How to Get My 2 Year Old to Eat Dinner

My three year old does the same thing. This is what we do, if it is right or not I can't say. We give him food, encourage him to eat once or twice and then let him do his thing. Most of the time he takes off. We leave his plate at the table for like 30 min to an hour and he will cruise by and take a bite here or there. Later if he needs a snack his dinner is in the fridge. No sence in making a big fight of it, if we do foght it the whole dinner ends up stressed out and unhappy.

I have the same problems with my son who is the same age. He eats terrifically all day at day care and then at home has no interest in the table. Zachary is also the kind of kid that will go an entire day at home eating only an apple and maybe one chicken nugget or bite of spaghetti.

First, I asked the day care what time the last snack is and what it usually was - turns out that he is getting a good sized, well rounded, snack at 4:00!

Then I decided that he'll eat when he is hungry and I need to make the food available. I therefore do not require that he come to the table and I prepare small foods that he can eat as a "drive by" such as chicken nuggets and grapes, etc. I am not the least bit worried about getting him to the table later. The rest of the family is there and the interest will come later...he does fine in restaurants and at friend's homes and this is a fight I will choose not to fight (what will I earn in the end, an upset two year old and a cold dinner for myself? No thanks!)

It works for us.

Good luck!!!

*K

I agree with what Melissa said but want to add that in my family the lunch or dinner plate stays on the table and that is what my kids get to eat if they don't finish instead of having a snack. (My kids are always hungry for a snack.) If it is lunch they didn't eat then no snacks and they will eat their dinner great. If it is dinner then they eat a great breakfast the next morning. Most of the time though they will finish their food within a half hour or so after we have all gotten up from the table so they can have a snack with the rest of the family which tells me it is mostly them testing the rules yet again. You might want to ask when the last snack is at daycare and if it is close to when you are feeding her dinner that might be part of the problem. Oh and my husband and kids can't drink a lot of liquids before and in the early part of their meals or they fill up and won't eat the food so I give them their plates first and then get them their drinks after they have had a few bites and make sure they don't chug it down before they finish their meal or eat what we think is an acceptable amount.

M.,

All you can do is offer the food. It is your daughter's choice whether to eat or not. If she's eating healthy at school/daycare and is a healthy proportion to her height I wouldn't worry about it too much.

My son is now 5 years old and goes through his phases. He'll eat everything in sight and still be hungry, then shoot up inches overnight. During his growth spurt he'll hardly eat anything, the his appetite grows and grows until he's eating everything in sight again. My 19 month old daughter is showing signs of being the same way.

Children are wonderfully adapted to know when to eat and when to stop eating. We as parents seem to need to step in and mess it up by forcing our children to eat when they're full, thus messing up their own body's signals of full/hungry.

Melissa :)

The days of power struggles... I first recommend reading a book about the topic. I really enjoyed "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. And Jan Faull is another author who writes on the topic too. It helped explain a lot about kids this age. I have a 3 year old and she went through the same thing along with a whole host of other issues I found relevant in the book. It's all about power struggles and gaining control.

First and foremost, it's your role to provide healthy food at the dinner table and let her decide what she will and won't eat (usually I make sure there's at least one thing she likes at the table which is hard at this age since it can change so don't worry about it too much). If she *refuses* to eat DON'T make a big deal about it. You can talk about how great tasting it is and leave it at that. She will eat when she is hungry. You can explain that her next meal is breakfast and no snacks until then.

Once she realizes she can't *get* Mommy, she will probably eat again. She is just trying to control the situation. I found giving my daughter choices resolves a lot of issues. She helps me plan the dinner. Usually I give her a choice about rice or couscous, carrots or ????, fruit or ???? It makes her part of the process and she feels important. She also enjoys helping Mommy.

The dinner table is the foundation for learning, family togetherness and a whole host of benefits your pediatrician can tell you about (or search on the web). I wouldn't provide a *snacking station* like one of the posts recommended. Your daughter needs to learn there are times to play and times to spend with the family. If she is done with dinner, then let her play quietly. It's not fair to you if she's ramboucous while you are trying to enjoy your dinner. She will learn empathy and that other people's feelings matter if you develop the expectation now.

Good luck!

M.
Mother of 2 kids--ages 3 and 1.

I think that it is the age, and that we expect our kids to eat more than they actually need to eat. My son just turned 3, and we have the same issue - although I just don't make it an issue. I prep all of his meals (unless we are eating out, when I more or less choose), so I can be sure that he is eating the foods that I want him to eat, and getting nutrition through the foods that he is being served - if he doesn't eat at a meal, that is his choice. He is only allowed to play in the kitchen area (where he has a few toys) while we are eating, and sometimes we can encourage him to come back to the table for a bite or two...but bottom line, I think it isn't worth making it an issue. They have little tummies, and if they eat a big meal in a day, that probably fills them up.

What kind of snacks/how many does she get? You can also try to give more nutritious snacks (fruit, yogurt...) rather than crackers and goldfish...maybe she is just hungry at different times than you and your husband.

Hi M.. I have a 2-month old who has the same issue. He eats light for breakfast, gorges at daycare during the day, and barely eats anything at home for dinner, except for a cup of milk before bedtime. My husband and I met with our pediatrician because of his poor-to-no appetite at night. Our pediatrician assured us that kids have odd eating patterns. Some have breakfast as the biggest meal, and some hardly eat anything when they wake up. He also assured us that kids have this inherent ability to know what foods they need. Our son will go through days when all he will eat is brown rice, other days, carrots, and other days animal crackers. :) But, within a two week span, he gets all the nutrients he needs (though we also add a daily vitamin supplement for good measure.) OUr doctor told us that as long as he is not losing weight, then he's just fine and not to force foods on him which may cause eating problems in the future. We have followed this advice and our world has become a better place. My husband and I enjoy a nice meal together at the table, and our son plays nearby and will ask for a bite if he wants one. Hope this helps! -K.

Hi M.,
First off, make sure that what your darling is eating is healthy and includes whole grains, fruits, vegetables and protein, especially plant based protein, like peanut butter. Since she mostly eats at day care, make sure they are feeding wholesom foods, if not send her good stuff. Then trust that if she is hungry she will eat. Don't make an issue of it. You don't want to create an eating disorder. Let her learn when she is hungry and when she is not. If she doesn't eat her dinner, put it away incase she is hungry later, don't give her a snack later instead of dinner. If she doesn't eat, she isn't hungry. She will not die, and will start eating more when she is hungry. Just make sure what she does eat is healthy. Or make sure what is offered is healthy.

I am not quite sure what to do about this, but here is what I have read so far.
Try not to make meal times an issue. If she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat. I know is sounds harsh and you worry about nutrition and you think it can't possibly be ok. My son will refuse to eat certain meals one week and not the next, one week he will love oranges, now he throws them on the floor. Feeding is very frustrating. The articles and journals say not to worry, they will eat and they will eat when they are hungry. Otherwise you set up a power and control issue and then food becomes an issue later in life...over eating, not eating healthy, not eating...etc. It even stated that when they try something new or they eat something you are happy about to not praise or congratulate, just treat it like anything else, same thing if they don't like something. For the nutrition part I try to make sure what he does eat is healthy and continue to offer him, say oranges. They say to continue to try to offer foods for they might change their minds.
I don't know if this is good advice or not. It is what I am trying for now...things might change, for now the advice seems to say do nothing, which is hard, but I guess they are right it is their choice.
Good luck.

Consistency is definitely the key. While I don't think making an issues out of the food is right, I do think that she should sit at the table with you until she says she is done eating. Once she is done eating, she can get down and play etc. But eating together as a family is a big deal. If she gets down, comes back for a bite here and there, goes and plays, comes back for another bite, you will likely end up with a struggle very soon about how to act at the table. So, if she's not hungry, don't make her eat. But do have her sit at the table with you for a bit and talk to her. And, though it doesn't sound like she's doing this, don't let her eat her meal soon after your dinner is done, when her appetite is not likely to have changed but her power has been asserted.

Good luck!

Hi,

Just to add another perspective...I have two rules at the table. No complaining and you must sit at the table until everyone is done (within reason). If kids have the choice between playing and eating, they will almost always choose playing and miss out on the family social experience. It drives me crazy to go to someones house for dinner and have the kids stay for two seconds while they gulp a bite and then leave. If my 3 year old complains at the table she is told she can choose between staying with us and not complaining or going for a time out in her room. She has always chosen to stay at the table. If we are having something she is not likely to want, then I usually will add something like string cheese or yogurt and then she will usually eat the fruit and vegetable being served, as well. She is definitely encouraged to try things, but never punished if she doesn't. Last night I gave the dog a scoop of mashed potatoes. She saw how much he liked them and was then willing to try them herself. In the end, toddlers really don't need that much food because their growth really slows a lot (we are used to babies that outgrow clothes every 3 months!).

You have a lot of good and pretty consistent advice. My daughter is just over 3.5 and we have gone through the mealtime challenges as they come and go. The key thing is to be consistent about expectations and not to stress about eating. Mealtimes need to be a time your child looks forward to, when the family gathers, etc. If she does not want to eat, don't make it a struggle(like all the other moms say, if she's hungry she will eat, and if it is a control game, you don't play, so she will maybe be a bit hungry one night, but she will learn). And like several moms say, cut afternoon snacks and cut beverages before and at dinner. My daughter will guzzle her milk before she eats if I put it in front of her - then she has little room for food and starts saying she's full. I just don't give her drink at the outset. Also, if she cannot sit at the table, tell her she has a choice - sit with us and have dinner, or be excused from the table (go play). We don't support the come and go, eat as you please behavior, especiallly after the age of 3-4. Another issue tends to be in trying foods, esp. if she says she doesn't like them. We have a rule that even if we don't want something, we try it - just one bite, and she can spit it out if she doesn't like it. We found that this will often stimulate her appetite as well(assuming she likes it!). But if not, no problem, thank you for tasting it...Mommy and Daddy really like it!
Another common struggle is when my little one insists that she's full (won't eat), but wants dessert. We gently remind her "dinner first, then desert." But this can be tricky because we don't want her to just stuff her food down to get something she wants. So, we tell her, dessert tonight is grapes (or apples, or some fruit). We also don't have dessert (sweets) everynight, but we always offer fruit.

Hope those additional thoughts provide more ideas for you. Good luck and don't stress about it. As long as she is healthy, active and happy, she's getting the nutrition she needs.

Hi M.,

We have had this same issue with our son off and on over time. One thing I've come to understand is that he won't "die" if he misses a meal. We just make it very clear to him that once dinner is done, it is done. No snacks later, nothing. If he's hungry, he will eat. If he's not, he won't. My son is very healthy and is growing very well. Our doctor said not to worry about it as long as good nutrition averages out over a few days.

If your daughter is eating really well at daycare, she may not be all that hungry at night. This also may be a control issue. When you quit pushing, she may just quit pushing back. These little ones are funny that way!

Emphasize the good things of eating together as a family and try not to make it a battle. It's not pleasant for anyone that way. You and Daddy should show her how nice it is to dine together and then perhaps she will want to join you.

Best of luck!

B. W.

If she is eating good at school, then she is getting nutrition in her day. Her body is telling her it's not hungry so she will fight it. When she is hungry, she will eat. Give her a choice of eating or playing on the kitch floor where you can see her. Don't give a lot of snacks after lunch so that she may have an appetite when you have dinner. This is also an independence age where a fight will encourage her to be more stubborn.

She is getting way too much attention from not eating. Just sit down and start eating, without giving her food (yet). Most likely she will want something and then start eating. (This was on the new show the Dr.'s). Just make sure you put acceptable choices out on the table in serving dishes (not on her plate) and she will probably choose something. Don't say anything to her about eating or choosing something. Just see if she reaches for or asks for something. S.

She will not starve herself. If she isn't eating, then she isn't hungry. About this age, toddler's growth slows way down, and their interest in other things goes way up, so they just don't have the patience to sit still and eat. What she misses out on at dinner time, she will make up for at the next meal. There is no way to make sure she eats well at each meal, but if you average out all her meals, you will probably find that she is eating enough. It is important that you set rules for meals though. In our house, we require that they take one bite of everything, and you cannot be excused from the table until at least one other person is done eating. Many days, my 2 year old will eat one bite of everything and then just sit waiting until his sister is done so they can go play. You have to just back off of force feeding or you will cause a power struggle. Let meals just be a relaxed time.
Remember, you can force your kids to do many things, but you cannot force them to eat, sleep, or potty. Force feeding a child will reset their body's natural ability to know when it is hungry and full, and then children become adults that eat too much. Let her listen to her own body's cues.

In case your daughter is simply too distracted to eat at home, instead of having eatten all her days calories at daycare, [too tired at the end of the day, or just wants to play at home] you might try:

A) Giving her enough of a healthy 'snack' as a meal on the way home [especially if it's a longish trip from daycare to home]. In the car or stroller, your child's a bit of a captive audience, and is likely to eat what's presented to her.
B) Providing her a dinner 'snack' earlier - I know my 4-yr old son won't eat if he's too tired, so I give him a hefty snack in late afternoon on days he's acting tired [5 pm snack instead of hoping he'll hold out until 6:30 + when Dad gets home]. Then I don't worry about what / if he eats. [but no desserts without a reasonable amount of healty food - and no one gets desserts unless everyone can have it.]
C) competition: ask if she'd mind if Daddy / Mommy (and later, her sibling) ate her dinner (or parts of it) since she doesn't want it. Sometimes it works and she'll eat, other times you at least find out it's hopeless & can put things away.

I was having the same problem. When I found out that she was eating so well at Daycare and I spoke to here provider she said don't make it a fight, feed her cereal if that is what she asks for. That's what we do, if she is interested in our food I will give it to her, if not she'll eat cereal or yogurt, or whatever she asks for. We just took the fight out of it and it is a more pleasant mealtime.

M.

I just watched this show called "The Doctors" and Dr. Sears helped a family that had the same issues. The family would struggle (beg, give time outs, etc) to get their toddler to eat anything and were concerned he wasn't growing.

Dr. Sears joined them for dinner one evening and said the plan was:

*Put ONLY the foods that you want your child to eat on the table
*Leave your child's plate empty
*You and your husband serve yourselves while completely ignoring your child (don't offer them anything unless they ask or seem interested)
*If your child asks for something or seems interested, ask them if they want some and then give it to them.
*Don't make a big deal out of anything!!

It was truly amazing . . these parents were shocked when their son asked for part of an apple and some carrots and then ATE them. ;)

Dr. Sears also said it might take a little while, so have a leisurely dinner and relax for 10-15 minutes while you eat. He said it is fine to include some dips on the table (peanut butter, ranch, catchup, etc.)

I tried it with my 4 yr old and it worked as well.

I totally have a 3 yr old that does the same thing...it's extremely frustrating! Sadly, I haven't figured out the answer, only that my ped. said that if she doesn't eat, she doesn't get snacks or anything until the next meal time and when she's hungry she will eat.

I truly feel your frustration and wish I had more to offer than sympathy!
Good Luck!

It is natural to for a good mom to want her child to eat. But the best thing you can do is act like it doesn't matter. If she doesn't want to eat, so OK and get her done from the table. Say something like... "Go play. We are staying her to eat." Then she is deprived of two things... your company and being able to push your buttons. Two year olds are much smarter than we give them credit for...
She WILL NOT let herself starve. It will not hurt her at all to miss dinner if she is eating at breakfast and lunch. Let her miss it. Stay consistant and she will come around.

Unless she is losing weight and your pediatrician gets concerned, I would not force her to eat dinner. Kids are much better than adults about only eating when they are hungry and stopping once they are full. I would still have her sit at the table with you, but I wouldn't make her eat. She is eating throughout the day and she will eat at dinner if she is hungry. Forcing her to eat will teach her to eat even if she is not hungry and we all know what kind of issues that leads to.

I don't really know if this helps, but I do know it worked on me. My mom used to put my food in the fridge and then that would be my snack later. No other snack. Does she drink a lot of milk or anything cause milk juice or pedia sure can be very filling. Well hope it gets better good luck! Oh and now I am not picky really at all I eat almost anything.