How to Tell Sister I'm Pregnant with 3Rd When She Can't Get Pregnant

Well I kinda think you might want to do it in private with her or on the phone a day or two before she comes over. Just because even though she will be happy for you it will no doubt upset her too. She might have a harder time handling the news in front of people. I am pregnant with my 3rd and my sister right now can't have any more kids (she has 2 the same age as my other 2) so I new it would upset her. And it did. So I told her over the phone a few weeks before I was going to see her. She acted happy for me...well kinda but after I got off the phone with her she called my Mom and cried. I guess she was pretty upset but by the time I saw her she was fine and over it. Now she is happy for me and is excited for me. So I would just tell her straight out and tell her you understand if she is upset. Once the shock is over with she will be ok and happy for you.

Oh, this is so difficult! I'm sure it helps a ton that you are sensitive to your sister's hurt and pain. You know your sister better than me, but personally, in your place, I would probably try to tell her over the phone first, so she could have her cry and deal with the first news and jealousy and anger in privacy... If you feel that she would appreciate hearing it in person then of course that's the way to go.

Have you considered running it by her husband first? Maybe he could break the news. It can be so hard to be confronted by the happy pregnant person, and she may feel even more guilty for her anger and jealousy this time, because you're her twin sister and you obviously love her and she you.

I guess my best advice would be to quietly let her know, maybe saying that "Sis, I'm just going to come out and tell you I'm pregnant. I absolutely understand if you feel mad or jealous and if you need space I promise I won't take it personally at all. I know you're here for me and I hope you know I'm always here for you. I know you are going to be an amazing mother. I know you are. I love you." And play it by ear, seeing if she wants you to talk or if she wants you to go for a bit.

And please, don't take it personally. It's not that she isn't thrilled for you.

Congratulations, btw! I really commend you for being so sensitive and sweet with your sister.

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If you are worried that your sister will be upset, then I would suggest not doing it at a family gathering, and instead ask her to lunch or have her over for coffee, just you and her (and the kids if you can't find someone else to watch them). Just be honest with her: Tell her you want to share some good news, but that you realize that it may also cause her some heartache as well. And end with telling her that you love and support her and understand and accepts whatever she feels about the situation.

Chances are, if she is getting good treatment and there is now hope that she will also become a mom, she will not be as upset as she might be otherwise. But by telling her privately, you give her the space she needs to react without having family in the next room that she has to worry about covering up her reaction for, if she is upset.

I would be honest with her - you're very excited about the baby, but very worried about your sister at the same time. I would give her space to feel however she's going to feel, and try not to anticipate too much.

To those posters who said that she loves you and will be happy for you, I'm sure that's true. But she can feel that and at the same time be absolutely devastated. She's not devastated "at you" of course, but your news can cause her both great joy and great pain, which you clearly know. I'd give her the ability to express both of those things, not just at the time of the announcement, but throughout your pregnancy.

Good luck.

I wouldn't tell her in person - she's going to need time to grieve/react and if you do it then it won't give her the time to do it. I know when I was going through that, it's what helped me. Honest, direct telling with time to work through my tears, etc on my own.

Congratulations to you on the baby, and being so compassionate towards your sister! :) I know she'll appreciate it!

My heart goes out to you having to relay this to your sis. It shows how much you love her and consider her feelings. I know my sister was having trouble with getting pregnant at the same time I got pregnant with my 2nd. Since we weren't close by to each other, I had to give her my news over the phone.

I just came out and said it. Hey sis..guess what? I'm pregnant! My sister was so genuinely happy for me. I told her that I know she was having a hard time and that I'm hear for her if she ever needed to talk. She told me that she was giving up and putting it into "God's hands". She found out she was pregnant a month later!

I feel blessed to have a sis and I'm sure you feel the same way. I always know that I can be straight, and upfront honest with her no matter what and she will always love me.

It may be hard for her, but she is your sister and she will be nothing but happy for you. I promise. Just tell her. If for some reason she is still trying in a few years, I would offer to be a surrogate if that is something your family could handle. I offered for my cousin who has struggled, with my husband's support. She and her husband discussed this, and it is still an option for them. They are trying a couple more years before approaching that topic again. I would love nothing more than for my cousin who was like a sister growing up to hold her own baby! :) But, she has been very happy for each of my 3 babies.

How did you tell her you were pregnant for your two other pregnancies? Maybe you should go about it however you did those times. I do think you should be the one to tell her, but over the phone. I agree with others that you should wait until you are out of your first trimester to tell her, unless there is a chance she could find out from the clinic. Congrats on baby #3! I have 3 and it put me over the edge - but wouldn't change it for the world!

I got pregnant with my third while my dearest friend was struggling with fertility issues that included uterine tumors and multiple miscarriages. I told her about it over the phone so that, if she needed to, she could have her moment of 'why not me' (which, by the way, I totally understand as it took us almost 2 years to concieve our first). She's never been anything but excited and supportive, but I know from experience that a little part of her hurts every time she sees me.

You are a wonderful sister for being so concerned. You know your sister better than any of us do, so you probably know in your heart the right way to handle it. You should absolutely not feel guilty for for this happy time in your time life.
For some perspective, I had several miscarriages and when my sister got pregnant, it was extremely painful although I was happy for her. I am grateful that she told me in private and then gave me the space to deal with all the feelings it brought up. I thought Lynne B phrased it perfectly and its what I would have wanted to hear in that situation.
I hope things turn out well for both you and your sister. You are lucky to have each other!

Well I was in that same situation with two people. My best friend has one child who is now four and will really love to have another child but she has medical problems. So I had to tell her when I was pregnant with my son but I dreaded doing it because of that. Also my sister has three girls and was dying for a boy but she had to get her tubes tied after her last daughter because of medical problems also. So I dreaded telling her I was having a boy. Believe me they both love their children but you can't help what your heart wants. I told them as best as I could without a whole lot of drama about it for lack of a better word. I believe they would have been even more hurt if I hadn't told them though so I would definitely tell them but gently.

Don't feel bad or guilty about your pregnancy. Rejoice in the miracle that you are carrying a baby. For whatever reasons, God allows some women to have a baby while others He does not. It's not for us to wonder or ask why and it certainly is not for us to feel guilty because other women want children but they cannot. Your sister loves you, right? I'm sure she does! So you lovingly tell her that you are pregnant. I bet she will be so happy for you and if she secretly harbors any jealous feelings, it's normal for her to feel that way but I doubt she will turn her back on you. Tell her with the joy you feel inside and that joy will shared with those you share it with. Congratulations, by the way.

I agree w/ those who suggested calling to tell her instead of announcing it at a family gathering. That way, she can react to your news without having all eyes on her and give her time to digest it before seeing you. You are a wonderful sister for caring so deeply about your sister's reaction. Best of luck to the both of you!

this may be way off base, but have you thought about being a surrogate for your sister? my sister was fertile myrtle (three boys and one girl) and i wasnt supposed to be able to have kids. she offered to be a surrogate, bless her soul, but i said no. four years later i was pregnant with my miracle baby. just something to consider....

Could you clairfy why you absolutely need to tell her now? Most people wait until they get through their 1st trimester to share the news of being pregnant, as anything could happen. Something to think about...unless its that you are concerned she may see your chart and see that you are pregnant, then I get that.

If so, I would go into another room where you could talk, and just be open and honest with her. You obviously understand her situation and are trying to be sensitive to that, so say just that!

I agree with others who said you should call her a few days before you are going to see her. Then if she tears up a little bit, she'll be able to do it privately! You should also let her know that you are worried about the pain your news will cause her... I can tell you from experience that it will make it easier for her to say, "It's not that I don't want you to be pregnant, I just want to be too." She is lucky to have such a thoughtful sister!

Congratulations. Wow just be up front and honest and dont let your conversation be all about u expecting.

I had 11 years of infertility and when anyone told me they were pregnant, I was truly happy for them! yes I wanted a child and yes it was hard not knowing why it wasn't happening, but I never begrudged others for being pregnant. i felt more upset by those who wouldn't talk about it around me cause then I felt like they pitied me and I didn't like that feeling at all. So tell her like you would anyone else, just be upfront and honest and she will deal with it as all infertility people do....cry hysterically when alone in the shower!! Congrats to you and yours and tell your sister to have faith that what is supposed to be will be. After 11 years, we decided to adopt around 1.5 years in the process, i get pregnant only to miscarry. 6 months later we are given a baby girl!! 6 months after that, during our trip to have her adoption finalized, I find out i'm pregnant again only this time, i am able to carry to term and have a son. i love both my kids and i know this was what was to be for us and after having experienced both, the only way i will choose to be a parent again is adopting...that labor delivery is for the damn birds, not to mention the several weeks to recuperate from a c-section while caring for a newborn...Nope, not for me thank you very much!!

When I was having problems and others got pregnant the worst thing was when they treated me with kid gloves. I just kinda felt even more like some freak of nature if I had to sit down and they said all tepid like "I'm pregnant" with utter fear in their eyes.

Now I'm sure everyone is different on how they want to hear it. I just don't like to be pittied for anything really. So I guess I'd go by her personality. Really that is how we all really need to be approached. If she likes attention pry going in there with kid gloves is good. She will want the attention and all attention is good attention. If she is like me and wants to be treated like everyone else well I told you how I want to be handled. But there are so many personality types... you know hers and you really know her if you deep down think about it on how to approach her.

We can all give you advice on how we'd like to be told but really it just depends on her.

I am glad you told her and glad it went well. My sister had 4 kids. During that time I struggled to remain pregnant. I had 1 living child and lost 3, with very difficult pregnancies, while she had 4 kids with no problems at all. Never once was I jealous or mad at her, I was happy for her. I did go on to have 2 more children. My sister was as happy for me as I was for her. Good luck with your pregnancy and I wish your sister luck, as well.
S.

i know its hard my older sister went thru the same-many miscarriages-many surgeries-nothin helped-she ended up having a full hysterectomy-she got real angry when any of us got preg.but what can you do??..you have no control over her body-just as she doesnt yours-you cant live your life to someone elses dispair.there are just some ppl that cant conceive.in my sisters case-they have a very extravagent life style-travel alot-they both have extreme allergies to everything dang near-last yr she got diagnosed with fibromalgia-so guess its gods choice to decide whos gonna have babies-shes a great teacher though.but honestly i dont think she wouldve been a very good parent.