There is a new family that has joined our group. The daughter is 5 years old is more soft natured & the other kids in the group have already been friends for a long time so they are having a difficult time including her in the group. We want this girl to learn to handle this situation by herself with miinimal adult interference. So, we want to give some pointers to the new girl. How can she approach the other kids & ask them to include her when they play?
We already tried the individual play dates. That worked fine. But, we still have a problem when the whole group meets. We are going to talk to each child individually to explain to them that it is important to include the new girl when they play & also keep an eye so we can tell them right away when we see them ignoring her.
When we moved in the middle of the last school year, my daughter was 5. I reached out to several moms of kids in her class at school and arranged for play dates one-on-one at the park (so it would be similar to the playground at school). This way, she was able to start friendships with a few kids, and then at school she was more comfortable on the playground with those kids. It really helped.
She's 5. You want her to be aggressive and get herself into the group with minimal adult interference? Really? A group of girls that are already friendly and probably don't feel like they need anyone else? The group of girls that have been together for a long time should be the ones getting the lesson on letting her into the group and being open to new people. She shouldn't have to be the one asking if she can play, they should learn to be nice and ask others to pay with them. They are young, make this a teaching moment for all.....
When my daughter started Kindergarten, I didn't know many parents, with kids her age, at our school. My daughter dischave a couple if girls rhat she knew from preschool. My daughter is very outgoing and friendly and made friends fast. I met a mom whose daughter was super shy and she cried everyday about school. I made it a point of having my daughter talk to her. I told my daughter that this girl was sad and really needed a friend. My daughter jumped right on it. That little girl started feeling better about herself and school. I'm very glad that i taught my daughter about bringing people in and making them feel welcome. I would never have told that mom that she should just have her daughter, ask my daughter, to play with her and her friends. She knew no one, was very shy, and needed a friend. My daughter stepped up to the plate, and I was/am very proud of her. They are still very good friends. She still welcomes new kids. But, still needs little reminders that it's the right thing to do, especially when she has her large group of friends around. :)
I would focus my efforts on the group that's already established. It's really hard to be the new girl, explain that to your daughter and her friends and encourage THEM to reach out to her. That will help put the new girl at ease quicker than anything else :)
Great opportunity to teach these girls how to welcome a newcomer & nix cliquey behavior now.
I've taught my kids 3 ice breakers.
A compliment is always a good start.
"I like your hair. That's a pretty dress. Cool shirt."
Then introduce - "hi, my name is T., I just moved here"
Then, if things haven't jump started yet, share a toy or suggest a game. "Wanna see my barbie? Lets play tag."
never fails. (works for grownups too!)
If its possible, arrange one on one playdates with kids from the group.
The girl's mom should throw a backyard bbq and this girl can feel empowered ny hostessing on her own turf. I don't know how you can suggest for someone else (the mom) to do this though...
So the expectation here is that the new 5 yr old girl ingrain herself into an already established group of kids? Yikes, that is asking a LOT! It's hard for an adult to do, much less a soft natured child.
I agree with those who have said the focus here needs to be the established group. Those kids need to learn a valuable lesson of making an effort to include everyone and have empathy for the new kid. The established group should be taught to see how the new girl might feel (y'know teaching compassion) and make an extra effort to be kind and inclusive.
If the group is already too clicky maybe each parent who is interested can invite the girl and her mother for an individual play date at their home. This would give the kids a chance to get to know each other one-on-one and not be so stressful for the new kid. I'm not sure I agree with Rhonda. If the kids are already clicky they will just ignore her at her house too and play with all her toys without her, probably making her feel even worse.
The ownership here is on the established group to make the new kid (and her mom, for that matter) feel welcome.
I think you should give the other kids tips on reaching out to her, it would probably be easier for her be approached than to have to do the approaching. When we are in situations like that I always ask my kids "how do you think you would feel? what would you want the others to do to make you feel more welcome" they think about it and realize they would appreciate to be approached by other. Or, something I did myself yesterday, (sorry if this gets long) My daughter and two other girls she has been playing soccer with for a few years have tried out and made a new soccer team, they are fortunate because they already know each other and are comfortable with each other. When we got to practice yesterday the three started haning out and kicking the ball around, I saw another little girl being timid and I went over introduced myself asked her her name then I walked her over to the other three and introduced all the girls together, the timid girl smiled and in the end they were all practicing and warming up together! Good luck
