How to Teach, Practice Makes Perfect to an 8 Y/o Boy

I say help him change his perception of what he needs to be. I hate the saying "practice makes perfect" because NONE of us are perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.

Start telling him that practice makes progress instead. If you practice, you will progress! No one expects him to play perfectly, just play to the best of his ability. Most importantly, he just needs to give it his all every time and have fun doing it.

Peace and Blessings,
T. B

I agree with those saying don't over-talk this with him, but DO have him try several different sports. Is it possible for him to stick with soccer for now but also try another one at the same time, one that is just once a week, like possibly a martial arts class once a week or a once-weekly basketball class? A kid's golf lesson? Tennis? Not all at once of course! Let HIM choose.

Not to knock soccer as a sport, but it has become so very popular and there are so many kids' teams and leagues now that it seems some families --and kids themselves -- see it as the one and only real sport option. Not true. He may not click with soccer; he may not click with a team sport but might do better with a solo sport like golf or tennis or fencing or archery. Don't let the the "everyone does soccer" mentality affect you, and don't let him get into a rut of "Mom, all my friends play soccer so I have to play it too."

Or consider that he may not be into sports at all. If he gives it a good try and tests out some other sports but just does not have a real interest in sports -- that is just FINE! There are plenty of science clubs, math clubs, chess clubs, dance (boys can and do dance), and a million other interests out there. He's only eight and doesn't have to lock into any one thing for a long time yet -- despite pressure to do so. I see a lot of pressure from soccer and other sports to get kids to "commit" very early to doing that one thing for all the years to come -- don't let him be sucked into that.

Are you coaching the soccer? Unless you are coaching, you need to stay out of it. This is between your son and his coach.

From what you have described, I can tell you this right now: Your son is NEVER going to be a star soccer player. Are you okay with that? You can tell which kids are going to be superstars on the playing field by 6 years old. They have the competitive drive, they love to play and practice, they don't give up, whether they win or lose, and they have natural ability.

And you know what? It doesn't matter if your son isn't a star player. He's doing something, he's getting exercise, he's learning something.

If he cries and complains to you about losing, give him a short, pithy statement about winning and losing, and about losing gracefully, etc., and then don't listen to him complain any more. Losing (failure) is a necessary part of life, and he needs to learn to accept it.

If you are the coach, then I am not going to advise you, because I have never coached soccer (although I play). I have heard, over the years, that coaches kids are usually PITA's to their parent coaches. It's always better not to have to coach your own kids, unless they are natural superstars.

Don't over-analyze this. You can't "make" him feel defeated, and he needs to learn to accept loss and failure, because those things are normal.

And as the others suggested - try him in other sports. All good advice below.

I wouldn't talk much to him about it. A kid this age moans and groans and cries about this stuff because they think that the more they get the parent to try to cajol them, the more chance that the kid has to get his or her way. I think your best bet is to hydrate him well hours before the game or practice, then send him out there and ignore the tears. Just say "I don't want to hear any negatives" when he starts to fuss.

The other kids will teach him not to cry while he plays. You leave that to them.

The best thing you can do is have him try different sports until one clicks. He's probably not going to be a good soccer player. When swim season rolls around, put him in swimming. When softball season starts, put him in that. Same for basketball. You might also try gymnastics. He'll find something he likes that doesn't make him cry or feel defeated as much.

I do think that sports will help him mature and that will help him overall. It might sound mean to not let him complain, but I think it's probably best for him.

Dawn

Make sure he's had a very healthy meal with lots of protein a few hours before the practices and pump him full of Gatorade so he's not dehydrated. Being well fed and well hydrated are huge factors in combating the heat.

At 8 he's still immature. Just tell him to keep his chin up, do his best, have fun and make friends. No one will like a boy who is crying over their personal failures. If everyone cried over every mistake the whole team would be a bunch of cry babies. He's not alone in either success or failure.

I wouldn't push him. Maybe he does like chasing the ball and soccer is not the only chasing the ball game out there. Let him try different things to find his niche.

If he continues soccer, he WILL be in the heat, just as he will with several sports.

We have a 17 yr old daughter and whe she was younger we did trials at gymnastics, dance, soccer, basketball..... I thought there was nothing out there that fit her interests. Then she she to a martial arts class and who would have thought.... she thrived and at 13, she achieved her black belt after 6 LONG years of dedication and hard work. She didn't go to a belt factory either... students from her school went through a personal guru training in a small gym and small class. It was hard work. ALL legit martial arts places are hard work.

After she got her black belt, in 8th grade she expressed an interest in cheerleading. WHAT? I said... but she tried out for the 8th grade team to see if she would like it. Again, she loved it. She started tumbling classes, practiced her forms and put forth a lot of effort to learn since she was a "newbie". Many of the girls were already cheering competitively so she had an uphill battle. She is a Senior in high school now, has cheered since 8th grade, served as Co-captain in 10th grade, currently Varstiy captain in 12th grade.

We never envisioned her doing either of these things and she excelled in both.

Open up his choices, let him try different things, let him decide what he might love to do.

Also, he needs to know... no one is perfect and no one wins all the time.

Good luck.

Make sure he is hydrated and has eaten a meal that is not too heavy.

As for coddling him, it doesn't help them in my view. I ignore them and let them figure it out. I only tend to them when the game is over or they are seriously hurt.

Find a sport he loves and he'll naturally do well. IMO there is no point forcing him to do something that clearly is a bad fit for him. It is not failure if he isn't good at it and furthermore doesn't like it.

The point of participating in a sport isn't to be perfect or to win. It should be enjoyable, help us to build friendships and good sportsmanship. Help us to live and be healthy, strong, and test our limits. It should teach cooperation, encourage you to reach for the stars but have humilty and accept our limits.

It doesn't sound like he's getting much of any of these things from participating in this sport. Find out what he thinks he'd like to try and take it from there. And even if it turns out he tries a few more sports before one clicks...so be it. It's not failure. It's part of finding out about his strengths, weaknesses and interests. Because right now, he's probably not going to be in the Olympics, and he's not a pro-athlete with a contract that must be fulfilled whether he wants to or not. He's just a regular kid trying to find what he enjoys doing. Don't spoil sports for him by putting undue pressure on him.

I had parents that did that to me. I grew up being the only kid in my family who purposely avoided sports at all costs. I resented the pressure my parents put on me. I think they wanted me to be a gold medalist and in the end I think it was more about them than me...their desire that I be perfect...not my own desire to excel. I'm naturally a very good athlete and wonder how far I would have gone in gynastics and track if my parents hadn't turned me off on sports and drove me to have an eating disorder to boot ( mom in particular as she was and still is very competitive).

Give him space and be realistic about his future in sports.

He sounds like a perfectionist. Perfectionists feel that if there's any flaw, no matter how tiny, all effort is "wasted." They also feel that their worth as human beings is tied to never making mistakes.

I have kids who are perfectionists. It can be exhausting and disheartening.

I take any opportunity to point out intelligent, educated, talented people MAKING MISTAKES and NOT being devastated by them. We watch the Olympics, so they can see the best athletes in the world FALL or otherwise FAIL or lose. These things are a part of life. It happens to EVERYBODY. The point is to learn and go on.

This will likely be a lifelong struggle, so don't get discouraged. Don't let him get too discouraged, either! Good luck.

How does he do with everyday disappointments? Does he give up easily in general? Does he see the end result when he's tried really hard? You might also share with him a time you had to work really hard but were proud when you did something, or look for a time to do something non-soccer related with him and praise him for the outcome. "Wow, son, that wasn't easy was it? But look at what we did!" Or if you play card or board games, thank everybody for playing (because you can't have a game by yourself most of the time) and show him how to be a respectful winner/good loser.

And maybe soccer isn't for him. My SS realized he didn't like football so much as throwing a ball with his friends. And that was fine. We just wanted him to finish the season and then he could try something else.