How Many "Love Making" Sessions a Week Is Fair to Your Husband?

Well, I'm a "once a day" kind of girl, and my husband is a "once a week" kind of guy. All I can tell you is that I'm willing to "float" him a lot more stuff around the house when we tend towards my end of things (Didn't do the dishes? Ok. Need to work late? Ok.) It's not a "trade" - man, would it feel lousy to think that he was having sex with me to get out of doing the dishes! But I guess it's just more that I feel like some of my needs are being met too.

And, not to be obnoxious, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If the sex is reasonably decent - enjoy it! My husband is undergoing treatment for rectal cancer, and it's been eight long weeks since I've gotten any nookie at all. You never know when you're not gonna get any - enjoy it while you have it!

I rarely say no...even if I don't "feel" like it. My husband would prefer 7 days a week 2-3 times a day...but he knows that I am not down for that...So maybe 5 days a week in wich 3 I actually "feel" like it. I hate the work "love making" though it weirds me out for some reason,makes me think of a soap opera scene and we are not like that..lol and a session? not that either I am not paying him and he is not paying me for the" service" so we pretty much just have sex 5 days on average a week.

DH and I are usually 1x/week. He's never mentioned wanting it more, although I'll go along with whatever he needs to make him happy. I really have no sex drive, so I have to make myself get into it.

According to a lot of other posters out here, I guess that means that I don't love, value or respect my husband. Huh.

Wait, you're supposed to do it every WEEK?

:)

It depends on how well he has been behavin' ;)

Unfortunately, the frequency of making love is all too frequently controlled by the one who is the least interested in making love. Some people go into marriage with the idea that if I don't want to I don't have to. And that previous sentence can be about any subject: making love, washing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, changing the diapers, going to work, making a living, etc. That's a very selfish and immature outlook on life and marriage.

Women have needs and so do men. I wouldn't have married a girl that I didn't want to strive to not only meet her needs, but to also fulfill her wants. I do my best to anticipate her wants because I feel happy when I can do things to make her happy. I like to see the smile on her face when I surprise her with flowers or my poetry or something else. During the economically poorest times in our marriage, I grew flowers so I could giver her flowers. Now giving her flowers makes me feel good twice. Once while I am taking care of them/growing them and once when I give them to her. And I thoroughly love it when I can make her smile twice when we are intimate.

I love her enough I would NEVER turn her down, no matter if I was "interested" or not.

Good luck to you and yours.

Oh please, some of you need to lighten up about her word choice, for PETES SAKE!! Attaking the integrity of her relationship based on that?!

S., I hear you- I'm sorry but I've never met a woman who truly wants to have sex every single day, but every man I know, as long as he's not tired, would love to have it every day. My husband says his ideal number is daily too, but my ideal number is once per week, so I'm right there with you. He works nights until after midnight so we never get to do it during the week any more. When we had the same schedules we would do it about three times per week, and yes, I was doing my husband a favor!

Duty, obligation, chores...not arousing.

My vagina freezes over the moment doing my husband is put on a list underneath doing the laundry ;-)

That said, I hear you. I have a lower sex drive than my husband and our sex life has to fall somewhere in between our levels of drive (five times a day (him) and twice a week (me)). Our middle ground looks like me giving it a shot anytime I *could* GET into it. When I'm just not feelin' it (and am not going to), I expect my husband to respect my physical boundaries.

--We don't have a set level. Sometimes (hello, that-time-a-month) we don't have any sex. Other weeks, when I'm feeling rowdy, we might have sex several times a day. It balances out.

I try to get to it every other day so that on average we have sex three to four times a week. He would like it every day and I am a once a week kind of gal. In marriage counseling the sessions that I attended alone without him I realized how important sex was to him and how he felt neglected. One of my very close friends said this to me and it was like an ah-ha moment. She asked how long does it take to read your emails or pay bills on line? I said about 5-10 min she asked how long does it take if you have a quickie with your husband I said about 5-20 depends. She said if you can devote 5-10 min a day to read emails or pay bills why not 5-20 every other day to do something that would mean alot and so I committed to it. It has done wonders for us. He helps out alot more with our girls, with the house, he is very different. At least one of those times is a nice slow intimate session the other's are early in the morning before the kids are up and he is happier person for it and so am I.

Yikes- I'm really sorry that you see this in such an "obligatory" manner. We actually had a long discussion about this topic some time ago b/c my husband felt like he wasn't having his needs met and I thought we were fine.

Bottom line- ask your husband and see what he thinks. Yes, he may be "up" for it every night of the week, but may feel very content with 3 times weekly.

Wow! You are are getting raked over the coals for your wording choice! Damn!

~I understand what you are asking. I know that my husband needs sex to make him feel loved...and less cranky :) My sex drive has absolutely diminished some since having kids (Mine are 7, 5 & 3) and his seems to be going strong. Our 'normal' is anywhere from 3-5x a week. We have been together 13+ years and I have observed that he gets noticeably irritated if he goes longer than 2 days without having sex...so I try not to let it go that long...he's happy, I'm happy, kids are happy...it's a win-win-win situation!

My duties are housework and laundry.

My sexcapades, however? A few times a week. :)

I have no idea! Hes never put it on the agenda, or the dry erase board as a reminder. He has also never expressed how often he wants it. We have gone over a week before and been fine, sometimes its 2 or three times a day for a week strait.

Really it just depends on if the kids fall asleep at the right times, our schedules match and we are not ill or entertaining a group (which is often)

Duties? Do you love your man? Wish him to be happy and fulfilled? Than do not call making love to him and showing him how desired he is a "duty". I would ask the question "how many days each week do I want my husbands to show me in a way that I understand how much he loves and desires me?" Because that is the same question. How many times is it "fair" to let the man in your life know you still truly want him? Only you can answer that, but I know I would want to be shown my hubby loves and desires me more than once per week.

Men understand action better than words, so you can tell him you love and desire him every day, but if you than turn away from being intimate with him more days than not, he will see that actions speak louder than words, and that your desire is not real.

I know for me, even when I am not really feeling it (as happens to us all) I still make sure that I say yes at least every other time, and I will initiate at least one night each week. I never want my hubby to have to question whether he is still the man for me. And I get joy from the fact that he is happy and fulfilled. and in turn he does things he knows make me happy, like helping out with the kids and house without me having to ask, and other such tasks. When a man is happy in his relationship he will go out of his way to be sure his woman feels the same.

There is no "duty sex" in our house. It happens when we both want it. If one of us is horny and the other isn't, we have opposable thumbs and Astroglide.

The same amount as he needs to fulfill his duties as a husband....every night. LOL.
Sorry I don't believe in it being my "duty" as a wife. We do it when we feel like it and when everything works out we both have a high sex drive and have sex nightly. When life gets in the way it's whenever we can. =)

It's wording like this that really drive me nuts. I cannot comprehend how in the year 2011 there are so many people around who still view situations in this manner.

Maybe the two of you need some couples counseling to get back into an actual loving relationship where you show each other that you care about one another's feelings & well being...?

Wow... I don't think the words "Fair" or "Duties" really plays into a healthy relationship. Most especially regarding sex.

I think once a week is FINE. I'm really not sure I understand "compromising" on sex. Sorry, I'm just at a loss. If I'm in the mood, yeay for both of us! If one of us isn't, or is tired, boy, it's just not that big of a deal. I've been on both sides of this, and while yes, it's sometimes disappointing to be the one being told "no thanks", my husband is a human being, not a sex robot.:) He is entitled to sleep when he's tired, or decline sex much in the way someone else is entitled to decline desert it they don't want it.

What happens if you do it when you aren't in the mood? For me, I would be feeling a bit resentful. It's sex, not doing the dishes or taking out the trash. The brain is the biggest, most powerful sex organ in the body, and my brain has to be fully engaged and into it, or else, why bother? If he is feeling good, but I'm doing it "just for him", then the relationship can get out of whack. Guys can, by the way, help things along-- offer a nice massage, a glass of wine, do the dishes *for you* so you are less tired.... the kind of things that make a woman think "Mmmmm.... touch feels great and I'm so relaxed and right now, I am so into you, you awesome man". Those can help make a moment happen. Intimacy is a deeply personal thing, and for me, it's all about quality, not quantity.

ONE. That's what we do. But try to make it a good one. :)

UPDATE: I can't believe you all are really having that much sex. More power to you! Every relationship is different.

I think its interesting that some of the responses make is seem like sex is the only was for you to make your husband feel loved. My husband and I have a great relationship, and although I know he would love to have sex more, we usually have it 1 or 2 a week. Mostly on sundays when the kids are napping :) Life is busy, we work opp schedules and I am usually asleep before he gets home from work, and he is asleep when I have to go to work in the morning. If sex were the only way I could make him feel loved and appreciated then I would be in trouble! We both thank each other all the time for the little things that we notice the other person has done, "thanks for doing the dishes this morning, thanks for washing that load of laundry, thanks for getting up with the kids last night"...etc. I think there are different types of relationships and different needs. If my husband told me he needed sex more often then I would try to meet his need, but I feel so drained at the end of the day that it wouldn't always be something I would want to do, thus the world "duty". Don't let some of these responses get to you negatively. Obviously you care enough about your husband to be thinking about this, thinking about him feeling satisifed and loved. Maybe you need some relaxtion time of your own to feel more able to give? My husband and I just went away for the weekend and it was amazing.

Once a week.

Not saying what purpose it serves.
Duty or not.

We still make love nightly, sometime 2 or 3 times:)
Even if I am not in the mood he gets me there:)
It makes me happy to satisfy his needs as it does for him. There are days when we are both just to tired but not many of them. I couldn't imagine going a week with out.
If it works for you and your husband then that's all that matters

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Perception is everything but don’t pay attention to the negative comments. I TOTALLY understand the question. Really it depends on your stage of life. We have a 17 y/o 3 y/o & 18 month old. When we just had the oldest it was at least 2 times a day. Then came along the next 2 and I am sorry to say that my level of desire really depends on how I am feeling. If I am to tired then I will sleep. Men don’t tie emotions to sex however so they are up for it 24/7.

Once or twice a week is great for me, my husband would be fine with every day but we have 2 toddlers at home. So he's totally good with the 1-2 times a week. I know it's been a few too many days for my husband when he starts making jokes about sex every 6 seconds. :)

I'm not going to go into the sex shouldn't be a duty thing. It is what it is in your household and if that means it is a duty then so be it. If you want to compromise and he wants to have sex 7 times a week and you want to have sex once a week then I would say 3 times would be a good compromise.

Duties??? Hmm, maybe once during the week & once on the weekend?

Apparently, some people didn't see the quotation marks around duties!! :)

If I am not having it for me, I don't have it, so my simple answer is zero. Sex isn't a duty in our house.

I don't see it as being a duty... Almost daily? Sometimes we skip a day or two, but when we both have time and energy, it's on! =)
I think it is important to keep that aspect of a relationship alive. I am not saying that is what a relationship should be based on, but it kinda keeps the flames going. I like feeling like we are still in love, not just going through the motions of being a family you know?

I think it varies with each couple. I've talked to friends who call it the "Saturday night special" (only doing it once a week) and others who go a couple of months (which I personally don't find healthy). My husband's sex drive is higher than mine, but I am almost always willing to accommodate if he's really in the mood. He has explained to me before however that he prefers "quality" over "quantity," so to speak. He doesn't want me to just "accommodate" often, he'd rather I be into it. We average about three "good" times a week, but my kids are getting older so I'm less tired.
Don't be hard on yourself about this subject. During the different seasons of marriage, sex is more or less enjoyable. If you have really small children, for example, great sex is going to be further between because there simply isn't a lot of time and/or energy. Just make sure you are both content by knowing what each of your needs/wants are.
Good luck!

My hubby is lucky if he gets once a month. We have two boys and we both work full time, I also have a sewing business on the side. I'm to tired after all of that.

I think 2-3 times a week, but that is pretty normal for us. I asked my husband (sitting next to me) and he said it depends on how good it is! :)

He is an everyday kind of guy and I am a once a week girl. That's not to say I don't enjoy it or do it out of "duty", but I have to think about it more to keep it in mind. If not i get lost in the sea of work/kids/dishes/laundry/cooking....etc.

Havent had sex with my hubby since January!
(armywife)

But when hes home id say 1-2x a week... depending how we felt or whats going on.

2, maybe more on the weekend

Personally I am a once or twice kinda woman. He would prefer every 2 days. However that being said I am very content with that due to the fact he works a lot of hours outside the home and I have a home business and take care of a toddler and household duties.
It varies from couple to couple and you just have to make sure you put your marriage first and make "Love making sessions" a priority!!

I'm always surprised at these questions! Honestly it takes him a lot more work to get me "there" than it does for me to do the same for him. I pretty much lay back and enjoy the ride. I'd like to have a go at least a few times a week, but he just doesn't have the energy, poor guy, he works so hard ;) But it's at least once a week, for sure.

At least once a week. I get antsy after a week without...lol! (or will start having orgasms in my sleep...tmi... i know) I am sure my husband would go for more. Some weeks we do. He seems content though :)

PS i know what you meant by "duties", i didnt take it the wrong way :)