Okay so I had my son three months ago. The day I was getting discharged from the hospital I actually had an interview scheduled for a job (I was so worried about interviewing 41 weeks pregnant i didn't even think that I could be in the hospital having him! lol). So I called them thinking I'd have to cancel because I was in the hospital (they still don't know why I was there, and legally couldn't ask), but they wanted to phone interview me. I was excited as this job is much better hours, benefits, and much closer to what I really want to be doing in social work. Well I didn't hear from them for a month. Then I get a call wanting to schedule a second interview while I'm on maternity leave. I go to the interview, the mentioned to another person in the interview about my need for a phone interview, but again didn't actually ask why I was in the hospital cause they can't. Move ahead another month, I'm back at work, and I get a phone call offering me the job!!!! YAY! I'm very excited even with this long process that has been complicated to work around a newborn. So I'm projected to start the beginning of June.
I guess my question is, when you started working at a place, did you try to not discuss that you had kids until your probationary period was over? I know they can't technically fire you for having a family, but I live a state where they don't have to provide a reason for termination either, so they could technically if they wanted too. At the same time, their first encounter with me was in the hospital, they didn't even know why I was in there, and they still wanted to hire me so I'm thinking they probably don't care. I'm not married and I'm in my 20s so it's not like there is an automatic assumption that I probably have a family. What do you think? Do you think I could come my first week and put up pictures of my baby in my office space? Or should I keep waiting?
and yes, I realize this might be a dumb question to some, but I've never had to deal with having a baby and starting a new job. I was pregnant with him at my current one and they didn't even find out I was pregnant till i was done with my probationary period.
So a few comments. I wasn't talking about a shrine or anything to my newborn. That is a little ridiculous especially whenever you just started a job! lol But, I have a picture that I have on my desk currently and it helped a lot when I had to return to work and start leaving him at the daycare. It's just one picture of me, his dad, and him. I also wasn't planning an immediate placement of it since I don't even know what my work space is like yet. But, I figured once I started getting settled I would bring it in. I also was thinking that if i bring it up then it would be in a more natural type conversation.
I didn't mention it in the interview because honestly, me having a baby has nothing to do with my ability to do this job. I'm a great worker (or at least I like to think so). I figured if they are hiring a person, no matter who they hire, they are running the chances that they have working parents. Plus, I have had several managers tell me when I was going to interview for the job that they are way more likely to not hire you because they know you have a newborn (even though they're not supposed to discriminate, you have to admit that it happens) then they are to terminate you after you start working. So I wasn't going to say anything. I told them I was in the hospital when they phone interviewed me, but I didn't tell them why. I'm kind of thinking like one other person said that if they wanted to hire me after that, then the probably won't care as much if they learn about the baby eventually. I was just hesitant cause I've heard different things and some women said they NEVER talk about their children even if it comes up in natural conversation.
Right away! When I was interviewing I was changing roles from project manager to an exec asst....There was a break in between because I did some temp work...When I finally started to interview I was honest because based on my resume a manager could see clearly that I was aiming for work/life balance.... :)
My boss heard my son playing in the background when I was doing the phone interview. LOL
I told anyone I interviewed with upfront simply because its a part of who I am and inevitably there are times I need to leave early, come in late or call out due to things going on with my son.
If there is any "need to know" then tell them. Things like "I'm sorry, I can't stay late as I need to pick up my son at daycare by 6." I'd let it come up naturally. I think the concern comes from people abusing the good will of employers by pulling the kid card, but if you prove you are a good worker and all that, then don't hide the fact that you have kids. A lot of people have kids and work FT. I do agree that if you are nursing and pumping, they should know simply to allow you the time by law to pump. And it might help if your boss knew you had an infant regarding all those first year dr's appointments. Not as an excuse, but as a fact.
However, I have also learned to keep most of my private life private. They don't need to know when he kept you up, when he learned to potty train, etc.
Unless having a baby would keep you from doing your job, I don't see why it would matter. The only thing that should matter to them is if you show up on time and do the job you're supposed to. You don't have to share any info about your private life that you don't want to. I can't see why you would want to hide the fact that you have a baby or blab to everyone about it either. I'm sure co-workers might ask you questions about yourself. Answer honestly if you want to. I personally think it would look worse to hide the fact that you have a baby and have it come to light later on - you'll look like you lied.
If you haven't already mentioned your son, I'd just let him come up naturally in conversation. What that means is talk about him if someone asks if you have children, but don't start telling everyone about him immediately. It's a good idea to keep all of your personal details personal until you know your new office mates better, so this is the advice I'd give whether your baby was 3 months old or 10 years old. Also, I wouldn't put up pictures of him right away. I don't think it's a good sign to personalize your office space too quickly no matter whether you have kids or not. But certainly don't hide the fact that you have a child.
I was always pretty upfront about having kids, just so it wasn't a huge surprise when I had to leave because one of them had to get picked up from school if they were sick or something (and with my 2nd, she was only 3 weeks old when I started my new job, so they had to give me an adequate lunch break so I could pump). Honesty is always the best policy. They may see it as lying by omission if you don't bring it up casually. Just reassure them that it won't affect your job; that you have daycare and a backup plan, etc. YES, you're going to want those baby pics on your desk, go for it!! Congrats on the job!
They knew right away. My son has a blood disorder and I have to have some flexibility to leave work i nan emergency. I have not had many times where it seemes I took advantage-though this has been a banner year for us. I figure since my job has nothing to do with my kids except for my son--they hired me because they figured I have the experience or knowledge to do the job. Actually, when a new person starts, they send an email to those that will work with them about the person, including any family and where they come from. I would think that since they were not scared off from speaking to you in the hospital, they won't be scared off by your child.
Certainly don't come in and set up a shrine to your newborn until you have had time to gauge the corporate climate. EAch is different and better to go in on the less "in your face" end.
(saw your update - I didn't mean literally - I was just joking and being a little fippant - I really didn't assume you would do this- my whole hearted apology if this came across wrong)
That said, I wholeheartedly support that you should not hide the fact you are a mommy and that you have a new little one at home, but certainly be focused on what you need to focus on and let any family discussions occur naturally as they would in any other situatations.
That said, if you are pumping you will need to find out where the family room is and the pump bag is a tell-tale sign of being a mom - LOL!
Congratulations on your new gig!
I don't think it's a big deal AT ALL unless you have a child that will be pulling you out of work all the time... As long as your baby isn't interfering with your work, I doubt your boss will care at all. Put up your picture if your workplace allows it, and let them draw their own conclusions. I'm sure you aren't the only parent on staff! :)
I never tell employers I have kids. My last job, I was working a few months & decided to bring my then 15 year old with me, which was normal for a few of the employess, we drove lunch trucks. I had to sign a form, to bring in DD, and the look on my employers face when he realized I not only had kids, but nearly grown ones, was priceless... Not at all what he expected & he said as much :) I dont look old enough to be my older girls' mom, it was pretty funny.
*I dont tell them initially & wouldnt advise it, because while they are not supposed to discriminate, they often do....
Keep your home life at home until you need to do otherwise. If your boss or co-workers ask you directly, then don't lie but if you think that your "unwed mother" status might ruffle feathers, then keep it quiet!
Are you nursing? By law, they have to give you access to pump once every 2-3 hours (although laws vary by state). But if you need to pump during the day, obviously they will find out you have a baby.
Most employers probably won't mind that you have a child. However, if you tend to hide the truth or deceive them, I would think them questioning your truthfulness and honesty would be more damaging. You should casually mention you are a parent so they know you have childcare responsibilities, sick child possibilities, etc. You don't have to say too much, but make sure you don't appear deceptive.
My boss asked in the interview. But kids are not a negative in his book. His office is filled with pictures of his kids and grandkids. He mentioned how important his family was more than once, so I felt comfortable telling him. He wanted to know that I would fit in with ll the other moms in his office. The single girls he had hired were less reliable, showed up late, had poor work ethic, etc.
Were I you, I would have been open in the first place. (Putting on my Manager Hat) I do not think it's too late, but I think this makes you a questionable person now, I would be wondering what else you hid during the process and start digging.
So, I had to read this twice to make sure I understood what you were asking. Maybe its where I live or something, but no one hides that they have children. Newborn or older. It's silly to think that anyone would make their decision on you based on you being a mother. Weird question! Think of it this way, if you didn't bring your pictures out on day one, but waited until later, everyone would think, goodness why did she hide that? Weird.
I told them at my first interview. I wanted to be upfront, because I knew I'd need some flexibility (like, if a kid is sick, childcare issues, doctor's appointments...). My girls are 2 and 4.
If they offered you the job, it's because they like you and they think you're right for the position. I wouldn't hide the fact that you have a baby.
I always have opted not to tell anyone until I am sure they know I can keep my work and personal life seperate. I want to ensure that people know my work accomplishements and why I was hired, WAY before they ever know my personal life. It is just more professional.
I don't lie about it, if a coworker asks. And after a bit I do open up and become much more open about my life.
For me I see bringing pictures in from home and going on and on about your kid on the first day as a bit much for certain employers. It can create an image that your home is more important than this job. Depending on the job though.... some places have policies to allow you to work from home if a kiddo is sick and they realize that we work to provide for that family so we take our jobs seriously. Other employers just don't get it or have had too many bad experiences to appretiate how mothers can be super proud and still very good at their jobs.
I agree I think you should be open about it on day one... even if it is just by putting up pictures in your office. If someone asks you can tell them they are separate issues. If you hide it after your first day you look questionable and shady. Unless they specifically asked and you LIED about it, then I also don't believe it was necessary to mention in you interviews. There are tons of working moms!
