How Do You Respond to Getting Hit On?

I don't feel awkward, I take it as a compliment.

Also, just because a man is nice to you does not mean he is hitting on you. Some guys are just nice friendly guys and think nothing of giving a woman a compliment.

I don't feel the need to explain my marital status either... I wear a very nice diamond and it is obvious that I am well taken care of in that department. I just smile and say thank you.

I would not assume that someone who gave me a compliment or who started talking to me was "hitting" on me. Some people are friendly and I'm friendly right back.

I don't think it's awkward at all. And I don't feel the need to say "I'm married" or go stand by my man. I'll chit chat with the guy, why not? Just be polite. Sometimes people aren't hitting on you, they're just being friendly. Or giving you a compliment. Enjoy it while you can!

I don't think men notice rings like women do.
Just be polite.
Maybe flirt back a bit? LOL

I think it's kind of funny that you felt the need to rush to "stand by your man" though.
You're not a possession. You're not owned by anyone. You weren't doing anything wrong, right? And neither was the guy.

It usually goes right over my head. Someone has to tell me, "you were getting HIT on, Ephie" before the light goes on.

If I do realize what's happening WHILE it's happening, I usually turn into a butch clown.

Laughter is almost always my go-to tool, in awkward moments.

I admit I suck at knowing when I am being hit on because so much of the process doesn't actually mean you are being hit on. When I worked with the public everyone knew I was happily dating someone and they had no interest in dating me. By saying I am pretty or some variation on that theme they were just complimenting.

I think the only thing that makes it awkward is when the person assumes they are being hit on. Why brush them off? It isn't as if they are going to throw you down on the ground of the quicky mart and have their way with you? Just take it as a compliment and move on.

In all my years I have never had anyone actually ask for my phone number. The most awkward moment was when a guy declared I am happily married, yeah and I have a boyfriend and I am also wayyyyy out of your league! I was just talking to you. Ick! I think for me that is what makes it soo funny going in the other direction, the guys who thought I was hitting on them were guys who would never have a chance with me.

I think you did fine. My husband cracks me up because he thinks the comic book store guy flirts with me, and I'm like, dude, I bring my 5 year old, he knows about you and we talk about what he and his girlfriend thought of last week's Doctor Who. I'm pretty sure he's just being nice/trying to make an extra sale. :-)

many moons ago I worked at wal-mart as a cashier. I had a young 20 something man come through my line with his mother. He was flirting .. I was enjoying it and sorta flirting back ... and his mother looked at him and said "SHE'S MARRIED you don't stand a chance" ... the son's reply "So" LOL I laughed told him he could come through my line and boost my ego anytime he wanted :)

I'm a natural born harmless flirt :) it's all in fun and nothing serious is ever meant by it ... which is why I've always been popular when I work with the public. I don't assume that anytime someone compliments me they are "hitting" on me.

Rings schmings ... wearing them doesn't mean jack and neither does not wearing them. They certainly aren't a symbol of anyone's commitment ... not really anyway. I've known plenty of people who wore their rings while boinking someone OTHER than their spouse. I've also known plenty of people who never wore a ring but wouldn't touch someone else with a 10 foot pole.

honestly, it happens for all ages/sizes/etc.

my MIL was a vibrant woman, but did not age gracefully. Pretty much to the day she died, men hit on her. :) Men of all ages, too. These men were lucky enough to see beyond the ravages of age....& saw her vibrant, happy soul. For all of us, we considered it an ....honor, a blessing.....for all involved.

& you know what? My grandmother was hit on her entire life. I was about 18 when one of my "neighborhood Dad's" (our families were close, & he was one of many 2nd Dad's for me...another blessing as far as I'm concerned! Wonderful neighborhood!).....anyway, I remember he said to my Mom, "you know Ginny is beautiful. You can still see the pep & ornery-ness in her. I bet she was one Hell of a looker when she was young. Hell, she still is".

To me, that was an epiphany! My gma was not a "looker". She was round, roly-poly, short...& also did not age gracefully. Her skin was ashen for years, before the cancer showed itself. But intuitive men still saw her beauty & responded to it. :)

For myself, I'm way overweight. I have facial paralysis from Bell's Palsy. & yet, occasionally, I do get hit on by both sexes....& all ages. When I was young & insecure, it made me uncomfortable. Now, I respond positively & move on. I particularly enjoy that "spark" which can occur when your eyes meet a stranger's eyes....& you both move on in life. A fleeting glance, a quick smile.....& life goes on.

With your event last night, yes....these interactions can feel slimy. But if you just respond from a peaceful "place".....then life can be good. One of my Dad's legacies is to treat everyone with courtesy. After he died, his hairdresser came to the funeral & mentioned what a gentleman he was... he always held the door for her, always stopped to talk with her when out/about. It made me think about how many times, he'd be standing & talking with a total stranger (both sexes, all ages)....simply out of kindess, curiousity, & genuine interest.

As a result of this kind woman's words, I made a vow to interact with strangers. It has changed my life. AND I love that my sons (age 16 & 25) cannot believe that I talk/share with so many strangers....& my response is, "hmmm, & yet I have a smile on my face & so do they".

Try it! You will be amazed at how life doesn't become all about "sex" & more about personal interaction! :)

Well, I am having a family ring made for my left ring finger (my husband and I actually wear our wedding bands on our right hands) so that there *is* a social cue ...

That said, the last time I was 'hit on', it was by an older gentleman who was standing in line at the store to return a heating pad. (Does it really get any more geriatric? Only if you added a bucket of Vicks to his basket.) I was with my son and the gentleman made a comment along the lines of "great looking little boy-- takes after his grandma" or some other such lovely observation.

I still can't decide if this is the price I pay for waiting until my late thirties to have kids or if I just have some sort of AARP-set appeal. I smiled politely and said, "oh, no, he's actually mine". The gentleman then smiled back and as it was his turn to be helped at customer service counter, nothing further remained to be said.

The universe never passes up an opportunity to let me know how it *really* feels about me, ha ha!

It has to be really blatant for me to think they are hitting on me. I'm very friendly with people, and I admit that I don't always know that someone is flirting with me, because I've been married forever and I don't remember what it's like to flirt. One time a girlfriend of mine mentioned that so-and-so was flirting with someone, and I asked her how she could tell. She looked at me funny and I asked her how she could tell the difference in him just being friendly with the woman and in him flirting. (Her answer was that he started bragging about working out, LOL!)

Anyway, I'm sure it's been a "fly-by" to me for some incidents, though some that have occurred have been so in-my-face that I would have to be stupid to not know. I think you handled what happened to you fine. The last one that happened was when I was out with friends at karaoke, and a fellow was very taken with me (maybe he liked my singing.) He was in his mid-20's and I told him that I was old enough to be his mother. I acted motherly with him too. That fixed it!! HA HA!! (I rather enjoyed that, to be honest. I wanted to teach him a little lesson!)

I guess you can't do that (maybe you aren't as old as I am), but if a young one does try, you can remember what I did!

Dawn

Being complimented isn't the same as being hit on... and as uncomfortable as it may feel, the gracious thing to do is accept all compliments. Maybe you/we feel uncomfortable accepting compliments is because we've been conditioned to think that it's conceited if we do and it's not being humble. That feeling good about compliments and having our ego boosted is a bad thing.

Maybe in reality, we NEED those compliments. Maybe our husbands/partners ought to give us more compliments so that hearing them from others doesn't sound and feel so odd. Even if you have to "fish" for a compliment from your husband, do it. Ask straight out. Ask friends and family that you have good relationships with (ie. don't have a history of being insulting and rude about appearances even when you know you look fabulous).

During my work assessment, a job coach came in to observe me. She walked in with her head down, set up her stuff, and when she finally looked at me she said with a shocked voice, "WOW! You're PRETTY!" I think I said something back like, "Oh! Thank you!" And moved on. A couple of the gentlemen in the office complimented me my first week there, but I knew they're married and I took it for what it was... a simple compliment. Plus one of them was vision-impaired. ;-) Simple "thank yous" or a smile are fine, no guilt necessary for feeling good about compliments.

And you know what else? Sometimes I tell my husband if I get a really, really nice compliment about how I look. You know what he says? "Of course you got a compliment. I think you're beautiful. I'm happy other people notice that too."

I'm notorious for getting hit on by older men. Older, as in...old enough to be my FATHER!! I look a good 5 years younger then my age. So, these dudes are hitting on who they think is a 20 something. GROSS.

Sometimes, men are just nice. If I'm receiving a compliment, I say thank you and move along. Some men, are just straight up flirtatious with women. I smile and move along. If someone is actually hitting one me (asking for a phone number, out to dinner, etc,) .I hold up my hand and say, "I'm happily married." I never apologize, because I'm not sorry.

Have you tried a big smile and saying, "Thank YOU! My husband would agree with you!" Then walk away with a grin. In other words... enjoy it, be gracious, and cut them off at the knees all at the same time.

I've discovered that rings don't seem to mean a thing in our society. Sad, but true. I have a very pretty (buxom, slender, the kind of girl we all want to be) friend that was at a bar one night as the designated driver to her friends. Some guy started talking to her; she politely talked back. Just as she and her friends were headed out the door he ran up to her and simply HAD to have her number. She laughed a little, and then told him that she was married and pregnant (hence the DD status). He paused for a moment, and then emphatically declared that it was fine, he wanted her number anyway. She laughed and left. She told me later that she doesn't even think he considered the 'I'm married" part of the equation. It was all "could I handle being with a girl that is pregnant?" Unbelievable.
I think you've handled both situations well. Polite thank you, and moving on. To respond to your actual question, I respond just like you did when confronted with the same. It's always a little awkward to receive unwanted attention but, unfortunately, it's part of life.

The great thing is, with a wedding ring, you have a great excuse to let them down gently.

I love it when I get hit on. It doesn't happen that frequently at my age, but it's happened a couple of times in the past year or two, and personally, I liked it.

I gotta say, people need to lighten up about the wedding ring thing. Enjoy the compliment and don't be so offended that a guy didn't notice your ring.

I guess you're very pretty!

When they ask your name say, "I.M. Married"

I get compliments all the time, and like others have mentioned, I think it's personality more than appearance. I love it! I compliment others frequently, too, both men and women. I hope they don't think I'm hitting on them every time I compliment them, but if they do, well, hopefully it brightens their day. :)

I have a bubbly, outgoing personality, and I tend to draw people in. I've been happily married for 18 years, and my husband is very out-going and friendly, too. We both meet new people everywhere we go, and sometimes people actually do ask for our numbers. At that point, I feel flattered (and tell them so), but tell them I'm happily married. It has never made me feel uncomfortable.

I'm always polite. It takes a lot of courage for some men to approach women, and I don't feel it necessary to declare I'M MARRIED. However, I work it into the conversation. Last time I was on a date with my husband, he was in the bathroom. I went to the bar, and the man next to me started to talk to me. He was very nice, we exchanged pleasantries. When the bartender asked for my order, I ordered 2 beers. He said "Is one for me?" I said, no, it was for my husband in the bathroom. He was very nice, backed off right away. When my husband came back, we all started talking and ended up having a great time together at the bar.

Sometimes I'm not sure if a guy is hitting on me or just being nice. There are nice and friendly guys in the world. If someone gives me a compliment, I just smile and say thank you, and go on with my business. If they don't push the issue, I take my compliment and act clueless and move on. If someone offers assistance, (for example when you were looking for video games) I'd just say "Aw, no thanks. We're here looking for some games for the family". (That is politely saying you're not interested, you have a family, and somewhere around here is the other 1/2 of "we").
If it's more blatant, disrespectful, or doesn't make me feel nice, then I will shut it down with less tact, because they weren't trying to care about my feelings either. I had a friend who'd had a crush on me forever (I didn't know) and he thought we even dated (um, no, we played tennis with other friends.....or went to movies with other friends, and I paid for myself, and we never had any physical contact, not even holding hands), so he had a lot of attitude and was pretty mad when I introduced him to my bf (now husband). He got a lot more assertive as my relationship with my bf grew, and I just told him "This is my relationship, I want to marry him, and if you can't respect that, then you are not respecting me. Not respecting me is not a friendship".

i usually look around to see who it is they MUST be speaking to.
:)
but back when i was younger and it happened more it never bothered me like that. i just enjoyed the compliment, smiled, and moved on. no need to feel awkward. they don't know your circumstances, they just know they're attracted to you and are letting you know it. at the gas station, i'd have done exactly what you did, except i'd have gone out the regular door and maybe thrown in a little extra butt twitch just for fun. as for the guy in the video store, just 'no thanks' to the first question, then 'sorry, not interested' to the inquiry for my name. you don't owe that information to anyone.
khairete
S.

I think you did great!

When it happens to me, I do exactly the same thing you did.

Some guys don't care if you're married, and in turn hope that you don't either. You being married, means to them, that they don't have to commit.

I also had a friend get hit on while she was pregnant. The guy was so disgusting with his approach too. Telling her things like, he wants to taste her, and how sexy she is pregnant. There is a slew of guys that actually prey on pregnant women. I guess that means, to them, she can't get pregnant, now!

I wouldn't worry too much how you dismiss them. You will never see them again, most likely. And, who cares what they think of how you do shut them down. All that matters is you respecting your husband, your marriage, your kids, if you have any, and yourself.

It is awkward, but sometimes it might be nice to know that you're still attractive to other men lol
Hasn't happened to me in awhile....now you're making me think! Do I need a new hair style? ha ha just kidding! Very rarely am I without my two young boys so I guess no one's that crazy to hit on me!

Simply say something like " thanks, I wonder where my husband is". Or 'no thanks, I'm just killing time while my husband shops". If he keeps talking to you edge away slowly or ask an employee where the ladies room is, or walk over to your husband and put your arm around him. That should clearly send the message, I'm not interested. If you are out alone a warm thank you and something like gotta go hubby and kids are waiting at home. Just make sure you aren't being followed.

"My name is L.. Some people call me mom, and one lucky guy calls me wife."
I have said that a lot.
(not that I am a hot mama....but I happen to get hit on, even at my weight. I think it's my lips...they are pretty hot! lol)
L.

The thing I would have done differently would be NOT to give him my name. I would say 'I need to find my husband', or 'Mrs. ____________', or do you even use 'Mrs.' anymore? I do but most don't I guess. I wouldn't give out any information but you don't have to rude but just move on quickly.

There are men of all sorts. Some are more brazen than others, and for some the wedding rings don't matter. And probably they might have had some success once with an unhappy wife. I think every woman appreciates a compliment occassionally, but not all men are skilled at the art. Some men don't respect boundaries. I could go on and on. Don't feel sorry for the guys after you give them the brush-off - they're expecting it.

I get that a lot. I usually just look at them like they are crazy and say "I'm happily married".

The way I see it...enjoy it while it lasts...there will come a day when no one will wink or look twice...so get comfortable in your own skin and WORK IT !!! LOL

No, you aren't the only one. My husband actually enjoys when it happens, because I am so awkward about it. He likes to point out when men look at me. If he notices , he likes to give the guy a nod.

If I am by myself, and someone stares or says something to me, I just laugh and smile.

I'm clueless but honestly I never assume I'm being hit on. i would have assumed both things you mentioned were people being nice. I would have continued the conversation all the way until my boyfriend walked up and kissed M. or introduced himself or until I had to go. thats happened often.

One time I was at a bar and I was speaking to a guy for a good hour and he brought M. a drink I declined and he insisted, in walks my boyfriend...the guy then proceeded to announce to every guy I spoke to -(for the next month--i kept running into him) that he wasted his A game on M.. He looked liek the jerk not M.=) That was the only time M. being oblivious to being hit on went wrong.
I HATE when someone says hi and the girl says Im married to a guy. How rude and honestly egotisical to assume every guy "wants you"
Only one time when a guy went to buy M. a drink did i say...oh i'm sorry i have a boyfriend and he proceeded to tell M. that he was still buying M. a drink because that's what nice people do at that bar, which is true, at that bar everyone bus everyones drinks, apparently the jerk didnt get that memo because it was the same bar=).