How to Decide -- 3Rd Kid or Not?

I am 54 yo & I had my children at 30 & 33 yrs old. I am so sorry I did not have a 3rd child. We thought we couldn't afford it & struggled with the decision for years until I was almost 40 yrs old. Well we never had another one & I so much wish we had.
Best of luck to you.

DO IT! I never wanted kids and now have 3 girls, 4,3 and 1. That last one has just completed us and me sooooooo much better than anyone could ever have told me. Once you've got two, you've done the hard part. After that, the rest is gravy!!!! You'll never regret having another. You may regret not.

Good luck!

Hi C.. You may look back and regret "not having" that 3rd baby, but you will never look back and regret "having" her or him! Go for it!

My great aunt always said you shouldn't have more children than you have hands. It is your decision whether you count your husband's hands as well ;-)

Best wishes with making this very difficult decision!

my biggest regret in life is not having a third child. my children are 24(boy) and 22(girl) now and i still think about it every single day.

My husband and I have 2 boys. I would have liked to have a little girl, but I'm in love with both my boys sooo much. Right now, having another child is not an option considering we have a 6 month old.

The thing is...as much as I would like to have another baby, I worry about how my husband and I will be able to afford it. I want my boys to be able to have extra activities and do things and I want to be able to put them through college, ect. Those things cost big bucks and if we had another child I don't think we'd be able to do it.

If your stressed about making ends meat, than I would advise against it. Your heart may want another child, but you have to think logically as well. Are you really going to be able to financially support 3 children? They get more expensive when they get older. Money problems cause stress and fighting and all sorts of things that aren't good for a family. Just think about it. :)

We're in the same boat. We've got a boy and a girl though. I always told my husband that if I got three boys, I quit. I got my girl, though and now, I'm not sure. I love kids, I know I'd love more, but is it best for us? I like the let God decide idea. I haven't been brave enough to bring it up to my husband yet. Not because he's some overbearing tyrant. He's in school getting his MBA right now, and I think that topic would add too much stress to his plate right now. He is also the sole bread winner. I know in our culture that sounds crazy, but I did work for four years before kids and save every penny for now.

Just remember that children are a blessing. The Bible only has good things to say about having a full quiver. God will provide for all that you need. No matter how many kids you have you'll always find ways to make ends meet. Christmas may be smaller, but you'll have more family to make memories.

I have to admit I am having a really hard time with all those who say 'if it was meant to be, it will happen' and 'children are a blessing from God' and all of that good stuff.

What if the poster really wants another child but is dealing with infertility issues this time around (because yes, there IS such a thing as secondary infertility), should she not go to see a specialist to help her along? If she and her husband keep trying but it does not help, does this mean that God is not blessing her? Or that it wasn't meant to be? Please.

Do what you feel in your heart; none of us can truly advise and tell you what you need to do. Best of luck to you on whatever you decide.

After what happened in my family, my thoughts on this subject are if God is willing to give you more gifts from Heaven, accept them with open arms! My husband and I stopped after our second son was a year old. I did not necessarily agree but he felt so strongly about it that he was willing to get a vasectomy. I reluctantly signed the permission form, thinking what if something happens to one of them? Nah...quit borrowing trouble...

4 years later my worst fears were realized and we lost my older son at age 8 to liver failure brought on by a virus. Our house is sooo quiet without him. I would give anything for some more fighting, wrestling, horseplay, noise, etc.

I say if God is willing, let Him bless you again!

Good luck,

M.
(Check my Mamasource profile to see what we now do to keep our immune systems working well. In James' honor, I spread the news about nutrition and health daily.)

If you believe the Bible, God says that children are His reward and blessed is the man that has a quiver full of them (a quiver is something that hold arrows, and a full quiver is five). However, even knowing that children are a reward from God, many times the reward does not come until much later. We are pregnant with our fourth, and plan to have as many children as God will bless us with, though we don't "plan" our pregnancies. Honestly, three children has been easier than two because my five year old daughter and three year old son play together very well and have learned to do certain things independently. It's much easier now, even with the baby (now 14 months old) than it was when my oldest was three and he was one. I have met people who have regretted not having more children; I have yet to meet any who have said they wish they hadn't had children! (though I'm sure they exist) We live in a very selfish society, and rearing children is, for the most part a selfless act. If you're looking for instant gratification, that's minimal with small children (I know so many moms agree!) but the long term rewards are great! Hope this helps. Be blessed!

It is true that our economy is bad, but if you study economics in college you'll find out that this is just another low point, we've had many throughout history. Look at the big picture. When you go far into the literal Universe and then zoom in, we're only in this planet for a little bit of time. Bringing life into Earth is so precious, you're giving the gift of life to someone else. Since my dog is on my mind today I will use her as an example. There are people that have 2 or more dogs, and that is great for them. But I know in my mind without one single doubt that one dog is sufficient for me. Not one cell in my body wants another dog, I am very happy with my one dog. That is it for me. I have 2 kids, and I have not one but many cells in my body telling me that I want more and I will. It sounds like you have those cells too. You don't want to be old and say, "I wish I would have had one more." When you live life with no regrets, you live life to the fullest!

Ask yourself several questions.

1. Can you afford 3 children? You work now and must know the stress of working and devoting time to two kids. Can you give each child want they want and need without the financial and emotional stress on your marriage?

2. Can you afford to send 3 children to college or will you rely on them getting part-time jobs or taking out loans to put themselves through school? We have two and are are in the majority of parents at this time whose children will graduate from post graduate schools (law school with little or no debt. Praise God that this will continue with an unstable economy)

3. There are issues with 3 children. There are often issues with the middle child that are not easy issues.

4. Are you being selfish because you want that girl and are you willing to make the sacrifice just to have that girl.

I don't mean to try to be negative, just trying to get you to look at the big picture and what the future holds. I know I would be tempted to try for that girl, but I was blessed with one of each, so I have a different outlook. I have a 25 year old daughter in law school and a 20 year old boy in engineering school with hopes of pursuing a law degree. I would never have wanted to take that from them, but if I had added that 3rd child I wanted so badly, our situation would be a totally different picture right now. We would have made it work, but there would have been many sacrifices I would not have wanted to make. I wanted to be able to give my two the most I could possibly give without causing everyone to be stressful. I am glad to hear you are praying about it because that is your best answer! Good luck and God bless!

Hi. I have 4 - just found out I'm pregnant with my 5th. I would say, the third one is tough because you can't split them up with one kid per parent. You have to do a little more multi-tasking. But, in regards to having an easy or difficult baby, I think it all gets put into perspective when you see the little baby all grown up (like your 5 year-old). You see that the difficult stage is only for a little while, and then they become amazing little people who talk to you and hug you and say the most wonderful things. If you want another, I think you should go for it. One last thing to consider, financially it may be tough, but only if you choose it to be. Who says kids have to have a Nintendo DS? Who says they have to have their own room? Who says that they need a big birthday party every single year? When I was a kid, my dad eared a GREAT income (over 100K/year) but I still wore hand-me-downs and Christmases were small. This was because my parents understood that giving a child things does not equate love. So, it's okay if your kids don't have the best of everything. They will have your love and time, and that's what's most important.

Wow! As I was reading your story, I thought this could be me. My husband and I are close to your age and we have two boys, also. They are 4 and a half and 1. We have talked about having a third. I might like a third and my husband goes back and forth, like your husband and you do. I just decided to let it go for right now since my youngest is still a baby himself. Hopefully, in a year or two we will make a decision one way or another or maybe God will just decide for us and send us a little surprise! Good luck with whatever you decide!

My husband and I faced this same dilemma with our 2nd child and now we have 4!!! My advice is go for it! I had my reservations about having more kids but now I am glad I had more because even though it can be very physically, emotionaly, and financialy difficult it can also be very rewarding. Things worked out great for me but you and your husband should do what is right for you. At the end of the day you should feel good about your decision no matter what anyone else says. Good Luck!

We had two little girls, decided on having one more and voila...we have the most awesome little boy ever. Now, I know that you may or may not get your little girl but the great thing is...you will have a third precious little gift!!! They are such a blessing and yeah, lots of work but what good thing isnt. As far as not enough hands etc. it's not that difficult, you already said that your 5 yo is very sweet with DS#2 but both of them are only going to continue to get older and more independent. It truly does work out and in regards to the finances, are we ever financially ready? I just am of the belief, the more the merrier and all the other details will work themself out. We are not rich, we are not on welfare of any type, no offense to those who are, but we are full of love and have the things that we need...each other. The only thing I will say though is don't do it if you are both not 100% into it. There are tough days and situations but there always are be it with 1,2, 3 or more! Praying for you...
Becca, mom of 3-wanting more! ;)

We had the same dilema about 9 years ago when my youngest was around 1year old. I was very satisfied with having two girls. My husband really wanted to have one more child, but when I pushed him to tell me why - he really wanted a boy. Since you cannot guarantee the gender of the child, I really had to press him if he would be satisfied with a 3rd girl or if we would always be trying for a boy. In the end, having a third child was not a good option for us because he would always be hoping for a boy.
We are very happy with the fact that we have 2 thriving girls. We spend time with our nephews to get "boy" time. Good luck.

You can make it work. It is hard sometimes, but any number of children can be challenging. You will not regret adding to your family.

We decided to stop at 2, but every family is different. If you have the support and feel that you can handle another child, then go for it. The finances will work themselves out, you'll rebudget, work more, etc. We made the decision to have only 2 because we didn't feel it would be fair to the 2 we have now to put them through another pregnancy with me (I have complicated preganacies and would have to be on bedrest again for 5 months like my previous 2). The decision will be different with each family and you have to do what is best for yours.

I always wanted three. My husband wanted two. Well three girls later guess who won. Not that battled me to have the second or the third....he was hoping to get a boy. Please don't base your decision on money. I have a friedn who waited to find the man of her perfect dreams and wait to even for children until she was financially secure. That is a wonderful dream/idea i think but yet a dream it should be. Not she is in her later 30's and has the money she wanted just got married this year and now is having major female problems. They said (in everyday terms) is about to go into menopause early for some unknown reason and it doesn't look liek she has much of a chance to get pg. She has no other health problems and said she probably woudl not of had any trouble getting pg if she had started earlier. For me...money is always a issue. We always want a little more. And yes you do need be realistic....are you working your way up or are you at your best...the top. I love having my three girls and can't imagine it any other way. The issue you need to address is what if it is not a girl..... Will you be disappointed...will you be ok? Be honest. Some people really can't handle another fall. Actually we have talked about trying again in hopes of a boy but my husband just cannot handle the unknowing again. He loves his girls and they are daddy's girls but to get excited and go through all the emotions we go through...he just doesn't want to do it.

I would say only if you really want another child, whether it be a girl or a 3rd boy. If you do, just plan to have another boy, and you might be surprised. It is just not fair to the 3rd baby if you are very disappointed isn't he isn't a girl. There are no guarantees, of course. And financially, just think it through. Can you afford it or will a 3rd make it just too tight. All babies are such a blessing that I can't tell you what to do, but it sounds like you really want a girl. Just go with your gut and you won't go wrong. And be honest with yourself. Good luck!

A child per parent = perfection.

We had a third and now four years later I'm pregnant with our fourth! I just didn't feel done thats how we decided. Good luck! Listen to your heart thats how you will be able to tell.

C.,

I have two kids, 7 and 5 and I knew from the begenning I wasnt having more than two. I guess I asked myself what a third child would bring or add to the family that we didnt already have. A lot of people keep having children to simply always have a baby and that doesnt make a lot of sense to me. My husband would have preferred a 3rd but I did not. I knew that the feeling inside me of wanting another baby simply came from a place where things are always perfect and easy just with love and thats not realistic. I wanted to be able to divide my time, finances and energy between all my children and it seemed a 3rd child would almost prevent that, think of why you really want a 3rd child, you say financially you pretty much know its not a good idea and well, finances are important, when your kids go into their teen years it will cost a lot more to raise them. I think most women dont take a realistic approach when planning to get pregnant and though our kids are precious and the very reason of our happiness they also deserve all we can give them so we should plan accordingly. Good luck.

I am the mother of 3 girls, that are now 22yrs,21yrs & 16yrs, I regret not having the 4th! Each one of my children are amazing...the tough times were when my oldest daughter & middle child were 14 until one week before they turned 18...very rebellious, but I can't say it was not worth it, my youngest daughter learned by my oldest two & is very logical on handling situations...the way I see it I wished I would have had a fourth because the youngest one would have had a playmate closer to her age. All of my girls despite the rebellion stages, have turned out to be great!

If you are even considering it you should do it. There never is enough money so that shouldn't be an issue :) My having the thought it means there is something in you and your husband that tells you you need more. If that wan't there you would not have even considered it. My girlfriend said that she plans to have a third because she did not treat her last (2nd) pregnancy like her last... neither did I. I am pregnant with my third and I know it will be a handful... but I also know I would regret not trying.

http://clarkchatter.blogspot.com/2008/09/dont-say-that.html
At the above link, a friend and neighbor of mine shares her story on deciding whether or not to have a 3rd.

It sounds like you are leaning toward no... but regret is an awful feeling to live with. I know that my in-laws have a lot of regret about stopping at 2. I have 2 and long for more, but my fear of being pregnant and having another section has overcome that desire for 7 years now. I KNOW that if I don't have another child that I will have a void-- that I will spend a lifetime wondering "what if" and longing for another "baby". So, ask yourself, what do you feel deep down on the inside? What will you be feeling in 10 years? Are logical reasons enough to overtake emotional ones?

You have been given great advice. I have three children, the first two are 13 & 11, then I have my 2 year old. He was a surprise, but I'm glad. We just thought we were done. I had my first two in my early 20's and my baby in my 30's. I tied my tubes after him thinking 3 is enough to support. At times I want to have another one. I love all three of them, I do think having my youngest son in my 30s made a lot of difference. I also think that the clock just ticks a lot in your 30s. I know you have to be responsible, my great grandmother had 18 kids, a different time, but my grandma always talks about how she was a maid at the age of 13 to support herself. Not that having 3 kids can anyway compare to 18 in the depression, but times can be a little harder when you have more kids, maybe less vacations and spending freely, but the joy that another child can bring is priceless. I am one of 4 girls, and I'm glad I have 3 sisters, and even though we didn't go out to eat all the time, we sure did have a lot of fun growing up.
It boils down to you and your husband, what do you really want.

I can't help you make the decision, but I can share my own experience. My husband and I always said we would have two children, and we had two beautiful daughters. There was never any urge to try for a boy. We both work full-time, so felt that two was the maximum so that we didn't stretch ourselves too thin.

In 2004 we made a few life changes (moved to Texas from NJ, and I started working part-time from home while my husband works full-time from home) so we could give more time to our girls. In January 2005, we discovered we were pregnant . . . totally unplanned! Our girls were 10 and almost 6 so the thought of "starting over" was intimidating. But we got our minds around it, and started feeling excited. Then I miscarried. I can't begin to explain the emotions . . . that's when I really knew how much I wanted that baby! But my husband's reaction was different . . . almost relief. He immediately started talking about getting a vasectomy. I was heartbroken. Our relationship was strained for several months. We finally had a heart-to-heart and discovered we were at opposite ends of thinking. I did want another child, he did not. So I resigned myself to no more kids (my thinking is if you're both not on the same page, don't do it). But our relationship was OK again because we finally had aired out our thoughts. Well, flash forward to March 2006 and my husband decides OK even though I had never said anything further. In January 2007 we welcomed daughter #3; I was 38 and my husband was 41 and our other daughters were 12 and almost 8.

I have no regrets, except that our littlest one is so much younger than her siblings and therefore doesn't have the chance to bond with them in quite the same way they bonded w/each other. That is not to say they don't love her and enjoy being big sisters, because they do! I work full-time again (still from home), and the babysitting cost has certainly required we tighten our budget, so yes I've got a lot more to juggle with a little one in hand, but I just look at her smiling face and absorb her innocence, and nothing else matters . . . it all works out, somehow.

I hope this helps, and good luck in your decision making.

IMHO, if you and your husband both have the desire for a third child, go ahead and do it while there isn't a huge age spread between your children. You're going into this with your eyes wide open as to the financial realities, energy required, likelihood of different temperaments for all three children, more crowded house, etc. You also recognize the love that will be added by having one more member of the family.

I've heard many people say that they regret not having another child, and many people who thought they were finished having children say that they are so glad that they had an additional child who hadn't been planned.

If you can possibly do it, I think that you should.

I don't really know whether or not it is for you to have another baby but I thought I would let you know about a certain friend of mine that felt her family was incomplete without that 3rd child. Her husband was not as sure about it but they went ahead for it and had a 3rd son. Her preganancy was after she was 35 and as you are too, you probably know that it is high risk. She almost lost the baby several times and did deliver at 27 weeks. He is about 10 now and has cerebral palsey. He has severe disabilites and while being a joy is also very, very time consuming with his special care which will continue for the rest of his life, not to mention the expenses that threaten them all the time and insurance nightmares. I don't want to discourage you if you really want one but I do want you to be realistic. Sometimes it doesn't work out easy. Add that to the fact your boys are not going to get less expensive or time consuming, they are going to require more time and money as they grow. Have you started a college fund?! Again, this is just my experiences.
Keep praying and keep your eyes open.
B.

Well, I understand. I am due with #5 in 11 days!!

Here is the thing, most of my friends have 4+ kids and alot of people dint understand how we "do" it and I tell them honeslty the transition from 1 to 2 is MUCH harder than from 2 to 3 or more. But I have ALWAYS desired a large family. I wanted lots of kids because I come from a very small family.

When you get down having one child and you get to focus all your attention on one child then when you add #2 you have to learn all over again how to now divide your time and affection and meeting needs of 2 so when #3 comes around you have learned how to sprout more arms and eyes and everything you need to parent 3 kiddos or more.

Then main thing is this...you really have to pin down what is your desire? Is your desire for the blessing of more children or is it the wish for a certain sex baby then you should really consider whether or not a new family member is right for you...will you be dissapointed if you have a 3rd boy? ANd yo uknow, its ok to decide that you would be or not but you have to decide how this person will fit into the dynamics of your family,can you afford daycare if you work outside the home, how old are the other kids and how will it affect them, how will youplan for your own future with late in life babies ( I am 37 myself)retirement or college fund how are you going to balance these choices?

if you feel someone is still missing from your family go for it. if your family feels complete but you wish you had had a girl....then re examine.

And of course pray for guidance :o)

K.
Mom to 4 3/4 :o)

This is a tough one. We didn't actually decide to have a third, she was a "gift." :) We have two boys, 4 1/2 and 3 and a daughter, 1 year. Actually, the only planned pregnancy was number one - LOL! I think that was God's gift to my husband and I because we can totally over-think things. Also, my first was a premie and I might not have had my other blessings just from the fear of having another preterm baby, which didn't happen.
I am really busy, but I love having three children, Sometimes I feel outnumbered, but my oldest is so helpful - it sounds as if yours would be too. I have to say that adding the third was a lot easier than adding #2, because the older two can keep each other occupied while you are busy with the baby.
It sounds to me that you have already made up your mind. (wink, wink) Just jump in there girl!!
HTH
L.

I always say if your are undecided leave it to the man upstairs. Stop doing anything (or at least less) to prevent it and if it happens it was meant to be. If not, then you know that you should were meant to have two adorable boys and be perfectly content with that. Just don't wait to long to decide, the years pass faster each day and after a certain age it becomes a greater risk for you and the baby. Good luck in whatever you decide... and remember to kiss those babies often...

we have also been debating having a third child. my husband works & i stay at home, right now, my son is disabled so he needs constant care. but i long for another little one. we have stopped preventing it & are not "trying" but just letting it happen if it will. for some this is an option, but if you got pregnant right away before that may not be the best option. if in your current situation you think that financially you could support another child (even if it would be hard but doable) & have enough room in your home & want one then i would do it. if in your current situation you might need more financial means or a bigger house then i would wait until those things happened.

I am in a similar situation. I am a christian mom and I have prayed about this too. I have two boys, 6 and 2 1/2 and had a miscarriage in-between the two. I am 39 and my husband is 33. Having a daughter is definitely a desire of ours, but there is so much more we are taking into consideration. My husband and I both LOVE kids and would love to have a bigger family, but time is of the essence! We both are not huge fans of the baby stage, so going back to that is on our minds. I realize my energy levels have gone down as I age and I worry that a 3rd will only make it harder to muster that energy up to divide evenly to each child. My older sister, who has two boys, 17 and 19 said she was on the fence like me and gave me her reasons for not trying for three: Financial issues, 80% chance it will be another boy, each child can always have at least one parent with them at all times, restaurants are typically 4 man tops, rides at the amusement park are two seaters and airplanes too, going back to that baby needy stage ie...nursing or bottles round the clock, no sleep, little "adult" time, another one to potty train, working life around a nap schedule when you have two older one's with an activities schedule and back to all those baby supplies!!! I also have a brother who has 3 children, 2 older girls and a boy and I witnessed how little time they had for their 3rd child. Plenty of love, but little time for his activities. His life as a baby was shuttling in the car to all his two sister's things or running errands with his stay-at-home mom. Naps were usually in the carseat and even now being a second grader, he has the fewest friends b/c there is little time for his playdates b/c older siblings band practice or driving lessons are more important. I too, am weighing all my options, but I am still on the fence too. As you can see, there is so much to consider, but at the end of the day, it is a personal decision and what you are willing to take on! Good luck to you and I hope I was helpful in your brainstorming!

I am a mother to only ONE child but so want another one!!! My husband does not want any more children and will cause stress on our marriage. Even though i feel empty inside with the idea of no more children I would rather have my one beautiful child and a happy home than a single parent to two children. Money is not the issue for us we can afford a #2 but we are finaly at the point of no money issues we dont want to add to the debt.

I was deathly sick with my preg and our daughter has some issues. We are worried that i will get that sick again and having another child with special needs.

Do what is best for your overall needs. If you can afford number 3 with out scraping by pay check to paycheck - go for it. If not then a family of 4 is fine!

If you both feel in your heart 100% that yall want another one...than have one! Dont live with regrets...

I think you should go back and read what you wrote. I think you just might find your answer there!!! It sounds like to me the answer is "YES"! I really did not find anything negative about you two not wanting to have a 3rd child, just that you would rather have a boy. Good Luck!

how about adopting a girl? you'll have more time to decide, too...with less risk.

I was in your same boat last year. In fact, I think I asked the same question then. I have two boys as well - now they are almost 4 & 7. My husband and I are both 34. My boys are like yours too. My first has always been easy, and my second, a lot "crazier." :) I wrestled with the same dilemma last year. I desperately want a girl, but I worried about being over matched with 3 instead of 2 and worried about having 3 boys. I also worried about how to financially support a 3rd - having to buy diapers and formula again as well as the need to buy another car since 3 car seats just don't fit in the back seat of our SUV. Some days, I longed for a third, and others I was perfectly content with the two I had. I also worried about having a special needs child since I'm not young anymore.

Finally, I gave it up to God. I just prayed that he knew what we could handle, and we just stopped using birth control, and I never watched the calendar like I did trying for the first two. We just had sex when we wanted to. Well, I found out in July (on our anniversary in fact) that I was pregnant. I was thrilled and so was my husband. I ended up losing the baby at 10 weeks, but it made us realize how much I do want a third. My husband and I both came from families with 3 kids, in fact, I was the third kid. So, I just feel that will complete our family. I'm still nervous about it some days, but we definitely plan to start trying when the 3 months the doctor suggested we wait are up.

Even though I really would love a girl, I know now I can be content with another boy, and if we don't conceive again, I can be content wiith the 2 I have.

Hello!
My third child was ans is one of the most wonderful
blessings in my life! God for it! "Children are a blessings from God!"
Blessings!
Sincerely,
Ccarrie Nelson

C.,
I only have one child with one on the way! But we are struggling with the thought of if we want more than two! I say just go with your heart! If you really want another child, then go for it! Children are the most precious miracle and there can never be too many! I think that if God wants it to be then it will be! I wouldn't worry too much about finances because everything always has a way of working out no matter what! The question is, are you willing to cut back a little bit? Are you willing to do without certain things to have another baby? Or are you comfortable right now and don't want that to change? I know I don't have two going on three, but these are things me and my husband even had to discuss going from one to two! I hope this helps!

I have two boys ages 7 and 5 and I've been married almost 10 years. We delayed even thinking about a third because boy #2 was such a hard baby. Finally, when both of our boys became potty trained, we considered having a third. My thoughts went back and forth, similar to you. Life if much more managable with older kids, my schedule isn't dictated by naps, etc. But, then there is that maternal pulling to hold a baby and watch it curl it's fingers around one of yours. I kind of came to the conclusion, that I'm ready if it will be a gentle, baby girl! As if I had a choice! After much praying and pondering and discussing with my husband, we want to open our hearts again to another child (boy OR girl!!). I just don't feel like I'm done. I had to accept that it may be another hard baby. No matter what though, it will be hard to do the baby/feedings/diapers thing again. Life has gotten very comfortable. But who am I to deny another a life to join our family just because it may be tough or inconvenient on me? I'm not saying this should be your decision as well. All I can offer to you is the formula I used in making my decision (although you mentioned you don't need the advice to just simply pray about it, I apologize for mentioning it to yet again!). I trust in God to lead and direct our family--it has happened many times. Make a decision and then take it to the Lord as opposed to saying should we or shouldn't we. Over time you'll feel good about it, or unsettled like something's not right. Good luck and who knows? Maybe we'll bump into each other someday--in the diaper aisle :)

Hi C.,

My husband and I also had two wonderful boys, and I would have loved to have a girl, but instead, we got another amazing third baby boy (who is now 5 months old). I know I definately wanted 3 kids, so it didn't really matter that the third one was also a boy - we got our third baby, and I am so blessed for that! The only problem (and it is gettting better) is that #'s 2 and 3 are soooo close in age - 15 months, and it feels like I have twins. It is a TON of work, and the fact that we don't have any family in town to help out makes it extremely tough on me. All I can say is, thank God for Adventure Kids Playcare, because it has saved me a bunch of times. I don't know if you have family in town who is willing to help out. If you do, I say why not get pregnant sooner than later. But if you don't, I would wait a year and a half to two years to get pregnant with #3. These past 5 months have been the hardest months of my life - my house ALWAYS a disaster and my sleep deprivation has been extremely difficult. But as I said, it is getting better every day! Statistics show that you will most likely have a third boy, since your husband obviously makes boys. Just make sure you won't be disappointed if you have a third boy. I am so thrilled for my 3 boys that they are 3 brothers! There is something to be said about same sex siblings! I completely agree with you about not having to deal with drama with girls, dealing with them they get their periods, etc. Girls are harder - maybe not at first, but later, when they start to become teenagers. I admit, it would be fun to shop for cute girly clothes and hair bows and stuff, but imagine how much more money you would spend! I am so grateful for my 3 boys and wouldn't want it any other way! Don't worry about money - I wouldn't let that stop you if you really want a third baby. Besides, you won't have to buy any clothes or toys! And if you breastfeed, that is free, too. However, if you choose formula, buy it from Sams or Costco so you'll get the best deal. Same goes with diapers, too. Also, my friends threw me a "diapers & wipes" baby shower (wasn't that brilliant?), since they knew I didn't need any clothes or toys. I got a ton of diapers and wipes, and I was set for the first 3 months! Hope this helps, and best of luck!

Get some dice and decide if it is even, you will have another one, and if it rolls odd, you won't have another one.

Now, how do you feel about that result? If you like it - then stick with it. If you don't like it - then do the opposite.

The key is to tell yourself that you WILL DO whatever the results are. That will help you figure out, in your gut, what to do one way or the other.

You could also go to a tarot card reader. It is not from the devil or anything. Basically, tarot cards help you realize what you already know - but didn't realize you knew. Make sense?! :)

Good luck!

C., You do have a very tough decission on your hands. I pray that the choice you and your husband make is the correct choice for ya'll.
I have 3 children. My husband wanted 4 and I wanted 2, so he agreed with me that we would stop at 2. However, for me, the Lord had different plans. My last pregnancy was twins. We have 2 girls and 1 boy. I would not give up any of my children, but the main reason why we decided on 2 was for several reasons. 1. You are not out numbered. 2. More vehicles and vacation packages are aimed at a family of 4. 3. Money is tight in our house. Sometimes I really don't know how we do it except for the grace of God. I don't know if I answered your question, but maybe I was able to give you something to think about.

All I can say, is that I would not give up 1 of my children. However, if we had not had twins the last time, then I would not have had a 3rd child.

I would say wait until your 1 yr old is a little older. I have a 5 y/o girl, a 2 y/o boy, and a 2 m/o boy... It's HARD having the 2 boys so close together! Ideally, he would have been closer to 3 when the baby was born, but he was a surprise, so we didn't have a say in it. lol Other than that, 3 kids is great. I was really nervous about it, too. Especially having 2 in diapers. Things are starting to calm down now, and I'm getting the swing of it, and it's great. I like having a bigger family and I know that the kids will really get a lot out of it when they're older. And trust me-- if you can handle 2, 3 isn't that much different. Just a little busier! :D
Good luck with your decision!!

I have two boys (age 5 and 2.5) and will most likely not have more. It's such a personal choice. However, I once read a statement in Parenting magazine about this same topic. A reader wrote in and said something like "I decided, instead of having another child, I'd be an even better, more attentive parent to the two I already have." This struck me for some reason. I'm an only child and never desired for more attention. I feel it's harder to give the attention children crave with each additional child you have. Good luck with your decision making!

If it is on your heart, and you will not feel complete without the third - then your answer is there. I would probably have had more than 3 - I love babies - but I know that 3 kiddos is enough for us - our third child really completed our family. We have girl, boy, girl.

Hi I have two boys 5 and 7 and I really really want a girl. BUT both my kids are not the easiest and require a lot more work than many other kids I see. I think no matter what parenting is very hard work and as much as kids are a gift...in this day and age it is a struggle to raise them well. There's so many things trying to foil you! So my husband and I are also torn like you but leaning towards not trying. Financially we are doing ok but if we were to have another child then I would have to cut back on some things that would be tough for one of my kids. He needs a private school to help with ADD...he is thriving here compared to public and its tough to make the tuition but we see what a difference it has made. There are other extras like music and other lessons that will have to be given up perhaps to spread out among 3 kids. I also am very practical and cannot just say what will be will be and leave it up to the big guy! Bc the ultimate analysis and how it will work out is in the decisions you make as a family. So while I get very sad sometimes abotu not having another baby and a girl at that I try to look at the good things in having just the two and how much time and attention they both get and how well they do bc of it and try to find my peace there. But yes there are times I wonder if 5 years down the line I wonder if I would have huge regrets for not trying. Right now though we have no plans for a third...! If it happens I will be happy and we would make it work though.

Its individual choice...and I think you should think through the practicalities of finances and time and whatever else unique situations you have in your family before making the decision.

I say go for it but think about a couple of things first...because of your and your husband's ages, look into the off chance of having a down's syndrome baby. I don't know the medical facts but keep that in mind and maybe research a little. I do think it is age related though. Second, don't set your heart on having a girl because he might just be a boy. I know I wanted 3 kids before I turned 35 and ended up with 4- all boys mind you.
It is not what you buy for the kids it is the love you show them. Money is not always the issue.

We are also going thru the same issue. Or I should say, I am. We have a boy and a girl and my husband is content. He's 44 and I'm 32. I've always wanted 3 and I feel that I will always regret not having a third but I can't force my husband to do that. He says that he will but I know he doesn't really feel that way. Our lives are "perfect" right now. There are times when I feel so busy that I don't spend the right amount of time with each of them as it is, that how can I bring another child into this family and spend quality time with him/her. I prayed that our 2nd child would have been a girl too because I knew that my husband would have been more apt to trying for a boy. But God didn't give us that. I don't want to totally leave it to God in not using birth control if we're really not ready, but I sometimes pray that if he wants us to have a third, that we will get pregnant even if on birth control. I have friends with 1 child and they're both content. I'm getting that way but will always have a void. I've heard the saying, 'you may regret not having that child, but you'll never regret having that child.' But I do agree with another poster that is it the baby that I want or another child? I loved being pregnant and I loved the baby stage. And granted my kids are adorable and great but they're also trying at times. But when everyone has flown the coop, I would love having them all come back for holidays and having a big family. I can't really give you advice, other than to pray about it, and think logically about it and not just with your heart. We're in the same boat and it sounds like a lot of others are too. Financially it's hard to raise kids now-a-days and a third only adds to that. Good luck in your decision!

You need to seiously consider ALL the options. Are you equipped to handle say, a special needs child? If things become more difficult financially is your relationship with your husband strong enough to withstand the pressures that come with having to work more, seeing each other less, doing without more? "Perhaps it will work out somehow" doesn't sound very reassuring. I don't mean to be negative but these are possibilities that should be seriously considered in the mix. All that said, if you have a third child you will love him or her. One day how ever many you have will be teenagers. :)

My husband were on opposite ends of this dilemma. We had 2 girls, and my husband had an older daughter from his previous marriage. He felt very strongly that 3 girls was enough. I really wanted 3 children of my own. I always feel the "no" has to win in this situation, but God had other plans. We were not on birth control, and 5 years later, we were pregnant. We were shocked, and a little concerned. By then, the girls were 9 and 5, and my husband was 46 and I was 41. His older daughter was 18. But, lo and behold, God did have a plan for us. We have a crazy 11 month old BOY! We are definitely having our share of financial issues, but we both feel our family is complete now. Good luck! J.

C.,

I have 3 boys and could not have been happier. We do the sports and mud and bugs and they are so much fun. I would love to someday have a little girl, but she will have to be adopted. And as a single parent now... anyway. I do not regret in the least having my 3 boys. I did not plan any of them, but I decided God is a better planner than me.

If you time it so that your youngest is born just before the middle one starts school there shouldn't be much more cost as in diapers or daycare if needed and such. Most medical insurance doesn't care if you have 1 child or 3 or 5... family plan is that... more than 2.

Financially it will give you an extra dependent which for tax purposes can be good thing. And since you will have one extra person, then you may qualify for programs like Wic for you and your children - milk, juice, cheese, cereal. It's a good program and not just for people who don't work.

But all in all, it has to be a personal choice. Perhaps ya'll can not use any protection for a set number of months and if you get pregnant then ok... if not then perhaps it's not supposed to be.

Just some thoughts.
D.

After our second I assumed we were done because it took a lot of convincing my husband just to have a second. I was content with two girls although secretly mourned the fact that I would never have a son and there hasn't been a boy in my family in generations. Then one day, when our second was about a year and a half old my husband out of the blue said "let's have another baby". I was just about floored. Of course I immediately said yes and we started trying. It took awhile (6 months)but we got pregnant a couple of weeks after her second birthday.
We too struggle financially. Ultimately though, I think you need to go with your heart. I really truly belive that things do work out.
Oh! I should also mention that we had decided that whatever sex we got this third baby would be our last. If it was another girl then so be it. We were just meant to be parents of three girls. If, however, it was a boy we would be extremely thrilled. It turned out that he was a boy!! I was surprised and excited. He is now three years old and we're all doing just fine.

We are 28 and have decided to try for a 3rd. Our daughter is 9 and son just turned 3 so we have a pretty large age gap and the 2nd and 3rd would be at least 4yrs appart. We'd kind of said in the past we wanted a 3rd and I knew if we did I wanted to be done by 30. In July we unexpectedly got pregnant and then m/c at 10 weeks. That loss has made me realize just how much I want one more. We knew ahead of time we'd probably have problems (uterine scarring) so we were going to see a specialist in January. Since the m/c and now that we know it may be difficult to have another we've moved up our timeline and are seeing the specialist next week.
One thing you have to take into consideration is the differeneces a family of 4 to 5 makes. Like our kitchen table only seats 4, both our behicles only sit 5 so we'd have no room for a friend..have to get at least one vehicle with more room. Hotels usually charge more for more then 4 per room. Just different things like that to keep in mind.
Good luck to you in whatever you and your hubby decide!!

I had to reread this to make sure it wasn't me that wrote it in my sleep. lol. I have a 5 year old boy and 1 year old girl. So here is where we are at: If I'm constantly thinking about it, then obviously I want to do it but just scared of everything that goes with it. But in the end, as it has before, I know everything will work out. I know some people have 2 and know for sure they are done. Why didn't I feel that way? Well...because deep inside I know i'm probably not. We don't make tons of money either, but if I let that be my issue, I never would of had my first two! I also tell myself that I know if I have 3...then I would definitely be done and there would be no more what if's or questioning.

The other half of that is that I come from a family of 3 kids. my sister has 4 of her own, and my brother 3. When we have family get togethers they are so much fun! All the cousins running around, laughter. I love having my brother and sister in my life. So i told my husband, If i died tomorrow and left nothing to them but each other, well then that is a gift in itself. I want them to have each other to count on as I have my brother and sister.

So, as SCARY as it is...and it's okay to be scared, I think we are going to do it. yikes! lol

I can understand where you are coming from. I have 3 children. Ages 7, 5 & 3. My first son is like yours, easy, compliant. My second son is completely opposite, he's strong willed. We really started to see this play out as he reached 18 months. Our daughter is sort of in the middle, she can be compliant, but can also quickly try to exert her will. When I read your post, I tried to put myself in your situation, that is would I have a third child now? Please take this as just that, what I would do, ultimately, it is your decision to make.

I wouldn't. Currently our national economy is precarious. In just a matter of days, people have lost their savings and investments. Anyone with a job can't be guaranteed that it will be there. Banking, teachers, retail, many people are getting laid off everyday. It's no secret that adding to your family will increase the demands on your family in cost & time. If making ends meet is a stuggle now, it will definitely increase when another child is introduced. What if your husband had to go back to work full time? What would you do for child care? I can tell you from experience that having 3 kids in daycare is expensive. I moved to TX in 2006 and had to work full time as we still hadn't sold our house in CA. After day care costs & other work related expenses, my 40K a year job only gave us an extra $300 a month. There were additional costs too, my husband and I almost didn't make it. We were so stressed with everything, getting kids to daycare, getting to work, trying to pay the bills, we had no savings and were trying to raise the kids on top of all that, that our marriage really started to suffer. At that time we had been married for 9 years. We went through counseling, finally sold our house in CA and got back on track.

If in your situation, I would wait.

I have two kiddos(5 and 19months). Unbelievably a boy and a girl. Before my dh and I got married, we discussed kids. He said 1. I said 3. We compromised at 2. That has been harder for me than for him. I did finally agree for him to get his vasectomy because the possibility of me getting pregnant was causing him some stress, plus I knew I had agreed to 2. I am still mourning the idea of never being pregnant, giving birth and nursing a tiny baby again, just a little bit. All in all I'm okay with the decision. So that is how I decided.

Having 2 with the same age spread as you, I know how tiring life can be, especially with the 19 month old! I am actually very thankful for the age spread because my 5 year old can be really helpful!

I have several friends that have 3 or more kids. They all say if you have 3, you might as well have 4. That 2 is WAY harder than 1 and 3 is way, way harder than 2. For some reason they seem to think the 4th is easier. I don't really understand that, since I'm not in their shoes, but I believe them. Maybe the age span between kids 2 and 3 can make a big difference too? Of course you could have another boy. My sister has 5 boys. She is so glad now to have all boys though she did feel really sad that she'd never have a girl for a little while. She feels like God gave her exactly what she was meant to have. She's getting her buying for girls fix with my dd now. She is a great boys mom! There is 1 other negative I've been told to having 3. Some people feel like they didn't get to spend enough time focusing on the middle child when the 3rd arrived & that the middle one will never have mom or dad to themselves. Of course that would be true with the middle 2, if you had 4 sooo.

If you are able to meet your financial responsiblilities, ie, you are not recieving any type of government aid, then I would not let money be a factor in my decision.

One last thing I have heard a smart woman I know say when we were talking about how to decide to have another baby. I thought it was very smart. She said to ask yourself whether you want to parent another child or do you just really want another baby? KWIM???

good luck in your decision.

I have struggled with this same thing too. I have two beautiful girls and I have decided to try for another one in about a year. We would like to try for a boy but at the same time i'm not sure what to do with one :). My debate was always wanting a house full of kids and a big family. I know I have gone through some things that I could never have done with out my siblings. I also LOVE holidays when we all get together and the house is full of people and grandkids. Same goes when we get together at my in-laws. THis is something that I want for myself in the future. The other side of the coin was the expense. if we stopped at two I could go back to work sooner and double our income. Plus it's one more person to buy for all the things that are needed in life. (diapers, car, college etc) I think what struck me is that the financial reason was a selfish reason. I feel that to help ease the burden financially and not have another child was a decision that I would regret for the rest of my life. I have heard the saying "One for me, one for you, thank God we're through!" But children are not a burden but a HUGE blessing from God. I feel like my life is going to be more full and more blessed for the rest of my life by having more children. Hope this helps! :)

The things we regret the most in life are usually the things we don't do, not the things we do. Can you honestly see yourself regretting the third child once he or she is born?