How to Keep My Boys from Fighting All the Time

Love the book, Siblings Without Rivalry. It helps you see things that you may not have before and give ways to talk to you kids in a different way ( without yelling :) Some of this is ( as you already know) typical... not necessarily for boys but for siblings in general.

My stepsons are only 13 months apart in age and growing up with them, life was one big constant wrestling match, so I know a little bit how it is sometimes. I think a talk with the 6 year old is long overdue - lay it all on the line and let him know that he needs to take turns with his brother "being first" and playing with toys - in other words, he has the share the spotlight. Ask him how it would feel if someone was acting that way toward him. If you catch him plowing over his brother, discipline him for it - pull him aside, and make him wait in a "time-out" so his brother has a chance to be first for a change. If they start fighting, they get separated. If they are playing nicely together and getting along, point it out to them and praise them for it, let them know how happy that makes you. Have them earn "points" for good behavior and put them toward a goal of something special - trip to a waterpark, a movie, ice cream, whatever. If there is something the 6 year old really enjoys, like TV or video games, or a certain toy, he loses it for a day if he starts instigating anything with his brother. Make sure you are also trying to spend some one-on-one attention with them every day too. I think part of the issue with my stepsons was that they were always together and rarely apart as individuals.

Our Mom let my sister and I work out our own problems.
THAT was a total disaster.
Most of the time the only way to make my sister quit kicking me or my stuff was to knock her down and sit on her (she is almost 2 years younger than me).
This lasted till we grew up and moved away.
To this day my scalp is desensitized due to all the hair pulling I had to live with growing up.
Don't expect them to play together ALL the time.
They didn't ask to be siblings, they are stuck with each other and some siblings are not compatible.
They should be able to play each by themselves for some of the time or with their own friends.
If they are playing together and the fighting starts - separate them to different corners (or different rooms).
Try not to lump them together constantly.
Try to give them some one on one parent time.
On a weekend, you can take one with you shopping while the other stays home with Dad, then switch the next trip.
One week it can be one brothers turn to go first, then the next week it is the other brother's turn.
Praise kindness shown between brothers and don't tolerate bullying - they are not allowed to hurt each other.
Good luck!

I agree with DVMMOM.

They have to learn to take turns. Perhaps you could say, have 6YO go first for things on Monday, Weds, and Friday, and 3YO go first on the remaining days.

Pushing and hurting others is NEVER acceptable. No matter what "day" it is.

As for the fighting...they don't have to be together all the time. Separate them. Let them play independently.

HMM they must be picking up pointers from my boys (not funny, but so stinkin' true).
My kiddos are the same age difference and two years ago this was the case. I had to start talking to the older one about, being ok to be first, but he can't hurt, shove or push (just like at school). In some instances, I had to remind him that his little brother won't be little forever and he may push him and how would he feel if that happened, etc. Doing my best to impart empathy.
Fast forward, sadly the competition goes on, but now that they are more the same age the little one dishes it out pretty well - can run or beat brother at some things and feels more like a peer.
I have to say that the fact they can play together now makes a HUGE difference. Before the little one was 5, he was a "baby" now he plays legos, swings on the swing set, swims, etc.
Give it time and in the meantime, hope this helped a bit.

You're right it is natural behavior for kids that age in the sense that every little thing is a competition. If the older one actually pushes the littler one over, you should give give him a small punishment like a time-out for ten minutes. Make sure you always get him to apologize.
Good luck.

I have girls, but they want to do those same things - at that age, the older one always had to one-up the younger one. On some level, the older one WILL always one-up the younger, if only because they're older and have more life experience. However, knocking down a smaller child simply because you can is NOT okay, and has to be dealt with so as not to recur. When my older daughter would knock her sister down, I'd stop her, drag her over to little sister, pick up little sister, and big sister would have to apologize and then walk in the door AFTER her sister. In other words, if you think you're going to knock down the little people so you can always be first, not only do you have to go all the way back to where you started, but now you have to let the little people go first. At the very least, she has learned that if she's going to be first, she'd better make sure she has a clear shot at the door!

It's fine to be competitive, but it's not okay to flatten your sibling in the process! Kids just have to learn it by being forced to make amends, over and over, until they get it. At this point (they are 9 and 6) I can usually give my older daughter "the look" and she will catch herself before she does anything too crazy to her sister. They do learn not to injure each other (physically, anyway), but it takes forever! LOL