How to Make the Transition...

Updated on August 18, 2010
A.W. asks from Austin, TX
6 answers

I have the opportunity to go back to school to finish my degree... my husband has said that he will support the household financially while I obtain my goal. So why am I terrified about quitting my job? How do I let go of my fears and completely trust my husband to keep us a-float, the Accountant in me just wants to step in... For all you SAHM's, how hard was it for you to make the transition from working full time to being totally dependent on your spouse financially?

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

Of course quitting your job is scary! I wanted to retire but I was still quite anxious about doing so. You're leaving one way of living and managing money to start another way that you've had no experience doing.

I suggest that you can overcome some of your anxiety by putting down on paper the financial knowns. Plan a budget that you can see has the possibility of working.

Some of your anxiety is self-produced by you focusing on your anxiety as anxiety instead of an opportunity to reassure yourself that this will work. Accept that you are anxious. Don't try to push it away. Say to yourself that it is normal for you to feel anxious. Spend some time just being with your feelings. Then repeat some positive words to yourself such as, "I know I'm anxious but I also know that this will work out."

You may not believe this at the beginning but the more you repeat it the more real it will be. Also say to yourself something like, I love my husband. He loves me. He's reliable. I can trust him."

This is one of those times that you mostly have to let go and let God. Substitute any word for what you believe in. higher power, the universe, etc. We do have to learn that we cannot be in control of large portions of our life. One of my favorite sayings is also, "everything happens for a reason and it always works out." Perhaps or maybe not even most of the time does it work out the exact way I want it to work out but each event is an opportunity to learn and grow. We have to let go of having things a certain way before we can feel comfortable in our lives. Once we can be flexible life does get easier.

I wish you success! I do know that whatever happens it will be OK!

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M.T.

answers from San Antonio on

A., congratulations on going back to school. It's never late to achieve your goals. It's normal for you to feel scared. I have been a SAHM for now 8 yrs and I love it! At the beginning it was hard because we did not that extra income coming in, so we had to adjust. Cutting back can be stressful in the relationship but with love and patience everything and anything is possible. The rewards at the end will be very gratifying.

The best of luck to you and your family!

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I currently work full time but would love to be a full time SAHM. We can't afford that so I am still working but have recently started working from home as well. I am hoping to build my business over the next year and be able to stay home and be the one that gets my daughter on and off the school bus when the time comes. Then I can quit my job, stay home, AND still contribute to the household income.

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R.

answers from San Antonio on

I have to say, cutting back and adjusting financially was not that difficult. We sat down before hand and made sure it was doable and what changes had to be made. We also knew if it didn't work out, I could always go back to work. What happened to me was an identity crisis. I hadn't realized how much my work defined me and I had to redefine myself as a mother and homemaker, which, for me, was a very difficult transition. The other difficult part for me was I felt guilty about wanting things for myself that weren't exactly luxuries, but not exactly neccesities either (face creams, clothes, makeup, etc.). We had to really address the fact that what I was doing was also "work" that had monitary value (ie, it costs money to hire a maid, nanny, gardener,handyman, etc). I am going back to school too and in a few years, when everyone is in school, I will return to work. These years as a SAHM will give me valuable perspective in the future and I would not trade them for anything. Just make sure you define yourself and the value of your work firmly so you don't go through an identity crisis.

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M.G.

answers from San Antonio on

It is a little difficult, but well worth it. I love being home with my children.

On the other hand, I do feel guilty if I have to spend money on myself. However, I quickly learned that marriage is a partnership. No matter what you are bringing to the table, as long as you are bringing something, then you should be fine. If you are in a position to go back to school and your husband can take care of the finances, then I say do it and trust that your husband is able. If the accountant in you always steps in, maybe you are taking too much of the reins from your husband. Maybe for a while he wants to feel in control. Men need that every now and again, even though us women are the glue that holds everything together. Ha ha ha!

It will be difficult at first, but if you are going back to school to better yourself, then I think that great and you should feel great about being able to.

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R.R.

answers from San Antonio on

It is fear of the unknown that has you terrified of quitting your job. I went through the same thing. I worked for a good company and had a great position, but I knew it wasn't enough. My Husband suggested I return to school and can stay home with the kids. I did it and i'm so much happier! There were a few things I told myself to help the transition a little easier. 1. If I can trust my husband enough to spend the rest of my life with him, then I can trust him to financially take care of the household. 2. Whatever I think I miss now, I can get back later. (Examples: trendy shoes, going out to eat, etc.) 3. My kids are only small once, and being home for them will be a positive aspect in their lives. The transition for me wasn't as difficult as I thought it would because I wanted school more than work. It helps that my Husband is very supportive. Trust your husband and you won't worry or thimk about being "financially dependent" on him. The work you do at home is more valued than the paycheck earned in the past. Hope this helps.

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