How to Talk to My 26 Year Old Daughter About Guys

I believe you can tell her that he won't be allowed to be an overnight guest, but at 26 I don't think you can tell her who to become involved with regardless of the fact you guys are paying the bills. You can speak to her about actions that may come out of this relationship and if you aren't happy with them, you can ask her to move, but at 26 who she dates is really up to her I feel. I have some friends in a similar position and they have told their daughter that if she wants to be with so and so, she can't move in with them, only bc she starts lying and doing things that aren't good for her or her relationship with her parents, but they have never told her she can't date the man as she is a grown woman. Good luck!!

Tell her the warden's car will be off limits if she doesn't clean up her cell. She can go play house with the sperminator.

Make her take responsibility for her own life. Divorce can ruin your life, but that doesn't mean you get to act in such a disrespectful way towards the people who have done so much for you. You daughter needs a reality check! You need to sit her down and make a realistic plan for her to get back on her feet and out the door. She may snap out of her dependency. She's not a child.

I'm 27... my parents would NEVER take me back in, and quite honestly, I would never move back. I know you're probably trying to protect her, but you need to set boundaries NOW, like, she has 2 months to get her finances together and get OUT. Then she can date whoever she wants (although a dude with 5 kids = crappy track record. Ever heard of birth control, guy?)

Anyway, stop enabling her, and get her adult butt out of your house. If she doesn't know at 26 not to see a guy with 5 kids, then she's got some more mistakes to make and a LOT of growing up to do... but life is trial and error. You can't pick her up every time she falls, and you can't hold her hand all the time. Let her screw up and fix it on her own. You remember trying to help her ride a 2 wheeler with no training wheels? It's like that. You've GOT to let go or she'll never learn to do it herself ;)

You have no say in who she chooses to date...regardless of where she is living..how much of a leech the man is or how many myriads of children he has. What you DO have a say in is how you are "enabling" her...don't turn HER into a leech....and that is what you are doing by allowing her to just live at your house, drive your car, etc. She is 26 years old...she needs to get out there and find a job and start concentrating on getting back on her own two feet. Someday you and your husband won't be there...supporting her...and then what is she going to do? Time to set her free and let her fly on her own!!! Good luck..it is hard to watch out children struggle but sometimes it is the most loving thing we can do.

You have no right to tell her who to date. You do have the right to say whether she lives under your roof and drives your car.

My daughter is 25...although not married or divorced..

I would tell her that she needs to find herself before she gets involved in another relationship - she should take about a year to cool down, find out what she's like without a man in her life and what her personal goals are...

I would also tell her that as long as she is living under my roof living off my money again - that it's my way or the highway...yes. She's an adult...but she isn't on her own???? Soooo tell her - if she doesn't want the bank of Mom and Dad to close up shop, she can respect your house rules...you are respectful that she's an adult..

the last thing she needs right now is another man and more kids. You could do reverse psychology on her and gush over the man and how well he's handled his life and kids....

or you can talk about the baseball team you guys can make with his 5 and hers and maybe more!!! and oh yeah?!?!?! who's gonna pay for it all?? I know, I know...not reverse psychology but really - she's thinking with her little head and not her big head....

MY HOUSE. MY MONEY. MY RULES. Don't like it? leave it.

I agree with the previous posts, but I wanted to throw you another perspective. IF she is having financial difficulties and you do not have the heart to let her go yet, I know it is difficult for a mother to see her child struggle, can you consider getting her a place in your name? With the economy being so bad and housing costs falling, believe it or not, it may be cheaper and less stressful on you and her dad help her get her own place. You could charge her rent. If she moves out, you can re-rent the place. My in-laws finally did this for my SIL and wish they had done it sooner. They would have saved thousands of dollars and stress if they would have paid for a place for my SIL. This way, you don't have to deal with her dating issues either.

Just my 2 cents.

At 26 I don't think you're going to have much luck in telling her what to do, she will probably date whoever she wants. If she's interested in a man with five kids and no job then I'm sorry to say she either has no self esteem or she's just not very bright.
And why are you footing the bill on everything? It seems a little passive aggressive on your part, like "since I pay for everything I get to tell you what to do."
She should be working and saving money to get her own place, and you should have a firm reasonable deadline (like two to three months) for her to move on.
Some adult children are able to live with their parents somewhat peacefully but it doesn't sound like that's going to be the case with you and your daughter :(

Stop supporting her.

stop supporting her! Don't let her drive your car. Tell her she needs to get a job, and in the meantime, she should do things around the house to earn her stay (cut the lawn, do the dishes, vacuum, etc.).... You don't have a right to get involved in her personal life unless she asks you, but you do have the right to set boundaries with your own stuff. If she gets a job and you want to help her to get there (by use of the car), then fine, but she is 26 years old!!!!! Good luck.... I realize this has got to be difficult....

Having been in this position, I have a little bit of different perspective. My 2 kids and I (plus 2 cats) moved back in with my parents a couple years after my divorce because I just couldn't make it on my own. I worked 32 hours a week and went to school full time. When I first moved back in I relied on my parents on ton because I was still emotionally damaged. I dated guys that were wrong for me, did things I shouldn't have and treated my parents with disrespect at times. They were not happy with the decisions I was making but they were my decisions. They knew I needed to be a little self destructive for awhile to get back on track, which is true for a lot of people after a divorce. You do need to set some boundaries though about working, paying the bills she can afford, going to school if she needs to, if she is going to stay out all night at least letting you know so that you don't have a heart attack when you wake up and she's not home. The one thing my parents did and still do is support me emotionally. I have graduated with my BS and have decided to go back and get an engineering degree and they are incredibly supportive about that b/c they know it will help me and my family in the long run. It is going to be stressful for you and her but the best thing you can do is just be there for her. As much as I'm sure she says she's fine, she's. She's hurting and is acting out b/c of it. Hope things get settled between you two.

I'm not sure why a divorce means you should foot the bill for everything for her.
Is she getting alimony?
If not, why not?
If she wants to make her own decisions she needs to get out from under your roof and pay her own bills.
A guy with 5 kids that doesn't work?
Oy vey. That wouldn't thrill me either.
All the more reason to get on her case to get up, get going and move out so she can screw up her life somewhere where you don't have to watch it.
She might learn - she might not.
There's many a woman that has to crash and burn multiple times before they get a clue.
You raised her as far as you can - it's up to her to do the rest and finish growing up.
For now - no car use unless it's for going to/from work and if she's working, she needs to pay for gas, her phone bill, her food, and some rent to you would be nice, too.
Internet use - if she's sitting around playing games non stop and Facebooking with the Sperminator (is she likely to get pregnant with this guy?) - you need to pull the plug.
Lock up the router except for a few hours a day when she can job/apartment search if she's looking for one (or she can use the library).

My inlaws have a sign now (now that we bought our house) it says "we've childproofed our home but they keep coming back" Too funny! :)

Anyway on to my thoughts and story
The two times My husband and I had to move back into his parents although short term 9mo when we were 21 and 3 mo when we were 25 we were very respectful and they were to us. They lived there lives we lived our and we had two kids with at the time. We lived in the basement and ate dinners with them. we lived two seperate lives.

Depending on the type of relationship she just came out of you are going to have different behavoirs, Was she in a controlling relationship? Details like this can mean a lot. As a child who had to move back into parents because of hard times I can tell you that it is NOT a good feeling. Some days are harder then others.

To give you an idea. We were Expected to live our life as we did prior unless that life involved drugs. And we were not allowed upstairs past 10pm unless an emergency, and we didn't get to park in the garage.

As far as keeping her from this Guy, you really have to say in that, and you can't at least I don't think you should you that against her. But that is just me. Sometimes you have to fall to get back up again.

Now if she is showing you no respect at all, then well you have all the right to give her the boot, afterall if she can't see that it is a blessing that you allowed her to come home then that is her loss.

Give your daughter a time to be out of your house in her own place. Don't let her use your vehicles. She is divorced not ill or needing help. The only time I would let mine come home is for an illness and they would have to be gone six months after they recover.

Life is a bi--- but it also is your life and the days of mommy and daddy taking care of everything are gone the day she got married.

Sorry to be so blunt that is the way it is.

If you don't she will bleed you guys dry and when will you be able to retire or take trips? Never.

The other S.

She's 26! Why isn't she working? Why doesn't she have her own car? Tell her point blank that any man with 5 kids and no job who is finding the time to "date" is nothing but a loser! I personally would tell a 26 year old of mine that I was sorry to have raised someone so dumb and that if she was going to act so stupidly, then she needed to move out be ause I wouldn't be able to control my words over such stupidity.

What has she been doing and let her know how you feel. Ask her to be in your shoes and if this was you how would she feel? Sometimes putting the person on the other side helps to show the light and stop footing all the bills. Make her pay her way that is what adults do!! All she is doing is trading one bad guy for another and what are you going to do pay for him too?

God Bless and Prayers,
T.

To save your sanity you are going to have to be firm and tell her in no uncertain terms that a WARDEN doesn't give special treatment unless it's EARNED. Driving your cars ..to work or interview only. There is nothing rent free except for maybe a homeless shelter. She's really taking advantage of you and her dad and as much as it hurts to fuss with our children .. this sounds like a big one coming! Hope you get some wonderful suggestions and all works out well.