How Do You Help Your Adolescents Make Friends?

I feel this situation is very similar to my family as well. I was also concerned about my older one not having friends at home as well as at school. I hope this makes u feel better about your concerns. I also tried to encourage friendships...didn't work. It was my daughter who taught me to relax about her social life. She is very responsible and goal oriented. She prefers to take care of her responsibilities of maintaining good grades (which requires mega homework to have good grades). She was born this way. Her other areas in her life r fine...is not depressed or have low self esteem. I have found that my youngest, who is in elementary school, gets invited much more often to parties because this is the age that kids always seem to have bday parties and the parents tend to allow the majority of the kids in the class to go (at least 50% of the time). In middle school, kids seem to begin to invite only a few kids for a dinner or movie ect. It also is very apparent that in middle school, fewer bday parties are taking place. My youngest is simply just more extraverted. My kids are different kids, so I try to support their different needs and activities. Best wishes with your recent move.

Lynnette,
I would suggest letting your daughter throw her own party. Maybe have a ice cream sundae and movie party, she will look really cool, and hopefully she can then establish new relationships and the invites will come her way! My daughter sounds a lot like yours, she is 12, plays tennis and attends a very academic Catholic school. We are changing schools next year to a private school in Katy, and now the same friends she has had since Pre-K are angry with her for leaving and a few have dropped her as their friends. It has been very difficult to watch, my advice to you is to be there for your daughter and give her the best advice to deal with girls who can be very insensitive!

Hi Lynnette,

It sounds like your daughter is well rounded in all areas of her life. Girls can be very mean especially at her age. My youngest daughter is 12 and is in all GT classes and has grown up with her friends from elementary. She met new friends last year when she started junior high because 2 elementary schools flow into one junior high. Many of the same things you mentioned about birthday parties and things still even happen to her. And she has known most of these girls since very young. I think it is all about the process of growing up and learning how to be a good friend. Most of my daughters good friends are in academic classes and she says the kids in her classes are mostly "nerdy" kids so she at first felt nothing in common with them other that studies. She has learned however to become friendly with the "nerds" and has actually enjoyed their company. She is also in church and in competition dance, so very busy. She does not have alot of time either to plan way ahead because of her schedule. I would not worry too much because junior high is a tough time because being popular and who's doing what seems to be what is important. But it is a phase, things will work out and she will develop good friends as long as you give her a good foundation to live by and it sounds like you are doing exactly that! Hang in there, good times and friends are ahead! I hope this helps. My daughter is the youngest of 8 children, 4 girls & 4 boys! I have had plenty of experience in the girl department and the junior high years! My daughter's best friends have always been her dance friends and her church friends. School friends change like the weather does! Good luck!

I had some similar concerns with one child as an
adolescent. He is now a man. In hindsight, it was
a huge blessing that his two best friends left him
out of the loop. It was heartbreaking for me for
"we don't know what we don't know."
I'd love to share my story with you, if you'd
like.

Lynnette -
I truly have no answers for you..because I am living the same nightmare! Girls can be SO many that if other parents only knew how their daughters handle themselves in school..I think alot would be shocked! I want you to know, we continue to support our daughter, stay involved with friends NOT in her school and pray alot! Please let me know if you get more solutions. Your daughter will be much stronger than any of those others down the road..promise!