How to Stop My Child from Lying?

Hi A.,

Honestly, lying may not be the issue here, it's the deception and it sounds like it really hurts you. Sorry to hear that.

My 7yr old "makes up stories". For example, she told me that she and a girl at school are such good friends, the other girl is gonna invite her to her birthday party. I simply corrected: You and the girl are such good friends that you hope to go to her party, right? Then I explained to her to be careful about what we want and what is real. Your situation seems different because she's attempting to deceive you. Please understand though, this is a very confusing time for her. At 7, she knows both lying and stealing is wrong. But she feels she may be able to get what she wants by creating lucky accidents in her favour.

I had a 9yr old boy in my care who used to steal from my classroom and pretend he didn't. I helped him create a list of things in the class he'd like to have at home. When I confronted his parents I presented the list as an option for birthday and xmas gifts. She may need reassurance that you're making every effort to meet her "needs". Of course YOU ARE, but we never move fast enough for children! I'm not advocating for spoiling her, just letting her know you're seriously interested in some of the things she likes.

Also be careful how you phrase questions. I had a beautiful mentor (50yr master teacher) during my student teaching days. She always said never ask kids "Did you...?", ask why they did it. If you think about it, we already know they did it. All we want is to know why and to get an apology. Other phrase is almost a mind game that often backfires, allowing the child a chance to blame someone else or create false situations.

Good luck!

Honesty is the best policy...but most people do lie. They call them white lies to feel better about them. If honesty all the time is important to you, make sure you never lie about anything. This will start a precedent in you home about honesty.

I also Have a 6 year old step son who lies constantly about things, peeing on the toilet seat, writing on the walls breaking a window and tearing a screen, I am near tears about all this, and nothing has helped taking away privilages, grounding doesn't help either, so if you get any good advice please let me know!

Hi A.,
Well I am a mom, who is 45 yrs old, both boys, and they are grown ups now, but I used to use tobassco sauce for lying and bad language, it took a few times, but It did work in the long run, and it causes no harm, or allergic reaction. I am not sure if this helps, but it did the trick for my kids in their younger years.. Best of luck to you. L. G.

A. - I haven't tried this yet but I've had a pair of parents tell me that they have their daughter memorize a Bible verse about telling the truth each time she lied. They said it worked really well for them because she got actual proof from God's word that it's bad to lie. It helped her see some immediate consequences (having to work to memorize, disappointing mom & dad, etc.) and learn about future ones too. Good luck!

Hi Ann I am going through the same with my 8 yr son . I all started this year and we have used the same measures that you have as well as writing punishments( I will not lie... 300 times).Handwriting is getting better but behavior is not. Teachers at school have even imposed restrictions at school..I am sorry but I am looking for answers well.Good Luck, God Bless and Keep Praying
T.

I know it's really frustrating and it feels so disrespectful, doesn't it. My kids sometimes lie too and it really gets to me. I usually try not to make too big a deal about it, but I make it clear that I am 'onto' them. I will say. "Oh, you found that in your car seat huh? That's weird? Are you SURE? I dont really think so." I do think it's totally normal for kids to try lying half to see what they can get away with and half because it's just their imagination. Maybe find some time to engage her imagination more, like story time where she gets to make up the stories or maybe an acting class (!) wouldn't that be kinda funny? I guess what I am saying is that I'd be less concerned with correcting the problem and more concerned with trying to investigate it's reason and indulge that. Otherwise, you just look like the bad guy (and not to mention, it doesnt seem to be working). So you might want to try something new. Hang in there. I know they sometimes seem so old to us that we expect them to have skills they dont yet have. Good luck ~ D.