My sister is a bully to her neices and nephews she acts like their feelings don't matter and she bosses them around and hollers at them and treats them like lil slaves. She could ask them but she pretty much forces them to do things. When I got angry for her treating my son very badly she acts like I'm the one wrong for being mad so now we are fueding and she refuses to acknowledge her bad behavior. How does a person deal with someone like this. She has four children and treated them badly too. For instance we were at a hotel and she wanted to go play at the casino so she hollers for two of the neices and say hey you and you are babysitting for my daughter or she say go get me some pop its always orders she never ask them if they would do something. she has her own place and she is 40 years old any where we are at she behaves this way, We don't live with her. The kids are teenagers. Yes bully is the word to use for her.
No, I would not tolerate this at all. I would tell her that she is not permitted to start ordering my children around. If that pisses her off, well so be it.
Don't interact with her anymore.
She is toxic and highly dysfunctional to say the least.
TEACH your kids, to say NO to her.
AND that, YOU are the Mom, and their Aunt cannot boss them.
AND TEACH your children, that this is WRONG behavior. Even if it is a relative. I had to do that with my kids, per a noxious relative we have. I WILL NOT... let even a relative, treat my kids, that way. I taught my kids that... it is a life lesson.
Don't hang out with them anymore.
Does she verge on being abusive?
Sounds like it.
So why be around a person like that?
A little more info --how old is the sister -- how old are your kids -- does she live with you --- ect.
But to keep it simple they are your children tell her she can not see them if she is going to act this way.
After the added info:
She is not so much a bully as just plain rude -- no manners. This is a different story. I hate doing this to someone but most of the time experience is the best teacher. So for instance this year for Thanksgiving TELL her don't ask -- something like (also copy her tone) dinner is at 5 be there at 3 --when she walks in the door become General Patten no politeness just orders HANG UP YOUR COAT -- WHIP THE POTATOES -- TAKE THE TURKEY OUT OF THE OVEN -- SET THE TABLE !!!!
When she looks at you in horror very innocently say to her 'well I thought you liked to be talked to that way that's how you talk to the kids'.
Remove your children from her presence if she steps over the line. Show your children that bullying is not okay, even if it comes from an adult or a relative. She should not be with them without you, and that will prevent her from "forcing" them to do anything. No matter how inconvenient it is, pack them up and put them in the car and leave. You can start with a polite response like "Auntie isn't feeling well so let's leave her until she feels better." (That kind of depends on the ages of the kids.) If she protests, you can say, "I'm sorry sis, but that kind of language is not acceptable in our home or in our family, so I'm not going to allow it to continue." You have found that being angry at her doesn't work, so I wouldn't keep trying that no matter how much you might feel she deserves it. Teach your children to walk away, and teach them that you have their back and will not allow them to be abused.
Your sister cannot do this without your participation or passiveness. If she babysits them without you there, you need to put a stop to it. I am assuming that you have witnessed this inappropriate behavior and it's not that you are listening exclusively to, say, a young child exaggerate or embellish anything. But form the tone of your post, it sounds like it's way beyond a child just being cranky about having to do a sensible chore like put his dishes in the sink and that sort of thing, or to stop torturing the cat. If you say she treats them like "slaves" that's a pretty strong statement so I'm going along with what you say, but if there's any question you should make sure the kids are reliable reporters of what has happened.
I'd suggest NOT feuding openly but simply toning down the sound level by not engaging in any fights with her. Walk away, or stay away. If you must be in a family situation with others there, be with your kids at all times, and take the high road but firmly call them to you and walk into another room.
How is your sister in a position of power to tell your kids what to do like "slaves"?
I have never seen a kid do something they don't want to do just because some family member asked them.
I guess I am confused because the only position of power I can think of is if you all are living in her home and in that case she has every right to tell them what to do though you should be telling them before she has to.
After reading what you added, there is this word, no, that they can say to her. If they are teens there is no reason they can't deal with this themselves.
My ,OH ,My
Correct me if I'm wrong, sounds like she has no children of her own? !
Under what circumstances does she force them to do things, ? Can you give a for instance,...?
I wouldn't allow her to bully them if they were my kids (if I was present), she has to realize kids are people too. Does she have the mentality that kids should do as they are told, without the authority figure (adults,including her) setting a positive example?? She has a lot to learn and will end up missing out on alot of the joy children can bring if she doesn't re-think her behavior and attitude. NO ONE will want to be around her ,I know I as an adult wouldn't want to spend much time with her if this is her behavior and she doesn't think there is anything wrong with it. Was she bullied as a kid ??? She'll never earn a child's respect , or most adults respect for that matter, if she refuses to give any , bottom line. If your only recourse is to stay away, do it, unless you can think of a way to give her a taste of her own medicine (not in front of the kids, though) . Wish you luck, C. S.
you kick in in the shins. that's what you do to bullies, or grab their cheeks and yell=)
no honeslty your kids are old enough to stand up for themselves.
Bully? Shes a bully for demanding someone to do that? Thats not a bully. We let this word fly far to often. Shes demanding, shes not a bully. If she wants to "boss" her kids around that is her parents style. Is she beating them, or just TELLING them to do something? Is she being MEAN about how she asks, or is she flat out telling them just to do something. Were your kids not doing anything at the time, that would require them NOT to get her something? So you think that ordering someone around is being mean and a bad parent? Do you ask your kids to do everything in a sweet tone of voice. Do you never use a voice of authority with them? That she seems to bully or as you think, boss your kids around. Where are you to defend them? You got angry for her talking strongly to your son, but then you let her get to you about how SHE felt about it. THEN did something else with her, instead of defending and sticking on your families side. Its time to get a backbone and tell her to not do that or your not going to hang with her anymore. Also tell her to get off her lazy butt and do it herself, however that's disrespectful to her in front of your kids and hers. Next time your kids don't want to to do things for her, they are old enough to simply and politely say "no". Guess I don't know enough about your sister to say what she is or not. I am not going to really side with either of you. Its possible she is pushing your and her kids around verbally because she CAN. Takes someone to say no, to get the fact that not everyone will do what she wants.
She can do what she wants with her kids - its her business. I would certainly check her when it comes to my kids so that she understands that you do not give her permission to expect your kids to respond the way here's does. Tha t's a deal breaker. She has poor interpersonal skills.
I only read a few of the responses but I think I get it and perhaps they don't. The reason I say this is because my daughter is like with her kids. They can be upstairs and she will call one of them down to go to the kitchen which is 20 feet from her to get her something. I don't really associate it with bullying, but I do believe she treats her kids like slaves. I am raising one of them and I DO NOT allow her to do that to the one I am raising. Her thought is that she provides them with everything they need so they have to do everything for her. I don't subscribe to that theory and I have told her you don't provide for GD I'm raising so you have no right to treat her that way. Of course, she does what she wants so I just limit the amount of time GD is there and when she is there, I make sure we keep in phone contact so when mom gets out of hand, I can go get her. My GS is a teen also; I am counting the years for him when he can leave home!
So, no advice but just wanted you to know that I do get it and it's not right.
Yup, got one of those in my family too and you have to do whatever she wants, basically because she can scare the whootsits out of us. We usually have to walk around on tippy toes around her or carefully time our phone calls. She will twist things in a minute. It is really sad that there are members of the family like that and worse that she can get away with it. But in our family she can and does. So lately we just avoid her.
When you ask a child to do something, you imply that they can say no. She's telling her children what to do. That's not being a bully. It's being a demanding parent.
