How to Talk to Daughter About Weight?

There is an interesting article in the Dec Oprah about this issue. Mother and daughter weight issue.
Personally I would get her involved in some sport or exercise. soccer.

I am with the others that I don't think you should say anything to her about it. She is so young and you only have a short window in life where you are truly unconcerned about how much you weigh. I think if you notice that she is starting to become overweight then you can work more on exercise and talking to her about how important a healthy body is etc. I have seen lots of girls about her age develop a little belly although they don't gain elsewhere and then as they gain height and get ready to start their menstrual cycle they just thin out. It's like all that fat shoots to the breasts and hips, then the real trouble starts!!;) It sounds like she is doing fine to me.

It sounds like she is going through what a lot of girls her age go through. I don't know if it is scientific, but it seems that a lot of girls in the 8-11 year old range develop a barrel roll in their stomach areas. I would think it probably has something to do with the hormones beginning getting them ready for puberty. As long as she is eating healthy, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Kids today don't get near as much exercise/outside play as we did when we were young. I would think that doing some sit ups and push ups might help. But, please be careful about how you say it. As you have stated, you don't want to give her a body image complex. It is so easy to do. Maybe y'all could start doing an exercise program together, just stretches and lifting light weights at home, or maybe some yoga.

I wouldn't bring up weight at all. I would just encourage a more active lifestyle and healthy eating habits for the entire family. She's just in an awkward stage right now and there's no reason to make her self conscious. What she really needs is the same as what we all need in order to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight.

I don't think you should say anything about it. I think you should do 2 things. Focus on her posture as you are doing. Make it fun by seeing who can balance a book on their head while doing different things (walking backwards, sitting down or standing up, etc). Remind her gently whenever you see her standing improperly. And be sure to compliment her when you catch her standing up straight. 2nd, add at least one day of family exercise per week. You could keep it simple like a brisk walk or sit ups, jumping jacks, etc. Or you could try different workout videos. Kickboxing, yoga, some kind of fun dance style. Or try out a new sport (badmitton, tennis, golf, or even batting cages) Keep it light hearted and don't mention her weight, it will just cause her undue stress and poor self image and could cause an eating disorder. I hope this helps and good luck!

I would not say anything. She is right around the corner from being a pre-teen, and it can be so easy right now to start a dangerous path of low self esteem. She may be about to hit a growth spurt. I would just work on cutting the fat and calories out of the household cooking without telling her. As long as she is healthy, you should't say anything or it could certaintly give her a complex.

L., that is such a hard place in which to be!

First, I would make sure the refined sugars are out of her diet as well as anything white. White rice, white bread, that sort of thing. It could be that she is bloated from trying to digest carbs. I would not give her low fat anything as kids need the fat to be healthy, and there are so many bad things in low fat products. Make sure she is getting enough fruits, veg, and protein. I would not say anything to you daughter at this point. Any changes you make need to be across the board, for everyones health. If she catches on, and asks you, be frank and tell her that you are worried that she has developed a little bit of a belly and that you all need to be a little healthier. Watch her dairy intake, too as that has a lot sugars and fat as well as hormones (depending on the brand).

There is probably some truth to your thought on pre-pubescent weight. It may also be that she is getting ready to grow. 2 of my boys are also super skinny, like DH and the last is like me, a little more stout. THey all start to look a little chubby (for them) before they hit a growth spurt.

Many girls tend to put on a little weight a few years before they hit puberty. Read 'Girls Will Be Girls: How to Raise Confident and Courageous Daughters'. VERY good read (short too). The authors mention this specifically in one chapter - even the fact that the weight sits on their belly! Your daughter is a perfectly normal. Our society's unrealistic expectations of how women (and now even girls) should look is not.

I would not bring it up. My daughter is 9 and has a slight pudge. We eat very healthy as well and she also brings her lunch to school. If she drinks juice or soda, replace it with water. If she has cookies, replace it with apple or carrots and dip. Cut out television Monday - Thursday and replace that time with time walking or pick her up after school and take your kids to the park several days a week. Kids are suppose to be getting close to an hour of exercise every day. I would not approach the subject with your daughter unless your dr. brings it up.

I agree do not talk to your daughter about her weight! If you are not worried about her weight overall then she will probably outgrow her belly over the next 3 years or so.
By way of offering another perspective, I got "round" everywhere when I was about her age. I was well aware of what my body looked like, and so were my classmates (kids can be cruel as we all know). My mother however, just thought I was beautiful and told me so often. What would I have done without her?
Incidentally by the time I was 13 I was no longer round and stayed that way till well after high school. (Of course after having 2 kids of my own I am round again!)

Do not worry. Take it from me - I have 2 girls. One 14 and one 9. Both of them a little rounded (so to speak) It is commom with girls because it all tends to even out when they start developing and growing taller. Just keep cooking meals, pack her a lunch and make sure that ya'll are getting the excersise that she needs. She may end up being 6ft like my 14 year old.

Speaking as a person who gained weight due to an early puberty at 9 - I have a lot of sympathy for your daughter. I would recommend a low keyed approach. More exercise and reduction in the processed carbs and sugar you let her have. Trust me - girls at her school are probably already being horrible to her if she has gained weight and she doesn't need anymore negative talk. small things like no fruit juice, no soda will make a lot of difference. With exercise I lost it all within a few years. good luck to you all!

It sounds as if your daughter already has a healthy diet and until recently was VERY active. So long as her doctor doesn't say anything at her next check-up then she's fine.

Two different stories here: Mine and my daughter's.

I was skinny and could eat ANYTHING in high school. The girls who had to work at their weight picked on me so much I thought I wasn't pretty so I hid myself in baggy clothes which made me look worse. People thought I was anorexic and/or bulemic, but I was simply always riding my bike, rollerskating, playing tennis, AND had a fast metabolism. Even the Air Force turned me down because I didn't weigh enough! I met my husband, stopped all of those excercizes, and GAINED! Then I had my kids and gained MORE! I am slowly losing it all, but now the belly skin is just sitting there and won't shrink because of being... fat... for so long. There I said it. I've always said "heavy" before. I'm 5'4", was 103lbs when I met my husband (age 19), gained about 90 lbs before getting pregnant), went up to 210 with my daughter (age 29), lost about 20lbs, went back up to about 210 again with my son 6 1/2 years ago (age 33), and am finally down to 165 (age 39). Because the girls in school always told me how skeleton-ish I looked, once I started putting on weight I thought I looked great and so I resisted dieting. Now I wish had started earlier.

My daughter just turned ten. It is very obvious when she is going to have a growth spurt: she "gets a belly". She has the growth spurt and the belly is gone. We don't mention it unless she does and then we talk about body changes... again.

Just before school ended last year she outgrew her tops & pants (waist AND length). She went from a 7/8 to a 10. Then I was a bad Mom over the summer. It was so hot out that I couldn't bear to force my kids to play outside when *I* didn't even want to be out there. They would try several times a week to ride their bikes and come in about ten minutes later already soaked in sweat and starting to pink up (very fair-skinned, my son burns very quickly). Because of water restrictions they couldn't play with the watersprinkler or the slip-n-slide. Because of the inactivity and an upcoming growth spurt, her belly thickened but she didn't really gain weight. We had to buy school clothes in 10/12 *and* 14/16 tops and size 12 *and* size 14 bottoms (just in case).

I never mentioned her belly to her, but she brought the topic up to me. It bothered her that she was outgrowing her clothes at what seemed every few weeks. I reminded her that she was also growing *taller*, not just wider (and she hadn't really *gained* any weight). She developed hips and also buds, but she doesn't quite need training bras even though she has them. I reminded her that she hadn't gotten out to play much this summer AND that she was almost ten, she was probably going to have a growth spurt soon and reminded her about puberty being around the corner (we've had The Talk several times because of questions she has asked). We discussed this once and she was fine with it, she didn't obsess over the weight part of it.

After school started, she joined the dance team at school. Within a few weeks, even her smaller sizes are loose on her. She hasn't even used the larger sizes, yet, she never grew into them. I noticed but didn't say anything. One day she walked up and said "Mom, my belly's getting smaller, my skorts are loose! I guess dance really helped after all!" What she can't feel is that she is also about two inches taller since just the middle of summer.

The kids already KNOW their bodies are changing and that they don't look like the ads in magazines. Whether kids are heavier or skinnier than their classmates, the others will find something to say about each others' bodies. So long as we support them and answer their questions, they'll have a great chance of being MENTALLY healthy as well as physically healthy.

You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work!

Hi L.!
I have three daughters, so I've done some reading on raising girls. According to what I've read, most girls put on a little extra weight just prior to going through puberty. It is the body's way of making sure there is enough fat to produce the required hormones. At age 9, I feel fairly certain this is what is going on with your daughter. Especially since you've never noticed any problems with her weight before. I definitely would not say anything to her about her weight, as it could hurt her self-image. I also wouldn't talk to her about 'dieting.' I would simply make sure that her intake of soda and sugar is in moderation (as I'm sure you already are), and try to work more exercise into the schedule whenever possible. And try not to worry...my oldest daughter went through this phase a couple of years ago (she'll be 13 in three weeks), and now she is so skinny we can't keep weight on her! Best of luck to you. :-)

That sounds normal for a girl of that age, and she should grow out of it.

Well, she is nine and has lot of time and room to grow up and then out and then up. If you feel like you need to mention it be sure to temper it with love and grace.

I am a little sad to see all these moms choosing to NOT talk to their daughters. Not talking and being open about health and weight is part of the reason there are self-esteem and eating issues. That being said it sounds like you are very aware of what your daughter consumes and that is great. You are also aware of a decrease in activity and I hope that you look for a new physical outlet for her to have fun with. If you have noticed poor posture, you might talk to the school nurse or your family doc about testing her for scoliosis, just to rule it out. Please do not be scared to talk to your daughter - she is about to go through a lot of changes and you want her to be able to ask you and tell you about it all. Best wishes.

Hi L.-I have the same problem with my 7 year old girl. She's not a skinny girl but not fat...she's just got that pot belly and is overall very healthy. I was super skinny as a child and really don't struggle with weight now, nor my two boys. This has been very hard for me but I've realized that I must let it go because she is healthy and it doesn't botter her one bit! Now the issue may change as she gets older and as long as your daughter is healthy with no underlying issues then I think you just need to embrace her and tell her how beautiful she is everyday! If she becomes bothered by her appearance then I think it's time for a discussion with the focus being how beautiful she is no matter what!! One thing I did for my daughter since she doesn't like sports is buy a trampoline...she jumps daily!! Best wishes to you! Elizabeth

I definitely think that you should take her to the dr for an exam. That way you know if there's a physical abnormality. DON'T talk to her about her belly, I'm sure she's been made aware of it already. If she already has a healthy diet then that isn't the problem. You should take walks as a family a few times a week (although I complained about them, I remember fondly the after dark neighborhood walks we went on.)

As for the homework, you can always talk to her teacher and explain that there's so much homework she has no time for living! Discuss with them the possibility of decreasing the class homework. Or you could do what I am doing- homeschool! :)

I wish you and your family blessings, joy, and good health,
S. mom to 4 girls!

Dont limit the diet and focus on excercise. My 9 year old boy is having the same issue. They do get "thicker" before they spurt up. I put him in basket ball and that has helped. I make him get his homework done and then it is outside to ride his bike or play basketball for 30 mins. If he does the excersice and homework with out a fight he gets to play his computer for 30 mins. I dont discuss weight but we talk about the need for exercise and making healthy choices when eating. Will she go back to dance? They need to stay active.

Hi L.,

I just wanted to let you know what my experience as a child was. My mom made a big deal out of the fact I was a little chubby when I was under ten. She encouraged me to diet and exercise as young as eleven.

While I was never anorexic or bulimic (not through lack of trying, I just couldn't make my gag reflex cooperate) I did have a problem with binge eating as well as low self-esteem. I still struggle with my body image and I'll be forty soon.

My mom will still call me to say 'I got those pictures back. You look fat in the one we took of you and your dad so I threw it out.'

Unless her health is in jeopardy and you know her diet is healthy, leaving her alone would be fine for now. Her body won't be done growing until she's seventeen. As you know from past patterns, kids will chunk up before they get taller. She'll put on weight during puberty and her body will change all around in the years between seventh and twelfth grade. I know you know all this. :)

A. :)

Do not let her drink DIET drinks they confuse the body and make your belly fat. Read it in a journal at MD Anderson cancer center. I have a 10 year old that had the same issue. Do extra moving activities. Drink lots of water and leave the rest for later. I had to limit her to one plate of food also. No sweets for a while but at just special times. Turn the TV off and do outdoor activities. NO CHIPS or fried foods. It is normal to get a bit bigger before a growth spirt. The kids started messing with my daughter when she turned 10 and this is what we did to change even the way she felt about herself. Thanks

It is normal for a 9, 10 year old girl to put on some weight before puberty. But, learning healthy habits before she becomes a teen will help a lot.

And you should approach it from a "healthy pre teen" view in your discussion rather than make it about weight.

Heading into winter and holidays is a great time to start the discussion! Discuss getting exercise in the winter....talk about a sport or dance that she might want to add to her schedule this winter to keep her active.... talk about limiting snacks and treats and getting plenty of fruits and vegetables...

You're right, I think the end of dance lessons may have added to this...if she likes dance, can she go back? Or is there another activity she can add?

Just be sure your discussion is about healthy body and lifestyle, not weight or flat stomach....girls get a lot of that from their peers already. You are wise to be cautious.

I really would not worry. I had the same pot belly and as soon as I was around the age of 12 to 13 I lost all my extra weight. My daughter is 8 years old and has the same pot belly. As long as she is active and excercises and eats healthy I would not make her self conscious. As you stated at 8 they are self conscious. Let her be herself and praise her for who she is not who you think she should be.

cant you just tell her to suck it in? sounds like she isnt getting enought exersize either ( heart and over all health not just a weight problem) with the swiching of activities she should be getting some sort of physical activity added. riding a bike around the block for about 10 mins even. as long as she isnt over weight i wouldnt worry too much about it. telling her to stand up straight needs to be done any way.

Most 9yo's are not self conscious about their looks unless someone makes them feel that way. They are still little girls who like to play and have fun - they switch out their earrings, play with their hair and experiment with lip gloss.

My 9yo daughter also has a pudgy belly - her body is changing its shape and is getting ready to move into the development phases. She's also starting to grow her breasts. After the winter months she'll grow upwards.

If she is eating healthy, her doctor is not concerned about her weight - you shouldn't be either. I wouldn't worry about the holiday outfit either - my daughter has out grown the majority of her clothes - some I swear overnight. We also moved into a bigger homework load, but we try to do outdoor activities during the weekend - ride bikes at the park, take a walk, explore the bayou behind our house, etc. We also limit the food indulgences to 1x a week - that has helped.

I would not suggest you approach this subject with your daughter. Our girls are already overloaded with ads, movies and starlets that tell our girls what they should look like or they will be a nobody - what she will hear you say (not that you'll be saying it) is that she is fat, overweight and is a nobody. Make sure you put forth a good self image and your daughter will follow in your example.

Take her to a doctor and make sure that she does not have worms, a tumor or some other internal issues and if it's weight, let the doctor be scrooge. Then you support your daughter and lead by example and take steps necessary to improve her health.

My daughter is the same way, but she plays softball and has lost some weight. So I think you should put her in a sport. She might also just need to grow more.