Evidently I didn't explain things right with the request I am sorry for that. Thank you for all of the advice but where this is standing is my 3 mos old nephew is eating more than he needs too. I know this because I have watched him and he will go 3-4 hours between feedings on his own. the first couple of weeks i watched him was like 2 weeks straight every day. then it went down to 3 days a week once there jobs got more predictable. But one instance is a day i watched him i had to go pick up my brother from work....i started feeding him before we left and then he stopped eating...we went to go pick up my bro. and i finished feeding the baby while sitting in the car waiting for him. My bro walked out just as i finished feeding the baby and was burping him....a ten min drive to his house and when we got there my brother walks in and makes a bottle cuz the baby started fussing and it was because he was wet and tired. I saw it in him because i am used to his cries for things. When I try to set him on a routine again it works just fine until is then at home with his parents for a couple days and it's like i have to start all over again. By no means am I trying to "meddle" but i have non-chalantly brought it up in conversation with them at seperate times and they blame the other person....sister in law says brother feeds him just to get him to be quiet and he blames her saying she holds him all the time and starts to feed him before he is ready. Now that is the whole situation as best as i can describe them. I know they are trying as hard as they can but i have had two babies and i have never had this many problems and I used to watch several young children and infants. I fear that if i sit them both down and talk to them about setting a routine that we all stick to it may cause a fight between the two of them since they are both blaming the other person. I don't want it to get to the point where i resent the baby cuz i can't do the things i need to do with my kids and my home. I want to enjoy my nephew. With that said if you have an advice to offer after i explained it a little better i would deeply appreciate it.
I have three children and I worked full time their whole lives (they are 15 and 13 now). My sitters put them on a schedule which I definitely appreciated. It made it easier for me when I had them in the evenings. If I were you, I would just start a schedule for him. If the child is not on a schedule now, then they will appreciate it in the long run.
I often feed my daughter who is almost 3months before she "cries" for it. Crying is the last sign of hunger, I'd rather she didn't have to cry for her meals.
Every baby is different. Some babies eat regularly like your kids did, some will cluster feed (eat continually for up to 4hours) and then sleep for a long time, and some will eat seemingly constantly "snacking" all day if you will.
There is nothing wrong with this...it's just the way the baby is made. Your kids probably had the ability to hold 4oz in their tummies. My Nephew was a baby that could hold down his entire bottle, my neice was a snacker she never ate more than 2-3oz per feeding so she ate more often.
It's also possible that your nephew is going through a growth spurt so he's going to want to eat more often.
I guess don't blame the parents for meeting their babes needs the best they can.
as for not being able to get your housework done Have you tried using a baby carrier? Like a baby sling (a ring sling, or pouch would work well) they are fairly inexpensive and will allow you to care for your nephew and still get your chores done and deal with your older children.
Hi C.,
It sounds like you and your husband have a good thing going, and wonderful that he can support you and you can be at home with YOUR kids. And I bet your husband is great and works hard for you all. Your brother is taking advantage of you all and causing unnecessary strain. If he and his girlfriend want at home like care for their tiny baby he should marry the mom and she should be at home feeding her baby on her schedule. Don't let their lack of planning hurt your time with your man and girls. No need to be delicate when someone is rudely hurting your family.
** I realize you changed the question but really it sounds like your brother and his what? I thought it was girlfriend, they married now? ! Are terribly unorganized and immature if they can't handle talking about the care of their son without fighting in a ten year old bratty manner.I hope your at least getting paid for all the time and energy taken from your little girls.You will never get this time back and they deserve you, it's priceless. Is your husband really okay with you choosing your brothers needs over your babies and his home? Resent the parents and resent your lack of fixing this, not the baby. Let your nephew become a visitor and not your responsibility.
Hi C.!!
I myself, am a very non-confrontational person, but sometimes you just have to speak up!!! ?If he is with you for the majority of the day, then i would suggest to his parents that since he is w/ you most, you would like to help get him on his feeding schedule. You could even suggest helping w/ his sleeping schedule, just so they think your only really trying to help!! Tell them about the schedule your thinking about and ask if they agree with it. You can also go to some baby websites that have information about feeding infants and print it out for you guys to look over while you have the conversation. Or, just give it to them and say something like "Oh, look at this interesting information i found, I thought you would like to read it as well"!!!! Hope this helps, and good luck!!! Babies like to be on schedules, it's comforting to them!!!!
put the baby on a schedule when he is in your care- I have a nanny watch my daughter and my daughter takes 2 shorter naps for the nanny and 1 longer nap for me.
My daughter is no worse for the difference in schedule between mom and nanny.
Just put him on a schedule like you did with your kids and he will adjust in no time. -- It will not happen immediately- I didnt get my daughter on a sleeping and eating schedule until she was around 6 months old.. but if you start working toward it - it will happen in no time..
I dont think you need to let him cry- but you can work toward a more structured day for him. Aslo- he may just be one of those babies.. my daughter was not a happy tiny baby- until she could scoot around and started eating solid food.. then shewas happier and easier to manage.
Don't bother talking to them. You make the changes. Get a sling. He is at the age where you can establish a "routine" now. It shouldn't be a rigid schedule, but a predictable routine. At this stage in time he should be able to eat, play for a while, and then the next time he cries he should need a nap. If he doesn't nap easily, the sling should help him with that. Most babies fall asleep easily there, and it does not cause them to have a dependancy on you holding them. The plus side for me was always that I could get my housework done while the kid was being needy, too. anyhow, you start implementing the changes. I am sure that your siblings will thank you later. They don't want to do the schedule, which is understandable. This is different.
Sounds like you have a sticky situation. I'm a firm believer in "Honesty is the best policy." If you feel uncomfortable sitting down and talking to them, then write out your concerns in a note.
Explain the situation honestly (how the lack of feeding schedule creates difficulties for you and your family), maybe point to some articles which support the concept of a feeding schedule for children, even ask your pediatrician if they have anything on hand concerning feeding schedules (my pediatricians seem to have hand-outs available for everything and anything), etc. If worse comes to worse, you may have to suggest that they find another babysitter. When it comes down to it, you have to do what is best for your children and your family.
There is also the possibility of asking them something nice and simple such as, "Would it be possible to put the baby on a regular feeding schedule? It would really help me out a lot." That way there is no judgment or blame assigned, just a simple request.
No two children are the same unfortunately and when a child is hungry, they are hungry, you can't just not feed them. Maybe there is not a high enough formula concentration for him or maybe he needs to eat more to hold out longer. If you can't handle it with your own children than you can't be faulted for that-but at this age "scheduled" feedings are not something that is going to happen. While you will have a "routine" 3 month olds do not have "schedules".
Good luck!
C.
I think you should just tell them how you feel.Ask them if they would mind you getting him on a better schedule ,one that would make it a little easier on you,since you are the one taking care of him all day..Being three months he should not be eating that much.He must be one big gas ball :) I think honesty is the best policy.If they want you to continue to care for there baby they need to be accomidating to you.Besides if you continue to go the way you are you will eventually get resentful and I am sure you do not want any tension between your brother and you.My brother and his wife are very funny about there kids and I used to pussyfoot around them when it came to the kids..But finally after watching them for awhile I just had to tell them what was going on.They acted funny for a minute and then everything was fine..Now I just tell my brother and he likes that I am that way with him.
I would explain to them that he should be on a feeding schdule of some sort. Every 3-4 hours should be good for a 3 month old. Let then know that you will work on this when he is with you, but they also need to work on it when they are home with him. If they are unwilling to get him on a schdule, tell them you will not be able to watch him as it is becoming to hard not only on you, but your own family as well. Let is know how things turn out. Good Luck
Here's what I would say to them..."wow,(insert babies name) is really wearing me out. We really need to start working harder together to get him on a schedule. If we can't do it in (insert time you think is fitting, maybe 2 weeks) I'm not going to beable to watch him as often for you(or at all)." That way you are trying to work with them and not blaming them.
Another option is to just let him cry it out. There is no baby that needs to eat non stop so you need to get him on a routine on your own if they aren't going to help. Feed him 4oz. every 3 hours and call it good. If you have one of those floor gyms put him under it. Use a swing or put him in a pack and play or on the floor for tummy time with a few soft toys. If he cries it's ok. Babies cry. That is the only way you are going to get a schedule with him. Even if his parents aren't doing this, he'll realize this is what you do and adjust. It sounds like he just eats out of habit. If you want to continue helping your family you just have to be firm with them all.
Honestly, I would just tell them that you can no longer watch their son as it is interfering w/ your family's needs too much. If they want more information, then maybe share about his feeding schedule.
Like others have said, no two babies are alike. And IMHO, it's not your place to tell your brother how to feed his child. If the child was in danger (under-weight or severely over-weight, or a doctor had expressed concern) then I would say something. If your brother asked you about how much your children ate, then I would say something.
Otherwise, no matter if you agree or not, or however your children were versus his, it's not your place to meddle.
I agree, set something up on ur own for when u have the baby. My parents watched my 2 older kids and they set them on their hours. I had to follow it cause the girls went right along with it. I had a hard time with my youngest who just turned a year old. He had really bad reflex and wanted to eat every hour. It took alot of my time out of my day. And again the house and my girls were effected by it. I decided on my own to start feeding him infant cereal at 2 months old. ( and no not in a bottle)I feed it to him in a routine which worked out for all of us. His reflex got better cause of the more solids and i could spend more time with everything else along with him. As for talking to ur brother i think u should jsut sit down with him and say look... i am goin to do it this way at my house when i have the baby and if they dont' like it then..... i would tell them u can't watch the baby. Good Luck !!!
Hi C.! I think you need to go with your gut on this one. If you really don't want to do this now, you should tell them (before it gets worse). But, if you want to try to continue, then try to get the baby on a schedule and explain to them - its very important to keep the same routine. They need to understand the routine you follow, and they need to follow it on the weekends or whenever they are with the baby. If they can't cooperate, or the baby won't fall into a routine, then tell them you can't continue to watch him. They need to help out. I've seen the same thing happen before - my mom use to watch other people's kids while I was growing up, and Monday's were the worst days for the kids - they were off their routines and acting terrible, b/c the parents didn't follow it.
Good luck - I know its hard to say no, especially to family.
~L.
