How Do You Know When/if You're Done Having Kids?

Two is the best and easiest number (two parents/two kids). (I have three, however.) Just give it a year or two and you will know if you want more. It's a little early to decide right now with a 6 month old.

We knew we were done when the ultrasound from my most recent pregnancy showed a second set of twins. We already had 6 year old twins. Yikes. I signed up for the tubal at 7 weeks pregnant with the babies. I do however regret having my tubes tied sometimes, but I was scared to death to get pregnant again and have them tell me there were now 3 babies in there. yikes. I think you'll know when it's over. We have 5 children, I love having a lot of kids.

I think both sides are right. It does get easier in many ways - kids get more self sufficient, they spend more time with friends, you get a little more free time you actually do get more sleep eventually - yet you do still expend a lot of energy in different ways. I drive my kids around a LOT. You spend time helping them with homework and school projects. But I think the rewards are well worth it!

WHEN IN DOUBT ... DON'T.

As a mom of 3 I can tell you ... they might become best friends at some point (like when they're 40) ... but it hasn't happened yet. And mine are 15, 13 and 10.

But more importantly is what you BOTH agree on. And you've got time to consider it still. Give it at least another year and see how you feel then. But if you have ANY doubts about it being right or not ... DON'T DO IT.

And I knew I was done when I lost 22 lbs the first two months of my last pregnancy from being sick and barely made it to the hospital to give birth. Even though hubby and I had talked seriously about having 4 and had planned for 4 ... I'm glad I stopped. I was DONE. And I had my tubes tied within 24 hours of giving birth. I was d o n e ... DONE. No more babies for me.

And there have been times I've regretted having that third. Not often ... and I love him dearly and wouldn't trade him for anything ... but every now and then comes the thought "what the hell was I thinking having another one?". ESPECIALLY when they were little and I had to get an infant, a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old out the door on time for kindergarten. And you'd think it would get easier as they got older .... HA ... it doesn't. Try getting 3 kids to their activities AT THE SAME TIME in 3 vastly different locations. Or when all 3 of them have a game or a play or a track meet ALL at the same time on the same day, again in 3 different parts of town. Figure THAT one out. And YES it happens WAY more often than you'd think. Been There Done That.

Hi! It sounds like you do want another child but why not wait a few years so that you can enjoy the little ones you have now. I have a 14 yr old, a 9 yr old and a 2 1/2 yr old and we are expecting our 4th baby in July. I thought I was done after the second but I'm so glad that we had our 3rd and are now expecting our 4th. The older kids help with her and they love having a little sister. It is true that when they get older they have different issues, but when they are older they can do more for themselves. Several of the moms I have talked to regret doing anything permanent with regards to birth-control and now wish they could have another. So I wouldn't make this decision while you are in the middle of the sleepless nights, give yourself awhile and see how you feel, but if you are already thinking you might want another one,that might be your answer. Good luck!

A.. I Know exactly where you are. I think that being open to another child is great!When the time is right for you revisit the idea.There is truth in both sayings the challenges and issues are different as they get older but it also gets easier because your kids become best friends at some point they look to each other for companionship and less towards you. you develop a rythme that flows a lot smoother once you a preparing meals for kids instead of feeding or nursing them. My husband and I have three boys we had to get creative for a while finding time to share together but it was worth the effort and the quality of time we spend together alone has become just as great as the quantity.
About Me:
My husband and I have three kids, they are stair steppers 23 months apart. Our youngest is five now. when he turned 1 we started wondering if we wanted to have another one or stop at three. We remained open but didn't feel compelled to start trying, now we are due in June of '09. with number 4 .
My husband and I are excited and glad we both kept an open mind all these years. The best part is that our kids are sharing the joy with us.

I'm not an older mom, but I did want to give my two cents :). I know where you are at right now (my husband and I are in the same place) and this is what I've come up with. By the time I have my third (if I can talk hubby into it), my oldest will be in pre-school. I think that will make things a bit easier. Also, my mom has always said that the first two are the hardest, but by the third you get into a groove and it's way easier. Plus, based on the ages of your kids, the oldest one is old enough to help out when and if you have another one. I would honestly give it another 6 months, then re-assess where you are at. If you feel that having another one is something you really want, don't let any of the fears of how hard you think it might be stop you :).

I'm with Rina. I sense and urgency in your message, but you don't have to decide now. Take some time and think on it.

A.,
We have three kids. The girls are the toughest. Our son is the easiest to please. The girls go thru this its all about me teen phase that will drive you crazy. Thank god they did not both go thru it at the same time. (they are three years apart) Our son is 18 months younger than the middle one. currently they are 19,16,and 14. Our son came as a suprize, we thought we were done having kids but had not done anything permanent yet. I guess it also depends on whether or not you can stay home longer since they are so young....for us I had to daycare would have taken all that I made so it was pointless for me to even leave the house. I do rememeber feeling like you do now,maybe you could make that last one be a little farther apart. Give yourself some breathing room. I do remember that when I was a kid it was fun that we would have a mom and daughter day, and my brother would go with my dad for a guys day. I wish I could have done that with my kids. Both girls have wanted to come with me, and that has made it hard for them when they want one on one time. Don't be surprized if they start not telling you things either. I have had to work really hard to get my middle one to communicate with me. Our oldest just clammed up. I did not want the second one to do the same. I wish you luck with your decision, I hope that all goes well for you. W.

I'm 37 yrs old and just had our 2nd child. I know I'm done having kids. My pregnancy was somewhat rough where I had alot of pain and discomfort and I don't want to go thru that again. I love my 2 girls and I know that's all I want. My sister has 3 with ages 6, 4, and 1. Both her and her husband work full time and it is stressful but they love having the three. My mother-in-law has 6 and I'm from a family of 5 and I guess it all works itself out. Look at the Duggers on TLC - they now have 18 kids and Jon and Kate have 8 so don't let anyone but yourselves make this decision for you. If you want 3, I say have a third and just go with the flow of all the stress and chaos and joy and fun of the 3. Good luck with your decision.
GA

I got all three of my children in the same year. I adopted the older two while pregnant with the third. I must say that things were haggard for some time. However, once you start getting more sleep. Once baby is older and not needing you so much, you really do find it easier. There are a new array of problems with each age level. There is so much love too. I love all three so much the problems are nothing compared to the hugs and "I love yous".

Just the fact that you are asking this question is reason enough to keep doing non-permanent birth control. We had originally wanted several children then only two because were were overwhelmed after the first one, mostly because he was a tough delivery and we were not used to being sleep deprived. After our second, I wasn't sure even though hubby thought he was and then we chose to try for a girl and got our daughter...6 years after 2nd boy and 10 years after first boy...ours are spaced out quite a bit, which I think has REALLY helped it not be so crazy. Money is always tight and one on one time with one another is stretched thin, but we enjoy doing almost everything as a family and as my oldest becomes a young man we still have little ones to look after. At times we think we were crazy, but mostly we are so grateful to have our daughter as frustrating as she sometimes is...SO much more so than her brothers ever were or are now. LOL!

Keep your options open...you will know. Sometimes DH wants one more because our daughter will literally be an only child as a teenager, but she tests us A LOT and now I know I don't have the energy or patience for one more and don't wish to stretch the love or money any further. Good luck with your family and your decision...2 1/2 plus an infant is a lot to deal with...it will get easier!

Well, i have one and i do want one more. after seeing my sister-in-law and brother-in-law with their 3 kids ...i say no thanks. they are great parents and the kids are all awesome...but man does it seem like a whole other world when you go from 2 to 3. i also am a firm believer in trying to do my part in controlling the population. our world is not fit to accomodate the amount of people we have on it now...so i figure i will replace myself and my husband replaces himself and that makes 2..we are done after that. i guess having no kids would really be the thing to do but i wanted my own as do so many of us. it makes me crazy to see these people this day in age having 4 and 5 and 6 kids. i feel like they are not thinking collectively at all. to each their own and i do not judge but the world is not what it was when our parents were having children. anyway, good luck and be at peace with your decision what ever it may be.

My husband and I thought we were done after our second child was born. Then SURPRISE we found out we were having three and we were confused about what we should do. Well, four years later we are parents of three, ages four, five, and seven! The two youngest sre 13 months apart, and there is 20 months between my fisrt and middle child.. It was and is the best thing we EVER did! It felt and feels right!!!! Go with your instinct, trust yourselves and everything will work out. It's ALOT of work but worth it!!!

I think your judgment may be clouded by the fact that you have two children under the age of 3. If you wait until the older one is in school, it will work much better. Planned-for children are wonderful, I love having three siblings. Good luck!

We have 5, so I'm responding from experience. We did not feel we were done, though my body was giving out from the pregnancies. We cannot imagine life without any of our 5, though I thought we'd stop at two, then came another who is an amazing child, then we got twins. It is overwhelming some days, but each one is so special, we feel so blessed. They love each other so much, what a treasure. It is expensive, yes, but none of them have ever been without food, clothes or love. Guess that yacht will have to wait! :-)

Bless you & Merry Christmas
D.

Hi A.,

We had planned on stopping at two kids, but we didn't have surgery to make it permanent. (That's another discussion...) We gave away almost all our baby gear, clothes, etc. Then we had a surprise third pregnancy. The older two were 8.5 and 5yo when their baby brother was born. I was almost 40 and had not planned on having children that late! Although pregnancy is harder when 40 as compared to 30, it's no longer as big of a deal risk-wise. There are extra tests you can decide to do, but our OB said that in Silicon Valley it's become pretty typical. Over half of his practice were pregnant women over 35.

I did not think I could manage a third, because our older two both have issues that make them difficult/high maintenance. But the big spread in their ages made it MUCH easier than I had expected. And, much to my delight and surprise, our third is the most easy going, has the sweetest temperament, and is very demonstratively affectionate. I am so glad that he is a part of our family! It's funny how things work out sometimes.

My advice is to not worry/think about it now. But don't give the baby things away!! Wait a few years. You may find that you will start getting that urge, and you will just have a gut feel that it's the right thing to do for your family. Or, you may never get the urge, and find you are content with things the way they are. Or, you may be surprised like we were. There's no reason to make a decision now. Just wait and see.

-D.

Well the good news is you don't have to make that decision right now. Relax and enjoy the baby you have . I'd say you are in the time frame of parenting that I have found most diffucult. Baby and toddler/preschooler. When I had my third my first 2 children were 8 and almost 6. This was the easist for me. The other two were old enough to be helpful and self sufficent and the time frame was like having a first all over again with out all the stress and worry. This was a very special and easy time. Now I just had #4. I am back to the baby and preschooler. It is so much harder. I will say though, having a third made me want 4. Maybe it's because there was a 6 year gap between 2-3 but I really wanted her to have a partner. But we didn't think we were having anymore or even could. The six year gap wasn't on purpose. So now we are done but I will always want babies, I love being pregers too. But many factors brought me to know that my days of making babies are over. So I say don't do anything perminent. You've got time. I still freak myself out over getting my tubes tied but I have good reason and age is a factor for my husband and I now. It's great to have a baby when the other kids can enjoy it. It's so special to see them be nurturing to their baby sib. Best wishes .

I thought I wanted more than one before getting married and even soon-after. We were late in starting a family by choice and have no regrets. We decided we only wanted one when we got pregnant and continue to have no regrets now that our son is 20 months old. Does one just know when she/he are done? I'm not sure, but we talked a lot about it and mutually came to the decision. Some people have given unsolicited advice and continue to do so, BUT if this is what we are happy with and feel blessed for the gift of our little family then why change it? What would we say to child B? Oh, you're the one we had so child A wouldn't be alone? Of course not, but ulitmately that is what we'd be doing since we only wanted one. So, if you always wanted three or how ever many....then go with your heart. If you're having doubts, talk it over and look at the life you have and take all of the points you've raised and decide to be at peace with whatever decision the two of you make. You'll get lots of great advice from moms, but you and your husband know yourselves the best. Either way, may you find peace in what you decide and continue to enjoy your gift of family. Merry Christmas!

My husband and I had wanted more children, we have 2, but these days it's just not realistic. Not only are we constantly busy with our kids, it' s financialy difficult and that only grows. I thiught about how I would love to be able to give my kids nice vacations and help send them to college. If we had another, it would take away from that. We decided we are definitely happy and blessed to have our children, but having more doesn't seem to be in the picture. My husband had a vasectomy so we don't have to worry, but there's always a part of me that would want another. It's about being thankful for what you have and not about what u don't. I hope u choose the best decision for u. good luck

First let me say I am the mother of 4 children -- two boys, two girls ages 17, 11, 8, 6. My girls came first and once I had my first boy, I was thinking we were done, but then just a couple of weeks after I made that decision I found out I was pregnant with #4. I've never regretted having the last one as he has brought alot to our family and I can't imagine not having him now!!

Honestly, in my experience adding the second child was the hardest. Your first child get one on one attention, then to add another child, your attention has to be stretched. Once the third & fourth one came, it wasn't that hard, just more kids to deal with :-)

As they get older you just have different issues to deal with. You also have to think about how many activities/sports they might be involved in and how you would deal with that. With my bunch of kids, we've limited the number of activities that they can do so that I am not running around constantly and we still have some family time.

Ultimately this is a decision that you and your husband will need to make together. You might look at your finances (can you handle the extra expense of another child on what you make now and assume that number won't change?), how large your house is (what if you can't move into something bigger later?), what if one of you lost your job or decided to stay home with the kids, etc.

I hate to even mention this, but my fourth child was born with special needs, he is missing part of chromosome 10. He had alot of medical problems at birth and was in and out of the hospital alot. I wasn't working at the time, but I couldn't have even if I wanted to. He is 6 years old and even though his medical issues are stable, I still have to take him to therapies, appointments, etc. so I still don't have enough hours in the day to work. I'm not saying that this would happen to you, and I pray it wouldn't happen to anyone, but the older you are when you have babies, the greater the possibility. I was 34 when I had him.

You sound like a great mom and I know you will make the right decision for your family!!

Dear A.,
If you're not sure you're "done" having babies, then perhaps you're not. Your little ones are quite young...I don't see why you don't have time to decide whether or not to expand your family without worrying too much about it for now.
I was told I could never have children because of health reasons, and when I finally got my daughter, I thought I was "done". I was in the hospital so much when she was little and my husband and I never used birth control. She wanted a sibling so badly, and I always told her that mommy couldn't have more babies. Surprise, surprise! She got a little brother 9 years later.
I almost didn't survive my second pregnancy and was back in the hospital before my son was a year old. I had to have a hysterectomy when he was 15 months, so physically, I was "done", but I wasn't emotionally. I always wished I could have had one more, but I am so thankful for the two kids I got.
I never would have planned children that far apart in age, but I have to say that it worked out so perfectly in many ways. My daughter just adored her little brother and mommied him like crazy. There was no jealousy or competition. The only bummer is that now she is 22 and he is 13 and he has become the "only" child since she moved away. He often wishes he could have a sib. But, we get what we get.
I have to say that my sister KNEW she was done having kids before my nephew was even born. She is a very good mother, don't get me wrong. But she knew when she was pregnant, that was the last one for her. And she meant it. She remarried and ended up with 3 grown step-sons that she wouldn't trade for the world. And now they are having babies of their own. In fact, one of them just had their third, and they knew they were "done". In fact, he got clipped while she was pregnant and got it over with.
It's a personal decision. And you have plenty of time to make up your mind about this. Enjoy the little ones you have for now.

Best wishes!

Dear A.,

Bringing another human being into the world whether it is your first or third is always a weighty decision. In this day and age, we are lucky to have that choice of limiting our family size. As parents, certainly you want what is best for your 2.9 and 6 month old children, and you are basing that on what you experienced as children yourselves. You don't know how you would have felt if you had a third sibling, however. You may not have ended up with a good relationship during childhood or as adults, and you would be insisting that two is enough ! You own nuclear family has its unique dynamic, and that is what should guide your decision. If you are stressed with your current situation then adding another baby will detract from the care you can give your little darlings and your big one. You are still young, and there is plenty of time to have a third when the others are in school and you can juggle your time and energy to everyone's advantage. I enjoyed having two at a later age (35 and 40). They are great friends as adults , and though they had their moments of conflict as kids, they were also very close then . They are both very environmentally conscious, and applaud us for doing our small part toward keeping the lid on overpopulation. (Replace yourself and your husband for sustainable growth). You also have a nurturing career which is demanding of your energy, and is important to your fulfillment as an intellectual adult. It would be hard to maintain that with a third child at this point. You say you may regret it later, not having a third. Most mothers will never allow themselves to think that they regret having ANY child, so you will not hear it on Mamasource, but it still may not be the best thing for you and your husband. Love may be inexhaustible, but energy and time are not, so consider all the things you CAN do with your family now that bring you joy.

I don't have multiple children, so I really don't know about that, but I think once you have two, a third isn't really going to make that much difference in terms of work. I will say that it does get easier as they get older in the sense that they are more self-sufficient, i.e., can make their own breakfast/lunch, dress themselves, clean up after themselves, etc. So as far as work for you, it gets easier. What is harder are the problems they do have. They and you have to deal with peer pressure, drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. So it gets tougher in that respect. Looking back, I'd take the younger days when the biggest problem was a lack of sleep and finding time to spend with hubby. You and hubby were have lots of time together as they get older trying to figure out how to deal with the problems of adolescence/young adulthood!

We have three kids, now ages 8, 13, and 18 (all boys). The third one was something of a surprise. Our oldest is now in college, so we have less work with him now. Three is a lot of work. Once kids are in school all day, things are a little easier, but their activities can still take a lot of time, even in high school (our eldest was in marching band and a choir and both of these involved a fair amount of parental time and support). Our pastor said recently that the challenges evolve from physical (for very young children) to emotional and intellectual/spiritual as they get older. I love all our three kids, but I definitely know that three was our limit.

Hi A., Only you can answer the question if you want to have more children. I think I understand why you are asking yourself (and other's) opinion on this. You love children but you have two little ones and are already probably stretched to the max. I have three children. The two oldest are 21 months apart...the youngest came 5 years later. I was where you are probaby 20 years ago. (My kids are now 23, 21 and 16). I do have to tell you that while i love all three of them equally, my third was my most delicious child. Since he came last he got to experience the mom that didn't worry so much....that leapt out of bed in the middle of the night to breast feed so we could have some alone time.I babied hin and snuggled him till he just wouldn't have any of it any more. I was 35 when he was born....I would advise you to go ahead and have that third...but right now, give yourself a little break and enjoy the two you already have. Women are havin children later and later in life. I think they help to keep you young. I would have had more if I had an extra 10 years between 40 and 50....Now that I am 51, I am ready to do something other than raising children. I want to travel and do more volunteer work without worrying about the weara outs of my kids. Good luck to you. R.

As the mother of 3 boys (all in their 30's now), I must advise NOT to have another for the sake of your children. If you and your husband decide to expand your family, do it because you want to; because it's important to you. The question is, do you have love, patience and stamina for a third? I am also the oldest of three with two younger brothers. The boys would fight, then when a parent came to check things out, they would both place blame on me, their sister, even if I was not in the room. Even as adults, some of this "blame sister so mother thinks I'm not the naughty boy" stuff still goes on and we're all in our 50's. Personally, I feel boys are easier than girls, having watched my friends cope with theirs, however boys may do things most girls would never consider (like sneak out late at night for fun to name one). Three children = three different personalities, making 5 total to please everyday. Though a minor issue, consider that most theme park rides are set up for two to a seat, leaving someone in a group of 5 to ride alone, usually mom or dad. I know when my boys were young and needed a babysitter, it was difficult to find one who would watch 3 children, especially since my oldest often refused to behave acceptably. The point here is that you and your husband need to discuss adding to your family. Make a list of Pros & Cons. If the "Pros" list outweighs the "con" list and you two really want another child....go for it! I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.

hi A. i'm 45 and have 3 boys my 1st 2 are 25 & 22 & i have a 2.5yr old i knew i would have another son i just didn't realize they would be so far apart. i knew when i was 6yrs old i would have 3 boys i often thought my husband was the 3rd as the yrs went by. i don't know what i would have done without my 3rd boy he has brought so much joy to all of us & my older boys adore him as much as the baby adores them...so if you feel the slighest bit of another child then you must go with the feeling. you don't have to rush the 3rd 1 have them when your ready & can cope easier with another addition. greatful i had a child at 42 yrs young. good luck T. proud momma of 3 great boys

I agree that the challenges with children change as they get older. However, they are, so far, very different and manageable. When they are tiny like what you have now, they require a great deal of time. You aren't sleeping very much, they can't feed themselves, get dressed, take a shower, etc. So, there is a lot of hands-on need right now. I can imagine with two it's probably very difficult to imagine how you could possibly find the time. But things change. You'll start sleeping more and the children will need you less from minute to minute. Of course you'll start spending more time at school and volunteering for class parties, fundraisers, etc. The kids will be in extracurricular activities, so you'll spend a great deal of time in the car. You'll have to wake up earlier to get everyone dressed and lunches made and out the door. The middle of the day breaks will go away because nobody will be napping, but they go to bed earlier and once they are in bed, that's it... the rest of the night is yours!

So, yes, things are hectic at any age. And I think it is important, no matter the stage, that you find time for your spouse and yourself. I think since having another child is something that the two of you really want, it will probably happen. No point in questioning whether or not to go for three. The thing you may want to ponder is when. It sounds like you might be a bit overwhelmed right now and adding another to the mix before you can focus on the family you've got may just add stress to an already challenging situation.

Don't worry about it. You don't have to quit having children right this minute, but maybe put it on hold a bit. You still have a very tiny one on your hands. I'm sure it is very difficult to imagine what things would be like with another. Just wait a bit longer. Get him sleeping through the night and have a solid routine with the family, which includes time with your husband and for yourself. I think once things settle down you'll find that you don't even need to ask the question... you'll just know.

This is all very easy to say for me since my kids are all very far apart, (7, 4, and one on the way), but for me, I knew that's how it had to be for us to still enjoy each other and to keep my sanity!

I think that if you both are open to 1 more, it's a pretty good sign that you're not "done" yet! There are definately challenges with any age, but, you will eventually have more time for you and your husband, and before you know it, your babies will be all grown up and on their own, possibly asking the same question you are now! My husband and I want to have 1 more baby, but, we're waiting a few years. My daughter is 7, our son is one. The difference iin age helps alot I think, because my daughter can help out with household stuff, and she can take care of some things for herself, like showering, and cleaning her room/folding her clothes. Plus, she really enjoys helping out with her brother! So, we want to wait until our son is between 4-6 to have another one. With your babies so close in age you didn't get much of a break, if any to get rest and to get used to parenting 1 before you were a Mommy to 2, and so maybe a little more time between your youngest and baby 3 would be helpful. Also, you should really try to make time for you and your husband. If you have family close or friends with kids maybe you could trade babysitting for an hour or two to have a date with your hubby, even if it's just a walk in the park holding hands, NOT talking about babies!! It's important!! Whatever you decide, remember, it's always the right decision for you and yours!!!

Good morning A.!
I think you two already know your answer on having more children. It is not going to be easy to have more children of course, but if you still want more children then go for it. If you guys still want children then why not? I mean I go CRAZY sometimes with just 1, but I know that I cannot just have 1 child because I want more children. You two can always ask family or friends to babysit once in a while to have some alone grown up time. Wishing you the best!

Only you and your husband can make that decision...no matter what anyone says or how anyone else feels. We have 4 children ages 9, 7, 5 and 2. Although times get crazy (the younger three are boys) I wouldn't have it any other way. I do get crazy looks and from some bold people the "oh you poor thing!" but I chose it...I love my kids. When they say things like that I just smile and walk away. And it doesn't matter that the world isn't what it used to be, your children will be who they are because of who you and your husband are and how you raise them.

It's not any easier or harder with big families...a little more expensive with the bigger cars and the bigger food bill, but you learn to cope and make ends meet. You get the hang of it and it'll all fall into place. Don't get me wrong there are days that we get stressed out, but there are more days that I look at each of their faces and thank God for blessing me with them.

Best of luck with your decision!

We have 4 boys ages 8 through 2 and life is crazy but really great. I would say that "if something in you wants another one" then you are probably up for it. I really believe that siblings are gifts to your already living children that stay with them their whole lives. My parents are both gone now but my six siblings continue to gather and support one another and even though my parents are gone, my family structure feels strong. It is a a really hard stage of life and sometimes I think I can't get through it, but every once in a while I catch a glimpse of it getting easier (or different) and I know we have made the right choice with our kids. Good luck in your discerning!

Hi A.,
I am a mom of seven, ages 10 1/2 months to 17 years. I say go for it! My philosophy is that you will never regret the baby you have, but you could always wonder about that baby you might have had. Of course, it's always work, but the joy and love are so worth it! I can understand that right now is very difficult with their ages, but it will get easier when you can get a little more sleep. Believe me I am tired, but my kids are best friends with each other, and I'm so happy they will always have each other. Each baby I've had, it has never gotten "old" for me as far as excitement and the miracle of it all. I enjoy each of them at each stage. (Not that I'm some sort of non-human--I definitely get annoyed and feel overwhelmed at times!) But I have always thought that three was a great baseline number for kids, because it seems to be that it is then that you become more "rounded-out" as a parent, and realize that there is no magic, perfect way to do everything. I think that by the third, people are more relaxed, and also I think it's better for the kids. I just think the dynamics are good for the family with at least three. I can see why you may want to take a little break of a year or so, but it its my personal recommendation to not wait longer than your youngest is 2 to get pregnant, because if life gets too easy by being away from the baby stage, you may change your mind and then spend the rest of your life wondering if you should have! But, yes, do spend time with your husband! Make sure he knows how important he is and make sure you guys can spend time nurturing your relationship!

Hope this helps!
~J. R.
You can email if you have any more questions!
____@____.com

Hi A.,
I had 3 kids within 6 years (a boy followed by 2 girls) and they are the loves of my life. At the time I think my husband and I were "on a roll" and thought it best to have all our kids fairly close together. My husband wanted (and would still like) to have more but as I am the one doing the bulk of the hands on parenting, I can only handle so much...and I do have to say, when our third came along I just had a gut feeling "now our family is complete."
Another note: a lot of moms are saying it gets easier when they get older, and by older they are referring to the ages of 5 to 10 or so. That is a wonderful stage, probably the best because they are independant, imaginative, curious and still want to please. HOWEVER, when the preteen/teen years hit you are back to square one! Mine are 15, 13 and 9 now and I find myself as lost and confused as I was during those early infant years. Instead of losing sleep due to a crying baby I'm now losing sleep worrying about my kids' behavior, friends, grades, you name it. Instead of Dr. Sears Baby Book and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding on my bedside table I now have Reviving Ophelia and How to Help Your Anxious Child!
So slow down and listen to your heart. If you have a strong marriage and you both have the desire to expand your family then I say go for it!

HI A.,
I waited a LONG time. I waited until my two youngest were in school to feel the freedom to deside what I wanted to do next. The way I finally desided...I feared regreating not than I feared having. SO I am finally pregant again I have 3 kids 18, 8 & 7. Ask yourself which way you may feel regreat. And allow yourself time to deside. I don't recomend 7-10 years but some time. We had to deside several times to not deside yet.
:-)W.

i once heard someone say that you never regret having a child, you only regret not having one. i think you'll just know when you're done. maybe you don't feel done now, but maybe you will in a few months. or maybe you'll end up with 5 kiddos. i felt the same way as you with two, but now i know i'm done with three. as for the workload, personally, it was harder to go from one to two children. two to three was a much easier transition for us, and mine are all about 2.5 years apart, so i understand the age spread between your kiddos. whatever choice you make and whatever happens, i wish you lots of luck, health and happiness.

I don't really have an answer, but someone once told me that she was aware she didn't want more when she thought she was pregnant and broke down in tears. They were not tears of joy. That was when she realized she did not want more children.

Stephanie

hi A., You are young enough yet where you can see how you feel in another couple of years. Your oldest then would be old enough to help you with a new baby if you decided to have a third. I myself had 3 children, the first 2 were 7 years apart, and my last was 3&1/2 years. I had complications with the third at age 35, so decided to stop. I myself came from a 2 child household, but lost my sibling from cancer 8 years ago,and my parents in a 3 year time span, so feel orphaned even though I have my own family and relatives. Hope this helps you some... Sincerely, CJ

My first three kids were two years apart each. It was definitely busy but fun as well! Had two boys then a girl. My husband said enough (I would have had more back then.) Nine years after our girl we decided to have one more. Had a boy! Very different this time around, very cool to be able to share this baby with the older kids! I really don't think there is any magical spacing between kids or perfect number of kids. Everyone is different, every kid is different and it's always going to be busy whether you have one, two or five etc. All I can say is that I can't imagine life without mine! And yes, it is busy no matter what age but it's a good busy!

When in doubt, don't make any decisions. Your children are still very young and it will get easier as they get older. It sounds like there's a possibility you may want more in the future, so leave it open to when you are ready.

I thought I was "sure" after I found out I was pregnant a second time and had my tubes tied right after she was born. It really was a good sound decision at the time, but since then, circumstances have drastically changed and now my current husband and I would like another, but are having a very difficult time 3 years after surgery to "untie" my tubes.

HI A.,

I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I have pondered the same questions. I will say that I think you are in a terribly difficult time right now and that doesn't get easier for a couple of years. Having 2 children is exponentially harder than having one isn't it?? But it's so worth it.

That being said I think there is a time when it gets easier in terms of the sleep deprivation all that goes with having toddlers and infants... I don't know if this will help you, but we really weighed it out for ourselves and our individual situation. In a perfect world we would like more children, but financially it's difficult for us. I don't believe that money is the most important thing, but growing up in a family of 6 I do feel that it can put a strain on a household. For us having a third child would mean 3 kids in one bedroom, or a bigger house, a different car and cutting back in others ways that we weren't sure we wanted to. We are not a family that lives above our means or gives our children everything they want. We feel extremely grateful to have two perfect beautiful children, and that we have the time , energy, attention etc... to give them both.

Good luck with your decision... at 33 you still have some time to decide and I would allow yourself more time to ponder it for what's best for your family's needs.

I really think that "getting easier as they get older" is really all a state of YOUR mind. and has to do mostly with your attitude about things. I have to say that I feel that it got A LOT easier when my kids got older. They are only 6 and 7 now but it is much easier than when they wer 1 and 2 or 2 and 3 or even 3 and 4. I agree that there are different challenges, but you will be able to get that time with your hubby that you are craving. Now we just lock our door and go do our thing, they can sit in the living room and watch a movie or read a book or whatever for a little bit by themselves and they are fine! I think that if you think it will NEVER GET BETTER...it's never gonna get better, you are the only one that has control of your attitude and your outlook on things! By the way, I am preg. with #3 right now, and probably will have a 4th since this one is so much younger than the other two. I thought that I would not be having anymore because it was so difficult have 2 so close together, but time goes by and you end up really missing the babies and all that....just a thought! Good Luck with your decision! and have a very Merry Christmas! ~ Janine

I was is the same situation as you with having a big family. My plans were to stop at 2 kids but shortly after our 2nd child turned 1, we talked about having a 3rd child. Threee weeks later we were pregnant for the 3rd time. Our babies are almost exactly 2 years apart and are truly wonderful.

With 3 kids so young in age and so close together, it was hard on me mentally and physically and especially financially. It seemed like our grocery bill and trips to Costco doubled once our baby arrived. Also, it is extremely hard to go out in public with 3 kids and only 2 parents, so a 3rd person was with us during vacations to help us out. Thoughts of being a stay at home parent ran through my head but never happened due to a financial burden that it would cause.

The kids are now 2 & 1/2, 4 & 1/2 and 6 & 1/2 and are so wonderful. They play together while I get things done around the home. The 2 older boys are working on projects with me while the baby is asleep. We are starting to have dinner together instead of me feeding self first (really fast) then the kids afterwards.

The first 2 years were extremely hard on us mentally and physically, but after she turned 2, things started to settle down. It has a lot to do with me leaving my P/T job and spending more time with the kids. I do still work P/T but have the flexibility of taking time off when necessary for my family.

This is just my personal experience of having 3 kids, 2 years apart. My advice to you would be to really weigh out the positives and the negatives with a 3rd child coming into your lives. It's very fulfilling, but alot of hard work and dedication. Yes, this will definately put a strain on the marriage. Hopefully this helps. If you want more details or have specific questions, please do not hesitate to e-mail me at ____@____.com more thing. We are done having kids now. We're both fixed.

After we had our first two boys (only 2.5 years apart), we both knew we wanted another child, but ended up with miscarriage after miscarriage (hormone production in my body changed causing the pregnancies to fail part way through the first trimester). Extra hormones finally allowed us to have our third boy (4 years younger that our middle son). At that point our parenting style changed some - we went from one on one to more of a zone defense! :o) Yes, finding a sitter became more difficult - sometimes we would drop the two closer in age off with one person, and then the younger one went somewhere else. It was SO worth it. I loved having the first two close together in age, but I also ended up loving having some one on one time with the youngest while his brothers were at school.

Yes, each child has a very different personality even though they are all boys. And yes, because of their personality differences, our discipline styles are different for each child accordingly. They are each blessed/cursed with unique qualities from both my husband and myself, and although there are times I sit and wonder "why is he doing this when his older brothers weren't like this" I am still thrilled to have him in my life. Yes, my parents and several of our friends thought we were crazy to have more than two. Yes, there are times when things get crazy or hectic, but sometimes those are the most memorable times, or the times that make me laugh the hardest.

As luck would have it, we've done our Disney vacations for many years now with another family who only have one son (right between the ages of our oldest), so the ride situation another person mentioned works perfectly for us. Also, we've occasionally stayed in adjoining hotel rooms and had one of our sons share a room with the other family so that we didn't have to pay for a room for 5 people. Having 3 children is more expensive than having just two, but as a family we enjoy the experiences more than we would enjoy having more "free income."

A year ago we even discussed (as an entire family) adding one more to our family, and our boys got so excited about it! The older two even offered to help babysit, etc. Of course unknown to us at that time, my body had developed more issues over the past few years that essentially killed off my ovaries and caused other problems, & I had to have a hysterectomy in Sept. So, now we are trying to decide if that was a sign that our family is "full" or a sign that we should adopt.

Good luck with your decision. There are certainly pros and cons, and only you and your husband can really know what the best choice for you would be.

Hi A.,

I agree with most of what all the other moms have written. Like Moe, I am also the mom of an "only child." My husband and I both come from large families and we both adore our sibilings. When we got married we planned to "definitely" have 1 child, "probably" 2 and "possibly" even 3. I had high blood pressure in my first & third trimesters and I had an upper respiratory infection. Our daughter was healthy, thankfully, and has continued to be so. However, what made us decide not to have another child was a combination of things: my health during pregnancy and the impact it could have on our unborn baby and finances (full-time childcare - especially for infants - is very expensive). I know that if we had another child (or more) we would make the finances work out somehow, love has a way of making that work. But the bottom line is that we both did a lot of soul searching (by this time our daughter was about 2) and we both realized that we felt that our lives were complete with just one child. We would have welcomed another child, but we didn't feel there was any emptiness or anything missing with just having one child. As the other moms have said, only you and your husband can decide what feels right in your heart. Good luck! And whatever you decide will be the best choice for you!

Hi A.,
Well, when we got married, we both wanted 2 children. When my second was 2 I wanted another, but my husband was done. I prayed for a year about it and he said yes. After that, the Lord opened our hearts more and now I have 7. The last 5 are 8 and under. I also home school my kids. 5 of them are in school. It is A LOT OF WORK! But it is so worth it. There are ups and downs for all of it. Some days they all hate eachother, other days don't you dare mess with their brothers or sisters or you're in for it. They love eachother fiercely and hate fiercely.
So yes it is work. If you really work hard in the beginning in training them, the later years are easier. but yes there are different challenges.
So what to do, follow your heart. You won't regret it.
Blessings,
stac

Hi A.,

I was done at 2, but got pregnant with my 3rd while nursing my 2nd and taking a low dose birth control pill. I did not want anymore children, but can say I wouldn't change anything for the world.

I won't lie though, it is very difficult having 3 kids. I have two boys (2yrs and 4 yrs) and one girl who is 8. The girl is easy, the boys are a handful. Once my third son became more independent, my second son became more work as the two are partners in crime now. They do everything they can to be bad or silly.

While it is very difficult, it would be easier if my husband and I didn't work so much - he doesn't have help in the mornings for drop off and I don't have help in the evenings for dinner/bed, etc. If we were both home together more it would be A LOT easier. So really it depends on your situation and how much you can handle. For me, I work 40+ hours a week, travel some and get about 6-7 hours of sleep a night (7 days a week). With my very little spare time I get up at 5 a.m. and run (that is my passion and the only time I can find to do it). I am an endurance runner, but I've had to make a lot of sacrifices to do this. Many people don't know how I do it all, but neither do I. You just learn to make it all work. Organization is key to staying on top of things, but lately I cannot keep up. This year Christmas cards did not go out (first time in 10+ years). Oh well.

It is tough, but so worth it. They all love each other so much. They cuddle in bed and watch t.v., they play eat and have fun together and it is great to watch the love between all of them. I will say having a gap can be a challenge sometimes, just because they are all at different stages in their life, but maybe a blessing since they are all not doing sports at once, but I am getting to add them slowly.

I hear as they get older there are new challenges so they don't actually go away with age.

Good luck.

Kim

i'd like to know the answer to this question as well... so if you get replies, be sure to send them my way.