What are some good ways to prepare our almost 2 year old for a new baby? We just found out we're pregnant but want to get her used to the fact sooner than later. Any advice ladies??? Thanks!!
I had twins at the time I found out I was pregnant. I took them to the basic doctors appointments and the doc. let them hear the heart beat through the machine. The doc. even let them hold the machine and that made them feel like they were apart. I also called it their baby and that helped them to take ownership. I also let them feel her move while she was in my stomach. It worked great!
Kay
I would start out very slowly. If you tell her a new baby is coming now,she will expect it any minute! I think you can start by pointing out to her families with more than one child . Tell her how much fun it is to have another child in the family. Read her stories that have more than one child in them. When the time is near you can let her share in getting the baby's room ready. Give her little jobs to do to help the baby when he comes. And always remember, it is hard for the first child to give up the limelight. It is not easy to share your parents when you have been the one and only for two years!
I would waite a little longer too. I think we told my 6 year old and 3 yr old too soon(at about 4 months) and my 4 year old is always asking how much longer. When you do tell her, show her the right way to hold a baby. Also teach her to be careful with the babies head. There are usually sibling classes at your hospital that you could check into also. Love her a lot and spend time with her. Let her do all she can to help get things ready for the baby. Good Luck and congrats.
Later is much better than sooner. YOU think that waiting 9 months for the new arrival is tough? Put it into the perspective of your child. Occasionally point out babies.. Buy a doll and play with it WITH your little one...Wait until your belly is obvious and people begin to comment to tell her that she is getting a brother/sister. Make it a positive thing, too!
Good luck.
My daughter was 25 mos when I found out I was pregnant.
I took her to all my appts at the OBGYN, she heard the heartbeats, got to see the ultrasounds and we explained that she would have a new brother or sister and put it on the calender and showed her each day how much longer.
I would say exposing her to the Dr appts really let her understand it a lot more. She loved it when they did the heartbeat monitor on the baby each visit.
When it got closer we got her her own baby doll, a boy doll (since I was having a boy) and she got it the night before he came home so she had a baby to take care of too.
I have to brag that there was NO jealousy at all. She was so excited, helped me with everything and would actually get mad at me when the baby cried and I didn't jump to his attention! :)
She was just shy of three years when her brother arrived, my son slept a lot and I made sure to carve out time for just her when he did. Also, every Friday she had her own "preschool" type thing to go to and it was such a easy transition. Congrats! You will be amazed how well she will do.
Talk about it - there are many childrens books too that would help them get excited about having a new brother and sister. Approach it in a possitive light - then once the baby is born let them be involved by being your helper.
I'd wait until you are showing. My daughter was that same age when I found out I was pregnant with my son, and I told her when my tummy started getting big. I don't think she really understood completely until her brother was born, but I took her to all my doctor appointments and she liked listening to the heartbeat and stuff. I also let her pick out baby clothes and other baby items with me, and we talked about the baby all the time, so he was already a member of our family before he was born. My daughter liked feeling my son kick when she put her hand against my belly--we told her that was how he said "hi" to her. We also got a book called "I'm a Big Sister Now" by Joanna Cole, which my daughter liked.
We found the best book for our sweet big sister to be that made all the difference! "I'm a big sister" by Joanna Cole. Your two year old may be just a little young but it's certainly worth buying for her. Start reading it now and I'd bet my lunch money by the time new baby comes, she'll be ready! Good Luck!
Congratulations! My kiddos are somewhat similarly spaced. At 20 months old, you can probably wait to tell your daughter. I know that it's exciting for you right now, but your daughter probably won't "get it" for several months. Even 4-6 months is a very long time for a toddler to wait for something, so I would recommend waiting until your belly is big enough to be an object lesson =-). That way she can actually start to have a relationship with the new baby as soon as she knows about him or her.
Kids are a lot more resilient than we think. Your daughter will have her times where she's not thrilled at the idea of a new baby, but if you reassure her with your love and let her share in the excitement, she'll be fine.
Our biggest mistake was telling our son too early. He was 26 months when his baby brother was born. We told him when we told everyone else, at about 12 weeks. At first, he didn't really seem to understand. But then, when he did get it, he was fine for a while. He was excited and helped me sew things for the new baby and get his room ready. But two months before my due date, he just could not wait anymore. He would sob, saying he wanted his baby brother to come out right now. It was so sweet, but sooo hard on him!
That's his personality, though. In the next 2 years, I learned that I need to do less build-up. I guess he thinks about things a lot, and gets too worked up. Like today, we made an appointment to visit a gymnastics class. We did that last week, too. Last week, he knew about it for 3 days, and I almost had to drag him to the car to go. But today, I just told him when it was time to get dressed to go, and he's happy to go.
I don't know how your daughter will react, and maybe you don't either. Try to take her personality into consideration.
What we had done with ours, was we had a baby magazine that showed the different stages of how the baby looked during pregnancy. Each month we wopuld read what was happening new with the baby and show them the pictures. It helped them understand what was happening, and also made them interested and they always had little cute questions to ask. But it made them feel involved with the whole process.
Lots of great advice here! I agree with everyone else. My daughter was 22 months old when her baby sister was born and she adjusted really well. I don't think we ever sat down and had a "talk" about it, but just as things progressed we would mention what was going on and she just kind of absorbed it all. When we knew what gender we were having and what we planned to name her we immediately started calling the baby by name and tried to make her a presence in our lives, even before she was born. I think that helped a lot. Congrats!
Including your little girl in the whole process is so fun! Our kids are 26 months apart and our daughter was with us every step of the way...doctor appointments, ultrasounds, baby shower, telling grandparents and friends, moving her to her new room and getting the nursery ready for him, praying for him every night, everything. I think it depends on your girl. When my best friend was pregnant with her 4th, her youngest was ALWAYS asking when the baby was coming. It happened that she was due a couple weeks after his 4th birthday. By explaining that to him, it really cut down on his asking when she was coming. I know your daughter is younger, but this is a great way to help her understand long term things and getting her so excited for her new sibbling. We also knew the date our C-section so we made a paper chain for the last 2 weeks counting the days until her brother would get here. She woke up every morning and wanted to "break a circle" so she was closer to meeting her brother (good counting time too since she was so excited to see how many "sleeps" until she got to meet her brother).
First-Born Jealousy
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Gentle Baby Care
Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?
Think about it: Before the baby entered your family, your toddler was told he’d have a wonderful little brother to play with, and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother is born and your toddler is thinking, “Are you kidding me? This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be FUN?” He then “plays” with the baby in the only ways he knows how. He plays catch. You yell at him for throwing toys at the baby. He plays hide-and-seek. You yell at him to get the blanket off the baby. He gives the kid a hug, and you admonish him to be more careful. Is it any wonder that your toddler is confused?
Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.
Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.
Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.
Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.
Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.
Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.
Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”
Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.
Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.
Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.
Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.
Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.
Excerpted with permission by NTC/Contemporary Publishing Group Inc. from Perfect Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips by Elizabeth Pantley, copyright 1999
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth
C. M., CBE, CLD, MWA
www.westsidebirthconnection.com
Congratulations! There are several things you can do to ease the transition. The best advice I ever got on having more than one child is to never blame anything on the baby. What that means is if you are too big and tired to carry your oldest, never tell her you can't carry her because you are pregnant, just tell her she is too big and you are too tired. This goes for after you have your baby too. If you have to leave the park for the baby's nap time or to feed the baby, never tell your child that is why you are leaving, tell her it's just time to go. Never tell your daughter you can't give her what she wants because you are feeding, changing, or are otherwise occupied with the baby. Whenever you tell your daughter that you can't do something she wants because of the baby she hears, "You could have what you want but the baby is making it so you can't get what you want." Resentment and jealously develop. I tried this when I had my second child and it worked wonderfully well; we never had any jealousy from my oldest. When my baby was a bout six months old I found I started blaming the baby. My oldest started getting jealous and resentful. As soon as I stopped blaming the baby the jealousy and resentment disappeared.
Other tips that really help are to wean your daughter from the crib, bottle, and anything else the baby will need to used months before you have the baby (at least 4 months). Make sure you put all of this stuff away where she can't see it. This way she will forget about it and won't think the baby is sleeping in her bed or using her stuff.
I also worked on not carrying my oldest and having her get into her own car seat and anything else that would need to change once we had the baby starting about 3 months into my pregnancy. This way many of the baby changes were not new by the time the baby came. I also used feeding time as time to spend with my older daughter. We talked and read stories and sometime we watched cartoons together. I don't think she really ever realized I was occupied with a baby at that time.
Just so you know, we talked about the baby a lot with my daughter and she was very excited to have a new baby. However, we made the mistake of telling her early on in the pregnancy and by the end she was convinced the baby was never really coming. I'd wait at least until you are showing to tell her. If she were much older I would recommend telling her earlier, but at that age it's too long to wait. We also talked to her about what the baby would be like when she got home and how things would be different (we noted specific differences) so that she knew what to expect. We told her about the crying and that the baby wouldn't be able to play for a long time. We also told her about the good parts too, but we were completely honest with what the situation would be like.
Mine are closer together but you might have the same techniques. I got her a "real" baby doll with diapers and stuff. We played house a lot and as I got bigger, I would tell her it was a baby just like hers and so on. I was on bed rest for the last bit. I help the doll a lot and got her used to seeing me with a baby in my arms. then i aught her to swaddle and diaper, etc. We would feed our babies bottles. We also found a few boks on being a big sis, etc. Also, we had books on emotions. One had a page on jealousy. We talked a lot about that and how she will feel when the baby comes at times. and of course, she got used to being with dad more as I couldn't go anywhere.
