How to Discipline My 1 Year Old?

Updated on September 26, 2006
M.B. asks from Omaha, NE
12 answers

My son seems undiscipline-able! Of course he's into everything, but he is not at all affected by anything I've tried. I've tried saying no & stop, talking sternly, yelling, hand smacking (only when it's something dangerous like playing with electrical cords, and of corse not hard), distracting him with a toy, putting him in his crib...nothing seems to faze him. When anyone else(my husband, my parents, etc.) say "No!" he stops what he's doing, sticks his lower lip out like he's going to cry, but he stops the behavior. Not so with me! The other day he was digging through the garbage, and when I told him, "No" and removed him he smiled at me and crawled right back to the garbage can! And don't even get me started on his playing with the cat & dog food & water bowls! I know he knows what no means, he used to obey me pretty well. I think he's just som comfortable with me and he trusts that he will always have my love no matter what he does, so he just ignores me. I do most of the disciplining since I am home with him all day, but it's starting to really wear me down, having to constantly chase him and remove him from places or situations where is he shouldn't be, just to have to do it again 5 minutes later...and 5 minutes after that...I need help! Thank you!!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Just to address a few points before I get to what happened...

I am not necessarily looking for punishment. I want discipline, which means to teach. Sometimes punishment fits in with discipline, but I am hoping to nip this the bud now by teaching so I have to dole out less punishment later (so the theory goes!). I also think my expectations are pretty reasonable for a 1 year old, especially since I have witnessed first hand his ability to comprehend what "no" and "stop" means. It's not that I'm asking for him to do things that are beyond his comprehension; it's that I know he knows he's not supposed to do certain things, but does them anyway, after being told no and removed from the situation. Unfortuantely, a baby gate is not going to really work, because the way our house is set up, you have to go through the kitchen (where the food bowls are) to get to the basement (where the litter boxes are) so I would have to confine the cats to the basement & kitchen. If they could jump over the gate it wouldn't be an issue, but they are not jumpers...too old & fat. :-) So he just needs to learn now. Plus, I want to instill in him that what Mommy & Daddy say, goes. Our way or the highway!

So today I came up with "the naughty rug". I don't have a pack & play so I can't make that a time out place (and also since he sleeps/naps in one that my mom bought & keeps at her house, I don't want him to associate a P&P as a bad place). And unfortunately, he finds EVERYTHING a toy these days, so putting him a room with no toys is not possible. So I thought about Supernanny & her naughty chair and I came up with the naughty rug, since I doubt he would actually sit in a chair. I can just see himself throwing himself off of it in a fit and bonking his head! So today we had Round 1. Went for the cat food. I told him no, removed him and told him if he does it again he's going to the naughty rug. Gave me the, "Sure whatever you say Mommy" grin and went back to the cat food. I immediately picked him up and took him to the rug by the front door, the place that has the least amount of interesting things, sat him on the rug and told him he needed to sit they because he disobeyed Mommy. The I went & sat on the couch & watched TV (OK, I was really watching him, but it looked like I was watching TV!). He threw a little tantrum, slapped the floor and cried. After about 15 seconds he started to crawl off the rug, so I went and place him back on his bottom on the rug. I was shooting for 1 minute on the rug. He cried and cried, and tried to crawl again about 15 seconds later, and again he was placed on his bottom on the rug. He stayed there, crying for the remaining 30 seconds. Then I picked him up, explained that every time he disobeyed Mommy, he was going to have to sit on the naughty rug. The I gave him a hug and a kiss and we played with some toys. I had to go through this routine about 5 times today between the pet food bowls and the garbage, but by the afternoon, he seemed to start to get it. While I was making dinner he crawled in the kitchen and started to head for the food bowls and I said, "Jack, no." He stopped! I have a feeling he will regress by tomorrow morning, but it's a start! I also squared my husband away on the naughty rug and he's on board. (I think he was actually kind of hoping to use the naughty rug, just to try it out! Isn't that terrible?!) He was asleep when I got home from work tonight, so I will have to ask him if he had to use it. It was repetitive, but I felt like I have regained some control and I believe this may work! Thanks for all the prayers and great advice!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.

answers from Boise on

Hi M.! I would highly recommend "The Discipline Book" by Dr. William Sears. It sounds to me like he has found that this "game" is how he can get your focused attention. Something I've learned is my daughter's behavior dramatically improves with what I call a "Mama minute". Maybe taking 15 minute breaks in when he really starts to act up and, with time, before and give him your undivided attention playing with something he wants to play with, a tickle cuddle session, a book etc. followed by a way he can "help Mama". My daughter loves the garbage too so I give her things to trow away for Mama even if it is a piece of paper towel I tear off to give her something to do. She usually does it 2-3 times and is off to another thing for awhile.

Good luck! J.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.R.

answers from Omaha on

I feel ya. I have a 18m old boy who I stay home with that acts the same. It makes me mad during the day when I feel like a broken record. The newest thing that I have started to do to get his attention is having a time out area with no toys. Ours is a pack and play pen in the other room because he wont stay still to be in the corner or on a chair. When he does wrong or wont listen and I have to repeat myself more then once I put him in it for a few min. There is no toys or anything in it so he normally cries. But its been working. I hope that soon he will be out of this. But for the mean while this may help you. P.S. make the time out area something that he will only use for that so you dont scare them away from a normal thing like their bed or high chair.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.

answers from Portland on

I personally think that you're expecting too much from a one-year-old. Developmentally, they simply aren't ready for "discipline" - they're still babies. Go ahead and tell him "no", remove him from the situation, and then change the environment so that he can't do what he was doing. Put up a baby gate, move the trash, put the water bowl where he can't get it. Be calm and consistent. Eventually he will develop the will-power and the memory to follow directions. Towards the end of the second year, you can start with short time-outs, but keep the instructions short and direct. "No hitting." "No touching."

I find it helps to think of it as instruction rather than discipline. What I want to do with my daughter is teach her how I want her to behave rather than punish her for misbehaving. So I give her lots of positive feed-back for behaving in acceptable ways. "Look at you playing with your toys. Good job!" "Look at how softly you are petting the doggy. See how the doggy likes it when you pet softly?" If they do need correction, tell them what is acceptable. "Don't throw blocks. Let's build a tower instead. How high can we build it? 1 - 2 - 3 knock it down!" I find these kinds of reinforcements balanced with no-nonsense time-outs when necessary work really well. It keeps the parent/child relationship positive and has the added benefit of increasing their self-esteem since you are focusing more on what they are doing right rather than what they are doing wrong. Do you want to be told everything that you do is wrong or would you rather be appreciated for what you do right?

Best wishes!
D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.D.

answers from Anchorage on

I too agree with Jack's mom; you need to get it under control now. I have a 4 year old son and when he does not get his way he throws a FIT; not any run of the mill fit either. You need to teach him that it is not okay to play in the dog dish, or to go through the garbage. I have heard that time-out's do work well, I wish I would have started them when my son was 1, because now he will not stay where I put him (for time out). I am going through the same thing as you!!! I have spoken to several people at my church and have gotten this consistent answer: 1) You ALWAYS win. My son did not want his dad to take him to pre-school this morning and threw a huge fit. (The first one dad has actually been home to see). It would have been easier for us to just give in, and for me to take him, but that is not the point. We said Dad was going to take him, so dad HAD to take him or he would have won. (He was 30 minutes late and still throwing a fit on his way in the door, but dad took him!) 2) Be consistent-it may ruin your plans for the day, but try and always be consistent (I'm still working on this one. It sounds easy, but is probably the hardest thing to do-especially when you are worn down to nothing!!) 3.) Their opinion does not matter-what you say goes. Another one I wish I would have worked on sooner....I use to poor him a glass of juice and he would get mad because he didn't want that certain cup, so I would put it in the cup he wanted. Shouldn't have done that!! Either you use this cup and drink your juice or no juice. And now, when he doesn't get his way.....FIT!!

So, to sum it all up.......nip it now because it can (and probably will) get worse. They are always testing their limits; make sure he knows what the limits are.

I hope this helps! And, I too will be praying for you....that has helped me tremendously! Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.H.

answers from Portland on

It sounds like he thinks it's a game. I would strongly suggest keeping the dog and cat bowls in the kitchen and put up a gate so he can't get to them. Teaching them to listen is one thing, but at such a young age, it is often best to choose your battles. Do not let him get in the trash by removing his access. Put up the gates; trust me, it will work.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.D.

answers from Sioux Falls on

M.,

Honestly, I don't have a lot of advise on the subject. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone! I have 11 month old twin daughters and my oldest tends not to get into things, but the younger of the two is a lot like your son. She gets into things and I say no, no, no. I too have tried raising my voice, clapping my hands, and even lightly smacking her butt or hand if she's getting into cords. She just looks at me and giggles or cries (depending on if she gets startled or not). Then, she goes right back to what she was doing.

We don't like to put her in her car seat or crib if she's naughty, because we don't want her to associate them with punishment, but sometimes you can only pull them away so many times before you want to pull your hair out.

If you figure something out. Let me know. I will certainly do the same! :D

Sincerely,
J. D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.M.

answers from Lincoln on

Time-outs are a wonderful thing. For mommys and kids. I have been putting my daughter in time-outs since she was about 1. She is turning five soon and there is nothing worse to her than a little time in the chair in the corner, all I have to say is "do you want a time-out?" and she usually stops her attitude or mis-behaving, even in the store cause as I have told her "I can find a time-out chair anywhere".
Good Luck!
D.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from Boise on

M.,

It can be so tough when you feel a child doesn't listen. I have a 10 year old son who I feel I talk to till I'm blue in the face. I keep on him and on him and then all of a sudden he'll amaze me and he changes. I stay persistant because he is so strong willed. What I'd like to propose to you if you don't mind is just praying with you. That God would give you strength to continue being persistant also as you have been but that God would help mold that strong will in your son. That he would give your son a healthy fear of you and obedience. Would you mind if I prayed with or for you?

-D. S.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.A.

answers from Salt Lake City on

M.,
I think you are doing the right thing. Your son is testing limits now with you. You have to continue being consistent and keep saying no. Tell him "You cannot play in the garbage because it is dirty and has germs, you can play with you your toys"...Then sit him with his toys. This may take several times and alot of patience. Babies learn by repitition. Teach him also that when he listens to you (obeys) you want to play with him. So if he starts playing with his toys when you move him, then sit with him. If he starts crawling back to the garbage be coaching himthat he is not allowed to play there and that he needs to come back to you. Consistency is key. Hope this helps.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Might be time to start time-outs...he's not too young. He will stop the behavior if it means he can't be with you. Put him in a room where he can't hurt himself and there is nothing to play with. Do it for one minute (if you can--he will probably throw a fit!) and ask him if he's ready to behave. It may take some time, but soon you will only be threatening time outs and won't have to actually do it. He's just pushing the envelope to see how much power he has, and he needs to know you're the boss. I have a 2 and 1/2 year old, and it only gets worse so try to nip this in the bud now! Good luck...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I understand what you are talking about as I have two small children of my own. The best way to stay sane and even HAPPY is to not have anything available for him to get into that would get him into trouble. Lock up everything, put gates and child locks throughout your entire house. put the pet food where he cant get it, or only put it down when he sleeps. there is no point to trying to reason with a one year old. Good luck and enjoy his curiosity.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.J.

answers from Salt Lake City on

In addition to disciple, I used a play pen for both my children. I put a few of their favorite toys in it and tried get them interested in playing with it in there. It is a great way to get a few things done and a break too. My mother-in-law had toys that just stayed in the playpen so if my son wanted to play with them into the playpen he went. Of course with my son... he would only tolerate for short periods of time...maybe just 10 minutes, but it's still something and as he got more used to it he would sit in it and play happily for about 30 minutes. Even if I was close by at least I didn't have to keep him out of trouble for a little while. Hope this helps.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions

Related Searches