How Long Do You Keep Biting Your Tongue?

Politeness and kindness are the thing, but consider what you said - "my boyfriend will not speak up for me." This will not change, and HIS behavior is more significant in my eyes than her behavior.

I don't agree with the "you're the GF and not his wife so she doesn't have to respect you". She sounds like a raging b!____@____.com with no class. You are a human being and she needs to show you respect. But, as long as your BF and his son let it go, she's going to get away with it.

I'm sorry but if I did not know you were 48 and your boyfriend is 52 from a previous post, I would have thought this was written by one of my daughter's high school friends. Please read where you said your boyfriend will not stick up for you. Your man will not stick up for you! You have many, many issues with your boyfriend, family and dead wife...that would be way to messy and not stable for me.

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Her motive could be loyalty to the exwife.
My step son has a girlfriend that used to be very icy toward me. I never did anything to the girl. I figured it out. She spent a lot of time with him at his mothers house. His mother (my husbands ex) is a mean dragon lady that puts me down constantly. She wants to be in good with his mother (her future mil). So that means she has to be icy toward me to prove loyalty. I think she believed some of the nasty things the lady said about me before she met me. Now that we've interacted a few times away from his mom, the girl is starting to open up a bit and see me for who I am, not what I was made out to be. So, maybe you can try to plan something with her away from everyone else. For instance Fathers Day is coming up. You could call her and suggest you two do something special for the guys for Fathers Day. Once she sees you in your own light, not the glare of a family gathering, maybe she will lighten up on you. And maybe once she sees that you genuinely care about her husband and his father, that will help.

Plan A: Personally, I wouldn't attend any events with her at all.

Plan B: Of course, there's 'always the smile & be polite' theory which I'm sure is getting old after 4-1/2 years....

Have YOU ever called her or come right out & asked her why she has a problem with you? If it gets ugly, you can always revert to Plan A.

Try to see that this must be hard for the family. You were living with this man 6 months after his wife (their loved one) died. Yes, the DIL has no right to treat you this way, but transition is hard.

I would only say something if you are sure you can control yourself. By that I mean AVOID anger. If you blow up it won't help anyone.

If you are not planning to stay in the relationship then just back away. See only the boyfriend.

If you think you will be together, then I would take a stab at talking directly to the DIL. Ask her to lunch and lay it out. BUT DON'T GET MAD. Just tell her your intentions and ask how you can better get along. If you see you aren't going to get anyway, then at least she knows your intentions. Do your best to ignore and avoid her. The upside is you might forage a better relationship.

Remove yourself from those family gatherings if you can not hold your tongue ... it is his Son's Wife ... and you are "just the gf" in her eyes; not everyone wants to be around someone's gf/bf until they are a fiance or spouse.
You can also confront her at the risk of ruining your relationship with your bf's son, and your bf.
After 4.5 yrs and you are not sold on getting married then why are you even wasting your time with him? I am not sure if you value being in a long term dead end relationship or if you value being in a long term joyus relationship, but this does not seem to be a mutually respected long term joyus relationship from the outside looking in.

You need to tell her to shut her mouth and if she can't say anything nice and respectful towards you - then you like it when she doesn't speak to you at all. Say it loudly and say it in front of other people. She's acting like this to you because you are allowing her unacceptable behavior.

Your 'man' (who doesn't sound like he's got balls or a spine) won't stick up for you, you need to for yourself!

This is his DIL? Could she have “feelings” for him and be jealous? Does he have money? Could she be concerned that if things get serious between you and your BF there will be less of an inheritance for her family? Just some factors to think about. She sounds like a PILL and a BRAT!

I think you ignore her and if her husband approaches his dad about your attitude, you let the boys discuss it. If the son approaches you directly you speak your peace. It would be great if your BF would say something but he is in a sticky situation between his son’s wife and his GF. I would tell him what your plan is so that he can be aware and if anything have your back. It sounds like he does since he already told his son that nothing was bothering you after the wedding.

You don’t need him to stick up for you. You can do it all by yourself.

Good Luck!

I think you need to continue on doing the right thing. If you just can't hold your tongue than confront her, in the nicest way possible, and ask her if there's something you've done to offend her and that you can't help but notice she has a problem with you. Maybe talking about it will help...or maybe it will make it much worse.

I also hope that your BF is supporting you on this. When you say he won't speak up for you, I'm not sure what that means. Will he not confront her or the son for you or will he not defend you when she (or someone else) is rude to you. The former is okay in my opinion, but the latter is not. Perhaps try asking him if he'll be there with you if and when you decide to confront her. Say that you need him as an ally when you speak to her/them and this way he'll also be able to see and hear what happens for himself. He he won't even do that, then you may have bigger issues at stake.

Oh man - she sounds like an immature snot-nosed brat. She probably does it to get under your skin. DO NOT GIVE HER THIS POWER...

Instead - I know it sounds soo sophmoric - but DO NOT acknowledge her presence. If you are invited to a party again and she's there - treat her as if she is NOT there...don't look at her, don't acknowledge her and just plain ignore her - I know - I know - it sounds SOOO sophmoric - but believe me - people like this, HER, need to be ignored...it's like she gets off on getting under your skin

Tell your boyfriend's son that he needs to back off...you are simply treating her the way she is treating you - that's how you were raised - to treat others as she treats you....if she doesn't like - then SHE NEEDS TO CHANGE....

You offended her because you are dating her dad. doesn't matter if mom and dad won't get back together - you are dating dad and he's happy...he shouldn't be happy....that's most likely her chain of thought. Especially if dad left the marriage and kids behind...doesn't matter what the circumstances were/are - she's deluded into thinking dad should not be happy...

I think your boyfriend needs to have a little chat with his son and DIL. She is more than likely bringing some baggage from the boyfriends first wife? She would probably act the same with anyone he brought home to dinner. It is his place to put a stop to it and if he doesn't stick up for you now what is going to be the next time???

This just seems like one of many issues, and a symptom of a larger problem with your "boyfriend." Your male companion doesn't seem to care enough about you or to respect you enough to treat you like a partner in front of his family. He allows them to disrespect you in front of him. You allow them to disrespect you.

I think the real question is, "Why are you still with this guy?" If you know that he's not even worth marrying then why waste another minute with him?