How to Handle Other Toddlers at the Playground Pushing and Hitting My Son

Pushing and grabbing is what they do at that age. They are learning to interact. Pretty much all you can do is re-direct and tell them "no" for the behaviors you want to stop and show/tell them the correct behavior. They are not being "mean", they're just being babies.

You're going to have to find a balance of protecting and being OK with a certain level of physical contact that looks uncomfortable. Babies don't "play nice". They don't really even play with each other. They play with toys and want whatever other babies have a lot of times. Here's a link that might help.

http://kidshealth.org/parent/growth/learning/learn12yr.html#

You're going to see your son doing this stuff to. It's part of normal development. The issue comes when the parent's don't do anything at all to re-direct, etc. That is a problem. It takes a LOT of repeating at this age so even though it looks like what the parent's saying isn't doing much, it's the developmental stage of the kid that's the issue. They can only do so much and can't be expected to "play nice" when they barely know how to play at all.

Relax, mama. Your boy is not fragile. You have to find a balance between loving/protecting, and loving/letting him experience things. It's tough, but you'll get there :)

I wonder if you will still think the parents should "do a better job" when your darling son starts this behavior. They are very young, not older toddlers or preschoolers that understand what they are doing is wrong or can hurt. They don't know better yet. Other than taking the ball away from the little girl, I think you handled it fine. Next time I wouldn't take a toy to the playground (there's tons to do there, and you saw why bringing something from home can cause problem), but instead of just taking it away how about saying "Johnny wants to play with his ball now, can you give it back to him?" At this age they are quick to want to please adults, the new found ability to understand and follow directions helps the parents to suggest the behavior you want and let them follow through with the action. Your son will get pushed, and he will push other kids sometimes. Try not to judge the parents for a snapshot of their children's behavior. Trust me, you will have times where you don't others to base their ideas of your job as a parent on a few minutes of watching your child's actions!

Don't bring anything to public places that your kid is totally willing to share. My dd would freak out at that age when someone used her stuff. I realized that we couldn't bring anything.

My best suggestion about the hitting and pushing is to stay very close by to your kid. If another kid pushes, stop it immediately. Be nice, but say "sweetie, he doesn't like it when you push". That gives the other kid immediate feedback and if you say it nicely, the other mother won't be offended.

Uh, what?
The parents of those toddlers did just fine O.. They were there and told their children not to hit, to be nice, to share.
YOU on the other hand snatched a ball away from a 1 year old and made a kid cry.
If I were there I would have thought you were a mean first time mom who thinks her son poops rainbows.
Part of going to a park is to teach little kids how to interact. Sounds like it's to teach "you" how to too.
L.

O.:

You took the ball from the toddler? You didn't say - "excuse me - may I have our ball back, please?" That's RUDE.

The other parents did NOT ignore their children's behavior.
The other parents did NOT ignore the situation and did not allow their child to hit OR push your son any longer.

So what are you upset about? Your behavior? You just modeled to your son that it's okay to take something from someone else without so much as a word. Good luck with that and future trips to the park!!

Clearly label your ball - with your name on it - then you can take it to the park.

In the future, when children see a ball they want to play with - and it's yours - you can give your son the choice to share his ball or walk away. If you want him to learn sharing - then you practice what you preach.

Good luck!

Google the toddler rules. It's a cute read. It's also very real.

Kids hit and kids push. It's going to happen with your son too.

I do think that kids should work out their problems when they can. I agree that you should have taken the ball, next time don't take any toys. Toys can be played with at home. At the park they need to play with the stuff there or why else go there.

Sounds like the first mom handled it perfectly. the second mom...not so much. If the pushing continued as she was telling her daughter to stop, she needed to physically step in and remove her.

Not sure what you mean when you say you "took the ball away." Did you actually just grab it and walk away? Or did you tell her "this is my son's ball and he wants to play with it now," then wait for her to hand it over? Simply grabbing it and walking away teaches her to do the same. But, explaining why you need it and waiting for her to actually give it to you helps teach her - and your son - the right way to share. I also usually say to the mom, "we need to take our toys now, we're not going to be playing over here anymore/we're going home." That way she can deal with her kid crying.

Ugh. I try to be all nice when kids do this stuff to my son but the deeper part of me wants to growl in their faces & push them back, the mean little sh**s, for hurting *my* boy. Sometimes it's a Herculean effort to smile and say, "can you give kiddo his toy back?" when I really want to snatch it from their hands and say, "nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!"

It's hard to be a parent .... especially when you realize your ferocious protective instincts will prevent your kiddo from ever having friends.

Good luck to you!

This is typical toddler behavior - not okay to allow to continue, but normal to happen. At this age, they need constant supervision and it sounds like you're on top of it and doing fine.

As for toys, our general rule has always been that we don't bring anything to a public place that we're not willing to share or lose. With little kids who don't yet have a concept of sharing, logic doesn't work on them so someone always ends up with tears.

This is your first child, and he is not yet a year old.

Be kind to parents of other toddlers, because that may be you someday soon. Karma is a tough customer.

Start modeling for your son now. saying "tell that girl, no hitting" "Tell that boy not to grab the ball" Sure he's too young to say it but you're sending the signal that he can handle it, he doesnt need mommy to swoop in. You dont want to teach him he cannot handle anything, he always needs mommy to take over

If you've been on this site for any length of time, you have to know that this is normal one year old behavior. They have no sense of ownership or sharing and don't really understand that they are hurting when they hit/push. If you are annoyed at typical one year old behavior, I suggest you put your son in a bubble.

I think you could have used both of these incidents as teaching moments for both your son and the other child. Your son needs to learn conflict resolution and what he learned from you is to "take his ball and go home." Not really the best of lessons IMHO.

I understand you love your son and don't like seeing him get hit or pushed, but really, he wasn't being beaten and he could have learned empathy, and sharing and the other child could have learned the same. What a shame that you chose to "take your ball and go home" rather than take the opportunity to try to teach these children a life lesson.

Hi O.- seriously you are his mom. You were fine. It's hard to be a first time mother. As I read through some of the other comments I don't think people realize the way they phrase something as to how harsh their reactions are. I mean seriously some if these moms are a little intense. Please don't take it personally. I really like the mom who said to model behavior to eventually get your son in time to stand up for himself. When you say it out loud it also lets the other patent know how you are felling without saying it directly to them. You are one good mama. Live joe much you love your son. Other people don't need to judge. You didn't do anything wrong. Just very upright people out there. Enjoy these years. They go by so fast :)

This is hard to deal with. The best thing to do if you feel Ike the other parent is not controlling their child is to remove your child from the situation.

Hi. I ditto what Patricia G wrote. You are a great momma for asking!

My son was also very sweet around the age of 12 months -- that drastically changed once he turned about 15 months. He started with meltdowns then began hitting if he didn't get his way. He was my first born and I couldn't comprehend how my little sweet guy wasn't sharing, would push and cry at the littlest things...it's the age and all toddlers are different and react differently to each situation. I also think it would be helpful for him and you to be around other kids his age in a setting like a playgroup. When my son would react with poor behavior I'd always tell him, "no pushing, pushing isn't nice", have him apologize then redirect him. And modeling good behavior is key...asking for the ball back instead of taking is a good example. Keep an open mind...all these toddlers are still learning all the basic social skills!

I would suggest that you join a playgroup with children around your son's age. This can be very helpful for you to see how children interact in a small group and you can meet some moms with kids your sons age. There are various moms groups and you might ask around or even contact a preschool or hospital to get suggestions. It is invaluable for a first time mom. Good-luck.

Well, that's completely normal one year old behavior...some of them (like your son) are better at sharing and some of them are horrible at it. I have 2 kids and one was really bad at sharing when he was little. He would get very upset and melt down. It was trying. I'd make him share and redirect him to something else if possible. I'd often say, ok, you get the ball for 2 minutes and then it's suzie's turn. Then I'd make him hand it over. I would stand right next to him and not let him hit. If he hit I'd give him one warning and then we would leave. We often had to leave. He eventually got good at sharing but it really wasn't until age 5! Crazy. He was a late bloomer I guess. My daughter was born being good about sharing. She'd just hand it over when she was that age. She was so much easier! Just redirect them at that age and protect your son from the more hands-on kids. Try to give them a little lesson in sharing (you get it 2 minutes, then other kid gets it 2 minutes). Tell you son to say no hitting. Get him to play with a different kid if necessary. They all get better at this as they get older.

I would have handled it the same way. The level at your son's age, kids usually parallel play, which is less interaction together. As your son ages, they start interacting around 2-3 years old.

I found this for 12 month development hope this helps:

When Parallel Play Becomes Playing Together
Babies play side-by-side, but older toddlers move beyond parallel play to really interact with their classmates and playgroup buddies.
Comments
Next time you’re at the playground, take note of how the toddlers interact. Chances are, if they aren’t grabbing, hitting, or throwing something, they’re totally ignoring their playmates or, at best, grunting in one another’s general direction. Pretty antisocial, huh? Yes — and perfectly normal, especially for young toddlers, for whom parallel play (playing side-by-side, with no interaction) is still the name of the game. But the tide is about to turn, Mom; at two to three years old, kids start to notice one another at play and to share their stuff (hallelujah!) in loosely organized ways (this is called associative play).

During parallel play, babies and toddlers sit happily alongside one another but rarely interact. One critter may occasionally look up from her shape sorter to see what her pal is doing or even to hand her a toy, but more typically she’ll spend most of her time in her own little zone. Yet that doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy being around other toddlers — in fact, she loves looking at faces and bodies similar in size to her own.

When associative play emerges, toddlers begin to share playthings. Your toddler and her playgroup gang may all build with blocks, for example, but each constructs her own teetering tower. Or they may all cluster near a play kitchen, busily “washing” their dirty dishes or stirring an empty pot — but without the planning and directing (“You be the mommy and I’ll be the daddy”) you’ll see among older kids.

Of course, all this associating is bound to lead to squabbling, since toddlers this age are still learning about turn-taking, sharing, and the many nuances of “being a good friend” (some adults are still working on that!). You can foster friendship skills by trying these tactics:

Be a good role model. When you play with your tot, make a point of asking before picking up a toy she’s been using. Once she gives you the green light, tell her you appreciate her giving you a turn and praise her willingness to share. (Oh, and don’t forget your pleases and thank-yous.)
Choose cooperative games. If you’re hosting a group (or even just a pair) of toddlers, make ring-around-the-rosy or other circle games part of the fun, or have them roll a ball to one another (a great way to teach turn-taking). All-hands-on-deck activities such as cooking together, doing crafts, or making music encourage teamwork and sharing.
Intervene when necessary. Keep a close eye on toddlers during playdates and be ready to step in quickly if anyone’s on the verge of lashing out. With all the matter-of-factness you can muster (whether your child is the aggressor or the victim), separate the battling parties and redirect them to a new activity or separate areas of the room.
Practice…a lot. Just because one playdate (or several) ends in tears and tantrums, don’t give up. Learning social skills takes time. Experiment with different groups, settings, times of day, and activities (without overstuffing your child’s social calendar, of course).