How Many Kids?

The beautiful thing about this is that you have time. Another post stated to put the idea on the back burner and it will come to you.... and it will.
But one thing is for sure...... finances, time, and even the "global population" will work itself out. I am very surprised that the population has actually been a factor in someones decision to have another child!!!!! We were told to "go forth and mutliply" !!!!We can fit the entire population of the WORLD in half of Florida, one person per square foot..... so please don't let that be any basis for your decision. The Lord is in charge of the big things and if you are a spiritual person than you know what to do.... hand it over!!! The Lord will truly take care of all of your needs, and if you are meant to have more children than you will know it.
I came into my second marriage with 3 children, my husband brought 4 into the marriage ..... we just had our 1st in February this year (this makes 8 total)..... I am 36 and he is 50..... AND we just had our first grandchild last August by his oldest son.... so as you can clearly see ANYTHING GOES!!! There is no cookie cutter routine that you have to stick to. And guess what?? I might even have another because our youngest children are 14,12,11 and 9..... so this child will be raised alone and I don't want that for him... so we may just add another to the bunch!

And I'll tell you, I told my children this past Mother's Day that my happiest moments are when they..(the 14, 12, 11 and 9 year olds) are sitting there at the table talking to me while I make them blueberry and banana bread muffins, ham and cheese omlettes and fruit to boot..... we joke, poke fun, laugh and chew each other out at times, but I am the happiest mother in the world.... nothing is more satisfying than my motherhood. Not even the straight "A's" I am getting as a full-time student in college...
So, yes, money is tight, time is not always there... but I am happier now than I have ever been in my life....

I date each of my children by themselves (one child a week on Thursday), and then the last week I date them all. My husband stays home with our baby on those evenings. My children participate in Girlscouts, Cubscouts, Color guard and church......There are always ways to making things work.... so don't let anything "worldly" deter you unless you just know in your heart and soul that you do not want anymore children...

GOod luck and God Bless You!!!

This was a hard but easy decision for me.I was raised in a family of 4 girls..me being the oldest.My mom had a large family..6 in fact..my step dad was a family of 4.I wanted to have a large..very large family when I was younger.Enough kids to have our own sports team I used to joked..lol..but for two reason I decided on two..1)in this day in age the cost of raising children is lots more and 2)after my second pregnancy I got told to have no more..because it could mean death to me,the baby or both of us.I will admit that appr 5yrs after my youngest was born I wanted to have another also.Everyone come to this decision their own way...good luck
S.

We have 3 beautiful kids, a girl (7), and twin boys (6). The twins were born 5 days before my daughter's first b-day. Neither pregnancy was planned. Needless to say, I said "ENOUGH!". A year later I had my tubes tied. On the one hand, I am completely happy with three kids, on the other, I do want another, but I am not going to have a tubal reversal. I figure if it's God's plan He'll give me another. And if he doesn't that's ok too.
I have the most wonderful kids, and I KNOW I am so very very blessed. My heart calls out for another, but my common sense says "NO!!". The common sense has to come in. Look at your life. Do you have room for another, Are you financially able to have another, in 10 yrs time, will you be so frazzled trying to keep up with the kids' schedules that you won't be able to enjoy life. That's the questions to ask yourself.

I was raised in a family of five children. My husband was raised in a family of four boys. We love kids. My husband wanted six children when we got married. We had two boys and were content with two. But, every time I held someone else's baby it made me want a baby.

We got the boys to the stage where they could get up and dress themselves and get their own bowl of cereal on Saturday mornings without waking us up. Then we found out we were having another child. We were so excited because we wanted a girl. We got our daughter and we were content. But, every time I held someone else's baby it made me want a baby.

Then we got the surprise child. Now, I am 49 years old with a 3 year old. After we had the last child, I could hold someone else's baby and not want another child. That is when I knew we were through having babies. My oldest is 18 years old. I am looking forward to grandbabies--just not too soon!

A rule of thumb I follow is what I refer to as 'red light, yellow light and green light.' It's a decision-making process. A red light is a clear 'no'. A green light is a clear 'yes'. When you keep going back and forth, that is a yellow light. And, in fact, since it's not a clear 'yes', it too becomes a red light.

The fact that you go back and forth indicates it clearly is not time to make a final decision. Maybe you are attempting to resolve this issue prematurely. I would suggest that you let go of a decision for the next 6 months, enjoy your two children and reevaluate later. This is not a decision that needs to be made now!! Maybe after a period of time you will have felt that your two precious children have satisfied your need for a family, and you can devote your time to them! Or, you may later feel that another child brought into your family would enhance all of you! And that is something I would encourage you to also look at: What do you feel another child would provide (and you provide for them) that you are not experiencing now? Do you have the time and financial resources for another child? It's not just about you...it's about what you will be able to provide for another! Good luck!!

Hello S..
I knew what I personally could handle. We have two daughters. We had decided two was enough prior to having my youngest. But then she was born with multiple heart defects and realized it was possibly hereditary, WE WERE DEFINITELY DONE.
Even still, I knew I would be alone a lot since my hubby work so much. I wanted to take care of them within my comfort level, provide good schooling and college and be able to do extracurricular activities as well. Raising children costs a tremendous amount of money. That has a lot to do with our decision to not have any more. I had to make a choice and live with it. It was hard the day I had my tubes tied. I asked him if he had changed his mind, he agreed that it was best, especially with the chances of us having another sick baby. Elaina was twins and I lost her sibling at about 10 weeks along. I guess that was for the best since she was so sick and wouldn't have survived if the other twin needed nourishment as well.
Regardless, you have to live with whatever choice you make. You have to make a list of why two is enough or not enough and stick to it. It isn't easy, but worth it.
Good luck!
W.

Silly sounding piece of advice my dad gave me when I got married- "You'll know when your husband's quiver is full." I'm up for many, many more kids (I only have one now), and will keep having more until I feel done or my husband seems done (whichever comes first). ;)

Hi S.,

My husband and I walways each wanted 2. Of course, I thought at least one of them would be a girl. While I would have loved to have a girl, I'm happy and content with my 2 boys. I was almost 40 when my second was born, but the dr said we could still have a couple more, but, as much as I love babies, I don't want any more. My boys are 6 1/2 and 5 and I'm completely satisfied with them and what they bring to our lives.

It's a really personal decision, so I wish you whatever it is you decide. Good Luck!!

S.,
I have 2 children, they are 14 yrs apart.. Yep you heard me right.

I have 2 only's and I wouldn't have changed it for anything.

My DS is 19 and my DD is 5 :)

If you aren't sure then just wait, it is best to wait than to be sorry that you can't... Your son is still so little and takes a lot of your time... in a few years when he is 3 or 4 you may consider having another... I say WAIT. I am so glad I did. :)

First of all, you were blessed to have one each (a boy and a girl). So was I. I'm assuming you had no real complications with either birth and you are both healthy. I made the decision to stop at 2 kids for health reasons. I had 2 c-sections. With my first child, I had toxemia and with my second, I had gestational diabetes. The thought of having another c-section is enough for me to not want more children. My children are eleven years apart. They are currently 13 and 2. Another reason that my husband and I decided we were FINISHED was because with have a teenage boy. LOL!! He's great kid, but HE IS A HANDFUL. They also get more expensive the older they get. Think how your time will be split up between 3 kids when you have them involved in sports or music lessons or other programs. Yours are closer in age so you will be running all the time when they're older. AND YOU MUST KEEP YOUR KIDS INTERESTED IN SOMETHING in this world, today. I'm sure this all sounds like I'm trying to discourage you, but I just want you to have my view. Kids are great and if your patience level and free time is EXCELLENT, go for another!!

Well S. I have 4 kids. Two Boys and Two Girls. I never thought that I would have had 4 kids. My pregnancy were difficult with each child, but I guess what ever God wants to do in your life he will do it. Children have purpose and you never know who's raising the doctor who will cure cancer or the next world leading brain surgeon. I am sure that whatever decision you make it will be the decision you are suppose to make!!
best wishes!

I am married with two children a 6-year-old son and a 2 1/2 year old daughter and we are DONE!! I am glad I got one of each because even if I had two boys or two girls I would be still be done. The deciding factor for me was my age. I had my son at 30 and my daughter at 33. I know that is not entirely too old but I personally did not want to run the risks of having a difficult pregnancy or a child with birth defects or problems because of my age. Children also are very expensive and we want to be able to provide for our children and right now we can do that. I think if I had started earlier I would have probably tried for a 3rd one, but currently I am 36 and at this age I really don't want to start all over again. My husband had a vasectomy last year and we have no regrets. I say if you are not worried about age and you can afford them have as many as you can and love them as much as you can! I hope I helped!

I've read alot of these, but not all. Most people seem to come to the same conclusion as me - you just "know".

Our story is that I always wanted 3 or 4, hoping for at least one of each sex. Married a man who had come directly down a line of nothing but BOY babies for the last 125 years!!! We had one (two years before we planned, and while he was still in school, but you know what they say about the best laid plans!) and he was SUCH a good sweet baby and toddler. We'd both planned on having kids 2 years apart (my sis is 2 yrs younger than me, bro 2 yrs younger than her, and my bro-in-law is 2 yrs older than my hubby, so it seemed perfect!). But when you have to start trying for another baby when your first is only 15 months old and still so much a baby himself AND you just decided to quit work to be a full-time mommy, that is a very hard decision to make!

We decided to try for just ONE month, and if it didn't happen, we'd wait a year and they would be 3 yrs apart, instead. So lo and behold, found out right away that I was pregnant after trying for only a week or so! BUT it turns out that I actually got pregnant BEFORE we tried - while I was in the middle of my last cycle the month before! So my boys are 23 months apart, not 24! And the second one totally had my mind changed about having 3 or 4. He was VERY needy and demanding, and although cute as a button, had a temper on him. We were exhausted, and my older son was such a little trooper! He put up with SO much! So we kinda figured #2 was like 3 or 4 kids all by himself, so someone was gonna "get fixed".

But when son #2 was 13 months old, I found out I was pregnant AGAIN! Birth control methods don't agree with me! This time I PRAYED so hard for a girl, as I just didn't know if I could handle THREE BOYS! I distinctly recall asking God to "give me a totally different experience" - well be careful what you ask for! At 6 months gestation, I started bleeding and was put on total bedrest (with a 1 and 3 yr old!), and was in and out of hospitals. I couldn't continue to see my doctor (I had only ever been to females, and now had to go see a MALE high risk OB!), and then my daughter - YES I GOT HER! - was born 2 months early and had to stay in the hospital for a month. So I got a TOTALLY different experience didn't I? And she IS different in a girly way, but shares interests and traits with both her brothers as well. When she was 2 months old and we KNEW we were done now and that she was going to be healthy, my hubby had the snippy done.

But guess what? Since my dtr was 3 yrs old, she has been asking, pleading, begging, for a baby sister! She is 8 now! But we have actually been feeling led for years that we should either do foster care (but how can you give them back?!) or adopt an older child from an underdeveloped country. We still aren't sure how or when that will happen, but we just "know" deep down that we ARE meant to have another child, just not birth it! And I will say, as much as I adored my babies, and truly do miss them being little (like age 4 and younger), I don't have any desire to do the baby thing again. I love to hold friends' babies and coo at them in the store, but I don't miss the sleepless nights, the worrying, the diapers, the bottles (we breastfed as much as possible but still had them!), the sippy cups, the potty training! Looking back now, I think God knew what he was doing giving me three in less than 3.5 years! Got it over with before I knew what was happening! He only gives you what you can handle!

So just pray about it, talk to moms of large families - as much as I love kids - I have a friend who has 8 - her youngest is almost 1 and her oldest went to college this year! But they don't have much money, they spend what they do make on this van that will fit most of the kids in it and all other life expenses and she is always having to beg favors of people to take her kids to and from activities, etc... They have one special needs child and didn't plan on the last one, but she is a great mother all the same. She makes sure the kids are involved with sports and church on a regular basis and most of them make straight A's. I am baffled at how much I struggle with my THREE and wonder how I can think about taking on another one?!

So I have been there, but I think you will just KNOW when it is time, and if something permanent prevents biological children, there are tens of thousands of children needing loving homes!

God bless you and your family, no matter what size it ends up! :)

A.

We actually knew before we had kids! We always said we wanted 2 kids... when we found out we were having another daughter, we both still agreed on 2. My husband had said he'd get a vascetomy but when pregnant with #2, I told him to wait until our youngest daughter was 2 (just to be sure). I thought he'd change his mind to "try for a boy" but he says he can't imagine not having daughters. We both said, if an accident does occur, we hope it's another girl (I think that's b/c he is the KING of the house & especially to our girls). My daughters are now 3 & 17 months and don't have the desire for another. There are a lot of babies being born around me but I don't feel that need for another like I did with my first. I do miss my girls being babies (they grow up too fast!) but just don't have the desire to do it all over [I had 'good' pregnancies & deliveries so that was never an issue for me]. I'm not sure this helps you any, but maybe gives you a little insight. Blessings to your & your family!

For me, I care deeply about Mother Earth, the planet that we need to live. Our planet is in crisis. We simply can't support the number of children we already have.

For me I focus on limits. I appreciate limits. I would rather have one healthy loved child who knows how to respect the earth .

We have 3 beautiful great children. Girl 10, Boy 8 and Boy 4. We always wanted to have at least 4, but as they got older and I got older we realized that 3 was an awesome amount to have. It is like an instant party when we do things (Can get hectic, but love it). The only thing I would do different is have them closer together so I could have had the 4. We caught a lot of slack from a family member for having 3 but I would always say which one should I give up? Who would you send back? I can't imagine my life without all 3 of my kids! I would go ahead and have another baby since yours is 12 months old. Have them close. The cost of having kids is always going to be there and our grandparents struggled with those decisions too. However, once my youngest was 3 we went to Sea World and I have to say that I was ready to do that fun stuff and didn't want to go back to diapers. I was ready to take them to the movies on a summer day and not wait for my husband to come home to watch the baby. I was just ready to go and do the fun things with my kids and not have a stroller and diaper bag. I believe that was one of the reasons for our decision. Just ready to get out of the baby stage and have fun with my kids (Not saying baby stage isn't fun, but those of you who have older kids know what I mean!). Good luck in your decision. I know it is a hard one!

my situation is a bit different...

I have one child. He is 7. He is all I plan to ever have.
I grew up with three sisters (39, 34, 21) and two brothers (37, 19). I am 27 so I am a middle child. I had always planned to have a large family like I grew up in. I never wanted to have an "only".

My pregnancy was fairly uneventful - labor and delivery were a bit tough at 32 hours - but this even, isn't why I'm done. I just am.

I am also divorced, though this has nothing to do with my decision to be done with one child. I decided long before the divorce that one was enough for me. I wouldn't mind expanding my family through step-children though - the man I'm currently dating has two daughters and that's great. We have discussed future children and agree that individually, one is great for me and his two are enough for him - and together, the three of them are plenty!! I should mention we have not yet met each other's children.

It's hard to explain - but I just KNEW I was done after my son was born. My gyn refused to tie my tubes because I was only 20 when I asked the first time. A couple of other times I have brought it up over the years and she always tells me to wait because I am still young, am divorced, and only have one child. She says I may change my mind. My son is 7 and I still dont have any kind of yearning for another. This year, my 28th birthday present to myself is a new doctor who will perform the tubal ligation and a couple of days off from work to get that done.

My advice is to go with your intuition - and if you arent sure- wait. Use birth control (pills, shots, condoms, whatever) until you are sure of your decision and feel comfortable committing to having more children or not having any others.

If you are spiritual, pray (or whatever it is you do) for guidance. You will KNOW when you are done. If you don't KNOW that you are done, then maybe you aren't yet.

I wish you peace with whatever decision you come to.

I guess my first question would be..are you a spiritual person? (Not religious but spirtitual). If you are a spiritual person and you believe in a higher power, then my suggestion would be to pray and meditate about it. When you believe in a power Higher than yourself..usually you just go along for the ride and enjoy the experiences that come along the way. The Most High new you before you were formed in your mother's womb...so he knows what you and your husband can and can't handle :-). Now, if you are not a very spiritual person...my advice would be for you and your husband to evaluate your current conditions ( financial, emotional, etc.) and determine whether or not another child would be something that you all would like to consider. I am a mother of 6 children..and of course every woman can't handle the responsibilities that i have, but that doesn't make her any less of a woman or mother because of that...but I have always loved children. I only shared with you how many children i have because we are a happy, loving, respectful family...regardless how many of us there are! I hope that this helps you....

For me I stopped at 2 because I had my boy and my girl (and my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship). My youngest is 8 and I still feel the urge to have another baby but then I realize that I want to be able to do the things that I want to do for and with my children and with another baby that may not be possible. You never have enough money to have a baby but in my situation right now we can afford almost what we want and not just the things we need so we don't want the extra pressure of not having money again. Plus my step daughter is almost 19 and getting married soon so I am waiting to be a "grandma"!! Good Luck with your decision but it is one that you and your husband have to make for YOUR circumstances!

You never stop wanting another one. Mine are 12 and 9 and I still miss the baby stage and look at newborns longingly. I eventually went back to work part-time at our church's mother's day out so I could get my baby fix. I get to play with them, change a few diapers, get lots of hugs, and then send them home. My husband and I wanted 3, but because of work changes/family illness it was never a good time. And then the reality of economics sets in. It is very expensive and to be able to give them all of the things we want in the lifestyle we want, we stopped at 2. We are able to travel often, their college is already paid for, and I am still able to stay home with them. And we are not outnumbered! There is always one adult to one child.

My husband and I sound like you and your husband. We were going back and forth as well when my son was 17 months. I also have a 5-year old daughter. I grew up in a family with 4 kids - my hubby 2 kids. I thought 4 would be too much and he always wanted another sibling growing up. So we thought we would go for it!

Fourteen weeks into my pregnancy we discovered we had twins!

Twins don't run in my family and it was such a surprise! I always say the third was planned, the forth wasn't.

Now we have a 5-year old daughter, 2-year old son 9-month old identical twin boys. I wouldn't change it for the world. We have a big, unique family. If you get the itch...go for it!

Hello S.:)
It's interesting that most people who replied have 2 children, most of my firends have either 1 or 5.:)
I always wanted 8 kids ( my crazy unrealistic childhood dream also included identical triplet girls) Ha, ha hubby said he'd compromise on 2,i told him his math was wrong and compromise from 8 would be 4;)
I do believe that we can plan as much as we want but God makes it happen if that's in His plans.A friend of mine had her tubes tied then she found out she was pr again. Turned out they tied vessel and a tube????
We have 2 boys ages 3 and 1. Last month was the month when we had to get pregnant(ideally) so our next child could be 2 years apart form our 1 year old. (our first 2 had the same due date:), but ended up being 23 months apart due to the repeat C section.I thought 2 years was a good gap(for us), not too close, not too far). But the thing is ....we can't afford another child righ now, so we're not even trying to see if God has one planned for us. People say that if you wait till you can afford a kid you will never have one(or another one). But come on....We have some friends who always wanted 6 kids, when they got married , they got right on it:) He had a great job package, she was able to stay at home with 2 girls....then he lost his great job and all went down hill. However they still decided to stick with "their plan" of having 6 kids(they will have the 6 th one in a months). But for the past 5 years the grandparents have been paying their mortgage, people from church buy kids clothes, they are on medicaid and food stamps.I can tell you stories after stories when it just does not make sence(by the way ours would be there too when we had our first child....had a free room in the homeless shelter where we were working, no insurance, got paied $100 a week and decided it would be a good idea to have a kid.....dah .Husband's parents said they were sorry when we told them we were pr....it hurt then, now I see why they did).
Anyways, you need to consider a lot of things when you make that dicision.SO I think $$$$ is one of them. I do not think you can rely on the feeling though "when you hold a baby you want one too"............
A girl I knew when we lived upnorth, really wanted a girl, so she was willing to keep having kids till she got one.....5 boys and then a baby girl.They did really well financially so nobody ever said a word.
I am sorry for the novel:) but other moms gave lots of good points to think about. Let us know how it goes.

Hi S.... My husband and I always knew we wanted 2 kids regardless of the sex... we have 2 girls one 2.5yrs old the other almost 6months old... and we're done to the point where I wanted to get my tubes tied and they won't let me because I'm only 26yrs old ... Hubby is 30 and said he only wanted to have kids before he turned 30 (which is why we got pregnant last year to have our last daughter) its hard having them close together like that but I'm sure it'll be rewarding when they get older... but like others said with the way the economy is its hard with sooo many kids... then again if you go the "natural"way cloth diapering , breastfeeding and can stay at home to avoid daycare costs it could work...really its up to you ... with a 5yr old and a 12month old i'm sure you're always on your feet ... but think about it this way too you're almost out of the diaper stage (too bad for me my oldest still isn't potty trained 2 in diapers is NOT easy!) then you'll be able to have fun with the older kids and do things you can't with babies... wow i just reread this and holy batman what a run on and confusing but i'm sure you get what i'm pointing out... PROS VS CONS... its up to you....
Oh yea you can try to bring in another child (like childcare) and see how you handle it thats another way of determining whether you'll go crazy or can take it =o)

My thoughts are a new perspective more from our kids' eyes.

I grew up with 3 siblings. For that reason alone, I want to have at least 3 kids. Win or loose, what is left in life day after day, year after year, is family. You EXPERIENCE everything with your siblings. They are aging together. As much as we (as parents) want to be there for our kids, we are decades older. They will be there for each other throughout most events. If you have more than two, the better the chances that they will do things together down the road. Like, plan vacations together, have kids around the same ages (cousins), live around each other, go to college together, interest, hobbies, etc. Plus, there are more people to take care of you when your health isn't able. I know several people in nursing homes that have one kid that lives states away and never comes to visit. The more kids you have the better the chances someone will be arround to help you out.

My husband's folks had the two boys. They live in IA, we are in NC and the other brother is in MN. They want to retire soon and who are they going to spend time with?? Everyone is moved away and noone is there to take care of them. If they had had one more kid who knows if they may be there for them.... okay.. sorry, I am getting off on a tangent! ;) Bottom line, I love my relationship with my sibings and I wouldn't change it for anything. In fact I would love to have another one of us!

I also have 2 kids, a son and a daughter, now adults, 8 years apart. My tubes were blocked somehow after she was born and I was told I couldn't have any more without surgery, so my son was a wonderful surprise baby. I also would have loved a third one but it just never happened. Now I'm very glad because we could never have done for 3 what we did for 2 - especially private school, which was important to us. My now ex-husband was not helpful with them, so I would have been trying to do it all for 3 of them. When you think of juggling activity schedules and school schedules for 3 kids, not to mention the cost of everything these days, and you already have a boy and a girl, those are things to consider, in my opinion.

Also, I had gestational diabetes with the second one and was afraid it would be worse if I got pregnant again as there's a strong history of diabetes on one side of my family, so that also helped make my decision. I am the oldest of three too (2 younger brothers), and it seemed that 2 of us would always gang up on the third one.

my husband and I have 3 would have had 4 if she lived and he has 2 from a previous marrage.our three all have birth defects and I almost lost my life with the last one at that point we chose to get my tubes tyed.there was to much heart and lung problems my cardiologist had a fit when he found out I was pregnate with the last one.

Well, I have noticed after your second its no big deal to have another, financially and stressor-wise. For my family this is not a decision that we make. It is our belief that God decided when a baby will be put in there, otherwise everytime I had sex with my husband, I would end up pregnant. :)) So we trust God to guide us in this area. We work with my body's natural timing to plan it out and make sure we are ready for a another kid (like that is actually possable), but I can still get pregnant if God wants me to, and I am not going to really try and stop Him. Just work with the system he gave me.

Being "ready" is really something that no one knows it just happens. I was in no way ready for any of my kids when I got pregnant but God knew what he was doing because I would not have my life without any of them.

Hope this helps, and I hope God guides you to the right choice for your family.

Going from one to two for me was like going from one to 10! We had two more after that (I have two boys and two girls ages 3-11) and third and fourth are not as much of an adjustment! Having three is no big deal if you don't mind a bit more chaos in your house... more shoes to keep track of! Going to four is a lot bigger deal due to silly things... we can't fit as a family in my sedan. It's minivan or humongous SUV for us! Getting a table for six at restaurants is tough. Plane tickets for six is staggering, and I don't want to think about four college educations! Our fourth was a suprise (my husband took too long to get the vasectomy after our planned third!) but I wouldn't change a thing, even on my craziest day! You'd be suprised at what you can handle! Only you know if it would enrich your life- if you are tempted to have another, it probably would!

We went into our marriage KNOWING that we were going to have either 1 boy and 1 girl, or 3...and stop at that. Almost 9 years and 2 sons later, we're both "pretty" sure that we're done. The others moms that said you just "know" are correct. Because I'm a very high risk pregnancy, and a guarnteed c-section, the potential threats to me and a future baby are very worrisome to us, which is why we're reluctant to have a 3rd child. But that does not mean that the thought of another child doesn't cross my mind now and again. We still toss the idea of #3 around occasionally, and we're both like "I want too....but I don't....." We had a "scare" at the beginnig of this year, and when we found out that I wasn't pregant, we were both relived and disappointed at the same time.

My husband and I were in much the same situation. We had 2 wonderful boys and were back and forth on deciding on a third. Finally last year we decided a 3rd would be great. Got pregnant, no problem but about 1/2 through pregnancy found out we were having twin boys. Now we have 4 wonderful boys. They are great but for our sanity and health we are done. We have friends who choose to have none and some that have 8. Whatever you choose best wishes.

Hi S.,

You didn't say how old you and your husband were, which I think is important, too, but here it goes.....How many children to have in your family is a very important, but also very private matter. It is important to agree, though. My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have two children, also a boy and a girl. They are only 2-1/2 years apart. One of each was great for me. If I would have had two of the same sex first, I would have tried once more for the other, but would have stopped at three - I just don't have the patience for any more than that. My husband mentioned wanting another one when our youngest was 7, but I mentioned that the baby would be like an only child, so we'd have to have two - and he changed his mind. Friends of ours set a 10-yr window for children. They now have 6 kids. In this day and age, I think finances are also important. Being that you enjoy staying home with your children, at what point do you have to go to work to help support the family? What is an acceptable standard of living for you? Our kids are now 10 and 12 and when they have expressed an interest in a new sibling, they have changed their minds when I explain that they would have to make sacrifices in a material way for their new brother/sister. Also age does matter. How old do you want to be when your last child leaves home? Do you mind being mistaken for their grandmother at school? How many kids can you afford to send to college? Are you planning on helping to pay for college? The bottom line is that you and your husband need to agree on whatever decision you make. Otherwise, someone is going to feel resentful. Good luck! Hope this helped a little. -- L.

HI S.,
We were originally thinking 3 or 4 kids. When our 2nd child was 2, we were very happy & decided that more children didn't necessarily bring more happiness.

Later we found that with all you do in today's society... driving each kid to a different grade level school, different sports on different sides of town, etc., it would have added that much more work & stress with more children... not to mention much more expense. Plus we seem to always have other kids hanging out with us or that need a ride somewhere. There is always a car full of kids... even when we go on vacations. Never a dull moment. And our 2 girls treat each other like best friends. Good luck in your decision. There is not a wrong answer.

D. M. Focht

"Shaklee -Creating Healthier Lives & Environment"

visit: www.Shaklee.net/Focht
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You and your husband figure out when you are ready. I wanted to have three children,and we figured out only to have two children 'cause' we needed to wait a little longer to make that decision. And im great. But if you need any thing else, let me know at: ____@____.com.

I initially only wanted 1, mostly for social reasons. I have two now; a son and a daughter. My daughter was a surprise - best surprise of my life. I definitely will not have another. While our own desires are first in our minds and hearts, we have a social responsibility to consider the limitations of our planet. Overpopulation is a huge problem. Millions of people are dying in famines. It is really easy to say this doesn't apply to us as Americans. We are fortunate enough to live in what is currently the richest and most powerful nation in the world, but that will most likely change...and sooner than we think. We are not immune to the effects of overpopulation and global warming. Please don't take this as any kind of a judgement or criticism of people who choose to have more kids. Everyone has to decide for themselves what is best for their family. It would just be nice if people thought about the limitations of our planet at the same time. These things will really effect our kids' futures. I want our kids to have a wonderful world to live in.

Hi there,

My husband and I are going through the exact same thing right now we had orginally said we were going to do three....then we we got pregnant the second time and found out we were having a boy we said we were going to stop at two since we had one of each!! Anyway we are consatntly changing our minds back and forth, our son is only 8 months now so we don't have to decide yet, but it is def on our minds a lot!!

Our converations seem geared twoards do we want the emotional and finacial responsiblity of another child. Do we want to go back again and start all over with another baby or do we want to focus on the two we have. Our children are two years apart and we would try to have the same timing with a third, do we want three young children?? Then we jump forward to college and try to plan how are we going to put three chilren through college two years apart? Lots of things for us to consider because we do want to give our chilren all the best we can, just as anyone does. Just go with your gut, if it is meant to be then it will be, that is the appoarch we are going to take. I think we may be done, but we want that door left open!

God bless

Its all convoluted. I was not suppossed to be able to get pregnant, so finding out that I was pregnant with my daughter who is now 3, was quite a shock. We had been together for a couple of years without a pregnancy and no bc so I had just given up at that point.

After my daughter was born my husband had a vasectomy-that we both agreed on. From his first marriage he has a soon to be 16 year old son who lives half the week with us. He is also 46 and age was a factor in our decision as well. I feel very blessed to have my daughter, and two great kids.

I wont lie though, I would be secretly pleased if the vasectomy reversed itself. ;) I loved being pregnant and I really wouldn't mind doing it again :) But at the same time I'm ok with not having more kids, because that is for sure the most likely outcome lol.