How Should I Make My Child Less Depressed?

13 yr old girls have no business playing with the guys the same age-the guys are too strong and clearly, unsportsmanlike. Focus on the best friend-keep those two together when you can-take her to get some help-most of it is probably her age-get her involved with a charity-somehow we feel great helping others-and fortunate. Maybe she'd like to take tennis lessons or dance-something that she can excel at-that doesn't rely on being part of a team. Good luck.

I think you need to discern whether this is typical teen behavior or actual "depression". If she is, indeed, depressed, I'd look into some counseling for her.
If it's typical stuff, get her into activities to build self esteem.
Try to relate your experiences to illustrate that the things we think are SUCH a big deal in middle school/high school are nothing once we're older.

Well, a lot of what you describe is normal for a 13 year old girl. Hormones are running rampant, and the switch to jr high is hard.

But, that doesn't mean you should ignore your concerns. I think the best thing is to spend time with her; genuine, one-on-one time. My daughter (12) and I like to hang out together. We can go to a movie or out to lunch, or just for a walk together. We talk about what is going on in our lives, and we both listen. I know that when a teenager has an adult to talk to, who really listens, and who expresses love on a frequent basis, has a lot more resilliance for other issues in life.
Also familiarize yourself with the symptoms of clinical depression in teens, and especially what the warning signs are of suicidal behavior (loss of interest in things, withdrawal, sleeping more or less than normal, giving away things that are important to them, talk of death or dying). If you really think that she's in over her head and what you can do to help, call the pediatrician right away and get a referral to a child psychologist.
But like I said, it sounds (so far) like normal teenage angst.

Get her into extracurricular activities outside the school that has no association with the school. When I was in high school I had friends who were in dance companies and soccer that had no attachment to the school and we had friends that didn't go to our school and noone in our group felt any pressure to "fit in" with the high school crowds... hope you understand what I'm getting at. I find this in the marine corps too... your shoppe has all these pressures and people fight but if your close and friends wiith people who don't work in your shoppe (area, like a certain Jcpenney but not your store kind of thing) there's no extra pressure and no prejudgements... you just click better.

If you are concerned, talk to her pediatrican. It could just be normal teen angst, but that's why we have doctors: so we don't have to figure this stuff out on our own. Your ped can give you a concrete list of worrisome behaviors to watch for, and if necessary, evaluate your daughter and decide whether further intervention is necessary.

Yes, being 13 totally sucks. Everyone feels a little like an alien with three heads in junior high - that they are unwanted, unlovable, and will never "fit in." But it can be a fine line between normal growing pains and clinical depression. If you are worried, talk to her doctor. Trust your instincts. And in the meantime, assure your daughter that she is loved and wanted by you, that she fits into your family, and that you are always available to listen whenever she needs it.

Good luck - and good for you for being so attentive to your daughter at during this rough time of social transition.

Robin's suggestion is great – participate with her in helping people in need. It's a lovely life habit that fosters gratitude, which is one of the healthiest emotions to have.

But she is at a very difficult age. I'd start by reatding the teen version of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. These are truly lovely books, wise, workable, and so empowering to our children. I think you and your daugther will be glad you try this approach, which gives her space and support in exploring her issues and finding solutions that will work.

Another brillliant book is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, and the concept of Emotion Coaching, another term you can google for lots of useful information. (Here's one good link to get you started: http://www.education.com/reference/article/important-pare... .)

If she continues to seem sad and mopey, or you have gut feelings that things are just not right with her, don't hesitate to get her some counseling if you can afford it.

First, tell her this is normal.

Get her involved with another activity or club, esp. outside of school. Such as horseback riding, 4-H, or other activity that focuses on skills and not appearance or popularity. She needs to feel good about herself outside of appearance. She may be able to (gasp) meet new friends!

If it continues, consider an all-girls school so your daughter has a chance to focus on her whole person.

Make sure she can hang out with other older teens or adult women who can give her a bit of perspective. Teens tend only to talk to other teens and get "tunnel-vision," thinking that the WHOLE WORLD is all about appearance and popularity. Adult women can model other much-needed perspectives.

If she's texting, take away the phone after 9 pm. Sometimes girls text past bedtime and get wrapped up in their own little worlds of crisis-mode.

Schools are still playing dodgeball? Yuck!

please please please get her into a therapist!!! like monday

I have a 13 yr old daughter who up until this past year has been very inward - i would encourage her to invite her friends over - or if u drive her & any of her friends home from school start inviting the kids over for pizza & movies - WII night - just throw it out there.

My daughter was shocked this past Feb when she walked in to find about 20 some odd of her friends at a surprise b-day party for her that me & 2 of her best friends arranged for her. I try to get a little involved (well, very involved) because I know just where you are coming from - it's scary and just hearing about their days (which is the first thing I'm sure to ask about) can be a little disturbing with what they are up against. Best of luck to you.

First of all I know here in Texas Title 1 makes it so that PE is now all coed..for all of the years in school..

The next thing is that as other moms have said, this still falls in the normal part of being a teen girl.
I also agree to look at what her actual interest are.

Our daughter was always way more mature than a lot of her peers. She had a few friends, I would not say any best friends until she got to College.

She just could see the games other played in middle and high school and was not into playing those games.

She began to find others that had her "nerdy interests". At the time she was into anime, she loved art and she decided to try Rowing.

It seemed there were others with these interest so she did not feel all alone.

Ar school when the dances were going to take place, she volunteered to make the signs advertising. She volunteered to help sell the glow necklaces and the snacks.. This way she was there, but did not have to dance.

She spoke with the librarian about allowing the kids to put together puzzles, before school and during lunch time. They still do this at that middle school.

The Art teacher realized there were a group of kids that really enjoyed art, so he started and art club. We even organized a trip to see the Monet exhibit in Houston. Again, these tended to be "her people"..

So help your daughter realize that she may feel different then others, but in reality there are other students like her, she just has not found them. Offer to send her to some classes this summer or for her to join sports team, volunteer group. Let her take a Red Cross baby sitting course so she can begin babysitting. These will be accomplishments of her own. She will not seek the approval of other kids so much.

Do keep an eye on her and if she begins to change her attitude about school, homework or at home, speak with her and see if it something more serious.

PMS is real and even if she has not started menstruating. the symptoms still appear. and the more females in your home.. the more magnified it can seem..

If she spends a lot of time on computer social sites like facebook and myspace or twitter, limit that time. Have regular outings with her and a couple best friends doing something that will help her build her self esteem, helping at a food bank, going to the senior center and play games and learn about senior citizens, helping at a child care center. Each time you help someone else you build happiness within yourself. If she is at an awkward stage in looks, take her to the hair dressers and have a new style and a new outfit. Now we all know looks shouldn't be important but it is to teenage girls and if it makes them feel better without being artifical, then go for it. Teach her that beauty comes from the inside as much as the outside and if a person complains a lot or is negitive a lot instead of looking at the bright side of things, it dims that inside beauty that should be shining brightly. Also help her look at the bright side of things by asking "What was your favorite thing about today?" Instead of asking "how was your day" By putting a positive twist to the question will help her concentrate on what is the best things in her life. Also point out that each of those "popular girls" feels the same insecurities as she does. Point out that being poplar isn't as important as being a good friend, good examples are Linsey Loahan and Brittney Spears were way to wrapped up in themselves to be a good person or being happy with all that they have going for them. While people that have a lot of sadness in their lives seem to be strong and happy inspite of it. The main reason for that is they give back to people even though they don't have much material things to give, they give what they have time and compassion.

just make sure YOU love her and support her. just make sure that you do things with her as a family, or just you and her or something.

maybe she has an interest in something? she could join a group, or you could start a group of kids with similar interests?

i found in my own experience it sounds much like this, but i knew my family had my back. just try to keep in touch with her and do special things with her. it is probably hard to know what to do - shes a teen now, but im sure theres something shes interested in.

Help your daughter to get out of her school world. Life is bigger than school and at that age it doesn't seem like it at all. So if you feel like u don't fit in at school it feels like you don't fit in anywhere. I loved the Idea of helping others somehow -anything to get her focus off of herself. You can have her help you pick out what todo,or If you don't think she'd go for the idea, make it be your idea and ask her to help you do this thing you want to do.. Keep the line of communication open on your side even if she doesn't talk back. Tell her she's important to your family. Talk to her about what she wants to do after school and all the possibilities that are open to her and help her set up a plan to achieve her goals for herself. If she feels like people dont like her, she may be feeling worthless and you need to help her realize that she is liked and she is worth something.
One thing to NEVER do is NEVER tell her it's normal for a girl her age to feel like this!!! You don't know everything going on in her head and maybe it's normal, maybe it's not. But if it's more than the normal hormonal changes she could feel like it's her fault for not being able to manage it... She is just developing her self image and maybe, with your help or even maybe counseling if u decide she needs it, maybe you can help her curb the negative feelings and help her develop more positive reactions to situations. It may be normal to feel like an outsider or unpopular at times, but in my experience, sometimes feeling unwanted long enough makes you start to lose value in yourself and that is anything but something we should consider 'normal.'. Good for you to ask for advice and to try to help your girl! Be honest with her and tell her how much you love her and if you think she can handle it, you could even be up front with your fears as a way to show her respect and to open the lines of communication. Tell her your dreams for her future and how she can do anything.. Just get her out of the mindset that school and the people in it are Everything. Maybe even point out to her who you talk to still that you knew then?
"If someone hurts you they don't matter, and if they matter, they won't hurt you!".
Anyway, sorry for rambling, it just sounds familiar to when I was a kid and for me it wasn't just 'normal'. And I really could have used someone telling me it was ok and helping me thru it. So I admire you for doing everything you can to watch out for your girl!