How to Help Kids (AND ME) Get Through Loss of a Beloved Dog :(

I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted to write to say how sorry I am. I understand they are just as much a part of the family and it is very hard to get thru. I know it is a cliche, but time helps.

I'm so sorry for your loss. After reading all of the responses you have received I am now in tears because 2 days before Thanksgiving I had to make the decision to put our 19 year old cat down. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to make a decision about and I am still second guessing myself. It was my 9 year old daughter who made me realize it was time when she said "Mommy, he is already halfway to heaven" (he was in kidney failure). Those simple words helped me a lot. We have shed a lot of tears together as a family and we talk about him a lot. I'm sure you and your children think they see your beloved retriever sometimes - my daughter is always telling me she just saw our "Tippy" and I tell her that he is here with us and that seems to make her feel better. I think it has really helped to talk about him and also for our daughter to understand the process of mourning - and that it takes time but the pain will eventually diminish. I keep telling her (and myself) that we were so fortunate and blessed to have him (and our other cat who died a few years ago at 21) in our lives for so long. I think also that for our daughter just knowing that she is not alone in her feelings of grief has been a comfort to her. For the past 2 years she has been saying she wants to be a vet so she now realizes how much more there is to it - that there are times when you can't help an animal or they are just old (like our Tippy).

I have lost several pets in my lifetime and after each one has passed, I say to myself that I will never get another pet because it is just so painful when they are gone. However, we are already talking about getting another cat or dog or both after the holidays. They just give so much back to us and we so miss having them around and coming home to them. The house seems so empty. I keep telling myself that it was just a cat - but as your other responders have said, they are just so much a part of the family.

I hope all of the responses you receive somehow help you and your family at this hard time.

I know this is so hard, some people don't get that it is almost like losing a family member. For me, at one time, my dog was like my child, since I didn't have any yet. I was a traveler, I moved all around the country and he wen't everywhere with me. He was about 100lbs, newfie/bernese mix. More loyal and loving than I think any human could ever be. He was truly my best friend and would have died protecting me. We even lived in my car (we were living in a National Park out west) at my work for a few months and the whole camp loved him. I had him from a pup and he was with me for 7 years when I lost him to a house fire while I was out. I would have loved to have him here for 13 I am so jealous!! Having a good dog life is what he deserved, even if it was dying of illness at an old age. It wasn't fair to lose him that way. To me or to him.
The pain and screaming I went through was exhausting and horrible. I cry thinking about him not being able to get out of the house when I know he was trying and no one was there to help him. I wasn't there.
The pain never goes away, you just are able to cope with it a little better everyday. And eventually you are able to be normal and happy again, but you have a small part of your heart chipped away and that will always be there.
I made a photo montage, and I have also heard of people making stepping stones with the dog's paws, or having a memory garden with statues, stones w/ engravings, where you have a place to visit that belongs to him.
I can only tell you that the best healer is time. Focusing on the good times he brought and the smiles to your faces by memory making crafts, even a scrapbooks helps immensely. It helps you to feel you've paid some respect and still think of him. There are 100's of poems and writings on the internet which are lovely. I printed some and added them to photos which turned out great. One to look up is "Rainbow Bridge" which is good for the kids too. New puppies, I know from experience, also help take your minds off the sadness and allow new love to enter your home. It will not replace your lost friend, only introducing a new one, the house must seem lonely and quiet, a new furry friend can fill that void. My prayers go out to you and your family. Dogs have souls too and I'm sure he is still there with you all. God Bless
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Hi K.,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my deepest sympathy. We lost our beloved Welsh Corgi to cancer in August (exactly four months ago today), and we were just devastated. It has not been easy to move on, but I can share with you what I have been doing to try to deal with his loss. First, please buy the book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant - I believe someone else recommended it too. It is a wonderful, gentle, sensitive book and the illustrations of the dogs are not breed-specific. (although there is one that looks exactly like my corgi, appropriately sitting in front of the giant treat box in heaven where the treats are endless!) I have read it with my 5 year old son, and we have had honest talks about Tristan getting sick and dying, and I think it has helped him understand a little bit. There are also many online resources, but the one I used was http://www.pet-loss.net/ It is a very helpful site with lots of articles and information on dealing with the loss of a pet. I spent a lot of time on that site! There is also a page specifically about making "the decision". Our dog was terminally ill too and knowing that we spared him weeks of suffering did help ease my heart a little bit.

Writing everything down is a good idea. I journaled non-stop in the days and nights after Tris died, pouring all my emotions onto the paper. It was tremendously therapeutic to get those feelings out. I also wrote down as many positive and fun memories I could think of, and that helped to ease the pain too by thinking of happy times. Sometimes I ended up laughing out loud remembering some of the crazy things he did. Perhaps that could be something your kids could do to remember her, to share happy memories and funny things she did.

Another suggestion I can make is to find a way to memorialize your dog. I framed the last photo I took of Tris and have it in a part of the house where I can see it, so I feel like he is with us. I also got a pendant made of his paw print and wear it on a necklace. The artist who created it is a fantastic person and so kind. Her site is http://www.pawprintsjewelry.com/

Someone told me that to honor the memory of my dog, I needed to move on but cherish the happy times I had with him. I know it is not easy, but I hope that you and your family can heal in time, and remember how much you loved your dog and how much she loved you back. She will always be a part of your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you all the best.

~ A. B.

When we lost our first pet (also due to putting her down), we explained to the kids how she was just too sick for the vet to fix her and that she went to sleep and didn't wake up. Your kids are a little older so you might explain how the vet helped your dog not feel so much pain anymore, since there wasn't medication that could help it if it was still alive. But what really helped our kids was to let them write stuff. They wrote letters to our pet, and to God, and drew pictures of our memories. Then we buries those right along with our pet so that she would have them and know that we loved her, and did what we thought was best for her, and so that God would know who she was and who she had belonged to and would be ready for her knowing what she liked to do, etc. I think it just helped them to be able to talk about it and know that they weren't the only ones feeling sad.
Our sympathies go out to you!
Good Luck - this is a tough one!

I am so sorry for your loss, I still get teary eyed thinking of Maddy our Golden who died 5 years ago. Time will heal the grief, most of it, but you never forget your Golden.The book Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant is beautiful, and yes, will make you bawl your eyes out. I received 2 copies of this when our Golden died 5 years ago.
A neighbor gave me one of the Dog Heaven books with pictures of Maddy in it.
It personalized it. Could be something for you and your children to do with pictures of your Golden.

I don't really have any advice for you but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. My heart goes out to your family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I had a golden named Honey, who passed at 13, and it was horrible. To this day, I can't bring myself to get another dog because it is so hard when they die. My sister is going through this right now. Her 12 year old golden, Scarlett, was diagnosed with mouth and lymph node cancer. She wonders how much radiation, etc. is even worth it, because she doesn't want to see her dog suffer, yet she wants her to live longer. I don't have any advice for you, but I thank you for posting this question because it has allowed me to read other mom's ideas so I know how to console my sister when her dog does pass one day.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, as I lost two of my babies when they were both 7. It is like losing a member of the family and is very hard to deal with, especially when not everyone understands that it's more than "just a dog".

One thing that helped me is the poem "Rainbow Bridge". Look it up on google. You can memoralize your pet online. You can make a special page for him.

Something else to do would be to make a donation in honor of your pet to the Humane Society or Anti-Cruelty Society or any other animal shelter. Then, when you are ready, you can save the life of another dog.

Just a few weeks after we lost our Gus, we rescued another dog. We were not trying to replace him, but we wanted to open our home to another dog that didn't have one.

If nothing else, you can just feel good that you gave your dog a wonderful and happy life.

Hi K.,

So sorry to hear about your loss. Five years ago, we had such an experience. It was difficult enough for me, but the kids needed closure and a positive release for their emotions. My sister found this site: http://www.petloss.com/ which was a wonderful place to start "letting go".
They introduce the Rainbow Bridge, have compassionate advice and a very theraputic Monday Pet Loss Candle Ceremony.

Take care,
P.

I too lost a pet I had for 16 years and then a few months later my other dog had to be put down that was 14. It was really hard especially for me. My daughter 11 at the time cried and mourned the loss of the beloved pet too. Just time is all I can tell you. I have a little poem that was on the card the vet gave me maybe this will help.

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you. I loved you so...'twas Heaven here with you.

And find comfort in knowing that sometimes the best thing we can do for our animals is let them go with there dignity without suffering. It does get better with time.

3 years ago we had to put down our chocolate lab and it was the hardest thing to ever do! I feel for you and your kids. My daughter was younger when we had to do this, but I bought her the book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant. Maybe check it out of the library. I'm warning you, it will make you bawl your eyes out, but make you feel good at the same time. It has some cute humor in it. It may be worth a shot. God bless you.

I do not have any really good advice, but we put down our 14 yr old dog and 10 yr old cat this year...my kids are 3 and 2 so it was not as tough as it is for you with older kids.
Just wanted to say I know how you feel and I am sorry! It gets better with time.

Hi K.,
I am so sorry for your loss. We just lost our Maggie (Golden Retriever) in May just before my daughter was born. I had our boys help me make a scrapbook (a small one) of all our favorite pictures of her. They keep the book and her collar in their room on the dresser. When they get sad they look through the book and we talk alot about things we remember of her. We now have a golden lab (Gracie) and she doesn't replace Maggie but she sure is keeping the kids busy!
Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope this helps!

One of the things that really helped me with my cat passing away last summer (15 years with me) was to write everything down. I made a list of all of the funny memories, goofy things she had done over the years and just everyday stuff about her that I loved and that made her unique. It ended up being a huge list and every now and then when I really miss her a lot I refer back to it. Also, in the Spring you could plant a tree in your yard and it would be a great tribute to your dog. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I feel your families pain. I recently putmy german shepherd to sleep after having her for 14 years. Hardest thing I have ever done. We went out and bought another dog. We have had him now for over a month and we still remember the german shepherd and laugh at how different the dogs are. It gets easier with time. The first week was the hardest for us- coming home and not being greeted at the door. Hang in there.

K.,
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I've gone through this twice (and once with my parents dog) - once with a long illness and one with a very, very quick illness. There is no pain like losing a beloved animal.

There is a wonderful book called Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant. It is sort of a simplistic description, but it talks about how there are endless treats and everyone can run (even if they couldn't run on earth) and nobody is sick in dog heaven. Its just really comforting.

The first dog we lost, I was in high school and even though its cartoon-y, it was still a good book.

These next few weeks are going to be rough, it DOES get better.
Hugs,
B.

My parents put both of our dogs in the gardens at our house. The first was cremated and we had a little "service" and buried the ashes and planted a rose bush over them. The second, my brother and I were both out of the house so my parents did it on their own. That dog wasn't cremated, just put in a box. They buried the box with his favorite blanket wrapped around him and his favorite toy in with him. There are wild flowers planted over him.
You can do a few crafty things if you like. There are lots of kits to make ornaments or other things from your kid's hand and foot prints, you can make one of your dog's paw print.

Hi K., I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our dog in March and we were also devastated so I know how you feel. I talked a lot with my kids about what it means to feel sad and angry when you lose someone you love, but that we should also be glad that they're not suffering. I got several good books from the library and one of them was written by Fred Rogers, from Mister Rogers neighborhood, and it really addressed all of the stages of grief for a child. I also made copies of photos of our dog and put framed ones in my kids rooms, our master bedroom and throughout the house.

Seeing Duke around us made us all feel better. We also decorated a wooden box and put his collar and leash in it. It was really a hard project emotionally but it also provided comfort to keep some items that held such strong memories. They now bring us a lot of comfort. I also asked my kids to draw some pictures about their feelings which helped them work through the emotions.

Give yourself lots of time and permission to be sad. I cried almost non-stop for days on end, and then a little less and now every once in awhile, which I think is good. I think when the kids see you cry, it reinforces that it's natural and OK to be sad and helps them learn skills for dealing with sadness. I hope that helps and hang in there.

D.