How Do You Handle a "Rough" Play Date Friend?

You are so right. Boys are physical and to different degrees. Since my kids are typically the "rougher" ones in the groups I always have structured physical activities not just - "go play outside." I have little golf sets, yard bowling, racing, frisbee and sacks (for sack racing) etc. If inside play is all we have, I pull out hula hoops and set up an obstacle course or even play simon says.
after they are good and worn out (about 30 min), they tend to settle down - a little - into playing playmobils, zoo or some other lower key game.
I also have to ban wrestling with some friends because I can tell they just don't like to do it.
Maybe you and the other mom can set some rules and also set up some big activities that give the kiddos some structured outlet to their boy agression:)
Best,

I don't think you should give up this friendship-- just structure it a bit more. Make sure that the boys are supervised (not just let them go play upstairs while you and the other mom talk-- nice, though that is). Have activities for them to do... and by all means, get them out side. Maybe meet at the park, or, take them for a walk. Before they start playing, state the rules clearly, and what the consequences will be if the rules are broken. Then try to interfere before they are getting in trouble and redirect them to a more appropriate activity. Sounds like they've just gotten into a habit, and it needs to be modified.

Hi, Urt:
Are you there with the children to facilitate the meeting?

If you are there to help facilitate, do you want to have games
that are controlled physical activities? such as boxing, marital arts, wrestling.
Have you thought about getting a volunteer who is versed in teaching some physical activiies?

Just a thought.
D.

Get your son some sparring gear.
All the taekwondo places have it.
Actually, signing the boys up for taekwondo classes might be a very good way to channel their aggressive tendencies.

have you asked mom if there are underlying causes to the rough housing ... for example my son literally NEEDS it that is part of his sensory diet. Daily, sometimes multiple times a day we wrestle, mostly tickles with some wrestling moves in there. He litterally can not function until someone does this with him some days I spend the whole day just running, tickling, wrestling, feeding, over and over with a few potty breaks. My son is 4, and the rule is he must ask first, if no is said and he has asked all available people then we take it to the trampoline to get out some of it (just a rebounder trampoline). I say find out if there is something along these lines going on and feel free to use my son as an example as to why you are asking then find a solution that really works because "we do not play like that" is not working unless you follow it up with "this is how we play" and give them something a bit gentler to do. Something they may enjoy doing as well is what we call "burrito blanket" take a large comfortor wrap first child in like a burrito and second child can drag the first around the house. We like to make a course buffered by pillows and other blankets so sharp corners are avoided. This is a good way to get it out, or having the other child pull yours in a wagon around the yard or the living room (depending on the size). There are tons of ways that ONE child can get the rougher play while the other stays on the gentler side. Good Luck and I hope your son continues to make the friendship work.

You cant' use any tactics for the other boy. All you can do is enforce rules in your own home. But if you hear after the fact that they were SO rough at his house and your son doesn't like it, you could very nicely let the mom know that your son isn't as "Tough" as hers, and he's told you he doesn't like to play quite so rough (give specific description of what that means) even if he goes along with it. If she's a nice person, she should understand and try to tone it down if she wants to keep them playing together. That way she'll also understand if you guys quit playing if she's been warned but the behavior continues. Try to spell out a clear "level" of roughness and duration you're comfortable with and see if she will accommodate.

Please do not get them sparring gear and let them have a free for all. Sparring gear should only be used under the supervision of a Martial Arts instructor. Even under the careful supervision of an instructor kids can get hurt. I've seen kids and adults get hurt in class as well as at tournments, even after a year or more of training.
Some boys really enjoy playing rough, some don't. Hense we have poets and football players. I would talk to the Mom of the other boy and ask her if he can play a bit nicer, or have structured play with thse boys. Play a game, tee ball for instance, it's not as physical as soccer or basketball. If they want unstructored play and the other boy gets too rough, stop them. Just because your daughter and his sister are friends and you have become friends with the Mom, your son doesn't have to play with the other boy.