How Do You Spice up a Marriage When You Are Raising Elementary School Children?

Use what little time you have together at night to try new things in the bed rooms. Oils,whip cream,chocolate....or even toys.Role playing can also help.

With us ,our kids get put in bed at 7pm, that gives our 6 yr old an hr of "me" time to unwind and gives hubby and I some time to our selves before we go to bed and usually its just watching a movie and eating some popcorn , playing a video game, something like that.

Hi, I have elementary children as well. I work part time and volunteer a lot. My husband and I have a dynamic and very spicey marriage. We try to spend as much time together as possible. He travels and works long hours. Blessed that he loves us all so much. My husband takes time for himself, golf. I take time for my self, exercise at the gym. We spend Sundays together as a family day. We have a regularly babysitter on Saturday nights and have a date. We have plenty of fun and laugh alot. We both take care of the kids. I communicate all that goes on at home to him. Keeps him in the loop. We have a mutual agreed upon set of house rules so that we are equally represented with the girls. When the girls misbehave we have a mutually agreed upon set of consequences which keeps us united as parents no matter whom is in charge. When daddy is away, the rules don't change and his presence is felt. We eat as many meals together as we can. I make his lunch each day. He likes it because he knows it was made with love. So, communicate. Unite. Date. Play. And never refuse sex unless you are sick or injured. It does not always need to be romantic or a marathon engagement. Simply connecting and letting him know he really matters to you. Believe me when a man loves you and you treat him well, he treats you as if you were a princess, valuable to him and my husband confesses his love for me daily and continuously tells me how wonderful I am. Even when I don't think I need his advise, input or cooperation, I ask for it. He feels proud to help me and important in my life. I get to know him and his ideas and we are constantly bonding and growing together. Hope this helps, V. Oh, maybe three pets are too many.

My husband and I have a date night once a month. The kids go off and spend the night away from home. We try and go to dinner, maybe catch a movie or go bowling. We talk about everything going on with each other and not about the kids. We also try and go to lunch at least once a week. It is so hard to juggle everything, with work and kids and time for each other, not to mention we are remodeling and adding on to our house right now. We have a 4 year old boy and a 20 month old girl. We stay extremely busy, but we are able to take time out one night a month for just us.

I have five children, ages 11 months through 11 years, so I can relate. My husband and I get a babysitter for the children and go out on a date every Friday night. Even though our lives are busy, we set that time aside for us. Another thing is to make sure you aren't so busy being a good mother that you forget to take care of yourself and do things for your husband. If you burn out or don't nurture your marriage, your children will ultimately suffer. We have tried to simplify our lives as much as possible. I always try to think twice before getting involved with additional activities, sports, community/school assignments, etc., and weigh the potential effects on myself and on our family. It sounds like your situation could be most helped by finding ways to make changes so you won't both be exhausted rather than finding ways to spice things up.

First off, let me comment on something you have in your "about me" section. You say you don't think about yourself and take care of everyone elses needs. Trust me, you need to stop doing that!!! I used to be like that and I didn't realize how it was aging me not only on the inside but the outside as well!! It was also lowering my self esteem!!

So, on that note, go papmer yourself. Even if it is something cheap as a Mary Kay party and you get to put on make up!! It's free and you don't have to buy anything if you don't want too. And if your friends do buy stuff, then you'll get to pick out stuff for discount or free as well!! Get some highlights put in your hair, or heck, just got the the salon and have someone wash and message your head. You still need to find a little bit of 'me' time. It will keep you in good spirits and feeling sexy!!

Now to add some spice.....have a couples passion party. They are fun and again, you don't have to buy anything but you can get discounts or freebies from your friends buying. Maybe get a little something for the two of you!! Pick a date night where you have a baby sitter or start a swap with some other parents where you all trade off when ever needed. Go to the movies, dinner, bowling. What ever sounds fun and gets you guys out of the house. But just getting away can add excietment to the relationship. And last but not least, put the kids to bed at a decent time, go to bed a bit later yourselves and lock the bedroom door!! You don't have to act like you did before kids, but you can still have fun!!

S.

~S.

Maybe you both can take a vacation day (or personal day) when the kids are in school, and enjoy a long lunch - catch a matinee or something. (Save $ on a babysitter - plus, there's no one home, in case you may want to use your bedroom.

Laura Corn has some books called "101 Nights of Grrreat Romance: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples" and "101 Nights of Grrreat Sex: Secret Sealed Seductions for Fun-Loving Couples". In the books, there are sealed envelopes marked "For His Eyes Only" or "For Her Eyes Only" - and they have some creative and fun ideas.

Also "The Guide To Great Dates" by Goofy Foot Press has some good ideas (although more geared to people just dating). They also have a book entitled "The Guide To Getting It On" which is quite... ummm... thorough, if you're interested in refining... ummm technique.

GO ON A "WEEK-END TO REMEMBER" WEEK-END! YOUR INTIMACY WILL SOAR! You'll re-connect in ways you didn't think were possible. Here is the link:

http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.3204559/k....

Copy it into your search bar... Blessings, L.

I am in my 60's and my husband and I have been married almost 38 years. We have 3 grown children. When our first born was just a year old, my husband and I started going away for a weekend. We continued it until our children were out of the house. You and your children need time away from each other. If your parents or in-laws live close by maybe they will keep them, or maybe another couple that you trust (with children or without) might swap weekends so that they can do the same. It is something that I recommend highly.

It is very easy to lose each other in the mix of raising kids, but it is very important to keep your relationship at the top.

Leave surprise notes for each other by the coffee pot, bathroom mirror, on the car.

Email each other if possible.

One night a week make it your time. Either get a babysitter and go out or put the kids to bed early and find the energy to set up candles and have a romantic time together. Dress up for these times together even if you are staying at home.

Do what he likes too like action movies or cook his favorite meal.

Plan ahead of time for anniversaries, birthday or "just because" every three months with a surprise item that you know the other person wants. Might be good to create a "want list" for each other to make it easier.

I like to play "dress up" to entice him. He really enjoys thigh highs with a garter and heels. At Halloween, I bought a couple of extra "costumes" like nurse and cheerleader! And definitely don't forget the whipped cream, strawberry edible lotion, etc.

Look up pureromance.com.

Good luck!

One thing that I can honestly say has helped keep the spice in my life is to talk dirty. Walk up to your husband and whisper dirty things in his ear that are not PG13. Give him all the little sexual hints that you would before the kids. Like rolling your tongue over your lips and start sucking on the end of a pen. Subtly of course. Send him emails or text messages that contain dirty little messages throughout the day. Of course the other suggestions are good too. I especially recommend the toy alley. But mine really likes the dirty talk. He says that it gets him thinking about it all day and then when the time comes he is ready to go and doesn't care if he needs sleep.

Hello T.. I see that you are a great mom. You are like me. We take care of everyone else but yourself. I had to learn from family and friends to start taking care of myself and that includes spending time with my spouse. Do you do date nights? Like have someone stay with the kids or if possible send them to family who wouldn't mind keeping them. Get dressed up like you remember, like your husband remembers. Even step out of your norm, give him a shock and spice things up. For instance, I notice that when I just throw on a pair of jeans and a nice top, and some 4'inch heels, my husband can't take his eyes off me. Just some things that your husband would be shocked to see you do is something that would keep you both awake! Think about something that you would like to do to or with your husband that you never did before but would like to try. Believe me it worked with me! And I had fun!....lol....But I hope some of what I said helps. And I truly understand about being tired. I go through the same exact thing with my husband. I have a 5yr old who is autistic and that is very exhausting! But here's hoping! ;)
A. L.

I think it's great that you have put your family's needs before your own. I do the same thing, but sometimes it's ok if you do for yourself. Go have your hair fixed, or a fresh cut and color, get a mini manicure (instead of fakies) and buy some good smelling lotions, sprays, etc. Send the kids somewhere even if it's for only 3 hours or so and plan an evening with your husband. I promise it'll be worth it. Then, if it's a possibility, plan at least 2 date nights with your hubby 2 times a month. That way, there is plenty of time to make sure that you have somewhere planned for the kids to go and you and your husband will have something to look forward to, which makes for a "hotter" evening, if you know what I mean! Have fun with your spouse, and remember, it's ok to do for yourself sometimes. I had to learn that too!

Good morning my darling sister, first let me applaud you for being a very good mom. You have to remember before you were a mom; you were a wife. You are already ahead of the game because you recognize and want to do something about it. I'm proud of you. Now on to the spice part. I know you might say you don't have time, but you must make time for a date night once a week with your husband. Picnic in your bedroom, bubble bath for him one night with grapes or his favorite little thing to eat and the next night one for you. Hire a babysitter for the entire night if you feel comfortable leaving your children and go to a hotel. Make it a complete night with dinner and a treat afterwards. Don't even tell him about it; just make the reservations and pack him a bag. I used to keep what I called a romance basket. It was complete with oils, candles, chocolates, and you must remember lingerie, and other little things. Bottom line you BOTH MUST make the time to take care of yourselves and you will see once you get the spice back the entire household will run better, not saying that there are any problems, but it will be even better. My king (darling husband) is in Iraq now, and when he comes home, the first couple of nights we want even come home, we will stay up in Atlanta at some wonderful hotel and just enjoy each other before my little girl gets her hands on him. She adores her daddy. Steal little moments during the day to send him little text messages and call him at work just to tell him that you miss him. Tell him that you need him, men like to hear that. They want to know that they are needed and desired. Once you start dating him again you will not want to stop. We have been married for almost 13 years and I can honestly say that they have been the best years of my life. We are still courting as they use to say in generations past; and I am loving it and so is he. Oh don't wait for a special occassion to take him out on a date, just do it. I pray that some of this helps. Enjoy yoru date!!!!!!

Get a sitter and go on a "date" with your husband on a regular basis. Go to dinner, maybe a movie, or just take a walk holding hands.

We also try to get a weekend away at least once a year...get a hotel room for the weekend. We usually get a jacuzzi suite with the jacuzzi in the room and watch movies while soaking in the tub. We get finger food that doesn't need work for munchies...cheeses, fruit, etc. Kind of a mini-honeymoon.

We've been married almost 17 years and still get asked if we're newly-weds when we go out.

I too need this advice. T. I know what has worked in the past has been to get establish date night. My hubby & I have date night twice a month...sometimes more when needed to just get a sitter & go out. Our time always seems to get interrupted by my three year old but I too find myself seeing after everyones needs except my own. I have done better now that my baby is older but with my first child it was awful because I too was in the diva mode. Hey Im still there!
Talk dirty to your hubby, grab him on the way out the door, leave notes where he would least expect them...oh also the hotel idea works wonders, do a couples day at the spa...this works wonders. good luck!

This is just a start!! My husband and I have a date night at least once a month. My mom usually watches the kids, so it's easy for us b/c we don't have to pay a babysitter. More dates than not, we end up going to dinner and sitting and talking, but we've done different things such as gone to Barnes and Noble, gotten coffee drinks & found books on a common hobby we want to explore and sat and read and talked about it. We are getting into hiking/backpacking/camping, also canoeing. If $$ is an issue, we used to switch off babysitting with another couple with kids of similar age. We'd watch their kids one sat night and they'd watch ours the next sat. It takes a little planning. I've also noticed that many churches are now offering parents' night out (with little or no charge for babysitting). We have a gymnastics center that does it from 6-10 on friday night for like $12 a child, I think, a little more if you want them to eat pizza and ice cream. We dated 6 years before we got married, then were married 4 years before we had kids, so we were and still each others priority over the kids. We realize that if we take care of ourselves (spiritually, physically) first, then our marriage next, we have much more to give to the kids. They understand that too, that our relationship needs time. Hope this helps. PS..we try to stay away from the tv after the kids go to bed, we played Yahtzee last night until 10pm...I won!!! I'm interested in the other responses, always looking for fun ideas.