My husband and I are renewing our efforts to pay attention to our budget and spending and we were analyzing grocery bills (which are shockingly high LOL). Anyway...as we were going through this month's spending and I was prepping a list of things for him to pick up at the store, I heard myself saying "well that Monday was when I cooked the extra lasagne a brought over dinner to a neighbor brigade family...those ingredients were for when I brought desserts to the shelter when we served dinner...those ingredients were for the cupcakes for the hockey bake sale...these are for the teacher luncheon on Friday...there's the dessert I'm sending in for the Sunday School bake sale this week..." And that's on top of "well I picked up some stuff from the deli so the kids and their friends could have lunch after mid years...that was the night we had 4 extra kids here and I bought pizza...that was for dinner and breakfast for Zach's birthday party...that was the Saturday we cooked a turkey and invited extra people over..."
My husband was kind of stunned at how much cooking we (I) do for people who are not our immediate family. It's not breaking our budget - it's the unexpected takeout or stops at Wendy's or Dunkin Donuts that are really unnecessary and are killing us - but it definitely adds up to $100 or more a month so it's not chump change either. To me, this is just one of the pleasures of having friends, family, and being a contributing member of a community. To him, it's more than $1000 a year in extra expense.
So...is this the norm for you? How much extra cooking do you do...or if you're one to write a check or buy something to donate vs. cook, how much do you spend on a regular basis? Just curious to know if this is as normal and routine as I think or as unnecessary as my husband thinks.
Wow. This made me think! Cookies for Christmas gatherings, cookies for meetings, cookies for baby showers, cookies for Christenings...... oh, and huge cheesecakes for any party or dinner.
Now I know why I'm gaining weight!!!!
At my house, you never know who is going to show up for dinner. I swear the nephews, grandkids, cousins and friends KNOW when to arrive for dinner. I always make extra - very rarely have any leftovers! So, for me it's nightly. Also, I do send food for school parties and will bake some cupcakes for school bake sale. That's only a couple of times a year. I bet if I only cooked for my family, I would cut my grocery bill in half!
It sounds like food is your way to "give" and there is nothing wrong with that. I look at it as a donation, we all give a little here and there. I probably give more than $1,000 a year in donations to schools, church, a few charities I give $20 and $30 here too every few weeks. I am also consistently uncluttering my house by giving toys, clothes, furniture to the goodwill (while others might try to turn a buck at a yard sale) To me that's the same thing. We all have our own way of "giving". If you enjoy always being the food provider, baker and it brings you joy, PLUS others benefit (the bake sale, the sick neighbors) then I think it is $1,000 a year well spent.
I also find pleasure in cooking and baking and will find often find myself going the extra mile for the bake sale or pot luck when I could just go the box o' brownies route :)
Yes..this is the norm for us as well. But...my hubby and I are on the same page. He is often asking me to make or bake something so he can take it to work or to an elderly or ill person at church. He is just as on board as I am for having friends over and our kids' friends over..which means snacks,dessert,drinks or a meal.
I think the grand total annual price is totally normal. Try getting your hubby on board with understanding that this is part of having a wonderful life full of family,friends and community.
Tell him you will try harder to look for sales on items and shop at cheaper stores. I have found a local treasure trove for snacky stuff,drinks and treats for those bakes sales or "snacks" needed at a classroom party. The store is called, Grocery Outlet. I swear I have cut our food bill by 50% now that I shop there.
Tell him you will also be more vigilant about asking for people to bring a side dish/dessert when you have company over and also choose a cheaper meal to provide. This way he feels validated...and it gets your mind focused on going a little cheaper when out grocery shopping.
You sound like a very kind and generous M.. Keep it up!!
Think of it as "charitable giving" or a donation. I read an article just a few weeks ago where the writer said one of their family goals was to give away 25% of their income to charities/the needy each year. I know my parents and many other churchgoers routinely give 10% or more of their income to their church, and much of that goes to the needy. When you think of it that way, $1000.00 a year does not seem so over the top (not to discount the niceness of it...I am just saying that if you can afford to do it, it does not seem ridiculous).
My best friend, and all her sisters, cook 1 meal a week each for their parents who have severe health issues. My friend is looking for a house with an in-law apt so her parents can come live with her when they need to. The ingredients, the gas money for driving weekly meals over, the time spent, and of course, the cost of a bigger home...it really adds up. But, what goes around comes around...I think if we help others where we can, that is just part of being a good citizen. It is a kindness and I think it is great that you do it.
Me personally: I don't cook for others quite as much as you do. I will help the PTA out maybe once or twice a year with treats or helping with the teacher appreciation dinner. I will send food for class parties, and with three kids, that ends up being many times a year. I end up supplying the bulk of the food for family parties, because they are generally at my house and we have a bit more income than my family members, so I try to take on a bit more so they don't feel so strapped. We like to host get-togethers a lot and we enjoy cooking. We probably spend about $100 a month on food that will be at least shared with others, but our family is usually eating part of it, too.
I bring someone sick or new parents dinner probably about once or twice a year. Kid bake sales or events like that are about 3x a year. So maybe 5x a year or so? Not sure exactly. Definitely not $100 a month worth of food! That is way too much for our family to handle. Having kids over and feeding them...I don't know. I do exchange playdates so the other families invite over our kids and feed them as much as I feed their kids. So that all evens out pretty much. I'm not really keeping track though.
We don't have adult dinner guests more that once a month, but the boys do often have friends over for meals, maybe once or twice a week sometimes. I provide a dish for a church function probably once a month. My husband asks me to make a dish for a work potluck once a month. I will send some baking for the teachers at the holidays and end of the school year, and supply a snack for class parties a few times a year. I am a very thrifty grocery shopper, plan ahead and only buy when on sale. We keep fast food to once a week, and then we buy the cheapest meals on the menu and drink water.
It seems like a lot. My daughter LOVES to bake and is very talented at making amazing dishes, so she wants to do it all the time. The kids have had a lot of snow days lately, so she has been baking a lot. Ouch!
I have one coworker who is always bringing in amazing dishes. They are so good and she does it at least once a week. I've always wondered what it costs her to do that, but she loves it, so I don't see her stopping.
I cook everyday for my family.
And that is our grocery budget.
I feed my family first.
And I am not a baker. Although I do know how to bake very well.
Outside I that, I do not cook/bake/bring food to or for things.
Unless it is a special gathering etc.
We don't usually eat out or get take out.
I control, what outside things I choose to, bring food for.
Because it is about budget.
Groceries/food in my State is expensive.
I don't really cook for others much anymore, but I understand your shock at the amount. Still, it's like any other nonessential thing in your budget. I have friends who spend thousands on personal grooming in 12 months, but skimp on other expenses to make that happen.
I probably spent $100 a month on books, magazines, and other reading materials for several years in my early 30s. I can't justify that expense anymore even with trimming away at other things because our food spending ballooned when my daughter was diagnosed with food allergies.
Almost never. I will make a meal if a friend has a baby or surgery (maybe once a year). I will also send stuff in for class parties. That is it.
Well yes, I did. I used to do this a lot more when our daughter was still here at home and in school. Mostly as thank you gifts to people that helped us out. Or people that were going through a difficult situation.
But I also had some very inexpensive things I prepare. Cupcakes? I can make 2 dozen for less than $5.00. House brand boxed cake mix, instead of 3 eggs, I use 4 or 5 egg yolks, and Mexican vanilla. The paper cups? I purchase those when they are on sale for less than a $1.00 ofr 50. . I use the already made cream cheese icing that is the house brand.
Or I make a pan of brownies with a house brand mix and sprinkle powdered sugar on top.. This is like $4.00 at the most.. again add a tsp of vanilla to give them a richer flavor. Makes 3 dozen,
Banana Pudding, always a treat and super inexpensive to make.
I roast a whole chicken when they are on sale for 99 cents a lb. add some tortillas, a jar of hot sauce,(i make my own).. Chicken tacos.
Or a bag of chicken legs with thighs, when they are on sale for 79cents a lb. I grill them and put BBQ sauce on them.. 3 lbs for less than $3.00 I can afford that,
Brown rice and a bag of salad, boom done.Total less than 10. my goal is always Less than $10. for a family of 4.
All of this is easy for me to do because I am already cooking anyway. and way cheaper than trying to find a gift as a thank you.
They do not need another THING, but they have to eat and feed their families. And many people that work full time honestly do not always have time to cook.,
BUT, I never felt obligated. It was just a way to show my appreciation and really was easy to make 2 meals as one meal just for us.
The avoiding eating out or getting take out takes more work.. I always had a cooler in the back of the car with bottled waters. This was in case I was carting other kids around. I had packages of Peanut butter crackers. some little tangerines, or apples.
If I made a meal like your lasagna, I made 2 and froze individual servings. Chili? I would freeze some so we could have chili dogs.
I kept tortillas in the freezer. They thaw super fast.. all of these things so if we were starving, we did not always have to fall back on fast food.
Anyway, I promise when your children are no longer home, you are going to save a fortune. Just by the lack of all of the food you are going through and giving as gifts.
And I am sure ya'll will think this is horrible, but down here, we do pot lucks a lot. The person hosting makes the main dish and everyone else beings a side, dessert , etc.. We love doing this. None of us can afford to always host a full blown dinner for all of our friends. So this is a good way for us to be able to see each other more often.
If you are really watching your budget, then yes, you will probably need to cut back or quit doing this. Because it is not a necessity.
Cooking? For OTHER people? Girlfriend, please. We just had to rip out our entire kitchen (due to a massive water leak that destroyed all the drywall and cabinetry). My husband assured me it would be remodeled by the weekend (we are general contractors, so this is not out of the realm of possibilities, really), and I told him not to bother. If it takes him another 2 months, I'd be fine with it. "Oh, I can't possibly bring snacks to the Girl Scouts meeting - I have no kitchen. You know how it goes!"
We don't have family close by, and we don't have a church or social group like that we attend, so that reduces the cooking for others considerably. When our friends have new babies, we might get them a gift certificate for a favorite takeout place, just so they can use it any time they need.
We do share, though, when we make baked goods. 75% of our cookies go elsewhere (teachers, neighbors, friends) and we do make tea loaves and other yummies to bring to gatherings.
No not the norm at all as I don't seem to be involved with my community or other things as you. The only time I really cook for others is if I invite them over (not even once a month) They are having a hard day, or if it's a mom in my group who could use the pick me up or just had a baby. Basically it's whenever I feel like being nice or I actually have time to lol.
If your husband is uncomfortable with the amount spent on those things then it might be best to come down to an agreement
