Okay, this is not a unique topic, I know! I will try to keep this short. I have a 2 year old boy and 7 month old girl, but this is basically about my 2 year old boy.
I love my mother-in-law, but she loves to spoil my kids! I wouldn't have a problem with this if she only saw them once in a while, but she lives 15 minutes away, and generally sees them about 3 times a week (sometimes just for a few hours, but some days, my kids will spend the night at her house too.) My in-laws are wonderful people and love my children very, very much, and I know I am sooo lucky to have them in our lives.
However, after my son spends a lot of time with my MIL, I say I need to "de-program" him because he thinks he can get away with anything, like he does with grandma. Now, I know he's 2, and he does have the occassional temper tantrum, but it's SO much worse after being with grandma.
My biggest concern is the way she lets him eat all the time. Both my husband and I are overweight, and the last thing we want is for our children to be overweight too! I prefer that he eats healthy, but I am not super strict, and I do allow him to have treats from time to time. The way I do it, I allow him to have 3 meals, and 2 or 3 snacks per day, and he only gets juice once a day (unless it is a special occasion, I may be a little lax.) But my MIL lets him eat all day long...he does not have a "meal" and then a "snack"; instead, he pretty much grazes the whole time. I've heard both good and bad things about "grazing" so I'm really not sure how to feel about this!
I've talked to my MIL before, and I know she tries to do what I want, but her "firm hand" never lasts, and soon, she ends up letting my son get away with everything (again), and lets him eat all day long (again.) She cannot stand to have my son cry, even though I keep reminding her that it's actually worse for her to give into his demands. She thinks that my son knows he can getaway with things with her, but that he cannot get away with things from me. She may have a point, because I CAN "de-program" him in a short period of time, but...
What do you guys think? Should I AGAIN remind my mother-in-law of my beliefs? Should I tell her that I will not bring my kids over as often as I have been if she continues to do this? (I would feel so bad, since she has no family in the States besides her only son and us, and she doesn't really get along well with my father-in-law, so having the kids at their house sort of brings peace between them.) OR, do I just relax? The last thing I want to be is an anal-retentive parent! Is she valid in reasoning that my son will respect my rules when he's with me, or is this back-and-forth ways of "parenting" hurting him, since she sees him so often? And should I be more relaxed about her letting my son "graze" all day????
I think grandparents are for spoiling kids. Period. I am not a grandparent, but I do believe that is what you will also do with your grandkids. I think that in about 4-6 months, your son will be able to differentiate between home rules and grandma's rules (NON rules in your case!!) and come to realize how fun it is to go to grandmas and will no longer have to be de-programmed when he comes home. Just keep telling him before he goes to grandmas and after he gets back home that there are separate rules for each place. Let me know what happens. . .
L.
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L.M.
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Pick and choose your battles and if this is the only problem you have with your mother in law, I wouldn't worry about. My 4yo dtr was at my dad's house the other day and he took great joy in letting my dtr eat 5 small candy bars, 3 wafer cookies, a sucker from the bank and another piece of candy from the church. Talk about snacking. All this is a 3-4 hr period. I just smiled and said when she pukes at your house, you'll have to clean it. That's what makes grandparents so special. It's like vacation and Christmas everyday. Your children are lucky they have grandparents who want to spoil them. So, my advice is to plan a family walk after a visit to grandma's house. That might help offset the ding-dongs and ho-ho's. Good Luck to you...
L.
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C.B.
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D.-I understand it must be very frustrating that your MIL lets your kids do things with her that you don't allow but be happy that she wants to spend time with them. I think it's normal for grandparents to spoil their grandkids I know that when I was little mine did. I wish that I had a grandparent that lived so close and had the time to spend with my kids and actually wanted to. My mother lives close by but works 60-80hrs a week so only sees them once in a while and my dad lives in Alabama so we see him once a year and my MIL and FIL only see my kids at Christmas and they live about 15-20minutes from us. I feel bad for my kids because they don't have the typical relationaship with a grandparent "spoiling" them. I'm not trying to say that you don't appreciate your MIL and the time she spends with them but I guess I'm just saying maybe pick your battles and if it's not truely hurting your kids maybe just keep de-programing them. Best of luck.
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K.S.
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I am an eater, always have been. I graze like there is no tommorrow! I have never had a wieght problem, but I do know that some people just need to fuel up more often, kids for sure!
I know what you mean about mothers listening to you on how you run your ship. My own mother drives me up the wall with her "I am grandma hear me roar!". I am with you on feeling the frustration, but at the end of the day, that is what being a grandparent is all about, and she has earned it. She is able to sit back, relax and enjoy her grandchildren more then she was able to just enjoy her kids. As long as she is not feeding him swiss cake rolls and twinkies all day, is it really a battle you would choose to go into?
