How to Tell a 19 Month Old That She Will Be a Big Sister

hi L., and congrats. my 1st 2 kids were both about that age when the next came along. i wouldnt offer more info than she can handle. just tell her she is getting a new baby, it will be part of the family, and it is going to be so wonderful. answer her questions when they come up, encourage her to talk about it, but it is really so hard for her to understand right now, its so abstract. get her some dolls and you can show her pics, books etc. just do what feels natural and what she seems comfortable with. you will get lots of advice about how to include her, give her jobs, let her help, etc. and all of that is so important. the one thing i do want to point out though, is that both now and after the baby, try not to make it ALL about the baby, and not allll about her being a big sister now. that is what everyone will say to her, now and especially after the baby, all about being a big sister. which is great and special. but she is also still herself and is still your baby, so be sure not everything is in relation to the baby. and try to ask people to go over to her first when they come to see the baby. not everyone, its important for her to know the baby is so special too, but its good if you can remind whoever you get a chance to to go to see her first. their instinct is to go right to the baby, but the baby wont know the difference, your daughter will. and be sure she gets some one on one time with you and with your husband. hard in the beginning, but so important. also, i got the kids a present from the new baby, she is just young enough that she will probably accept it at face value and love it, and not ask the obvious questions (how did the baby buy a teddy bear in your belly??? lol) the breastfeeding can be tough, but really, it was easier than i thought it would be. especially if your daughter is capable of entertaining herself, or if she naps. but you will still be nursing constantly in the beginnning, try to make it a special time for her when you can, she can snuggle up with you while you nurse and read with you or color with you or watch tv with you, whatever. best of luck, it will be great. oh, and when she comes to see you in the hospital, let her see that you have a picture of her both in the babys fishtank and by your bed.

Try some books that are her age. The berenstein Bears have 2 out that 1 is younger one is older and both cute. Also give her her own baby doll to rock, feed, change and love and then when baby arrives give her big sister jobs like handing you wipes and diapers, getting the baby a toy or a towel and even "helping" with bath time by getting the rubber duck or something. If you are planning to BF make one of those feedings a time to read a book to her. If bottle feeding maybe she can help by holding the spit up cloth or even the bottle for a minute. Try to include her in the baby stuff but make quality time for just her as well. If you are BF you will have to be more diligent about special time with her because you will be more tied to bay but make sure Dad also stays involved and can do special stuff with her as well. Congratulations on the new baby. A.

I'd suggest getting some books about a new baby (ask the children's librarian in your local library or someone in the children's section of Border's, etc.) and integrate them into the rotation of books you (or her nanny) regularly read with her. There's really no way for her to understand how her life is going to change, but the books can help paint a picture for her about what a newborn baby is like.

Another suggestion we got when I was expecting my 2nd was to give her a present from the new baby when she comes to the hospital to meet the baby for the first time. We gave my daughter (then 2 1/2) a car seat for her baby doll (great, made by Joovy), so that she'd have a car seat to carry her baby around in just like I was doing all the time. She was very excited to get this present from her new baby brother. Congratulations and good luck!

Hi,
my two girls are 2 1/2 years apart. I took a baby doll and put it under my shirt and explained how the baby comes out, how we hold the baby, etc.
Dr Sears has a great book, What Baby Needs, Baby on the Way, etc...
My daughter was SO thrilled to go to the hospital and meet her sister (then she went to the zoo), but even today at 4 years old, she totally remembers the whole experience! Even asked why I had taken my clothes off.
Read to your baby, explain to her, talk with her - I think kids DO sense something different and if you're positive, she will be positive too.

I do recommend that when you nurse your baby, take your daughter and remind her to be quiet, gentle, get a book and read together quietly. I would give her a baby doll and she would nurse the baby too! Too cute!! Don't run off to another room (even though I wanted to many times!) otherwise, your daughter will get a wee bit jealous!

Good luck!! :)

First, congratulations!

Your daughter is too young to understand what a sibling will bring, but you can help ease the transition by giving her some responsibility when the new baby comes. She can be the official "diaper retriever" or something else that helps her understand that a new baby is going to mean changes, but that she is an important part of bringing the baby home. I was a little older when my sister was born (30 months), but my parents made a big deal about making sure that I was the very first person (aside from them) to hold the baby both at home an in the hospital. It made me feel special b/c only "big sisters" get to hold the baby first.

You may also want to let your daughter pick out something special for the baby's room. We did this with my niece (19 months when my nephew was born) and it was a huge help!

Congratulations! My son was 19 months old when my daughter was born and I don't think he 'got' anything that we explained to him until the baby was actually here. There are several books out there for children about being a big brother or sister. We read some with our son before the baby came and still do now that the baby is a year old. For us, they gave us good talking points and language to use with him. I agree with another poster about finding a balance - the baby is special and being a big sister is special, but she still needs to feel like she is still her 'own' person, not 'just' a big sister.

As for the nursing, I found the hardest part to be entertaining him while I was feeding the baby. I always nursed in front of him, even pumped too. I just told him that it is how the baby eats, like he used to, and he accepted it just fine. The problem was more that he, at 19 months, still needed one on one to focus, and he would get a little disruptive. This definitely improved over time. Your daughter will be a little older, so it might be easier. I tried to have him sit with me and read while nursing, etc. but he really didn't go for that. If she can entertain herself with certain activities, I am sure she'll be fine.

Hi L., Congrats on your new baby. Tell her now and if it does not sink in she will know when the baby arrives. Jealousy is a personality thing. She may or may not be. Usually little girls want to be little mommies and want to help. Yes you must watch and be careful and let her do a few things for the baby(age appropriate) Get her a special baby doll that she can hold and feed while you are nursing. There are many good books in the library or the bookstores to help prepare her and you. You will deal with issues(if any) as they come. There is not much you can control, just be the great parents you already are. Grandma Mary

Hi L.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy! There really is nothing you can do to prepare a 1 1/2 year old for what it means to have a baby. She is a baby herself. Even if she has good verbal skills, she can't understand that a baby is coming to live with you forever, she has no concept of time. The thing that often surprises toddlers/preschoolers about their baby is that they arent used to newborns, they think a baby is sitting up, clapping hands, rolling a ball.
You can't prepare her for what her life will be like after. While I didn't have kids so close in age (we had a 4 year difference), things that helped were that I had time with my daughter - we would leave baby with dad on the weekend for an hour or two and do something alone. Breastfeeding was great - I'd have a free hand to color a picture, read her a book, sometimes I could balance the baby without a hand and dress Barbie. Have a basket of special toys and books that are only for times when you'll be busy feeding the baby. Also, there were times that I was in the middle of doing something with/for my daughter and the baby would start to fuss, I would say out loud "You have to wait a minute, I'm busy with K" and while the baby had no clue what that meant, my daughter understood that she was being put first.
Good luck!

Hi L.,
I am 31 weeks preg and I have a 24 month old daughter whom I am with all day, everyday. I have told her that mommy has a baby in my belly since I was 6 weeks and she knows that. She kisses and says hi to my belly all on her own several times a day.
We were able to include her in a recent dr appt and my midwife let her put the gel on the "microphone" and listen to the heart beat all by herself, we also talk about the baby using the name we recently picked out:-) We say that soon she is going to be big enough to come out and watch this show or go to this park or play with this toy too.
I know that there will be some jealousy and that my 2 yr old won't really get it till it happens (we don't either do we, haha), but hopefully by talking about the baby all the time and including her in setting up the nursery, etc. I have done the best I can.
My biggest worry is the same as many others, nursing! My daughter stopped breast feeding at 15 months but since I have been preg she has taken an interest in my boobs! pinching them and talking about them, wanting to wear my bras...I tell her that her sister will get her milk there just like she use to and she just says "sister hungry, cry'n". I hope I am able to breast feed without any pumping/bottles like I did with my first, but I know that will take alot of paitence from my 2 yr old, so I am trying to just take it as it comes.

Good luck with everything!

She is pretty young, so it is hard to explain. When you
are feeding baby make sure she has something to do and
just include her in everything. At that age, little ones
are very accepting. The jealousy comes when the baby
starts to get around and into the older ones things.
Good luck.

Hi L.,

I agree that there is no real way to tell your little girl about a new baby. If you know people with babies, it can be helpful to try to spend a little time around them so she can learn that babies are small, need more attention, etc. It might help her ease into having a baby at home. My son was about 20 months old when we had our second boy (3 weeks early), and he is doing great. We already had him sleeping in a twin bed, thankfully, and we just decided that I would prioritize mommy time with him. I am still nursing my 8-month-old and he likes to tell me that the baby is eating and then drive his matchbox cars on us. I think it helped early on, too, that I would try to do short grocery trips with a McDonald's stop just with my toddler--feed the baby and run out for a couple of hours leaving him with his dad. We got focused "date" time and I got a break from the baby. There will be a few bumps, but it will be fine. Just treat all your relationships in a relaxed way (nursing, etc.). I tried to do a birth center tour with my toddler so he would have a chance to see the place the baby would be born before he was under a lot of stress, and we planned some special grandparent time while I was in the hospital and kept him busy. Good luck!

Hi L.,
I also had my daughter first. What I did to make the transition easier, was to buy her a doll and a few outfits, and pack it in my hospital bag. When she came to the hospital to see her brother for the first time, we presented the doll to her, also for the first time. Photos were taken with me and the baby, and her with her doll. Close relatives brought presents for the baby, and presents for her doll: a stroller, blanket, bottle, etc. Everything I did with the baby, she did with her doll: bathe, feed, change diapers, and so on. She was in her glory; it kept her near me and kept her occupied. She grew up a very nurturing person, always working with children. At 25, she now works with children who have behavioral problems.
Think about it, W.

Congratulations! I am 37 1/2 weeks along with baby #2, and have the same issue. My son is 28 months old and my biggest concern is breastfeeding, as this is the most time intensive part of early motherhood. Also, my son just weaned himself in December, when there was pretty much nothing left for him--he still remembers though. The first thing I'll tell you is that I'm not sure they will fully understand the big brother/big sister thing until it happens--I think it's so abstract for them--a baby in mommy's tummy is coming out. But the good news is, at this toddler stage, they seem to understand and communicate more and more each month. Each month seems to make a difference in terms of understanding and communicating that understanding.

Having said that, we tried to take many different approaches. First, we tell my son that there's a baby in mommy's tummy, and that when the baby comes out, he or she will be part of our family (we always show him pictures in our house of our family--mommy, daddy, Liam). We also tell him that he will be a big brother, and that he'll need to help mommy take care of the baby. We tell him that babies cry because they can't talk, and they sleep a lot, and need ums a lot (nursing).

A few things that have helped to reinforce all this...my son has two friends in the neighborhood who have just become big siblings. We talk about "Emily's baby brother" and how she is now a big sister, and how that's very important because she helps to take care of him. When we go to her house for playdates, we talk about how we have to be gentle around the baby, and quiet when the baby's sleeping, etc. Also recently, when going to my midwife, I have seen newborns who are there for the mother's 6 week postpartum visit. We talk about babies then and what babies do. Interestingly, the last one we saw was screaming, and my son got very upset. Then we saw the baby nursing, so I explained that the baby had been crying because he was hungry, and babies can't talk, so they cry to tell you what they need. Well, when we got home, my son asked to nurse! We also bought the book, "My New Baby" by Annie Kubler (from amazon). It's one of the few baby books I found that shows the mother nursing.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on. I would just try to point out babies when you see them, and talk about what they do, and the fact that you're going to have your own baby to take care of and love. We also bought my son a few little presents from his new sibling, hoping that it will smooth the transition. And I plan to try to include him as much as possible--have him sit with us when the baby nurses (maybe read a book to him at that time). etc.

Good luck!

P.S. I've heard it's best to allow your older child to try to nurse when he/she asks, because all they really want to know is that you would allow it. My son has asked a few times since weaning, but they lose the muscle memory of the latch quickly (he forgot after only 3 weeks). He doesn't remember how, and so just tries then says "not working," then gets down and goes on with his day. I plan to handle this the same way when the baby comes in order to avoid jealousy.