How to Get Toddler Ready for Newborn

When I was pregnant with my third baby, I would show the kids in a baby book how big the baby was getting and took them to the ultra sounds. They were so excited aboutit coming up and rubbing my belly saying there is a baby in there. They would ask me to show them in the book what the baby looked like now and how much longer. It was fun for them to go through the process with me.

I looks like you have received some great advice from others. I have some info to add that comes from a slightly different perspective. Have you considered having your daughter at your birth? I think it is a great way to introduce her to the whole process and it will also give her an intro to where the baby came from. here is some advice on how to prepare older siblings for the birth:

Preparing Children to Be Present at the Birth of a Sibling
By Angela England

With family-oriented births becoming a priority for more and more women, the number of older siblings attending the birth of their new baby brothers or sisters is increasing. It can be a wonderful experience to participate in the arrival of a new sibling but children who will be present at a birth should have some preparation ahead of time. Here are midwife, doctor, and family approved tips for how to prepare your older children to be present at the birth of a new sibling.
Look through some graphic pregnancy books with your children.

You want to look through some anatomy pregnancy books with your child - books with detailed pictures or drawings in them as opposed to pregnancy books with just a bunch of words. Show them where the baby is and what will happen for the baby to come out. If you do not prepare the child for the birthing process and what it entails the surprise might upset them. With this little bit of visual preparation however most children have a very favorable response to being present at their sibling's births.

Take your children to a gym or weight-lifting club.
Let them watch some of the hard-core body builders. What do you notice about the weight lifters? Sweat on their faces. Grimaces and "funny" facial expressions. Grunts and groans and other vocalizations. Explain to your children that the body builder is working very hard to lift that large weight and it makes him feel better to make those noises. Then explain to them that when the baby is born you will be working very hard too and might make similar loud noises and funny expressions. Later, when you are in labor and are "working very hard", they will understand better and not be surprised.

Push the couch across the floor.
This great idea came directly from my midwife. Similar to taking your children to the gym, and a great follow-up to that field trip, have your children help you push a heavy couch, coffee table or other large furniture piece across the floor. Let them have fun vocalizing and making faces. Keep things light hearted and fun but explain that when you are in labor you will be working even harder than they are right now and will also make funny faces and loud noises to help you work harder.

Vocalization fun!
Practice vocalizing with your children. Get down on all fours (a common and comfortable position for laboring) and "Moo" long and deep like a cow. This is a similar pitch of many of the natural vocalizations women use during labor. It becomes a funny game that is familiar to them, and a young child will recognize "the game" when you are actually in labor and won't be frightened.

Watch a pre-selected birth video with your child.
Many midwives, childbirth educators or doctors will have a selection of birth videos available to loan out. Some good titles include "Gentle Birth Choices" and "Birth Day" are two excellent choices that your local library should be able to procure for you via Inter-Library Loan.

Watching your child's reaction to what they are seeing and hearing on the video will help give you an idea of how the child might react to being present at the birth and help you decide whether they should be there or not. Make sure they have already had the preparation listed above before watching any of these videos and sit with them through the first viewing.

Keep a running commentary about what is happening on the video. "See, now the mommy in on her hands and knees. Remember when we did that like a moo-cow?" "Oh, look at her face. She is working really hard isn't she! Let's pretend we are lifting a heavy weight and working hard like she is." "Look - here comes the baby's head. Remember this means the baby is almost here!" "There's the baby! See how the cord is still helping him breath and get food. Soon they will cut the cord and that doesn't hurt the baby at all." "See the white stuff on his skin. That keeps his skin soft like lotion."

Explain what they should expect a newborn to look like.
One of the most surprising things for some children who don't understand is the cutting of the cord. Make sure you have explained to them that it doesn't hurt the baby to cut the cord. Also a newborns hands and feet might have a slightly bluish tint to them, or red marks on their skin. A newborn's head might be slightly misshapen and the skin might be covered in vernix, a white protective coating. Older children should see pictures of newborns and have an idea what to expect their sibling to look like.

Have a designated person to care for your older child.
Any child under the age of about 12 or so should have someone there just for them. For the child - not for you. This can be an Aunt, babysitter, grandmother or anyone the child knows and trusts. The care person should also understand that they may or may not be present at the birth and that their focus is not on you in any way, but on the child.

Many mothers are afraid they will have trouble concentrating during labor if they are worried about their other children. Having someone there specifically to tend to the child; keep him occupied, take him to the poddy, fix him a meal, get him a drink or remove him from the room if he becomes anxious will allow the mother to focus on labor without distractions. Often it is easiest to have the child leave the room during a long first stage labor or during the intensity of transition and come back for the usually much shorter delivery (2nd stage) portion.

Stay Flexible!
That is easier to do when you know that your child has been well prepared for being present at the birth and has the option to come and go as he pleases with his designated care person. Let your child make the ultimate decision and don't be too emotionally attached to any certain outcome.

Following these tips will help you thoroughly prepare your older children to be present at the birth of their siblings, while still allowing them the option to leave if they so desire. Many families feel like having the older siblings there for the actual birth event helps make them feel more connected to the new arrival, minimize sibling rivalry and increase the ease of the transition.

I know for me, being present at the last four home births my mother has not only helped me feel more involved with my younger siblings, but also gave me a much better understanding of what to expect in my own labors. I feel I was much better prepared than many first time mothers because I had seen an actual birthing experience outside of Hollywood and dramatic theatrics of the Discovery Channel. And in turn, having my own son present at the birth of his baby sister made for one of the most miraculous and heart warming experiences of my entire life.

Brought to you by:
C. M.
Doula & Childbirth Educator
The Westside Birth Connection
http://www.westsidebirthconnection.com
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Member of CAPPA & DONA
Treasurer, Pikes Peak Regional Doula Association
http://www.csdoulas.com
Volunteer Doula for Operation Special Delivery
http://www.operationspecialdelivery.com

Hi J.! Congratulations on the upcoming excitement. I just had our second child last July and my firstborn was quite a bit older than yours at 4 1/2. The hospital here in Fort Collins offers a Big Brother/Big Sister class where the children got to visit the birthing center, learned how to safely hold and diaper a baby, and then they made a "welcome" poster for the baby. There was also a video for her to watch, and afterward, she got a special certificate. All of this made her feel pretty important. I took her to several of my prenatal appointments and she also went to the ultrasound. She got to "help mama" by bringing me a glass of water when I had to be on the couch with my feet up, and also would stack up pillows for me to get my feet up on (I was really swollen at the end, and these were her own little ideas.) We let her pick out some baby outfits, and she even bought a little pair of baby shoes with her own money. She was very proud of herself, and I kept reminding her about how she was going to be a great role model for her new sibling. Her father and she are very in to comics, and he told her that she was going to be as cool as Spider Man to her new baby sibling. We purchased a very special "big sister gift" for her that she got to open right before the birth. Although she was very interested in being there for the birth, I had to have a C-section, so she could not be there. She did get to hold the baby shortly after the birth, though. She actually named her little sister when it came time to pick her name. There have been a few moments of rivalry and jealousy, but she has been very understanding through it all. I am sure that her age has something to do with it, but we really tried to make it a special event for her. She also got to announce to all of our family and friends that we were expecting, and when we told her we said "guess what? You are going to be a big sister", not "We are going to have a baby". We tried to phrase it like that all along so that she would feel like it was her special thing. The first thing that she did when we got home from the hospital when I was nursing was to get a baby doll, pull up her shirt, and "nurse" right along with me. there have been many, many guilty moments on my part in regard to not spending enough quality time with her, and she and her dad have gotten very close as i have been so much busier with infant care. It makes me sad sometimes, but it is nice that she and her dad have gotten so close. (she wakes him up in the middle of the night now, not me. But then again, I don't have to change the sheets when she wets the bed!!! ;) Best of luck.

Check out the responses to a similar question posted earlier:

http://www.mamasource.com/request/recent/84118/1174918891/6

Lots of good ideas!

Congrats!

I like the book "What to expect when Mommy's having a baby" by Heidi Murkoff. But basically it's just time.

Sounds just like us! My first son was born in October and my second in November 2 years later. Unfortunately my oldest wasn't around very many kids (and still isn't) because he's always had me or my husband at home with him. I would think being around other kids would help your daughter more because then she understands sharing, etc. I would just sort of explain what is going on with books or whatever works, even though my oldest never really comprehended until the baby actually arrived. I really believe in not shaking up their schedule or lives too much. This will help you more than anything. Use the same bedtimes and routines as much as you can. Be prepared for jealousy, which I think is completely understandable... look how much time baby takes away! Just make sure you take some special time out for your daughter when baby is sleeping. Also, be prepared for acting out! Good Luck and Congratulations!!!

Hi J.,

First off, congratulations! I was in a very similar situation as you. My daughter turned two on December 22nd and my other daughter was born on January 11th. When I first found out I was pregnant I immediatly started to feel guilty. I was so worried that my daughter wouldn't get as much attention from me and that she was going to be jealous of the new baby. I actually felt that guilt though most of my pregnancy.

We did do a couple of things that I thought helped. When she would play wuth her dolls I would take another doll and play along with her. I would put diapers on the other baby then I would ask her if she could put a diaper on her baby and I would try to explain to her that "mommy will need your big girl help like this when the new baby comes." That actually seemed to excite her. We also found a great "I'm Going To Be a Big Sister" book that she still likes to read. Also when the time got closer to my due date we took her shopping and let her pick out her own gift for the new baby. We also got her a little gift from the baby and let her open it in the hospital.

I do not know if these things were the reason why she adjusted so well, but she did WONDERFUL!

Good luck!

My daughter was 9mos old when I found out I was going to have another baby. I thought the same thing. It's easy though. Have her feel your tummy and talk to the baby. Also buy her a baby doll. And have her love the baby, rock and play with it. This really helped us out. Also reading her books about babies and big sisters.
When her sister did come she was soo loving and kind. She never would do anything to her sister. It's suprising how much love she showed. I don't think you have anything to worry about. You have months to prepare you daughter.