How to Get a 3 1/2 Year Old to Eat?

sounds pretty normal for this age. I introduced the concept of being "excused" from the table to my 3 1/2 y/o & it has helped keep her from wandering off, but it is typical to be distracted. Also, many adults expect kids to eat larege amouts, but their tummies are pretty small so about 2 Tblspns. is a portion for them.

My son is the same age, and when he doesn't finish his dinner, and I know he will be hungrey later, I keep his dinner plate onthe counter or in the fridge and if he asks for something else I tell him he can have it after he finishes his dinner. Maybe this can help you!

By reminding and prodding her to eat, you are inadvertently creating a power struggle.

A lot of feeding experts say that it is your responsibility as a parent to provide healthy food at specific meal and snack times. But you need to let your child make the decision of how much she wants to eat, and IF she wants to eat. If good food is available, she won't starve :-) Sometimes this is hard to remember, but you have to give her a little control here, especially when you are giving her healthy food choices.

I teach cooking classes to kids, and have a lot of experience helping families to eat well together...
Hopefully this helps :-)

M.
Cooking Classes for Kids: www.whatscooking.info
Healthy Menu Plans for Families: www.whatscookingweekly.com

I have 4 kids - and kids eat when they get hungry. And if food becomes a power struggle between your daughter and yourself, she will have a lot of issues surrounding food and eating (and you) when she is older. And this issue will just drag out...

Simply tell your daughter that food will be available during mealtime. Then tell her when the meal is over, the kitchen will be 'closed' - no food will be available until the next meal. If she didn't eat at all, or didn't eat enough food for that meal, she will be fine, and probably hungry enough to eat at the next meal without distraction. Also - make only water available between meals. No juices or milk. Kids won't starve- and you don't need to have the power struggle at all. Just enforce the boundaries.

Also - kids need food differently than adults - because they grow and then don't grow, sometimes they need a lot of food at meals and sometimes they only need 1 or 2 meals in a day - totally OK and normal. Don't force them. Make the food available at mealtimes only and they will learn to take advantage of it according to what they need.

I have a funny story: my sister was visiting and tends to stress out if her 3 year old doesn't eat at every meal. She kept telling him he hadn't eaten enough and wouldn't let him out to play unless he ate what to her was enough. Finally, he just barfed all over - he didn't need more food - he'd had more than enough food - he probably didn't need any food at all - and the grownup didn't need to worry :)

What if you make it a family game... like "Mommy's taking a bite, now it's daddy's turn... now it's YOUR turn..." and then cheer when everyone does it?

Another thought, does she snack? In other words, it doesn't sound like she's that hungry or else she would definitely eat... so perhaps you can see what she's snacking on, or space her meals out more?

What is important is that you are offering her healthy foods! One of my sons was a very finicky eater at that age. I found it was fruitless to try making him eat. If your daughter is healthy and within a normal weight range you really don't have to worry about the nutrition. As adults we tend to eat three main meals a day but science shows that healthy snacking throughout the day is better for your blood sugar. When she doesn't want to eat dinner you could save it for her and when she's hungry later pull it back out of the fridge. If she does get a sweet treat just be sure it's in proportion to the amount of healthy food she's consumed! Dinner time shouldn't be viewed by the child as a form of torture so don't sweat it!

I suggest stopping telling her to take a bite & all that. It might be turning it into a control thing for her...ie, she takes a bite when & if she wants. Let her know that it's dinner time, that she's expected to eat if she wants & if she doesn't eat at that time, then there's nothing else to eat...period! I know asking for fruit is making a healthy choice but she needs to understand when it's dinner, it's dinner. When she does eat the meal, lavish her w/praise once she's finished. She'll figure it out soon enough. I also suggest not making her or offering her other sorts of meals in an attempt to get her to eat....she eats what's offered. Like the other mom said, kids will eat when they're hungry & trying to force them to eat will only cause problems. Ocassionally our older son won't want to eat & I know it's cuz he doesn't like what I made, so we tell him he eats now or forever holds his peace & no more food for the night. Funny thing, he eats! Hope this helps & good luck!

Ah, those were the days.... First off remember this: Kids are like puppies :they won't starve themselves when the have something around to eat.
We have a son who is now 14 1/2 who had the same habit. He dawdled and fiddled at meal times and would start eating just about the time everyone else was finishing. We let him eat on his time, but sometimes we left the table (I think he originated the"slow food" movement). He then progressed to being eager to get away from the table to play and would not eat enough to keep the hunger away for more than an hour or two. Then he'd ask for more food half an hour before bed and delay bedtime-so you can see where this was going. A variation was to claim he was full and wait it out for dessert.

We finally instituted a plan that went something like this: When the meal is in front of you, you have the opportunity to eat. Dessert is served shortly after the meal, but you must finish the majority of the meal for dessert to be an option (or you can eliminate dessert and therefore the power play-we had to do that, too). Should she choose to leave the table without having eaten enough, your response is, "The kitchen is closed." She will whine (ignore it) and fuss and try to convince you that fruit is OK; the reality is she'll be fine. You'll be second-guessing yourself, but she'll be fine after a few days.

Our son is still a slow eater, but he's a high school freshman at 5' 8" and 160 lbs., playing as a starter on the JV soccer and baseball teams and in the gifted and talented program at his high school. He doesn't really recall the process of getting focused on meal time or the presumed (by parents) emotional distress, but he's not scarred for life, morbidly obese or anorexic, malnourished, a discipline problem or any other negative thing that could be attributed to being hungry for a few evenings.

God luck.

First of all, relax and trust your child...she will not starve and as long as you provide her with healthy food choices, she will naturally meet her dietary needs...studies have been done where children are offered healthy food choices for one week and even if they chose to each one food all day long, the choices they made during the rest of the week actually provide them with all the nutrients they needed...

Good luck and remember...power struggles are never about the food, clothes, object...they are about feeling powerless...look for Parenting From The Inside Out by Dr. Dan Siegel and Mary Hartzell...truly amazing information that will change your relationship with your children for the better...good luck.

Not really.
I have the exact same problem. I guess the trick is to make sure they are hungry enough when you sit down to eat. No snack before. And to remember; kids don't starve themselves, they will eat if they need to. But it is hard, and every meal is a struggle. Typical 3-year olds I would say.

Sounds familiar! With my kids, I have found that limiting their snacking in the late afternoon helps. If they are hungry when dinner is served, they'll eat. I don't mention their eating habits as we are having dinner. I think that sets up a power play situation where the child might decide to dawdle or misbehave just to push my buttons, which I really don't enjoy at dinner time. I give them a reasonable amount of time to eat their dinner (perhaps with a 5 minute warning for a child who is off-task), and if they have chosen not to eat, then I very calmly take the plate away and they have to live with the consequences until breakfast time. My kids caught on pretty quickly that this is their choice and the outcome is entirely up to them. Just take the whole power play away - your dinner time will be more pleasant for it.

My almost 4-year old step son has similar habits at the dinner table! Usually he takes over an hour to finish his plate. It's not that he doesn't like the food, but he's more content to take his time. We only have him on the weekends, but it takes him over an hour to eat one bowl of cereal. I have a feeling it might be the way his mom caters to him, which we have no control over...

When he is at our house though, we give him what we feel is an adequate proportion, and he stays at the dinner table until he has cleared his plate. My fiance and I will get up and do the dishes, and stay in the viscinity of the dining room table, but we generally leave him to eat at his own pace. We don't normally serve desserts or treats at our house, but do have applesauce or fruit cups around if they ask for dessert/snacks.

When he gets a little too chatty, we ask him to take another bite (he's already got the 'no talking while there's food in your mouth' rule down...)

Each child is different, and each child goes through a different eating habit constantly!

My 3 you daughter is the same way and it is frustrating. However, we have learned to present her with good food, making sure to give her larger portions of the foods we know she likes, then we allow her to eat what she wants for as long as it takes. She will sometimes eat just a little and decide she is done and other nights she will continue to eat after everyone else is done. If she hasn't eaten much, I set her plate aside in case she decides she is still hungry. I reheat it in the microwave and offer it to her again. It is important to allow children to eat the amounts they want at thier pace when they are hungry so they can develop healthy eating habits. If my daughter eats 3/4 of her food at dinner, she may have a snack or dessert later.

Do not force the food issue...we learned the hard way by the mistake of making our oldest clear his plate, which often had more food on it than he needed. What happened was that once he did begin eating well (Spring of 3rd grade) he became slightly overweight and has been fighting it since...he is now in 8th grade.

Your daughter will not starve herself. She needs to have some control over her food...you choose what to serve, she chooses how much and how quickly she'll eat it. Studies have shown that children who do not feel that they have control over their food often develop eating disorders later in life. Let her body tell her when she is hungry and keep her plate of food handy. If we all followed our bodies signals for eating, fewer of us would be overweight. :0)

Kids don't eat as much just before an growth spurt and eat endlessly after. Could this be her issue?

In addition, kids have a much better way of eating than adults do, they listen more to their hunger signals so they may eat only a few bites and be full which is ok.

If she comes back after dinner and asks for a fruit, you can justify it two ways: 1) it's something healthy; and 2) she's not asking for an entire meal to be made - that's where I would draw the line.

Another option would be to move here away from her brother so they aren't close to each other. This removes the distraction of making faces. You making faces at the baby to open his mouth is different than her trying to get him to laugh. Make sure she understands the difference...dinnertime is eating time, not playtime.

Kelly V. said it exactly! My daughter is 6 now and she would sit at the dinner table for 1 1/2 hours if we let her. She would rather talk or sing, or whatever. As soon as we started putting a time limit on it and explaining that when dinner is over there is no food until morning things started to improve. It may take a few times, and you may have a few relapses, but it should work beautifully. Good luck.

E.

Dear S., I don't have any 3 three year olds left in my house, however, there's a little 3 1/2 year old in my church. Natasha is the sweetest little girl and is growing up beautifully. We, in the church are all so proud of her. BUT, I hear her mom every Sunday reminding her to eat her lunch. Every bite comes with an encouragement from mom. Personally, I think this is normal for an intelligent little girl interested in everything that is going on around her. Be patient, encouraging and give her the time she needs to eat. And Please dont deny her that last piece of fruit at night. She deserves it. I think she sounds like just an intelligent, normal little girl and I hope you will treat her as such. She'll get better in time. Thank our good Lord that she eats. Approve of her when she eats. I think you have a normal little girl, be proud, be Patient and loving. C. f

HI S.,

I haven't read all the other responses so I don't know what has been suggested. I also have a 3 1/2 year old and we have had the same problem with her. One morning, while getting her ready for pre-school, I almost lost it over her not eating and sitting with food infront of her for over an hour! I think I said "take a bite" probably 50 x's and by the time she was done with breakfast I was nearly in tears with frustration.

I went to work that day and got on the internet determined to change my approach and find something that worked. I found a lot of different info. I read and I believe that my daughter was using food as a way to have a power struggle with me. It was a battle I was not going to win if I let it be a battle. SO this is what I tried. I started using a timer. I explained to her what I was doing and gave her 30 minutes to eat. I told her that if she wasn't finished in that time, then too bad, she wouldn't get ANYTHING else (even fruit) to eat until her next meal. We made sure the TV was off or out of her view and my husband and I also stopped talking to and interacting with her when she was eating. If she tried to talk to either of us, we would just nicely tell her we would be happy to talk to her when she was finished, but not until then. If she kept trying to talk, we basically ignored her. I would warn her about 5 minutes before the timer went off that time was almost up.
The first week I used the timer, I could not believe the change in her. I had never seen her eat so quickly and good sized portions as well. As the weeks went by there would be days when she didn't respond as well and didn't eat much during 30 minutes. She would usually be upset if the timer went off (she does like to please us) and so on occassion I would give her an extra five minutes, but that was it. We also stuck with not interacting with her when she was eating.
It has been about 3-4 months now and we hardly ever use the timer. We talk to her while she is eating as long as she IS eating. She eats sooo much better now and best of all my stress level about meal time and her eating enough and quickly enough is way down.
I hope this advice helps!!! I know all kids are different so you will probably need to find the approach that works best for you!

Good Luck- C.

Does she need just small amounts of food? 3 year olds are pretty small. Maybe check the recommended portions for her size. I say this because I come from a family of very overweight folks, so I never push my kids to eat - whatever they want to leave is fine, and if they want a snack later that's OK too. Also, recommendations are now that it's healthier to eat 5 small meals rather than the traditional 3? Would she be better off doing that? How about setting a time during the meal when she can share something special - her turn to talk? Then it can be someone else's which would give her a space of time to eat while listening but not necessary talking.Your girl sounds very social - lucky you!

It is so nice to hear that someone else has this problem! Tyler is 4-1/2 and he has also been a "good eater" all his life. Except it takes FOREVER for him to finish, too. It is tiring to keep telling them to take a bite, but unfortunately that seems to work the best (sorry.) We have also found that smaller bites help him get through it faster. He is in pre-school now and because he is always talking instead of eating (and we're not there to tell him to keep eating), sometimes he only finishes half of the half sandwich I make him! But, now I cut the sandwich in half again and that seems to help. Also, we started to let him help us cook and/or prepare his food (the easy, safe parts anyway) and he seems more interested in his meals. I am not sure it's the same for you, but ice cream goes down faster than I can blink! If only eveything was like that...my real advise is to not push too hard. Tylers Dad would get so frustrated and get really stern with him. In turn, Tyler would chew that bite until it was literally mush, he would chew and chew one small bite for several minutes and then refuse to swallow. Talk about frustrating, OMG! Thank goodness that phase is over. Hopefully that never happens to you; it is horrible. Our docotr said that over time his tastebuds will develope more and that he will enjoy eating more. We can only hope. Good luck and patience to you.

S., I can so relate to you. My daughter who is 3 1/4 is a great eater when she want's or while we are on the go. Dinner time is very frustrating as she will not sit and eat like a nice young lady. She loves to help pass things at the table which 9 times out of 10 usually ends in spilled milk or wahtever happens to be in her way!! We tell her all the time if you can sit and eat like a good girl no dessert. Now come about one hour later she wants fruit. We are in the same boat how do you say no to fruit... Perhap's it's time to time them out when they aren't sitting there and eating while everyone else does. Her sister is 10 and cleans her plate no problem. It's very hard, then everyone get's upset... I don't know myself what to do.

just a little advice....let her talk, you talk, spend time laughing at the dinner table, know matter how long it takes for you or her to eat. I used to be the same way and catch myself doing it and then I sit back and look at my boys that are now 9 & 11 and say to myself...what happened? Yesturday they were only babies and much as I'm not looking forward for the day to come (which will seem like a blink of an eye) they're going to be teenagers and won't want to talk.
Enjoy life...and them and slow down.