How to Get Husband and I on Same Page with Feeding Baby.....

Hi E.,

When my 3-year-old daughter was a baby, I distinctly remember asking the pediatrician when she should be able to hold her own bottle. Her answer was "never"! She went on to explain how important she feels it is to use feeding time as bonding time with the baby. As soon as she said it, it made perfect sense to me, and I have lived by that ever since. My husband and I also have a 10-1/2 month old daughter, and neither one of them has ever been propped up with a bottle.

Good luck!

My advice is not to worry too much about the teeth. My mom works in the dental field and as long as it's not happening too frequently, it's not that big of a deal. Maybe suggest he give him his bottle in a bouncy chair, since he'd still be upright, but lounging. Good luck! ~K.

Hello E.. I know that all of us mom's do things differently with out little ones. I just thought I would share with you that when my now 4y/o was a baby she was bottle feed and by the time she was 5 months old she held her own bottle and would lay down and drink. Her teeth are fine. So, laying down and drinking a bottle is not a gaurentee that your child will have bad teeth. Also, my daughter did it every day and it sounds like your hubby does it occasionally. My best advice, don't nag. Just remember that your husband has the best intentions. As a mom of four, the youngest being 7 months old, my best advice is to take the time to yourself and not spend your time away worring about how the hubby is feeding the baby. I am sure as a mother of three boys you need the time to relax away from the family!!

My advice... and this is just my opinion :) Is to let him do it his way- be thankful that he is willing to stay at home with a breastfed baby (mine wasn't very willing at all) I know alot of times that Dad's don't do it the way we do- I can't tell you how many times I've come home to my boys in mismatched outfits having had chips and cookies to eat for lunch- but as long as their needs are met and they are spending one on one time with their Dad - don't sweat it too much- enjoy your time to yourself!!

Hi E.
Don't be too hard on your husband. Please allow him to care for Matthew too. I would have given anything to have help with my children when they were young. A bottle here and there will not ruin his teeth. Enjoy your time with and with out your children. It is important for a healthy relationship.
D.

Sorry but, I have to agree with your hubby. Letting him fall asleep with his bottle & then taking it out when he falls asleep is not hurting his teeth. I am the mother of 3, legal guardian of 5, & grandmother of 1, ranging fom 33 years down to 7 months. It never caused a problem for any of the children in my care. Rest assured & go enjoy some "me time".
P. S.

ok my children were breast and bottle feed. When the baby falls asleep during the feeding you take the breast or bottle out of its mouth and lay it down. Well he is doing basically the same thing. As long as he is not putting the baby to bed with it then I don't see the problem. We did this and my children are almost 2 and 3 and there teeth are perfectly fine. Mothers are always going to do things different than the fathers it is just that way and we need to except that. If you keep telling him that everything he is doing is wrong then you are treating him like a child. He is also a parent and even if you don't like how he does things and they are different from you, let him or he could just give up and say he can't do anything right so why don't you do it all. Good luck

Have you also tried explaining it's not good for his ears? It leads to increase in ear infections. As him if he would like to lay down and try to drink at the same time and see how easy it is for him, and then to think about being small and having to do the same thing. Also, feeding is a very important bonding time for the baby, holding them, even if they hold their own bottle is very important to make eye contact and communicate with them. It is important for their soical development skills on learning trust and communication. There's more to it than just the teeth...

I'm going to have to agree with Kathy B. Even though he is helping to feed the baby, feeding time is a time of bonding. Besides that, when you lay a baby down with a bottle, it does something to the ears and sometimes the teeth. Baby's ear canals are not quite developed like ours and feeding the baby in an horizontal position can be harmful.

I wouldn't pick or nag at your hubby though, just take him with you to your childs next doctors appointment and have the doc explain to him why laying the child down with a bottle is not a good idea. Maybe the doctor will convince the daddy that he could be harming his little one even though his heart is in the right place.

Good Luck to you,
M. F.

Dear E.,
I had a smilar problem with my husband. He would never do what I needed him or asked him to do with our daughter. Then I found two ways that in turn did help.
1. Having the doctor tell him and ask him about certain care things that i brought up to her. She always found a way to do this with him. She made it sound like I had not mentioned it to her, so he wouldn't get made at me when he got home.
2. The second idea my doctor gave me was to post related articles from child care magazines on a place where he would read them. For my husband it was either the fridge or on his bathroom floor reading box. If I ever just handed him them to him he would just say I will read it later.
The main point is though is most likely he won't read the whole thing, so underline or highlight what you want him to read. That way it he is more likely to read it. Most men don't like to read alot of useless information. They want the point and th at is it. Most men deal with facts, they don't want to read to read stuff that has nothing to do with useless information they can't use. Short,sweeet to the point.
My duagher is going to be 3 next month and I still give him stuff to read. If the idea comes from a book. Mark the page and the paragraph with a book mark and a sticky letting him see what exactly what needs to be read.
The other thing I do to him, is I will read it to him while he is eating. that way he is traped and has to listen and not say to much because his mouth is full.
Don't let him get away with not having him help you care for that little boy. Its not fair to you, and its not right for him to do this on purpose just to keep from having to watch him.
Have you thought of making sure he was feed before you leave? I no that is not really fair either, but sometimes you have to set things up for them to make it ideal for you and for him. See that the tme you leave the baby has already had a nap before you leave and won't need a bottle before you get back.
My hubby issue was not really the feeding, but the other end. It would go into a frennzy if he had to change a # 2.
I had told him again and again to breath out.
I say they need to get over already. We do most of this stuff and we need time to get sme of our stuff done. We need time to ourself too.
I have gone as far as having someone gome in and watch her while he was there. That really ticked him off, but I didn't care. If he wasn't going to do what i child needed to be done. Then I would bring in someone who would. Most the time it was my mom or a friend of mine. I mostly have to do that when I go to school. I am going to Nursing School, so I am gone for three hours or more two times a week. I need to have someone I trust to take care of my child.
He is getting better now that she is potty trained almost and older.
I don't think they ever watch them as good as we do or want them to, but I guess they just don't get it sometimes.
Away that was my ten cents and i hope it gave you some ideas.

S.

I agree with most of the moms, in that you need to relax & let your husband do things his way once in awhile. To reiterate, dads do things differently than moms. That's not to say that it's the wrong way. With both my kids, they take the bottle, then lay down to sleep or play. Their teeth & ears are fine. My son is 4 & never had an ear infection. As for not letting your husband do anyhting, I would really rethink that idea. I have a 4 month old & she really only lets dad give her a bottle. Dad needs to do as much as possible so you can have a break. Babies adjust to the different styles very easily.

Hi E.,
I wanted to let you know alittle about my experience. When my son was little, he had a bottle in his mouth all the time and even went to bed with it. His front teeth eventually had problems and we had to have them fixed. When my daughter was born, she was never put to bed with a bottle and her teeth are fine. I think we went wrong in letting him have the bottle all the time. And now as a 4 yr old, he still drinks alot of fluids. The ped. told me that even though milk was healthy, it could still harm their teeth if if just lays in their mouth. My neice and nephew went to bed with the bottle and never had any problems. I think it varies from child to child depending on their teeth. In my opinion, it would probably be ok to do this once in a while but I would suggest it not become a habbit. Tell your husband that this could lead to possible problems and that you would rather not take the risk.

E.,
You might mention to your husband that propping a bottle up for your baby can also cause him to choke, not just be bad for his teeth.

On the flip side of this, I think maybe your husband needs to be able to do things his own way with your child. It's his child too and it might eventually get to the point where he feels like he's not a good dad if he's not able to take control sometimes.

I say this from experience. I have learned, and still am learning, that I can't treat my husband like a child. It's amazing how fragile men can be and what effects their confidence.

I think it's important for you to share your opinions with your husband. Maybe in a non-threatening way. Take him to your next pediatrician appointment and have the doctor explain it. Just a thought!

Good luck!

Our children drank their bottles laying down and then put it down to sleep, after they were able to hold it. I dont know how they put it down but they never actually fell asleep with it in their mouths. They have never had an ear infection or problems with teeth. I think if you take the baby your telling your husband he is not a good parent, which he must have done something right your still married and have 3 children. I agree with the other mom who said we try to control everthing in the childrens lives and sometimes we have to let go. In the grand scheme of things this is not the worst disagreement you will have over parenting issues.
S.

I know sometimes we as moms like to control everything that is happening in our kids lives, but sometimes it is okay to step back and let your husband do it his way. In the long run, leaving a bottle in your sons mouth for a few minutes every once in a while is not a big deal. I guess I am just saying, pick your battles and show your husband you have confidence in his parenting abilities.

honestly, i've never heard of it causing problems with teeth (the bottle is in the mouth sitting up or laying down), BUT, it can/does cause more frequent ear infections. i don't know how, but my son used to be put down to sleep by his father or grandmother with a bottle (my son's father and i are split and have joint custody so he lived with them half the time) and he was always having ear infectiosn. his pediatrician told me to make sure he didn't go to bed with a bottle or sippy.. since stopping that, he hasn't had a single ear infection. maybe if you talk to the dr, they could explain it ina way your husband would understand..?