Any suggestions on how to tell a pre-teen stepdaughter shes going to be a big sis? (shes been waiting for this day for a long time, I really want to make it special for her) and wanted to put together a little bag of "big sister" stuff...Ive been trying to find books on "becoming a big sister" but most are focus around "my mommys belly" and im not really her "mommy" so if you have any book ideas, movie idea, magazines or articles for her...please let me know....other suggestions on telling her would be great too!
Thank you!!
Thanks for the suggestions, keep them coming.
We dont refer to eachother as "step mom or step daughter" we have a really close relationship but its more of a friend type relationship. She is super close to her mom, so I dont want to step on that relationship at all. She just calls me by my name no "step, no mom" just who i am :) It works for both of us.
I referred to her as my step in this thread so you could help steer your suggestions along that route...since im not really "her mommy or mom" like most books say. Thanks everyone!
How fun! What about a Big Sister necklace? You could pick one out and have "big sister" engraved on it. Then have a special lunch or dinner out with you and her dad and present the necklace to her? They have all those cute silver disc necklaces around and I think she'd appreciate jewelery at her age.
I would find a collectors doll of a baby(ceramic or just REALLY special) and put a bib on it stating "The World BEST Big Sister" and wrap it up.
I would make it like how much closer you and she will be because the new sister will blend all of you together. You both love someone so much it makes you even more of a family, never call her a step daughter. I call my grandchildren that are not mine by blood, my new grandkids. My mother re married in her 70's and I call him my new dad. I have 2 blood grandkids, but I really have 4!!! and they love me the same as I love them.
Take all the ideas you get and meditate on them. The right ones will pop right out!
you are blessed!
K.
You could get her a shirt that says, I'm the Big Sister.
Congratulations! I will give you an idea that I am thinking of using myself: a really special photo album and/or frame (maybe engraved big sister & little sister/brother) that you plan to hang in your home after baby is born and you get a great shot of the two of them. I am 39 weeks pregnant and I have an 11 year old step-daughter. She is not into jewelry at all (she insists she doesn't like it) otherwise I definitely would have bought her a necklage with an engraving like another poster has suggested- I would have loved that as a pre-teen. She is into pictures and carrying photos around so I thought a special album for her and her new baby sister would be special for her.
It sounds like we have a similar relationship structure to yours- she calls me by my name, although to new people we meet she will identify me as her step-mom and I identify her as my step-daughter because quite simply, that is the accurate way to acknowledge the nature by which we have become family, as well as a way for her (because it is important to her to make the distinction) that her mom is very much still her mom. I have found it is hard for a lot of people who are not active, involved step-parents to understand that balance that needs to be struck between melding the child seamlessly into your family and honoring the fact they have a family that is just as important to them that is not part of your family. People occaisionally point out the use of the term "step" to chastise us for not treating step-children like our own, and I always think wow, they absolutely do not know what they are talking about, at all.
I have two stepdaughters, ages 11 and 14 when my daughter was born 3 years ago, and we have a similar relationship. I do refer to them as stepdaughters and they call me by my name since they have a mother, are with each family half time and they were really raised by their mom and dad, who did a fantastic job. I know I'm part mom/part friend but really they have a mom who parents them and is great.
we had my daughter around Christmas and told both girls one day in the car by asking if they wanted to do something special for Christmas, like have a baby sister. they were so surprised and it was so out of the blue they loved it.
I agree with another post about involving them in the process. we actually moved to a larger house, closer to their mom when I was 6 mos so we decorated all three rooms, bought stuff for them and their rooms like we did for the baby and they were a part of it all along. they came with us for the ultrasound around 20 weeks, attend baby showers, first stop on our way home from the hospital, etc. It was really nice to keep them involved along the way and they appreciated the attention on them as well as the baby.
the biggest problem I had when people found out I was pregnant and had preteen/teen stepdaughters was the overwhelmingly common comment "how great for you, instant babysitters!" we made very sure they were sisters, not babysitters. if they wanted to play with, hold, feed, change, bathe their sister, awesome, if not, then they weren't forced like it's a chore. the youngest didn't even hold her except while sitting on the couch for months because she was so nervous about dropping her and how fragile a newborn is. flashforward almost 3 years and they have a great relationship with sister, help out all the time because they want to, give us gift certificates for "babysitting" as a gift and just are there as an extra set of hands which I know has made being a parent so much easier for me.
I know she's not into jewelry now, but she might be in a year or two, our tomboy 11 year old is now a freshman in high school who takes just as long getting ready (make-up/hair) as her older sister. the necklace or other piece of jewlery might be really meaningful and more valuable even if she doesn't wear it now but does later.
good luck to you, it's great she is so excited about it.
Give her a locket with a picture of herself on one side. Then spill the beans by telling her the other side is for a picture of her new baby brother or sister! Congratulations!
What kind of relationship do you have with her? It seems a big thing that she is a STEPdaughter? Can she understand that while the books say mommy, that it is just a book, and that you aren't trying to take her mom's place?
I would take her to the mall shopping, and then just 'stumble' into one of the little kids store and then go from there.
As a step mom of two with a little guy of my own, I can share what we did. I think making a big deal of telling her and doing it in a fun way is a great way to go. You could always wrap up something baby- little shoes or a rattle or something and let her open it to tell her. I do like the big sister necklace idea! An "I'm the big sis" t-shirt may not go over so well with a preteen...at least it wouldn't with mine. I will tell you from experience, the best thing you can do is to keep her involved in the whole process- baby shower, the birth (or visiting at the hospital), and those first few weeks at home are key- and make sure her dad stresses how this doesn't change how he feels about her/how much he loves her/her place in the family.
Congrats!
I went to etsy.com and searched "big sister jewelry" -- there are some SUPER cute items they have you could buy!
Even if she's not into jewelry too much right now (I know I was a major tom-boy until I got to high school!), she probably will be soon.
This is one that I absolutely LOVE:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/58419909/sisters-big-sister-l...
If you didn't want to BUY one, this is something maybe you and she could even make together after you do share the exciting news :)
I'm guessing that she wants a baby brother or sister? Maybe you could get her a locket and have it engraved "Big Sis" - then put a picture of her on one side and a picture of the ultrasound on the other. Then, as the baby gets bigger throughout the pregnancy she can change out the picture and once s/he is born she can keep doing it!
Here's another site I just found too::
http://www.mymommysbracelets.com/
