but she did make a miraculous recovery. I remember feeling so helpless and terrified and overwhelmed. I had never seen her so sick. I wish there was more i could do. I would suggest finding and using as much support as you can . Its ok to ask for help and support right now. In fact it might be good to find a physical outlet for your pain too. Maybe kickboxing or just a good run once in awhile. I can tell you are a person with alot of compassion and deep caring for those you love. I will pray for you and your mom. I pray all The Lords blessings and healing for you both. I am so sorry you are both going through this right now
M. M.

Hi M.,

Sometimes, I just have to go take a few minutes and have a good hard cry in the bathroom so I can get a bit of emotional relief and hold it together. This is reserved for the times when there is sadness and grief in the anger. Sometimes, when I don't need to cry, but just to get that extra energy out, I love to sing, really sing, turn up the music and sing. It's always been a relief for me.

If your are a runner, can you put the kids in the jogging stroller and take a few turns around the neighborhood? If you cry a bit, they won't see you. I myself can't run (bad ankles) but I do take a walk when I'm upset, just pop Kiddo into the stroller with a snack and try to breathe and ground myself in the season out-of-doors. Usually, just the activity of getting my body moving, breath moving (that's why singing works so well for me) really helps.

I am so very sad and sorry that you and your mother are going through this. Sending you many, many hugs.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to punch a pillow over and over. It's okay to go for a walk by yourself or call up a friend that you can vent to. Don't feel like you have to stop it because it's not always something that you can control. It is not healthy to keep these emotions bottled up or try to squash them.

Last year my mother was diagnosed with leukemia - she did not respond to treatment and ended up in hospice care the last 5 months of her life. She was bed-ridden and extremely agitated and confused most of the time. She wasn't even really my mom any more. I was REALLY angry about the whole situation, mostly because I felt it was not fair to her to have to suffer the way she did. All of the above helped, as well as working out on a regular basis. It helped to channel some of the anger and negative energy into positive energy and wear myself out exercising.

Best of luck to you and God bless, I am sorry you are going through this...

Hi,

I am sorry your mom is going through this and you are right there beside her. It is really tough to watch a family member in pain and not be able to help or stop their pain. The only thing that really helped me get through anger was to write about it. I journaled and wrote everything that came to mind, taped the pages shut after-so I wouldn't have to read them again and also at one point bought an old set of dishes and took them out to the garage and smashed them all (*while my kids were not home) It was a great relief to be able to demolish a set of dishes and get rid of the anger. Beating a tennis racket on your pillow is also effective. Tell your kids mommy is going to have a five min time out break and you will be back soon-then go wack the pillow till you feel better. Best wishes, things will get better.

Prayers to you...

Take a long, long walk or run. Physical activity helps calm you down. If you belong to a gym, go & punch the punching bag.

If you can't get out, excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, turn on the facet, & muffle your scream in a towel. Your kids most likely won't know what you're really doing in there. Sometimes, I'll even bang the wall of the shower.

I guess the best thing is to not suppress your emotions & know that if they get too overwhelming, you may need to seek professional help to sort them out.

Again, prayers & peace to you...

Is there someone who can watch your daughter for an hour a day? Go for a walk or run, sometimes if we can find a peaceful spot to sit and think and feel it helps so much. Leave the saddness there and walk back home thinking about all the good things in your life. Greet you daughter with a smile and start making happy memories for her.
If you are into exercise a lot of people swear by aerobic exercise, dancing, running, biking, even pounding nails to work out the anger.