How to Help My 3 Year Old Deal with His Brother's Colic

I was in your exact same position 3.5 years ago. My daughter was three and my son was a newborn. I don't know if my son had colic, but every night for about a month, from about 5:30 to 10p he would cry and cry and cry. I had to walk him all around the house while he screamed in my ear.To make matters worse, my husband worked nights, so it was just me and the kids.

Mostly I just told my 3yr old ALL the same things you are saying. (Your brother is little and small babies don't know how to communicate other than crying. He is not sick and he won't always be like this... etc..) My daughter was very accommodating and sweet and gentle, even when I had to elimiate the bedtime routine she and I used to share (ie., reading books, etc.) because her brother was HOLLERING and turning purple!! On the nights my husband was off, he gave her lots of EXTRA attention - took her out to dinner or just read to her for a long time so she got some individualized attention. I also tried to give her extra attention when the baby was sleeping, even though I was excited or during his non-cranky times...just like you're doing.

My daughter had no negative impact from this time in our lives. Kids are so resilient and having a new baby is probably so new to your older son that he probably thinks this is normal! In six months he may not even remember these early weeks. I know these nights seem interminable now, but things do get better. Right now, my son is 3.5 and he is super sweet and super laid back, so this early colic is not necessarily a precursur to future behavior. Hang in there, you are doing everything right.

I would also suggest looking into craniosachral therapy. I've heard this also helps with colic but I personally have not seen it in action. BTW, have you tried Gripe Water. I had a friend who had a lot of success with their child's colic. Good luck!

Hello,

I'm sure you have tried many things to help with the colic, but just in case, I thought I would share this with you.

Have you tried chiropractic care? the chiropractor I see treats infants for colic. He said usually within a couple of visits, their nervous system calms down.

You could google colic and chiropractic care for more info.

Best wishes

I have NO experience with this, so take it with a grain of salt. I may be splitting hairs, but I wonder if it would be more comforting to your son if you told him something along the lines of, "Some babies cry all the time. It's just what some babies do. He's okay and he's not sick. We need to keep giving him all the love we can and wait until he stops crying."

I know he's only 3, but I don't know if he might feel uncomfortable that Mommy and Daddy are not able to help his sick baby brother. (When he does not feel good, you always make him feel better. Why not the baby?) So maybe a repositioning into more of a "it is what it is" explanation could help?? Just an idea.

Maybe you could make a chart and cross out every day until the "expected" time that the colic should subside. You can put your son in charge of "counting down" until the colic stops. (You would want to add an extra week or two to your expected timeline, so he's not disappointed if the colic lasts longer!) This might give your 3 year old some sense of "control" over a very stressful situation. Again, just an idea.

Keep hanging in there. Tough times...but they will end. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

It sounds like your 3 year old is a pretty smart kid. He understands something is wrong with his brother. The next time you take your 7 week old to the dr., take your oldest son as well. Call ahead of time and maybe explain to the nurse the situation and ask the dr. to talk to your oldest son about it. Your 3 year old probably knows that a dr. is there to make you feel better. Have the doctor talk to him about the crying, explaining that baby brother will okay and the crying is just something that he will do. Maybe if the doctor says it will be okay, then he will believe it.
Just keep doing what you are doing and spending that alone time with him. I know it seems like a long time now, but colic doesn't last forever. Good luck.

I would just commiserate with him. Because in addition to being worried, it's no fun to listen to a baby screaming (like I have to tell you!) You can also try telling him about times that he screamed when he was a baby (my daughter likes a story about when I tried to get her to ride in the car with a winter hat on - whoo boy) and just let him know that he doesn't remember those times and neither will his baby brother. Honestly, he probably won't even remember the colic too much. Crying seems to bother kids a lot less than it does grown-ups. Good luck!