How Do You Take Care of a Toddler When You Can't Pick Them Up?

I have nerve damage throughout my back and neck and other medical problems that prevents me from picking up my 3 year old. While my husband was recently deployed, everything was pretty much done from the floor. There are many activities you can find online that can be done sitting on the floor. We did a lot of coloring, playing with leggos and such. We ate on a sheet on the floor and everything. As long as I kept him very busy doing stuff from the floor, I did not have to pick him up as much. I hope it all works out for you!!

I did everything on the floor. Spread out a quilt and Play, feed, cuddle, etc. It is just temporary.

my mother-in-law has rheumatoid arthritis, and cannot pick up more than about 15 or 20 pounds. when she babysits for my niece, Pat simply sits on the floor to change her diapers, play with her, etc. kids can figure out and understand more than we give them credit for. Brooklynn seems to be more "helpful" with Nana Pat becuse she knows nana can't do what mommy and daddy can do.

It is difficult. I had a c-section (emergency;so vertical cut)with my second child. My son was about 2 then. My In-laws came to help initially, but then I had to take care of them when they left and my husband had to be back at work. The house stayed fairly messy as I only did what I could manage. I made it game for pick up toys while I sat on the floor with my son. We also did a lot of reading. He sat next to me on the floor or couch. I had my husband get a few things down for me in the mornings before he left and had to ask him to pick up groceries as leaving the house was not the best for my little guy. Too many changes with a new sister and mommy not being able to pick him up as usual. I will admit I was a bit bad in couple times I did pick him up when he fell asleep at the table. I lifted enough to get him to the couch or ona blanket on the floor. After the couple of times, I just had us have breakfast and lunch on the floor like a picnic. That way, if he fell asleep during lunch, I knew he was safe and comfy. The time we spent helped him not to be so angry and the tantrums lessened. We were able to go out before my restrictions were lifted. It was hard, but somethings you have to be willing to let slide. He is close to his sister now too.

Also, it was hard for me, but I asked for help from nearby friends and neighbors. I had a friend come with me to grocery shop when I took that back over and helped with my son. Neighbors would allow my son to come over to play an hour or two when we (my daughter and I) napped. Church helped to provide meals. Being a mother also means it is ok to have help to get into a new routine for a short time. Friends, family, inlaws were an invaluable help.

I had a bikini cut c-section with my son, but recovered much faster from that one. Husband was on deployment, but stayed with best friend at the time. The second c-section was vertical and had to go through more muscle and harder to recover, but manageable.

Good luck with what you decide! He'll do great because you give him lots of love.

I went through major abdominal surgery during my pregnancy with my 4th, and you have to have someone to call on when you need them; another sahm, or a close neighbor. And you have to learn to let a lot of things go, and childproof like CRAZY. If you have a child proof area, it lowers the amount of picking up, you just have to deal with the mess (which you shouldn't be picking up, cause bending is also not so hot for stitches!)
My other little guy was 3 when the baby was born, and he turned into a great little helper, since I made sure to play up how special he was - not as my baby, or my big boy, but just cause he was my "one & only" (then his name). I recommend that.
I would suggest trying to move his naps around from when they are. If he falls asleep right after lunch, try moving lunch earlier or later so that you can catch him tired for his nap in bed. If he's really hungry, try giving a "special super nap snack" (something that isn't crumbly or messy) to him as you two sit on his bed, maybe under an extra sheet like a tent - with a book, then if he passes out, you can either ease him under the covers, or just use the tent sheet.
Unfortunately, the meltdown thing seems pretty standard 2 year old fare - it takes a lot of restraint, but if he's somewhere relatively safe (living room carpet) you could try just stepping away so you can't see him (or more correctly so he can't see that you can see him). Once the audience isn't looking, they tend to end faster. It takes a lot of self control though, I've got four, and I've only been able to use that on the youngest two... Sometimes with some kids, whispering quietly works, they stop to hear what you're saying.
Best I can tell you is pick a mom friend - a REAL mom friend that you can run errands or go out with, that way if a meltdown occurs, you can trust that she will do the heavy lifting.
And most important, remember that you don't have to be the perfect mom. You have to be a LOVING, CARING, good enough mom. Cause that's what they remember.

You have some great responses here already... just make sure to ask from help (from neighbors and friends) when you need it and they are available. Tell him what's going on in terms he can understand while continuing to assure him you love him very much and will be better soon and keep him in the floor where you don't have to pick him up or be where he can climb up to you! Special sleeping/nap area whether it be a sleeping bag, fun mat with his fav pillows and covers, and yes feeding him at a small table instead of his high chair is also an excellent idea. Ask for HIS help! You might be surprised at how your little one rallies to 'help' momma 'get better sooner' while daddy needs to be away at work. Just make him feel loved and important. Have all your necessary changing supplies etc. where you can easily get to them and maybe some new special books from the library to read to him during this time. I know it seems daunting right now but this is certainly do-able. I unfortunately had to do this with a non-walking 11 month old and we managed quite nicely having everything nearby on the floor along with a couple well placed baby gates. I didn't have any family nearby and all my friends worked during the day! My daughter and I survived just fine using 'day survival kits that included simple foods for both of us' that my husband would organize for us before he left for work... along with that all important cordless phone within easy reach! In my case, I could lift her with my arms, but I couldn't walk and could only stand with great difficulty after seriously spraining my ankle and tearing some ligaments (and was very pregnant at the time too lol). We did fine, and due to extra preggo weight, my ankle began healing AFTER I delivered my second daughter a few weeks later. Your home might be in disarray for a short time but thats okay too... just focus on the important stuff-- your son and getting well!

I had gall bladder surgery when my son was 23 mos. and couldn't lift him for a month. Lucky for me, he is in daycare and was gone during the day, so that wasn't a problem. My husband and I sat down with him and explained that Mommy had "boo-boos" from when she went to the hospital and the doctor said I couldn't pick him up until they were better. I even showed him the healing scars which he liked to kiss to make them better. Whenever he would want me to pick him up, I would explain again that I couldn't or ask him why Mommy couldn't pick him up. He would bring up my "boo-boos" and happily hold my hand instead. We still got our cuddle time in by having him crawl up into my lap while I was sitting down. Trips to the store were harder, but I tried to go when he was in a good mood and keep the trip short. Shopping carts were hard, but i did find that he was strong enough to stand on the end of the cart and hold on or at the grocery store there was a bar that he could stand on and reach the handle with me so he was helping me push and he loved that. I also used a little bribery from time to time, like you can pick out your juice boxes or a treat before we leave if you will stay with Mommy and be good. On the days when he couldn't handle it, I would simply leave the store and go back alone after my husband got home from work. Good luck!

My son was almost 2 1/2 when I had my daughter. She tore me from stem to stern & then I needed surgery on top of that. I was not able to lift him either. Mostly what your son is needing from you is the closeness & cuddling, spend LOTS of time on the couch where he can climb up to you. Snuggle in bed for extended periods of time. For Lunch time, have pick-nicks on the floor. If you need him contained, use a booster chair w/ snap on tray directly on the floor. That way when he snoozes, you can slide him into a more comfortable position. Be honest with him & explain mommy has a hurt and can not pick up big boys right now. But you can cuddle and read etc...

I wish you a speedy recovery! Good luck!

P

Sit on the furniture and tell you toddler to come here and snuggle that way. Do what he dr. says or you will bleed.

hi A....
i am a therapist and have to say that one of the most important aspects of nurturance is touch for a child....you need to ask for help....im sure you have neighbors, etc. who would be willing to help you out....when you are well enough, get on the floor with this child. tantrums are just communication. try not to react and use a loving tone of voice to reassure your baby.
he is feeling abandoned and doesnt understand why you are not available. make yourself available by singing and eye focus.if yo ucan, put a baby blanket on the floor and get a seat to put him in so you can feed him on the floor and he can lay down when he is done. give him lots of back and tummy rubs...this too shall pass...its all about the love.

I had two scheduled c-sections. My son was almost 25 months old when my daughter was born. I could not lift for 2 weeks. My hubby took off 1 week of vacation and my Mom came to stay with us for a week. I also could not drive for 2 weeks. The hardest part was nap time because I could not put him in his crib or get him out.

As for the high chair, get him a booster seat so he can sit at the kitchen table. That way he can climb up and down himself. You could also buy a child size table and chair where he could eat during the day when no one else is there to help. They are not expensive and make a great place to do art projects and such.

I don't know if yo9u are ready to move him to a bg kid bed yet. If you think he is ready, you could put amattress on the floor for him to sleep on. If his crib makes into a toddler bed you could go ahead and do that. That way he could get in and out by himself. My kids like sleeping in their sleeping bags. They think it is great fun! Try not to put him in bed with you if you can help it because it will be hard to break the habit later.

If you both need a nap during the day, snuggle on the couch together. My kids are 6 and 4 and we still do that when Mommy needs a rest. That way, I can feel them and know they are safe. The kids either nap or watch tv for a little while. I tell them to wake me up when the show is over.

You might want to tell your son that Mommy's tummy is hurt. You could even show him the scar (depending on exactly where it is). Explain that it hurts when you pick up things that are heavy. Tell him you are happy to hold him but he need to climb up in your lap. You might even need to get a small step stool.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi A.. I have three children, all by c-section, and they are each about 100 weeks apart in age. So I know exactly where you are coming from.
The first thing I would do would be to sit your toddler down and show him your incision. Tell him about your ow-ee. Also tell him he is a big boy and has to help mommy not hurt her ow-ee.
Next, I would make sure he does not fall asleep in that high chair. If he does, then bring him his blankie and let him sleep there. But preferably, it would be best to watch him and get him to climb down before he's too groggy and go to bed. Or, since he is about two, maybe you could get a booster seat for one of your chairs. Maybe a change in venue would get him out of the habit.
When my kids wanted me to hold them, I would try to find a place to sit down, where they could get to me, instead of me having to pick them up. When I started feeling better, I would get down on the floor with them. Also, I changed a lot of little things, that you might not think of.... changing diapers and clothes on the floor or bed or couch. No more changing table.
As far as the tantrums go, you really should walk away. I would get his attention, tell him you don't like his behavior, and you are going into another room until he finishes. It is really difficult to do, because your instinct is to do the opposite. But if/when you have another child that needs you, your older one will need to learn more independence, and how to deal with their emotions, self-soothe... those kinds of things.
I am sure that I sound like the tough love beotch, but you really do have to take care of yourself. If you don't, you may extend your recovery time or even end up back in the hospital. I made those mistakes, so I do know, at least a little bit, what I am talking about. Good Luck!

A., my son was almost 2 when our daughter was born in September via a repeat C-section. My hubby was home with me for 3 weeks to deal with my son before having to go back to work. Then for week 4, my mother came to stay to help me out. Before my daughter was born, we worked with my son alot to get him to start doing more things on his own so I didn't have to pick him up. We stopped using the high chair and had him sit in a booster seat at the table. We worked on getting him to be able to crawl up in the booster seat by himself with the use of a stool. He's still in diapers so we started getting him to get on the bed for me to change him there instead of on the changing table. I really ended up after about 3 weeks having to deal with the tantrums by physically restraining him while still being very careful not to use my stomach muscles to do so. I rarely did this. But really, I just didn't go anywhere until my 6 weeks were up and I knew I could handle him in public if I had to. And when he would throw a fit at home, I just made him go in his room with no toys by himself til he calmed down or wore himself out and fell asleep. Good luck!

I had gallbladder surgery and was told to do the same thing for a month. I did. Not sure really how but I got her out of the bed very carefully (she was still in babybed and we had to get down the stairs and she was 15 months at the time). I let her walk down the stairs holding my hands. I couldn't pick her up and when she held her arms out for me, I just sat down toward her. I put a step stool beside my bed and held her hand and helped her get up and we mostly laid on my bed and watched tv. I left all the real caring up to my husband when he got home... like baths and things like that. I did pick her up to get her out of the bed but when I fed her, I just did it on my bed until my stitches were in a little bit better shape so I could lift her.
So just do everything very carefully and explain to her that you can't pick her up but get down on her level or let her sit on your bed and watch tv and then you can eat on your bed. Just put a cover over everything so it doesn't get crumbs everywhere and messy in your bed and just take it easy.
Just don't lift, it could pull your stitches and that could be really bad.

Out of experience I can share with you a few suggestions that worked for me. I had three babies via c-section under three years. With my last baby I had TWO toddlers! It's just getting creative. In the midst of it, it's hard to think, let alone creatively, but do what works. We did a lot of "sofa time". We would read and snuggle, the more you are just with them then the better they are. Make a tent out of dining chairs with a sheet and go under. If you can find a "mother's helper" in your neighborhood or through your church, she could be between 9-12 and she can really help you for a few hours should you need to rest. Use your resources as well. Really ask your friends to help you out. People love to feel needed and I'm sure you are a very good friend and appreciate them. So ask for assistance, if it means going to the park, have them there to put your child in the baby swing, or chase them around the sliding board. I always went with a friend, and they were always so willing to chase and be chased and it made my son and daughter feel great that I was there too! This is one area that once reading your request I had forgotten how hard it was. It just becomes a blur of a memory and the funny thing is your 23 mos old probably will never remember:)
Please for your safety, take care of yourself first so that you are able to care for your baby. I totally understand your circumstance and the challenges involved, but don't feel like you can't ask for help, it still makes you a very wonderful mother!

I know where you're coming from. I had surgery to remove a disk from my neck when my son was 20 mos. old. I couldn't lift him for 4 weeks. Fortunately, I was able to have someone in the home with me everyday - my mom, a friend from church and a teen from church helped me lots. I really don't know what I would've done w/o them. I don't have any great suggestions - just wanted you to know you're not alone. I have been trying to deal with this issue creatively for some time. Now my son is 3 yrs., 5 mos. I try not to ever pick him up. He's a very big kid - as tall as my daughter was at age 6, and he weighs 50 lbs. I know what you mean about being out in public w/him and not being able to remove him if he throws a tantrum. As a result, I take him almost nowhere alone. I need my husband there to deal with him phsically. Would love to take him to story time at the library, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to get him out of there if he started misbehaving. When I have to put him in time out in his room, he will generally chase me up the steps b/c he wants me to hug or hold him. After my surgery, he learned that if he wanted me to hold him, he had to climb into my lap. When he was learning how to climb into his car seat, I tried to make it a game or a race and praise him for being so strong and being able to do things himself. We moved him from his crib sooner than I would've liked because of his size. He doesn't nap anymore. I've just accepted the fact that we are limited in what we can do until he is more able to control himself in public. Thank goodness he goes to preschool 3 mornings a week so I can do errands without him. I wish you luck. I'm hoping I can pick up some tips from some other moms, too.

Let him szooze in his high chair its not going to hurt him... when my daughter was in day care she would fall asleep at lunch all the time b/c that was her normal nap time... she slept until i came to get her... (right at lunch) as for the tantrums just leave him and ignore it its a good way to teach him he cant get his way by doing that and you wont hurt yourself! feel better

I have had 3 tumors removed since my 3 year old was born. I could not lift after the surgeries. Think outside the box. He doesn't have to eat in the high chair. He can eat in a kid size chair at the coffee table in the living room. I would say to my son, "We are going to have a picnic in the living room." My son loved it. He doesn't have to nap in his bed that you can't lift him in and out of. He can nap next to you on the couch, you can make a pallet on the floor, or he can climb in bed with you to take a nap. Teach him how to climb up on the couch. You can change a diaper sitting on the couch. Just talk to him and explain. You will be surprised how adaptable little ones are if you make it a fun game.

A.,
If your child is throwing himself in the floor having a tantrum at home I would advise you to make sure there is nothing around him he can get hurt on and simply ignore him If you don't he may learn that throwing tantrums gets your attention and they may become more common. As for the napping at lunch make lunch something small. At least until you get back to being able to lift. This should cut down on how long it takes him to eat and then put him down for a nap as quickly as you can where he will not fall asleep in his chair. Do your errands when your hubby is home and can help out. If he is throwing tantrums after his nap, ask yourself is he getting a long enough nap? Children need stability and routine. Pray that the tantrums stop when his routine is back to normal. And if all else fails... Hang in there! This too shall pass. Good Luck.

I also have a toddler (turned 2 in November) that I can't pick up because I am pregnant (and she is HEAVY!). I just started saying "Mommy can't pick you up but I can hold your hand" in situations where I normally carried her (up and down the stairs, getting into the car, etc.) It was probably about time she started doing these things herself anyway...

We change diapers and get dressed on the floor (instead of the changing table). She climbs into her booster seat (and just about everything else). The only thing I lift her for now is to get into her crib (although she has figured out how to climb in there too now) - but if your hubby can help with bedtime, you're okay there.

As for falling asleep in the high chair, I had a friend who would just leave their toddler there. Another alternative would be to move lunchtime up a little so that you can get him to his crib before he falls asleep.

As for the tantrums (normal at this age), we never picked Allie up...it only encouraged the behavior. I would say "let me know when you're done" and go about my business, not totally ignoring her but not giving into what she wanted (my immediate attention) either. If she got so wound up that she couldn't calm herself down (and really, that's what you're trying to teach...how to calm themselves), I would sit on the floor with her, hold her and talk to her about how to calm down (taking deep breaths, etc.) until she came out of it. This phase will pass...but it will pass more quickly if you don't give in to what they want...if you do, they'll learn to use it to get what they want. They're smart little buggers!

I hope that some of this helps. Best of luck!

-K.