How Moms Fit in 3Rd Child and Working FT?

If you don't have the time to put into another child, then don't have one. Is there a reason why your kids can't call him daddy?

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If you don't have the time to put into another child, then don't have one. Is there a reason why your kids can't call him daddy?

I was in a different situation but I had to make the decision to have a 2nd baby or not. My husband and I planned on having 2 children. I had my first baby 3 months before I turned 40 (my husband was 44). I also work full time and I do not have the option to stay home. (My husband can work from home most of the time so he has done most of the daily "mommy" duties since my son was born). My husband really wants a 2nd baby but it became clear to me very quickly that I couldn't handle it and work full time - plus I'm exhausted. When my son was about 1 year old my husband started the "we have to have a 2nd baby soon" conversation. I sort of avoided it until I finally just told him how I felt. I couldn't handle it, it was too stressful and if we had a 2nd baby I would have a nervous breakdown and we would probably wind up divorced. I felt guilty about my decision but I knew I could be a better mother and wife with only one child. We can do a lot more things with and for our one child than we could with 2. My son is 7 now. He's happy and healthy and says he doesn't want any siblings and he doesn't want to share mommy with anyone else. My husband still wants a baby but he understands my reasoning and he's willing to live with my decision.

I understand that your husband wants his own biological child. However, if you really can't handle it, he has to understand that.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I agree with some of the other Moms. Your health comes first. If there are complications, will husband step up to the plate and help you? Is he a "hands on step dad? Is he willing to take your kids to their soccer games/ baseballgames and tote a baby with him? You are working 12 hours in a row. Does he do house chores or are you in charge of all of that? These are questions I would present to hubby. Having a third child? You need a maid at least once a week just to keep up. Check your finances and see if that helps you decide too. Do you need a new car that fits more people?

We decided to have two. Both of my brothers have 3 and 4 kids. They cannot afford to buy a house or go on vacations.

You need to sit down with Hubby and write a "life plan" with goals and dreams. What is your goal this year as a family?

It sounds to me like you've just made yourself a long list of "why I don't want to have another child."

Unless you have a reason which outweighs all of the reasons you posted above, you should not have another child. You sound like you are happy being a mom of two, but feel guilty about your husband not being biologically related to your children. Talk to HIM about this, including all of your fears, and see what comes out of the conversation. If, after that, you still don't want to have another child, tell him that so you may move forward in your lives.

I think that there's a lot more to your question than just working full time with three.

Have you talked honestly and openly with your current husband about your fears of a third pregnancy? Even the illogical fear that he will turn into your ex-husband? If you can get past that piece (and by "get past" I mean come to a place where the pregnancy fear isn't holding you back, not that it's unreasonable at all), then...

People have three and work full time the same way they do it with 2. Yes, it would be different to work full time when the new one is a baby, but so much about this child's life would be different. You'd be busier, but there would also be the extra joy of another child. There isn't a right answer here, but I guess you just do it, love your kids, and know that you're doing the best you can for your family. That's all there really is, right? Good luck.

Our dear friends have 3. They constantly tell us that it's so difficult. Going from one to two is nothing compared to going from 2 to 3. They never have time for anything. It's difficult for them to go on a vacation, having 3 in the backseat there's constant arguing, a hotel requires an extra bed. The kids get very little one on one time. Note: there is a 5 year difference between the youngest and middle child.

Yes, every pregnancy if different. If you've already had a high risk pregnancy, and now you'll have another high risk (over 35), its something you need to consider.

How many children you have is a personal choice to be decided on by a husband and a wife. If both partners aren't 100% in agreement, there's the possiblity of a lot of tension and resentment.

My Dad always told me, "If you have to think twice about it, the answer is NO"....And believe it or not, that advice has helped me make numerous life changing decisions.....and has SAVED me from MANY a heartbreak! :-)
Also (if you're a Dr Laura listener), the one who says "NO" (in the case of having children) has the power.

Do not bring another child into this...you have your plate full...hubby needs to FULLY embrace your children as his own (unless, of course, you led him on in regards to having a "bio kid" between the two of you)

I guess no one can really make that decision but yourself. I think that the concerns you described are more than enough reasons for most people not to have another kid. There is not a right or wrong answer, but you should have a candid discussion with your husband - about the realities of having another child (especially an infant, whose needs he is probably not familiar with) and about what is lacking (if any) in the current relationship b/w him and your 6 & 7 year olds. Good luck.