How to Make "Bedtime" Work for Little Ones Sharing a Room...

I too am a subscriber to the idea that cryine oneself to sleep is such a negative way to fall asleep at night, especially as a 5 mo old. I never really subscribed to the notion that an infant needs to learn independence and how to soothe themselves to sleep....ok, they can't eat, drink or talk on their own, but many parents are pushed into believing that their infants should have an upper level cognitive function of reasoning out why nobody is coming for them when they cry out. I don't believe that they really know that. Also, there are several other true 'needs' other than being fed, diaper changed and not in pain....all babies have emotional and sensory needs and each desires comfort, cuddling and closeness from loved ones more than others...why choose to not respond to those needs any more than hunger or wetness? To me, this is most important for a well adjusted, emotionally stable kid....

I have two daughters, 3 years and 10 months. They have been sharing a bedroom since my youngest was 6 weeks old. Once my baby got old enough for a bedtime routine, we started putting then both down at 8pm. They'd play and giggle and entertain each other for a while, then eventually they'd fall asleep (usually the baby first). Most importantly, I would make sure to put them into their beds a little earlier than I expected them to actually sleep so that they'd have time to wind down for the night. Not only did my oldest help my baby learn her bedtime routine, they also had a chance to bond one on one. If they are going to be sharing a sleeping space, it helps to allow them to form and adjust to each other's sleeping habits. Luckily my oldest is a heavy sleeper, as my baby didn't sleep through the night until she was 6 months old. We recently moved into a bigger home, and when given the option to have her own room, our oldest chose to continue sharing a room with her baby sister. This has worked wonderfully for us.

My boys had to share a room while growing up. They did well with it, probably because there really wasn't any choice and we didn't worry about it.

I guess a lot of moms think crying it out some is good and if it works for them, that is great. I personally think if you go to sleep on a negitive you will not sleep as well as if you go to sleep in a positive way. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep? You wake up feeling tired and worn out.

I believe in rocking or laying with a child to get them to relax and then putting them to bed. When my kids were old enough to look at books we would put them in bed with music and/or books and tell them they didn't have to go to sleep right away, but they did have to stay in bed and look at their books. They never had problems going to sleep on their own and were great sleepers.

Maybe if you would rock the baby for a bit to get her to relax then put her in her bed, she will go right to sleep and the 3 year old can be a sleep by then.

L.,
I too have a 3 1/2 year old and a 6 month old who both share a room with us. We try to put the older one to bed at about 8:30 and then put the 6 month old to bed at about 9-9:30 after his last feeding. When the baby wakes up for his next feeding at about 2am that is the hard part because he fusses when i put him back down to sleep. I am scared he will wake everyone up so then I put him into bed with us for a little bit and then put him back in his bed. Good luck

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old. They sleep in the same room as well. I put them both down at the same time and stay in the room until they are comfortable. My oldest gets comfortable faster then my youngest but I still stay with the baby until I know she feels safe and won't scream. Most nights I can just put her down and she is fine to fall asleep on her own, but others she needs to be parented to sleep. No offense, but if you are going to have your children share a room then doing the cry it out method isn't the choice for your baby. There are better and easier ways to get your baby to sleep and to allow for your toddler to sleep peacefully without waking due to a screaming baby. It has been my experience that if a baby is screaming and crying for 20 minutes then something is wrong and she needs something, a diaper change, more milk, just a hug or to be comforted. Try rocking her back and forth for a while and just giving her some good old fashion mommy love, let her know you are there and that she is not alone. If she is violent, kicking, arching her back, throwing her arms around maybe she has reflux? Screaming is a good indication that something is wrong. She could be teething as well.

My children share a room as well. I have a little boy and girl who will be 2 and 5 in Sept. I will say first off, as they get older it gets a lot easier! When my son was a baby I struggled with the same thing, he has always gone to bed earlier than his sister though - so for the most part it has worked out as best as can be expected. I guess my best advice is to get them both on a schedule and stick with it. I have found that has worked the best for me, once they get used to a schedule things just seems to run a lot smoother. Also time - it may take a bit but your older one will eventually get used to any noises the baby makes and sleep through it - my daughter will sleep through my son "fussing" as long as he's not full blown screaming.
As for your daughter - I am not one to run right into the room everytime they make a noise either, but I would always go in after 5-10 minutes to check on them. If she was over tired that always seems to make it worse. If I dont get my son to bed "on time" he is almost impossible to get down because he is overtired. I have a rocking chair in there room, so when he did wake up in the middle of the night I could rock him right there - we have found that it has helped many a nights throughout the years!!
I hope this has helped in some way - it will get eventually get easier.
Good luck!!

I haven't read everyone else's responses yet, but my suggestion would be to put the little one down much earlier, you'll have to adjust the bedtime in 15- 20 minute increments, every few days, but you could get the little one down by 6:30 or 7:00, and then she would be OUT by a normal 8-8:30 bedtime for the big girl!

Good Luck!

Jessie

I agree to fall asleep you are crying is not comfortable. What I did for my kids was give a head massage. Nothing feels better and it's funny to look into their eyes and watch how they relax. I always said they were invited to Mrs. White's party (which was white sheets) you can change the party name as to the color or animations on their sheets.

I only have one child, but, I got three words for ya schedule, routine and rock. A schedule that follow each day as closely as you can will make both the 3 1/2 year old and the 5 month old feel secure, comfortable and they'll know what to expect. Routine, nightime routine, you need to figure one out that will work. Do things to settle them both down. Talk softer, turn down the t.v. or better yet turn it off for a while before bed. While the older one is brushing her teeth and going potty take the younger one and rock her. My little guy would romp around crying and whining until I started rocking him. I rocked him about the same amount of time each night and I sang the same songs. Good luck!

Hi there. Our youngest 2 still share a room, although I am contemplating giving up our spare room so they can have their own, especially since it's a boy/girl situation. Our son was 4 when our youngest was born. We live in an older 2 story house w/ bedrooms upstairs but 1 on the main floor. We used a portable crib (w/ wheels) and E. actually slept in our room for a little while, and then the living room until she was ?about 6 months old--we would put her down in our room and wheel her out when we were ready for bed. We then moved upstairs to our spare room, when she moved upstairs to our son's room, so we could be on the same level until she was older. She's 2-1/2 now.

There really is no perfect solution. I agree w/ the some crying approach. I think that learning to settle yourself is an important skill, and pays off down the road. On the nights she didn't settle right away, we used to let her cry a little, go in after a little while if there seemed to be no end in sight, and comfort, but not pick her up. Usually after a few times, she was ready to sleep.

You can also work on this at nap times, when, hopefully, your older child is not in the same room. And hopefully bedtime will go smoother if she is learning to settle herself well at nap time. Try to put her down when she is drowsy but not already asleep from nursing/bottle, at least some of the time. Although it is blissful to have them fall asleep in your arms and just hold them a while.

It's just tough, especially on those nights your husband is away. Just keep working towards a long term goal, and try not to get discouraged with the short-term ups and downs, as with any goals you have for your kids. If you can settle the baby in a portable crib or playpen in your room, so that your older child can get settled on her own, and later move the baby, that might work, at least until baby gets better at going to sleep on her own, more consistently.

My son fortunately learned to go to sleep regardless of what E. was doing. Sometimes before the baby, depending on how the schedule was going. But every child has a different temperament and needs. He has had to give up a little w/ sharing his room. We take an afternoon quiet time, and often his had to happen in another area of the house. It has been tricky to teach him about making his bed 1st thing in the morning, because we sneak him out in the morning to get dressed for school. She gets into his stuff sometimes. And I have not had the energy to train her to be alone in the room and stay out of his stuff, so we just don't leave her unattended in their room.

The upside is that they learn more about sharing space and considering others. It works on some of the selfishness so prevalent in us all.

Hope this helps. Be encouraged. You are pouring your life into these precious kids and it is a most worthwhile endeavor.