M.B.
answers from
St. Louis
on
I hear ya sister, let me know if you find the answers!
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OK-I'm just frustrated and am looking for some advice. I work part-time-a few daytime hours, a couple of nights a week and Saturdays (20-25 or so hours a week juggled around my kids school schedule and hubby's work schedule, so that I'm home with them whenever they're not at school). Since I work 2 nights a week, I can't always be home to get through the homework. Most nights, we work on it before I leave, but sometimes that's not possible. For the 5-6th time in the last few weeks, I left the house explaining who had homework. As I was leaving my husband and 3 boys headed out to play. When I get home, it's bedtime and they're all happily playing Wii. I glance at the counter, and the unfinished homework is still sitting there. UGH! The same goes for simple things I ask to get done-putting away 1 load of laundry, putting dishes in the dishwasher, etc. I'm just frustrated. I know my kids should be responsible for their own work, but my middle guy is just 6. He at least needs a reminder from my husband.
Ladies-how do the rest of you who work part-time or full-time get your husband to kick in around the house. I thank him when he does help, try not to nag (usually I just give up and do it myself). I'm up at 5:30 in the morning, getting things ready for the day (lunches, clothes, papers for school, breakfast, etc), while he sleeps until 6:30-7, then gets himself up and ready for work and out the door. Same in the evenings. I'm either working, cleaning, cooking or helping with homework, while he gets to do all the fun things with the kids, or doing something for himself. I'm thrilled that he wants to play with the kids all the time, but I'm tired of being the "bad guy" while he gets to be the "good guy." Any advice? And yes, I've talked to him about this, but nothing ever changes.
I hear ya sister, let me know if you find the answers!
I wish I could help with the homework thing but we're not there yet.
As far as the cleaning and all that goes, it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. My grandma went on a strike when my mom was younger and didn't do ANYTHING around the house for a week. It was then that everyone saw how much time and effort it took to get things done and keep things at least decent and everyone started helping...
I hate to tell you this but it took 13 years of marriage and 3 years of separation and nearly a divorce before my husband "got it." He is finally getting the idea that a marriage should be a partnership where both give and give, not where one gives and the other takes. My husband flat out told me that men are dogs - they like to be told what to do and they like a reward for doing it. I really didn't relish treating my husband like a dog, but now I kind of understand the way they think and feel. So, what the heck, try this. Next time you tell him what he needs to do, before you leave, pull him aside out of your kids' view, flash him your breasts and tell him if he wants to see these babies again anytime soon, he'll do what you asked him to do. Then leave. Trust me, that picture and message will stick with him!
I'll be reading the responses!! Good luck and if you find the answer, let me know!
We've had "sit-downs" out the wazoo...which help for a day or 2, but then back to the old ways. I'm a stay at home mom now, but when I was working PT, it drove me BONKERS (still does, but now I just sigh and do it myself). I only have 1 child now, but even with 1 kid, 2 dogs and a messy hubby, it is tough.
Not to hijack your question...but when does "asking" become "nagging" if they don't do what you ask?????? What else is a woman supposed to do???
Good luck!
Tell him straight out you need help and he has to be the parent to your kids and not their friend, he needs to inform them that homework and housework come first then playtime. Give the 8yr old some chores to do like emptying the dishwasher. Maybe you can put up charts of what needs to be done and assign names to those things and see what happens then. You can always stop doing his laundry and let him know that it wont be getting done unless he helps with stuff you asked him to do. Not sure what else to say, my hubby helps around the house, he just knows what needs to be done. He was a bachelor for 20yrs and basically had to do it when he was little.
Pull the cord! If the Wii is a distraction, even for Dad, then hide the power so they can't turn the dang thing on until the chores and homework are finished. Take the TV cord too if need be. They will get mad and probably throw a fit, even Dad, but they will get the message that they don't get to have fun until the work is done. I think the going on strike thing is a good idea too. Have another sit down with your hubby and let him know, again, how frustrated you are and that you need him to grow up and help you raise the kids. There is nothing wrong with having fun AFTER the responsiblities are taken care of. They need to be taught these good habits now while they are young because they won't get it once they reach the teenage years.
