How to Reduce the # of Nursings a Day

M. F- Congrats to you for nursing your daughter for so long. You are helping set a great example and spread the word that nursing is lovely, right, beneficial, and beautiful.
My only advice to you is to relax and be patient. I'm learning more and more that our children do things only when they're ready and they almost always have a good reason for doing or not doing something. I've read that growth of any kind can be so stimulating it's almost traumatic for babies and they will cling to what comforts them most in these times.

I see it with my son...he learns a new word or phrase or how to do something and poof...he's nuring more and sleeping less for a few days.

Ever have a day that's extra bad or extra great? Your mind just keeps going over and over it and sleep is a chore. Adults, we turn to music or comfort food or a glass of wine or something to relax us after a stimulating event. I think with children they will turn to their "fix" which is usually nursing in the brestfed baby world when things get too busy in their little heads. And at this age when they are such sponges, every day is amazing and new.

Just be patient, go with the flow, and the right thing to do for her will come to you.

And to that Glo person- shame on you. Shame. On. You. Nursing a toddler is NOT disgusting. It's perfectly natural and healthy and beneficial for both mommy and baby. There is a wealth of information in regard to the benefits of extended nursing but that information is kept in these things called books. Something you don't seem to have heard of judging by your ignorant post.

Kudos to you for still nursing. I remember when my now 20 month old daughter was aroung 15 months, I felt the need to introduce some boundaries regarding nursing. Some things that you could try; only nurse in one spot in the house, in a particular chair or the bed. If she is playing and wants a few sips and you say, Ok let's go the the nursing spot, she may decide she wants to keep playing. Try to nurse before leaving the house and keep saying, let;s nurse now because we can't nurse in the store. Distract her with a nutricious snack. If you think she wants to nurse to be close to you and because she is going through a clingy stage, carry her on your back in a good back carrier like the Ergo. Those are a few off the top of my head.

good luck

M.,

I totaly understand what you are going through!! I have a 20 month old amazing little boy who is still nursing!!! He is so funny he calles them num nums and will repeat it over and over until he can nurse. I also have two other friends that are nursing toddlers and they seem to be going through the same thing. Maybe it's a growth spurt (do you remember the 5 wk spurt or even the 6 month spurt. Your an amazing mom to give your child this gift. Just do what you feel is right for you and your child. Who cares what non nursing moms think, they couldn't be bothered in the first place so how can you expect them to understand a toddler nursing!!!
You'll get passed this rut and come out better off because of it. My some went through horrible separation anxiety around 16-17 months and would not even hang out with dad at all and now they play for hours at night.

Good luck!

I was not able to breastfeed very long due to medical issues but I do think nursing a toddler is a good thing. My son is 2.5 and I noticed around 15-18 months was big separation anxiety time (as well as the last few months for some reason). I also noticed his ability to understand the order of our daily routine improved a lot between 18-22 months. He started bringing me his shoes when he wanted to go outside for example. So your daughter may be getting to a point soon to understand routines and limits better. I suggest figuring out what limits you want to set (lots of good suggestions are in other posts on limiting time or place for nursing). Then the hard part is setting that limit and sticking to it in spite of fussing and protests (unless she is sick, extra tired, hungry, or stressed). Good luck. I think in some ways toddlers can be harder than babies--the constant limit setting can be really wearing on the parents.

You could set the boundary that you only nurse at home, and maybe even only in one certain chair/spot on the couch--not at the grocery store, not at the mall, not at the park. That is what I did with my son and he didn't like it, but he got used to it. I was very firm about this boundary because my SIL weaned her 2nd at 3-1/2 and I vividly remember my niece asking to nurse in a clear, full sentence whenever she was not getting her mother's full attention. SIL would drop everything, cut off a conversation mid-sentence to cater to the nursing request. She continued to ask to nurse when she wanted her mother's full attention until well after 5! As an outsider, it was so obvious that my niece used the request to manipulate her mother that I swore I would never let a BF relationship denegrade into that. I nursed my son until just after he turned two, and enjoyed every minute of it.

I think it is really important to understand why she is nursing so much. Is she having a growth spurt? How much food does she eat? Do you spend much quality time with her--reading, playing, chatting, when not nursing? You might want to consider asking your husband or a close, trusted friend what their observations are about your BF relationship with your daughter. You could gradually add other boundaries, like only nursing after meals or maybe only as a "snack" in between meals, or only after reading a book. Just remember that you are the parent, and children crave boundaries, constantly testing those boundaries is how they discover them and make sure they are still there!

M.,
First of all nursing a toddler is not disgusting! It is completely natural. Also do not wean her to a bottle! The World Health Organization even states that breastfeeding is best for babies up to 24 months. I understand your frustration, I am still nursing my 22 month old and though I love it, there are times when I do get a little tired of her always wanting it, however I remember that this the best thing for her right now and that she will give it up soon enough. What I have done is just set limits for her. Like she can have it right when she wakes up, and for her nap and when she goes to bed at night. But when she asks for it other times, I gently tell her no. Yes she will get upset sometimes, but I give her hugs and explain to her that she can't have milk right now. I would not get her to take a bottle (I doubt she would anyway) it will just another thing for her to be weaned off. Also, don't worry about getting pregnant, I just found out I am expecting our next baby and I am still nursing, I have read that my milk will lesson and change a little bit, and that she will wean herself because of that. So just go with the flow and set some more boundaries for her, like exact times that she can have it, but don't feel guilty for still nursing, you are a very good mother and your daughter will be much healthier for it, also remember that with the winter coming up she will need the antibodies from the milk to fight off all of the colds. Good luck and know that you are not alone!
Take care,
Angie

Hi M.,
I'm sorry that there are disrespectful people out there who feel the need to put you down for doing something healthy for your child. I have a 17 mos old son and I've gotten him down to nursing once a day (1st thing in the morning). First of all, it is fantastic that you have nursed your daughter for this long! Great job!! Second, you mentioned that she uses sippy cups which leads me to believe that she doesn't take bottles - that's great, too!
When I tried to reduce the number of feedings, I found that I first had to figure out how often he was nursing each day, then I started to eliminate one feeding each week. If she is nursing on demand, this could be tough. Some other moms had good advice, saying that nursing should be limited to home or even to a specific room - that might help. You also said that you try telling her "not now, later" but she doesn't understand. My son is just starting to understand if I tell him the order that things will happen. The list can't be too long, but if your daughter wants to nurse in the middle of the grocery store, try telling her: first we have to pay, then we have to go in the car, and then you can have milk. As you do each thing, remind her of the order that things will happen. I'm finding that everyday my son seems to comprehend more (he recently figured out that if he puts his hat on, then SURELY someone will take him outside to play!) :) I think as she comprehends more, this will all become easier.
Your husband seems willing to help, so recruit him as often as possible. You are doing a great job! Best of luck to you!

I read you had sippy cups but no bottle. Both of my girls needed to be weaned to a bottle in addition to sippy cups because they enjoyed the sucking as well as closeness. My older daughter had no problem adjusting to the bottle and I supplemented her from a few months old which always gave me a break. My younger daughter only wanted to nurse. She fought me weaning her to sippy cups or bottle. I had to get firm with her around the 1 year mark because I was ready for freedom. Of course when she finally got on the bottle she loved that and it was a source of comfort for her. Neither of my kids gave up their bottles until almost three. I remember panicking with my first and my doctor told me not to sweat. He promised me they would not be walking down the wedding aisle with a bottle in their hand. PS Both successful, confident young ladies.

If you are not ready to wean her completely then you may want to consider creating a time and place for nursing and stick to it--for instance mornings in the rocking chair. Be consistent about the time of day and specific environment so when you are at the park and she wants to nurse you can tell her, "only at home in the rocking chair" and instead offer her an alternative in the sippy cup, which you may want to make a bit more appealing--Enfamil Next Step in a special sippy cup, a small juice box, or even flavored milk (again, in a special sippy cup).

just something more to think about, at 17 months, your child is starting to express her wants and starting to test the limits-she's getting bigger, strong-willed, and heading toward tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. At this point, it sounds like she is treating nursing as a "want" and not a "need." Actively regulating her nursing schedule and setting boundaries (or weaning her completely)now may help to prevent ongoing meltdowns over it in another month or two down the not-too-distant road. good luck!

Ir sounds like you are going to have to set the rules for nursing instead of letting her do it. It's time for you to just say no when she asks. Tell her she is a big girl now and can use the sippy cup. She can sit on your lap and drink if she wants to but she can not nurse all the time. She is old enough to understand "no" but you have to be strong enough to say it. If not, you will be nursing her until she is 5 years old! I say this because I have a friend that felt she had to do that with her son because she refused to let him cry it out! Davy was 5 when she stopped nursing him and the only reason she stopped was because he started school! Nursing a baby can be a very beautiful thing but nursing a toddler/preschool child is almost disgusting.

It's time to put your foot down and be the adult here. Your daughter will get used to it. She will resist and may even throw tantrums for a while. But in the long run it's better for her. She's too old to still be nursing. She should have been weaned months ago anyway. If you don't do it soon you are really going to start resenting it. It sounds like you are starting to already. And if you plan to have another child what are you going to do then?

Hi M.,

You and your daughter should NOT have already stopped nursing AND nursing a toddler is NOT disgusting, as Glo put it.
UNICEF promotes breastfeeding until at least 2 years old and then encourages the mother to continue until you both feel ready to wean.
Please read this article http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/breastfeeding/a/bf_toddler...

My daughter is 18 months old and we have the same issue. She is night weaned, daddy gets her if she gets up. This is recent. She has started to want more nursing time during the day. She will say "mama. sit. milk please" When she doesn't get it immediately she starts the 'toddler tumble' (throwing herself on the floor, whining, crying)

I try to catch her before the tumble starts. I have been even and calm with her telling her that the milk is sleeping right now but she can have some milk when she wakes up from her nap. Then I distract her with toys, playing with mama, reading books, bunnies, going out side, snack. She sometimes sits on my lap with her sippy cup. I discourage the bottle idea, but that it just me. I think that I am very lucky to have been able to skip the bottle.

Feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.
Good luck
P.

Congrats on the extended nursing, and let me just say I agree that nursing a toddler is wonderful. I'm still nursing my 22-month old son, and am pregnant with baby #2. I'm afraid I can't offer any great advice--I got my son to cut down by distracting him with toys, sometimes tv (I know, I know), and snacks or outings. But he did seem to go through periods where he wanted to nurse more. At times, he would do that, and then I'd realize he was starting to come down with a cold or something. Other times, it seemed to be, as others said, during a period of growth (physical or developmental). Do what works for you. For me, it was a combination of relaxing about it and going with the flow, and working to distract. I'll gently nudge my son, as I recently did to cut out his naptime nursing, but I refuse to push him. In other words, if I meet with too much resistance and tears, I won't push further. Of course, you can't expect a mother who didn't nurse, or maybe who didn't even practice extended nursing, to understand the complex feelings and issues. Good luck to you, and remember you're a great mom.

Dear M.,

Kudos to you for continuing to nurse, and kudos to all the wonderful moms who have given you support. (Glo, I won't even get started except to say it's clear you're not qualified to be giving this kind of advice.)

From what I've read and experienced, a nursing surge between 18 and 24 months is VERY normal -- your daughter may just be a little precocious. Dr. Sears says something like "expect to get out the lanolin like you've got a newborn." Some of it has to do with children seeking the appropriate nutrition during growth spurts; some of it probably has to do with newfound skills and independence -- as toddlers try new things, they need to balance that with baby comfort. This is especially true for little ones who aren't attached to things like pacis or security blankets. It could be that your daughter's security blanket is ... you. You can try encouraging another security object -- tuck her into bed with the same bear every night, encourage her to "feed" and take care of that bear, etc. You can also gently try suggesting other comforts when your daughter comes to you to nurse ("here sweetie, time for a big hug..."). But honestly, your daughter will probably outgrow this on her own. My 27-month-old son is still nursing (and I'm proud!), but much less than he did six months ago. He's just become more verbal and can articulate a wider range of needs -- so "nya-nya" isn't his one-stop solution anymore. We're down to about three sessions a day. Long-term, your surefire cure is time.

P.S. I do relate to your "cow" frustrations, though. When my son was going through his big toddler nursing kick, he kept wanting to switch breasts and would say "other." Only, he pronounced it "udder."

Hi M., I hope you can get some good advice from the moms. I nursed all 5 of mine but it was a long time ago. I do remember how much I loved the closeness. What you describe is extreme and there must be a gentle way of correcting it for you and your child. My best, Grandma Mary

congrats on nursing your baby for so long, but it's time to get some control of the situation. you are the parent. if you still want to nurse her i would try to get her to a morning and night feeding. these are the best times of the day to cuddle and be close with your baby. during the day you are just going to have to be strong and say no. it may take a few days, even a week, but your baby will soon get used to not nursing all day and using you as a pacifier. it's going to be rough, but you need to put an end to the round the clock nursing. your 17mo does not need to nurse that much.
good luck!

Check out the La Leche League. They have all the answers on breastfeeding and are a great organization.
http://www.llli.org/nb.html

And the Born Free nursing system is a great alternative if you like to pump.
http://www.newbornfree.com/Default.aspx

All the Best,
J. H.