How Do You Involve Teens in Cooking?

Mama, he's playing you. When my son didn't want to eat what I sent, I stopped sending it. I paid into his account at school and knew he had that to fall back on if he didn't choose to make a lunch.

I don't think his behavior has anything to do with food. I think he's just playing control games with you.

Focus on his manners around food. In our house, it is considered misbehavior to call food "gross". Pleasant, useful feedback is fine. Examples:

Okay: "Hmmm. I think this dish is a little too salty for my taste. Thank you for cooking, though."
Okay: "I think I would like this better with ketchup. Could I add ketchup?"
Okay: Quietly eating a very small portion and declining seconds.
Okay: "When can we have spaghetti again? I really like it."
Not okay: "This is disgusting! Make me something else!"

Once he's speaking to you with courtesy around food, you can find out if he has some real preferences around food and act accordingly. It's possible that he's just not going to eat at school at all. This is not ideal, but not catastrophic as long as he's eating a good breakfast and a good meal when he gets home after school. Try and stay out of battles around food whenever possible.

Keep an eye on him for poor eating habits that rise to the level of self-harm however. This is a classic age to develop various eating disorders. Hunger cues can get scrambled fairly easily and low blood sugar affects brain function, especially reasoning ability. If you see problems developing, make an appointment with the doctor to discuss your concerns.

First of all, I would not let my child talk to me that way. It is disrespectful for him to turn his nose up at the food that is given to him freely. If he does not want to eat what you set before him, let him go hungry! Unless he is willing to pitch in with the cooking, he should not complain. If I serve dinner to one of my kids and he or she refuses to eat it, or complains, I say, "Okay then, no dinner for you." But seriously, don't let him disrespect you. It's not like he pays rent or anything. He needs to give you the respect you deserve as his mother! Oh yeah, out of 10 kids, I have one that cooks. She is ten years old. They older kids actually ask her to make them meals! LOL!

Just tell him. Mom, he's 13! You can still TELL him things. You don't need to get his permission to make him do something.

"Son, you are going to make your own lunch for school this year. If you would like different supplies to use, let me know what you have in mind and we'll discuss it. Thanks. " (And that "thanks" is with the attitude of Kyra Sedgwick on The Closer telling the detectives "ThAnk yooooouuuu.") ;)

Wow.
I'm not sure what you can do with him at 13 other than make him cook his own food if he acts like that.
The smartest thing I ever did was get my kids involved in the kitchen when they were young. My son just turned 16 and he can cook everything there is to cook. He often has dinner started or ready for us when I get home from work. He enjoys cooking, but I know that boy will never go hungry. He will never expect a woman to serve him.
He wouldn't talk to me rudely either. He values his life.

There's really only two ways this can go....he can eat what you serve or be involved in making his own food. Because of his attitude, I wouldn't cater to him.

Maybe if you get him to be more active in the kitchen, he'll appreciate what goes into preparing food more.

Just my opinion.

"How do you involve teens in cooking?"
Ask him what he's making for supper.
If he says he was starving all day - don't buy into it.
He had choices - this is what he chose - so it's all rather self inflicted and I don't get upset over what people do to themselves - "I" didn't do it to them.
Initially he's going to have to make do with what's in the fridge/freezer/pantry just like everyone else.
Eventually he might get more involved in the shopping so he has ingredients for some recipes he likes.
You'll get a lot farther with this problem by turning it over to him and letting him solve it himself.
And if what he makes doesn't appeal to you - by all means - comment about his food creations like he comments about yours.

New Year, New Rules! I agree that this year should be the year he makes his own lunches. Next time when you go grocery shopping, give him his own budget for his own food and then go your separate ways in the grocery store.

Dinner is whatever you make. He can take it or leave it. If he's not willing to come up with some recipes for you and him to try, then he can't complain.

Your son should realize NOW that even when he's 40 you will be telling him when he's acting out of line... When he's testing his limits with you, you let him know EXACTLY where the line is! I know this is what our children do at ANY age, but you gotta remind them who's boss :)

Try picking one night out of the week for him to cook dinner. Kitchen is all his unless he asks for help... Oh, and remind him that PB&J and Ramen don't count lol He actually has to cook. Good Luck Sweetie!

OMG
If that was my child... I would tell them, to make his own.
I would not put up with that mouth and attitude.

At 13, he can make himself a home lunch.
And while you are at it, have him do his own laundry.

Tell your son, to walk the talk.
If he can't help, then too bad.
Tell him, he can only complain... if he PROBLEM SOLVES it.
As a Team with you, or he can do it himself.

You've gotten all the responses you need, but I need to put in my two cents.

This isn't about food, your son is being rude. He won't starve if he doesn't eat all day. Natural consequences, mom. If he doesn't like what you make, he's welcome to make it himself. Period.

He's 13, so being rude is common, but you need to make him suffer the consequences of his rudeness now, or his future wife will hate him.

Set expectations, limits and consequences. There is no reason he cannot make his own lunch and he shouldn't be allowed to complain about what you make for dinner. If he does, discipline him as you would for other bad behaviors. My 11 and 14 year olds have both been making their own lunches for for school for years. They usually make their own breakfast on school days too. And the older one has also been doing her own laundry for years. I expect them to take care of these things themselves and they do. Good luck with your teen. Just think, only six more years till he's technically not a teen anymore. LOL

Can you have him pick out things that he wants at the grocery store
then make his own lunch?
Maybe start him off with ideas like:
what kind of fruit would you like to eat at school?
what kind of snacks do you like?
what do you see others bring that you would like to have?
what drink would be best?
etc then he can't blame you for a yucky lunch, he will get something he really likes to eat and you'll be sure he's getting his "brain" food.
Have him look through the weekly grocery ads, watch the cooking channel for food ideas, look in a magazine etc.

If your son is so ungrateful and disrespectful enough to let you know what he doesn't like and how you fix it. I would require him to join me with the grocery shopping and food preparation and meal cooking. Non-negotiable.

He is 13 and is capable of fixing his own lunch. I would let him. I would also let him know and understand just how much food is alloted for lunch. If he desires something different he needs to ASK. You see if that something fits into your food budget.

The more complaining from him the greater the shift in responsibility. You can drive him to the store when you go. You can give him his budgeted money for his lunch and he can buy his own lunch foods with that money. You can be safely removed from that mix. Same thing goes for dinner, except he can begin to learn how to prepare foods for the entire family. Some day he may have a family of his own or be on his own and he should know how to cook. My youngest is 15 and knows how to cook a full mean for the family. He has been cooking for the family at least once a week for over a year now. It is glorious. Your son also should have more responsibility in this area since he is complaining and not appreciating.

He complains then he has to make the meal for the whole family once or twice a week. Get him a book or have him bring you a book with all the daily requirements and have him plan the meals.

Let him make what he likes and have the rest of the family judge or critique it or tastiness, color and presentation.

Remember you are the boss in the house and he can go to his room and be hungry for a night or two and he will definitely change his tune.

You weren't put on the earth to be a doormat for anyone. Life is going to throw some good curve balls at him and he had better be ready for them. You aren't going to be there when he goes to college (I certainly hope not).

Time to break some bad habits. His future girlfriends aren't going to deal with it and neither should you.

The other S.

PS My son once informed me at bedtime that he needed cookies the next day for a bake sale. I told him if he wanted them he was going to have to make them because at that time of night I wasn't making anything. He made them and everyone thought I made them. So there is hope.

Get him involved in menu planning-- don't make a big deal out of it, just let him run the computer while you sit down with a pen and notebook. Have him start by googling "menu plan Monday"

And make him pack his own lunch! He can google for lunch ideas at the same time you're doing the rest of the menu planning/ grocery list making

ETA I just saw that the 5dollardinner mom is having a school lunch week next week -- your son might be able to get some ideas there!

I think this sounds like a case of "tough love". He's old enough to make his own lunch. And he can start making ONE dinner a week. Teach him that it has to include all the food groups - and that mac n cheese does not count as "dairy" unless it's homemade/from scratch.

He'll soon learn how hard it is to plan, shop (as in put it on the weekly grocery list and plan ahead), cook, time the foods to come out at the same time, serve (as in set the table and not serve everything out of pots) and then clean up.

My mom did this to us as young teenagers. It gave her a much needed break as well as taught us some life skills and a better appreciation for our mother!!!

She also taught us to be respectful - at all times...although this was a constant work in progress. No saying food is "gross", "unedible", etc. If you do, you are immediately excused from the meal so others can eat in peace.

I have a 13 year old daughter who loves to cook. If your son is willing, I would start letting him choose & cook some meals. If he doesn't want to do the actual cooking, at least see if he will help choose recipes/meal ideas. Hopefully once he sees that you are taking his likes/dislikes into consideration, he will become more interested. My daughter chooses what goes in her lunches that she takes to school. She knows it can't be all junk, I want her to take some type of fruit each day, etc. so she does eat a healthy lunch but she chooses what goes on the sandwich, etc. too. Depending on how we are for time, I do make the lunch a lot but I ask her what she wants in it. Sometimes she will say "surprise me". I think by letting her have a say in what she eats, she has realized that it's not always easy to come up with something new & creative and now understands why we eat "this again!" Good Luck!